Boy/Girl Sleepovers????????????

What does being the "big kid" have to do with anything? That being said, I have to agree with you...where are these girl's parents? Do they want their 12 year old daughters pregnant? I am only 28 and remember what it was like when I was 12...where are the other parent's common sense? I do understand you're conflict though, I would hate for my son to be embarrissed because I wouldn't allow for him to go to a friends sleep over, but I think when he grows up he will look back and understand where you're coming from.

Good Decision mom!!

I see absolutely NO reason for a boy/girl sleepover at this age!! It's just unnecessary. Regardless of whether it's paranoid, old fashioned, whatever...he will thank you some day.

Keep doing what you are. It may be hard sometimes but keep the FAITH. Some day he will thank you. I have rised two sons it is not easy hang in there. I hope you had a Great Mothers Day.

Hi T., I have 4 children and their ages are 16 yrs, 7 yrs, 4 yrs, and 18 months. I'm 32 and I don't think I was raised in the stone age, so here are my thouhts
My oldest son when he was in the 3rd grade had a best friend, that best friend just happen to be a girl. The subject had came up then about her spending the night, I understand that at the age of 8,9 and 10 that they may not be thinking anything at all but I was not gonna allow something that I wouldn't allow when he was older.

With my 7 yr old he again had a best friend and she was once again a girl, and once again the subject came up about her spending the night. And once again the answer was no. And for my youngest 2 the answer will still be NO.

For the parents in question, I don't believe for one minute that the boys and girls stay and sleep where they are supposed to. I agree with you on this that boys and girls are not to ever spend the night with each other even if they are "just friends".

For my middle 2, they are 3 years apart, so lets fast forward 8 years. My 2nd son will be 15 and my 3rd child, a girl will be 13 yrs old. So my son will not be able to have boys stay the night with his sister when she is at home. And she will not be able to have a girl spend the night when my son is home. Reason being 15 yr old boys like 13 year old girls. So one will stay home and one will go to the other friends house.

Oh and another rule in my house, girls can not go in my son's room and boys can not go in my girl's room. That is their personal space. And if you do the math on my age and my oldest sons age you will see that I was 16 when I had my oldest son. And the rules that my parents had did not stop anything. Like leaving the door open 2 inches, or we could not lay on the bed together. Well I have the proof that it didn't stop us and he is sitting on my couch, lol.

So just remember what rules you set down be firm and stand your ground he will thank you later for it, W.

Hi T.,
My son is 13 yrs. old and I wouldn't allow a girl/boy sleepover either. At this age kids start experimenting and who knows what can happen. I know if they are going to try something they will find somewhere else to go, but allowing an opportunity to do so may not be the best thing. I know of boys at my sons junior high who have girlfriends and "makeout" with them at the dances and who knows where else. My son (so far) does not do any of that. I'm not naive to think it can't happen, but I know my son is not ready for that. Luckily he is not friends with the boys that have this behavior. I think you are right on for telling your son "NO" he'll be mad of course, but you call the shots and do what you feel is best for your son. Good luck to you, it's not always easy making these decisions for our kids, but a good parent will! Take care, V.

I'm with the other moms! I have come across too many parents who let their kids run wild & don't even know what they are doing. After all, the parents probably wouldn't even know or hear the kids if they got up at night.
How ever, my dh would have lazer beams on the doorway to the upstairs with lights & alarms. No one would dare to even go to the bathroom!
God Bless!

Well, I'm totally with you on this. Some might call it old-fashioned, I call it common sense. There's no reason why that should even be an option for children! You can be a fun and cool parent and not do things that are completley inapropriate. Thank God my daughter is only 5 years old, but I have a 12 year-old niece, and it scares me every time I talk to her or my sister about what the kids today do at these young ages. I think everyone would agree that the 12 year olds of today are not what we were like in our day, and that's not really that long ago.
I say stick with your beliefs, and if these kids are really your son's friends, they'll find other times to hang out together.

i'm with you, personally. stick to your guns...it's your requirement as a parent to "ruin his life." he'll get over it!

Do not be afraid to stand your ground. I have been having this problem with my 18-year-old daughter for years. Just because some parents have loose morals and/or poor judgement, do not succomb. Our solution has been that the boys can come for the party but go home for curfew. If boys are spending the night at a particular party, then my daughter comes home for curfew. No exceptions. Do not be afraid to be the mom.

