My 9 and 12-year old sons are constantly asking to spend the night at friends houses. I like having them home to spend time with my husband and I. Makes me think we must be aweful parents since they can't wait to get away from us at first opportunity. Is this normal for these ages?
First a BIG thank you to all the Mom's that replied and sorry it's taken me so long to give an update. The boys are well adjusted, popular kids and of course just keep getting bigger and bigger and...well you know. They are now 13 & 10 so they are of course still in full-blown friend mode. We've been having some fun this summer with extra vacations (family time) and they are socializing with friends when we are home. I think its been a pretty good balance. Also on the flip side my husband and I actually had a date night recently when they each got invited to a different friends house on the same night! Thanks again for all the different perspectives. They were very helpful to read!
I always wanted to go to others' houses because my home, my space was mine and I found it to be my refuge. At other people's homes, I could step into a different world. It sounds like you have wonderfully social boys who have plenty of friends. Completely age appropriate!
Perhaps you should ask your sons, why they don't they invite friends to your house to spend the night?
My children are now age 29 and 27 and married with children. From early elementary school and on through high school my kids had friends over every Friday night. Some Saturdays and an (rare) occasional week night.
Frankly, I loved it! I realized our kids were no longer "ours" they were becoming citizens of the world and I wanted to participate in their lives.
Our kids and friends were not allowed to "hole" up in their bedrooms. We ate together at the Dining Room table. The only TV was in the family room. (My husband was more liberal when it came to allowing certain movies and games.) Although, I always welcomed visiting kids and mine to explain (politely) and challenge my objections to a video or game. Lively debates ensued! Sometimes they were right! My husband and I almost always watched movies with all the kids, (yes, even in High School.) I never was evacuated to my room, and yet they kept coming back every week.
It's up to you to decide, do you want to share your house and personal time with your kids and their friends? If yes, I suggest you cook from scratch to save $$ on feeding the hordes.
I wish you the best!
A.
My 8yo informed me a couple days ago he was moving out. That it was time he was his own man. I was welcome to move in with him in his "mansion", but that it was time for him to "make something of himself". Head thwack. A few more years left kiddo. A few more.
Also that he would no longer have to follow my stupid rules about the xBox.
Yes -it's normal! Especially for the 12 year old. Sorry mom, but you're about to enter the teen years and they're going to want to spend less and less time with you. On the other hand, be glad they're normal! They'll still spend some time with you, but the days of one of them wanting to hang with you on a Friday night when they could be playing with friends are definitely about to be gone. Do you ever let them have friends over to spend the night? You should do it -and that way you'll get to at least have your boys home AND you'll get to see and know their friends a little better.
Yes, it's very normal. Preteens are at the point where family time just isn't fun. It's all about friends and socialization. It's not about being a bad parent, kids are meant to grow away from you. They are growing up (esp the 12). You should welcome their friends into your home for sleepovers and outings with your family. This is normal for both boys and girls, they desire the company of other kids. You may like to have them home, but while spending time with your kids may be YOUR favorite thing, it is not theirs. Don't become too dependent on your kids for companionship. Do insist on certain family things but don't limit their contact with friends simply because you want to hang out with them at home.
Sounds like your boys are very popular, well liked and well adjusted to receive so many sleep over invites. And I doubt they are wanting to get away from you, sounds like you did a great job in developing a lot of confidence in them and they are now wanting to do what all healthy teens start to do - start to separate from mom and dad in healthy steps as these.
However, IMHO, it is just too much to juggle at times. My kids also get asked every weekend, so we have taken measures to ensure a certain amount of protected time on the weekend for just our family - no friends. Just us. And we often reciprocate having their friends back over at our place for the sleep over so we can spend time and observe who their friends are.
I've had families call and ask if my son can go for more than just a night, but on week long family vacations b/c their son behaves so much better with my son around. To these requests I have said no.
My best family planning tip is to reciprocate so your kids are comfortable in their own home too hanging out. If they are not I would be worried about many unsafe, or unhealthy influences that crop up everywhere.
It's not just boys. I was constantly at a friend's house, or a friend at mine at their ages... and I loved my parents dearly. Completely normal.
And I'm dreading it... sigh...
well my house is definetely the house where all the kids hang out. make your house the cool house. order pizza for the kids. in the summer host manhunt ( its outdoor hide n seek) the kids LOVE it. i invited some neighbor kids over while i bake cookies. i have their friends over and we make chocolate pretzels. good luck!
Unless you and your husband fight a lot, I would take it as normal. They have fun with their friends, then if one brother is doing it, the other will want to follow, not be home alone sort of thing...
I don't know-how old are you and your husband? Just kidding-it is normal for kids to want to stay at a friends house-and reasonable for you not to let them-when they are teens, you will get to learn what their friends parents think about under age drinking and pot smoking-you will be surprised-even when their friends are from families of upper class income and every socio-economic advantage. Bace yourselves-and-good luck.
Totally normal mom! I was the sleepover queen in grammar school from about 5th grade on--slept by various girlfriends almost every weekend and I love my parents. If you are missing the boys though just put a limit on it, like 1-2 sleepovers a month or insist that they take turns having the sleepovers at your house. Thats fine too and it is important to place a high value on family time in my opinion. Honestly they might sometimes rather be at a friends at this age, but when they grow up they will look back and appreciate the family time =)
Totally normal! Maybe open up your house to have their friends spend the night in your house too.
I can remember going to or having sleepovers at least 1 night every weekend from the time I was 6 until I graduated high school.
Sounds pretty normal to me - they are just at that age where they are going to have more fun hanging out with their friends than their parents. It's natural for them to start to pull away at some point, you cannot take it too personally. It's all part of them growing up!
I would still designate certain days as "family days" or "family nights" where they are expected to stay home for dinner, maybe play board games or card games, or rent a favorite movie. Or invite some of their friends over to your house instead.
I would say yes, it's normal, but it's important that they have time with you.
