Boys and My Girl

She should definitely go to school. She may get teased at first but if she acts like it's no big deal or like she doesn't care that people know then the teasing will stop. It's only fun to tease people if they get a reaction. If she doesn't go to school then her classmates will know it is a big deal and she will get teased worse and for a longer period of time.

Yay... character building. (insert groan here).

Thing is... anything that builds character usually sucks at the time but is either worth it or vital in the long run.

That doesn't mean that learning to face your fears will be fun, or that it *won't* be terrible. But it's the first step to building faith that you are capable of doing so.

Tell her to hold her head up high and walk right into school. If someone tries to tease her about her crush, tell her to respond with: "Uh Ma Gawsh, that was SOOO last week. WhatEVER!" and keep walking. Or she can look it in the face and say "I KNOW, right?! I'm SOOO embarassed you all know! Poor whatever the boy's name is, he's totally under pressure now!" (of course, she should say this while totally NOT acting embarassed). Either blow it off or OWN it. She'll make it into a bigger deal if she skips school. THEN kids will REALLY talk. Play it cool and it'll blow over. Ahh...middle school....

Whenever I used to worry about what people might think of me, my mom used to tell me I shouldn't feel that way. But I was shy and awkward, and this was a big concern for me. It was also odd advice, because much of what my mom taught us about how to behave in public was all about what other people thought of us. So her "advice" stunk, quite honestly.

It might be better if you'd try the technique outlined in How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish – listen carefully to her worries and make a positive, empathetic connection. This will help her relax a bit, knowing she has your understanding and emotional support.

Then help her brainstorm possible solutions (skipping school can go on the idea list), writing down every idea either of you thinks up. When you run out of additional ideas, go through the list and discard the ones that aren't effective. For example, staying home a day won't make a difference; she'll still have to go back the day after, and people could have been remarking on her absence. But at least a couple of the ideas could help, and some may bring laughter to the surface (wear a paper bag over her head for the rest of the school year).

This is great training in problem-solving, and kids usually come up with some creative, original ideas of their own. This will also help your daughter come to terms with the role she played in creating the problem.

Good luck. Those can be such emotionally challenging years. Do what you can to help her learn to do her own problem-solving, with your loving support.

Definitely dont let her miss a day of school over this.
Ask her if she remembers that last person that got talked about at school and when was it and how long did they talk about it. Help her put how gossip works into perspective. Tell her everytime someone gets gossiped about for a day or two some one else does something silly to be the new person to get gossiped about.
Besides its better to have someont talking about you once in awhile rather than them not ever talking about you at all.
Tell her its just part of the social network of life.
So what if the boy finds out a couple of girls like him, there are probably more than just your daughter and her friend. It probably makes him feel good so she should not worry about him hearing it, it's like she gave him a compliment and should not be embarassed about it. What does she think he's going to do with the news, come up to her and say "wow, I hear you like me?".... Make a few realistic scenarios up that could happen so she has answers for all. Tell her just to smile and say, yeah, I think he's cute... if someone asks. She should NOT be embarassed at all whatsoever, no one cares. No one. Tell her not to be so "self" centered because the world is not focused on us as much as we sometimes think it is.

I remember third grade my friend told everyone who I liked, I was so embarrassed. I just brushed it off and ppl forgot about it. I would tell her that if anyone says anything she should say "yeah so what" if she doesn't get worked up about it there's no fuel for the fire. Kids will get bored with her "big" secret crush and move onto the next big thing.

You're right that this will blow over. Even if the other kids talk about it on Monday, they will be on to some other topic by Tuesday. I only have little ones, so I'm trying to remember how I would feel. I think she needs to go to school and face it, partly because it will teach her that she can.

I think I would acknolwedge her feelings and remind her that she is stronger than that and she will be fine. Just make sure you are sincere in acknowleging her feelings. It's so easy for us as adults to forget how real teenage drama is to teenagers.

They kids will TOTALLY be gabbing about it on Monday. Do you not remember being 12? This kind of stuff is huge news! Of course she's gonna have to go to school; if she didn't, then it would be even worse for her the next day. I like Kristin C.'s advice--really nails the best course of action.

Poor kid. You couldn't pay me to be 12 years old again.

If you let her stay home from school over this - you might as well keep her home everyday. This is just the beginning of things. This is typical behavior at this age, every kids goes through similar things in a public school environment. If you think that avoiding school Monday will help, what about on Tuesday ? If kids are going to ridicule someone, they will do it whenever they choose to. She needs to get a thick skin and realize this is nothing to be humiliated over. So what if kids know who she likes ? Is this the end of the world ? No. This will happen again and again. Just get used to it. If you want to avoid all of this, homeschool your kids - then they won't have to deal with the bully mentality or public humiliation. I am a strong supporter in homeschool in this day and age - yet not everyone is willing to do it, so in that case, she needs to get used to it. In the future let your daughter know that anything she chooses to share with anyone can and most likely will make its rounds in her environment.

Oh I remember when the boy I liked at that age found out that I liked him! I thought it was the WORST THING to ever happen to me. I think it was talked about for maybe a day (it was probably closer to an afternoon) and then something new and interesting happened and no one cared that I liked him anymore. I think with a whole weekend between that happening and Monday morning, people will have new things to talk about when she returns to school. She just needs to trust you and understand that she can't run away from every embarassing thing that happens. I mean does she expect to never go to school again all because she likes someone? She'll believe you once she experiences it. Kids and teens are concrete people and have to see things for themselves. Good luck!

Maybe he likes her too and was too shy to talk to her... Maybe that bit of knowledge will give him the courage to talk to her. That totally happened to me when I was 12... and the boy came to my locker after school and walked me home every day that week... then Poof... that was it... I found someone else to crush on! Everyone is right though... something different probably happened or will happen this weekend for everyone to be talking about on Monday! Good Luck girlie! Chin up! I like what another lady said... Ignore it or OWN IT! I suggest OWN IT!

Its awesome that your daughter is so close to you that she confines and trusts in you. You must be a super mommy. I would avoid saying it isn't a big deal or tell her everything is going to be fine. You really don't know what the other kids will do/say to her. That is really just invalidating her feelings and might make her not tell you things anymore. To her, in her girl world and her peer group it is a big deal. Acknowledge that it is a big deal to her, remember back to when you were 12 and provide the empathy she needs.
I would send my daughter to school and not give her the out - I would give her the tools/words she needs to use to not become the target and help her think through her responses to the other kids. Like Kristin mentioned below. Then she is prepared and has more confidence. Maybe even role play a few different possible scenarios that she can think of.

She should just say the boy made it all up. She should go to school and humiliate him.