Boyfriend’s Ex-wife

Well, I hope you REALLY like this woman. Like it or not if you decide to marry this guy you will be marrying her too. She has an important position in you BF's life and his child's life. I know that's not what you would like, but its the truth. You need to make a decision as to whether you are willing to live that way or not. She will not stop just because you marry him.

OMG. This sounds so much like my husband and his ex-wife.
Your boyfriend has to be the one in charge of the situation, though.
It's about BOUNDARIES.
You can explain to him how this makes you feel and then let him handle it how he sees fit.
He can gently explain to her that some of her behavior makes him uncomfortable and explain to her what is acceptable.
New boundaries need to be drawn when a marriage ends. It has to be comfortable to both parties.
I waited too long to say anything about his and his ex-wifes interactions until after my husband and I were married (I thought I had no right to an opinion until then) but truly it just caused A LOT of conflict later on once he became my husband. I started putting pressure on him to draw the line and he kept saying he didn't want to hurt her feelings and we had SO MANY arguments about it - I can't even tell you.
I am sure she means no harm, but she just sounds insensitive to the other parties (you and your boyfriend) involved.
Also- I do agree with what Beth said. Because finally, after this went on for four years - she admitted she was still in love with him, felt like she was losing her best friend, carried on about it - made a scene in front of her kids, it was bad.
Sometimes men think if they just ignore a problem it will go away.
This kind of thing just gets worse over time if not nipped in the bud.

Mom, when you are dating a guy who is a father realize that this is how it may be forever when his ex drops thier son off; it is part of the whole pkg he comes with you need to get used to. It does sound like she over steps her bounds at times in hanging around at drop off, but if he chooses not to address it with her and stop it than this is how it will be. It sounds like your BF wants to keep the realtionship friendly with his ex, her which is good for his son, and personally the whole thing is really not your business since you are not married to him. If this is something that you can't get used to, you need to look for another BF. I also think it is your children's best interest not to move in with this guy, or any guy B4 you marry. Your comment that you don't live with him yet is concerning, remember your 1st most important job is being a parent to your kids, both your own children and his son need to be taught that people should be fully committed by marrying b4 living together. You both would be setting a pooor example for your children and his by doing otherwise. Call me old fashioned, but I truly think this is one of the problems with our society today. We are no longer teaching our children good morals and values and many adults don't live by them themselves. Until you are engaged to marry to this guy. if it happens, you really need to keep quiet about your opinion on this arrangement with drop offs. If you do become engaged, this the time to discuss suggesting to your fiance' his ex cut bk on the time she spends at drop off, now is not the time.

While getting a re-cap of the weekend and sharing pictures sounds completely harmless, the lingering and self-invitation to dinner sounds either 1. contorlling (she needs to know what is going on) or 2. sad (lonely lady).
Perhaps your BF can kindly set some boundries and make sure she knows it has nothing to do with you, but the health of their ongoing relationship. There is also the issue of confusing the 7yo.

Ang,

Sounds like "The New Adventures of Old Christine" or "Reba". Nice that you all get along, but it's really time to set some boundaries, so you all can avoid hurt feelings in future. Your boyfriend should be talking to her.

Blessings....

.

.

Hmmm.... tough O..
I think when people are involved with people that are "package deals" so to speak, as you both are, the better the relationship between ALL of the adults, the better.
Think about the bigger picture.
Why did he tell her no to staying for dinner? Was it b/c he didn't want her there? B/c he thought you wouldn't want her staying?

Think long and hard about this relationship. She's not going anywhere.

uh...............i think coming in the house PERIOD is crossing the line..she's the ex end of story, she needs to drop the kid(s) off and leave, nothing more.
i'd be furious, my husband does not have any conversations with his ex without me there, she does not come into our house he doesnt' come into her's i don't go in my exhusbands house and he doesn't come into mine.

i agree with denise, think long and hard if you guys progress in the relationship...........it royally sux to have to put up with "the ex"...it may be good now, but when push comes to shove over who the "queen" is, it's not fun..............

my ex husband used to do this to get away from HIS crazy wife (still having issues with his wife, but he's not hanging around)..my husband was ok with it, but i was not...my husband was even asking for his help on some outside work and well i just was not brought up that way.

if you're uncomfortable with it talk to your man..i totally think it's crossing the line, but how do YOU feel?

It sounds like you are on the right track. You are trying to make it comfortable for his son, yet have some boundaries. Maybe you can talk when the son isn't there to try to set the guidelines. I would think of it as the conversations you would have with a babysitter, or daycare provider. Not that she is one, but status of the son, and niceties of asking about her day, etc., then she goes on her way. Eating out of the fridge, serving her drinks, and having her over for dinner are out of bounds. Unless there is an event and/or it has been planned in advance. I think that her over involvement could actually be more confusing for the son, and give him mixed signals. She may cry, but hopefully she will understand that it is about the child, not about her.

Yikes. This is a weird situation in my opinion. How about he meet the ex and his son at the door and not even let her in (put one arm on the door, the other on the doorframe, let the son go under his arm.) He could say something like "Ang and I just need some time together tonight." and wean her off of this crazy behavior. Or "Ang and I have been talking and it makes us both a little uncomfortable for you to hang around here all the time. We have things we need to do and want to have dinner with just the two of us and the kids" and stop the behavior now. She may get angry though. Only you know the gal's personality and can predict her reaction.

Another thought -- maybe HE can go pick up his son instead of her dropping him off?? Even if he does it half of the time, he can at least limit the amount of time he spends picking up his son.

Confused: If you were at HIS house, why would she ask him to stay for dinner?

I didn't read all the responses, but why don't you guys pick his son up at her house or meet at a mutual spot, so that you are in control of the situation? We have a blended family with ex's on both sides. In my situation, I meet my boys father every weekend at a mutual location. That is because of the distance between homes, but this works well. We exchange any important info at drop off and then we both head on our merry ways. In my husbands case, I pick up his kids at their daycare and drop offs can go either way (she picks up or he drops off). They are friendly but she doesn't come in our house. My husband watches for her and meets her outside and the exchange happens in the driveway. In any case, she's crossing the line and your boyfriend needs to have a talk with her. Blended families are TOUGH! Minimizing unnecessary drama will only help keep your family on track.

Unless you think she has malicious intentions or and alternative agenda, I actually think it's nice she's making an effort to be friendly and easy going with you. Divorce is hard; we hear so many stories of hate filled break-ups. It's refreshing to hear of one where the separate parties can hang out together.

Maybe she wants to get to know you better? If she left crying, maybe it was because she's trying to make an effort (not to be the crazy ex-wife) and it was misunderstood/not appreciated. Maybe having her don away from her is emotionally hard/lonely on her and this is how she copes? The are many wats to co-parent a child... Honestly, having her seen/treated as some relative seems like a great idea rather than most of the hostile co-parenting stories I've heard.