Boyfriend

I think she's too young to be dating, period! Group or otherwise. There are too many decisions she's going to be need to be making that she just doesn't have the experience to be making...she hasn't lived long enough.

I would absolutely not. She's not even 13, I don't think a child that young is emotionally ready to be on "alone" dates. No, no, no!

No, she is not cognitively ready to handle the responsibility of being alone with a guy. If he tried something she would not be able to defend herself or handle the situation and could be an easy target.

Hanging out with friends is one thing but boy/girl dating should happen much later. I think around 16 is the most accepted age. I think if you know the boy well and they are really good friends then going to a movie or something public might be okay earlier but I would never let a 13-14 year old child go on a date.

Pray tell.. exactly how would that happen? She is 13? HOW could she go on an alone date? You pick up her "boyfriend" and drop them off together at the mall or what exactly?

This is the same child who was recently devastated and was refusing to go to school b/c somebody overheard her say that she liked someone, right? Obviously she is not even close to being mature enough for that.

!

Absolutely not. I wouldn't even let my daughter go on group dates at 13.

nope. She is too young to protect herself and to know what to protect herself from.

You obviously doubt the idea. My thoughts are no! It could only ask for problems. Go with your gut feeling, God gave it to you for a reason.

That is just me. She needs to think of her education and not boys.

no! I wouldn't. Invite him to your house for lunch or dinner.... I think she is at a vulnerable age and will still need a lot of supervision... esp around boys!

my son is 13 and i wouldnt even allow him to go on a group date let alone an "alone" date! 13 is to young, way to young, to even be thinking about dating. when he gets to high school (he'll be 15 then) i'll let him start dating!

Personally, I think almost 13 is too young for a group date let alone an alone date.

So she is twelve still? Absolutely not, I wouldn't even allow the group dates. So my opinion is NO. What if she were put in a bad situation a child would she be able to make choices in her best interest.

No.

Beware, that teens nowadays are real precocious.
They do do, heavy touching if you know what I mean.
I hope, your daughter, has gotten the 'talk' already.
About her body and privacy and her rights. No boy should force her to do things etc. Kind of thing.

Back when I was that age... SOME of the girls/boys... would actually make out when they separated from the "group." Things happen.

Just keep open communication with her.
So she feels comfortable telling you anything.

all the best,
Susan

Absolutely NOT! She is too young to know what to do, should an alone date go badly. Of course, she might intellectually know what to do, but I have to say, at 14 years old, even with all of the "just in case" conversations, I had a hard time telling boys to 'stop it!'. Once, the father of the boy was even in the same car. Just my 2 cents.

16, 17 years old is a little more age-appropriate.

No
Also I would advise to meet the boys parents.

B.

Way to young to be forcing her into making adult decisions, and expecting her to make the right ones! I would be very certain that even the group days are somewhat managed or chaperoned.

Expect that all kids will fall short, although you trust her and say she will not have sex, MOM seriously that's denial. It doesn't matter how much trust and honesty you two have, she is human and at a stage of wanting acceptance and if a boy gives it to her be prepared. Although, allowing her to go on group dates at 13, I can say you are opening a door and another and another door. Whatever your beliefs, do what's right in your heart and not what the worlds view should be.

Not to be mean, but dating before 16 or 17 is opening a huge Pandora's box you may regret. Consider whether you wish to support any possible outcome. Mine is 16.5 and not yet dating. They have their whole adult life for it.

On one of my first alone dates, the guy told me to put out or get out. I walked the ten miles home. I realize today there are cell phones and all kinds of things that could have helped, but I will not be allowing my daughter to go on an alone date before she can drive. It's easy for someone to take a phone and throw it out a window. All kinds of things can happen. Think back on your life and all the stories you have heard from other women. Is she mature enough to know what to do in each of these situations? Almost 13 means she is 12. I'm sure she is very responsible, but teenage boys are not. At 12 is she mentally and physically strong enough to stop something from happening? Why put her in that position in the first place?

Wow. Congrats! However, I think she's young. In my opinion..I say no, SORRY. I don't think she's ready (or I am). But...you know your daughter well and I'm sure you know her boyfriend pretty well? You two could talk about the "policies" and "procedures"....to having a date alone...curfew?

Statistically speaking, the earlier kids date, the earlier they choose to engage in pre-marital sex. Kids who were allowed to date at 12-13 yrs had the highest rate of losing their virginity before HS graduation. There's really no rush - there's so much they can do in group settings!

My mom was pretty open about things and dateing even let my sister's highschool fiance stay the night a few times (sep rooms not that it matters) but I started "group dates" at 14. Group dates at that time were at the roller rink and could not solo date until I was 16. Maybe she learned a few things from my much older sister or that is how it always was not sure but I know that at 14 I had NO CLUE what a boyfriend or a date really was. Honestly to me and my friends it was when we were all paired off, held hands and maybe kissed (peck) before being picked up by our parents. I do not think it is appropriate and if you thought it was then you would not have posted this. Go with your gut mamma!

No way...I doubt I would ever allow my own daughter to go on a date on her own until she is able to drive herself if she had to, and I feel reasonably confident that she can handle herself and be responsible.

NO!

Here are some other options....
Group dates? A group of friends going out, some couples, some not, ok.
He can always come over to your house for the afternoon.
You can take them to the movies and let them sit in another part of the theater.
You can take them bowling, let them have their own lane.

Have you met this boys parents? What do they think?

Nope. I think 16 is a more prepared, mature age.

NO WAY on God's Green Earth would I allow this!!

She is WAAAAAAAAAAYYYY too young to even be going on group dates right now. Maybe in another four or five years!!!

I waited until I was about 16 or 17 before going on dates. I did get to have a boy over to my house while my parents were home at 13 or 14, and could go to their house as long as their parents were home. ALWAYS supervised!! Not really a date, just to watch a movie or join in the family's barbecue or something. My parents knew the boy, knew the other parents, and knew where I was at all times.

No. Whether you trust her doesn't even come into it. Even the most well-meaning situations can end bad. Also, what's the rush? She's still just a kid and has plenty of time to date responsibly when she's older.

Our rule growing up was - no alone dates until we were old enough to drive the car home if we needed it.

Do you know the boy. Is he much older than her? If he's near the same age and not driving okay. Otherwise strange guys unknown to you. Today I'd be concerned.

No my children will not be allowed to alone single dates (as in minus friends) until they are 18. At 16, they will be allowed to group date only. Before that will be on a case by case basis, but always with supervision.

Hi Wanna-

I thought I was 'old fashioned'...lol. I AM old tho. In any event, I went to my first 'boy/girl' party when I was 12 ish. It was well chaperoned, and my parents knew most of the other parents. As the teenage years began, I was heavily involved with chorus and theatre. There were myriad group activities in 'mixed' company thru those events. There were some 'crushes' during the early teenage years, and some 'double dates' as some older friends were able to drive.

I guess, reflecting back, maybe MY parents were not as 'conservative' as I had remembered!

In terms of my kids...I have done much the same...all kinds of 'group activities' thru their 'outside interests'...I make it a point to get to know other parents...and then 'individual' dates (with me or another parent) sharing the drop off/pick up of the kids no earlier (in case of my kids) of 14 or so (my kids are 21 to 14 now). I have also, particularly for 'homecoming' type events for EACH high schooler...offered to prepare a 'dinner for two' here at home...complete with candles...wine glasses (with cider) and 'waiters' who discretely serve...and leave...lol. Also, kids often have other 'kids' over for dinner...and even if the come 'alone'...they are 'absorbed' into the large group of sibs. At our old home, we had a pool and a hot tub...we were the 'it' home for teens...and I always invited some of the parents over as well...

The 'sex/body awareness/touching 'talk' has actually been a lifelong one for my kids...no topic has been 'taboo'...so I feel they are aware of MY values...and are comfortable in standing up for their values as well.

I feel blessed that eldest 3 are in college...next in line has been accepted to several colleges and is deciding where to go now. The remaining three continue with various outside activities...and the resulting 'dates' as they unfold.

I talk...talk...talk to my kids...and they talk to me...and benefit from talking to older sibs as well.

As long as group things are well chaperoned...you make sure you know other kids and the parents...I would take a wait and see approach...low key...and maybe 'host' some events yourself.

Take Care
Michele/cat

No.

As a step mother to a now 17 year old stepdaughter....we(or her mom) allowed alot of things that seemed harmless at the time when she was younger. Let me just say in hindsight... the sooner you allow something to happen...the sooner it is the next thing will be on the agenda for her. Even as much as you know her, can "control" her etc....just saying....the sooner you allow one thing to happen....the sooner the next thing will come up. Then, as they get a little older...you are not so much in control and its just like a freight train you cant get off.
I also grew up too fast...this is from my own experience as a teenager too. I saw it coming with my step daughter and really couldn't do much to stop it because her mom and dad thought everything was so innocent.
Best wishes....just be strong in your convictions and if you have doubts....say no. And yes...she might say that she hates you, but someday she will be thankful you cared enought! :)

hey there, i couldn't date til i was 16, but i never did b/c the boyfriends just came to the house & watched t.v.
anyway, at 13 i had a boyfriend. that just meant we went to homecoming together or something. we never went on dates, per se, only to each other's houses and spent i guess you'd say "family time" w/the other one's family. that's all i remember doing. i know you trust your little girl, but i would wait a little while. she's got plenty of time to date, y'know?
and i doubt she'd get pregnant...you raised her right momma. you're doing good, hang in there. :) (don't let some of these responses get you down, okay?) :)

I think it's too young for "alone" dates.

I think 15 or 16 is good....when she knows how to handle herself if things go awry or a boy becomes aggressive. There are some boys in this world who can become mean if no one else is watching.

While the dates may be in public places, a group of friends (one hopes) will be more likely to look out for each other and notice if something is not right.

Trust me on this - no matter how responsible your daughter is, no matter how smart, she could still end up alone with some boy who SEEMS nice.

I have been that girl. And I wasn't even on a date.

Good luck!

Even if she goes out on a group date, they may run off to be alone anyways, as in sitting a few rows in front of all their friends at the movies--or skipping the movie all together to walk around the theater eating popcorn. I wouldn't be concerned letting her go alone to lunch or a movie. I mean, she's 13-- its either you or his parents driving them! Wait until they drive and tell you they;re going to the movie and really go somewhere else. Unfortunately, you really can't control that either. Good luck :)

My daughter had her first crush at that age - I had no problem with dropping the two of them at a movie and picking them up after.

If there was a school dance, you could drop them off and pick them up. There are usually chaperones at these. I think it would be a situational thing. Dropping the two at the movies and picking them up after (you might want to make sure they get their tickets-less likely to skip out). A church activity is also a good place to let them have a "date," again, chaperones.

Use your best judgement. We do need to show our kids that we trust them, but within reason. You also need to sit down and have the sex talk with your daughter if you haven't already. Let her know that you are there to talk and let her know your reasons for concern.

no! at 15 i had my boy interest visiting me on my porch...the younger you let that start, the younger everything else starts. p.s. you can promise anything. i was very mature of my age, responsible and my mother trusted me and I knew it...That allowed me a lot of room, though I was 18 when I started having sex I did enough behind her back...according to my SIL she still thinks Im a virgin since Ive never been married lol

I wasn't allowed to date until 16, but didn't really want to anyway. We lived in a very rural area, so to 'date' before we could drive meant that our parents would have to take us - SO not cool :P

Our daughters won't be really 'dating' until 16 as well. Group dates after 14 will be ok though.

I think it really depends on the individual kids - and not JUST your own!

No. (easy for me to say)

To the movies maybe? Skating? Why not.

You've gotta have a little trust in your kid.

I would not allow any alone dates personally. I did have my first boyfriend at 13 and we just hung out with friends (never an actual date) and had one group date with his family on Valentines to some gardens. Nothing even remotely serious happened and holding hands was a big deal for us. My thinking did not even go beyond even innocent kissing then. However each kid is different. By giving me some more responsibility, my mom took away some of the forbideness of "having a boyfriend." I never really felt the need to rebel as a teen. My mom gave me the appropriate amount of responsibility for my age, resonsibility and maturity level.

no. She is too young to be concerned with everything dating intails.

I think she's still too young. I went on my first alone date at 14 when I was a freshman in high school and I had to be escorted by one of our parents, dropped off/meet the date there, and then be picked up by a parent at the same spot. I didn't start going out completely alone with the guy until 15 when I started dating a 16 year old and it took my mom a little bit to become comfortable with it. I would say she at a minimum needs to be in high school and I would gradually build from alone date with parent drop offs/driving to fully alone dates.

Whether you allow her to or not, she's gonna find a way. Teens always find a way to get what they want. They make a lot of mistakes, and that's how they learn.

When I was 13, I wasn't allowed to date at all. When I wanted to go out on a date, I told my mom that me and my best friend were going to go to the movies. My mom dropped us off, and picked us up. Our dates met us inside.

At 13 I thought I was old enough for a boyfriend... Now that I am married and have a14 year old step daughter who thinks she is old enough for a boyfriend, I disagree with her!!! That's way too young to be dating. Like I told her, I can see both sides... But now as a parent, I think 16 is a hood age...