Hi T.,
You are well within your rights to keep your son away from such behavior. Some parents think they are liberal, but can be quite naive about the activities of adolescents. Some children start to experiment at that age and all it takes are sleeping parents. I'm not speaking out of paranoia, but out of my own experiences over 20 years ago.
You're doing your job as a parent and there should be more parents concerned enough to know what is going on in the homes of the children who interact with their own.

Hi T., Well, I have to put in my 2 cents!! I'm an RN for 35 years. My specialty is teaching & interacting with kids 11 to 14yrs.It's my favorite age. I have taught my SuperSitter Class & SuperKidPower (personal safety) Class since 1982. Also, working as a charge nurse in a mental facility for kids who are really bad, but wanted help. I had a foster home for abused & runaway girls. This is NOT OK! It's a disaster waiting to happen. It's like the parents who provide underage teens alcohol "as long as they stay in the house to party" & their present. At 12 yrs old, boys & girls should not be sleeping together, I don't care where they are! ( I was playing with Barbie dolls at 13!!)& frankly, I don't know why these kids want to slumber party together, unless they have an underlying motive. Just the fact that these parents are allowing it, is a signal in their liberal views, will "trust" & not be supervising. Honestly, like the alcohol scenario, it's child endangerment. I would suggest that if your son is upset, provide an alternative. (All the boys over @ your house for pizza, make your own sundaes, movies or a contest of video games). Remember, if you take something away, give kids something in return. Hope this helps, C.

Wow! I guess I am old and "out of it"! LOL Why? Because I think that having preteens spend the night together is risky! Imagine if you heard a news report of the event. What would you think? Irresponsible parents, right? T., the last time my 22 yr. old son and my 6 yr.old son had over nights with "girlfriends" was when they were 5. They each had a special friend who were girls and so there ya go! No harm, no foul! After that, it gets complicated! Why risk it? Children/teens will experiment anytime that is available, so why invite it in your house?!

The parents that are "liberal" are going to be the ones charged with deliquency of minors in a few years because they will allow the kids to drink a beer or two in HS. I am not ignorant. I know kids will do all that. I did and tried. Been there, done that. Ask my oldest son, if he learned from his drinking and driving....same thing...poor choices can last a life time. I learned my lessons! But, to encourage 12yr.olds to spend the night together is silly! What happened to slumber parties for girls and boys separately? They were the most fun! It seems that our society is spinning out of control...kids are no longer given the time and space to be just kids. Trying to grow up too fast. Look at the clothing some girls wear @ 6 or 7! Looking like their momma's!

So, stick to your guns and know that standing alone with your convictions is just fine. Good luck!
p.s. explain in clear language the consequences of their choices and actions!

T. -

I have to agree with other msposters! NO!!!!! I have 14 year old daughter and this would definitely NOT be allowed. The only overnight things she gets to do with related to that is a supervised lock in at church! There is no sleeping there as they have activities all night long so I am ok with that. I think I would be limiting the time your son spends with this boy. Encourage him to hang out with kids that the parents and you share similar parental styles/beliefs. This makes life with teens a little easier! I think that it is great that you explained why you feel the way you do about this issue. If he continues to give you attitude about it then you no longer owe him anything there...you told him how you feel, that it isn't allowed, and he won't be going. Period. Offer to let him have some friends over (guys and girls) to the house for a get together or organize a night out for him with girls and boys if he wants. I don't think you are at all out of line to veto this type of gathering! Rachel Ray did an episode on parents doing these type of sleepover - and had both sides weigh in - those that do them and those who would not. It was very interesting to hear the discussion. In the end, it didn't change my vote...my vote is NO! :)

God Bless You for having better morals than that other family! Liberal, my eye! Not with an impressionable 12-year-old! You have put your foot down...DO NOT let up! YOU are the parent, not them! Just because people seem nice, does not make them good parents...especially since they expect 12-yr-olds to have good judgement (which blaringly shows they are lacking)! You need to set an example. If your son doesn't like it, well TOO BAD! You are not rearing a heathen!

I would not be comfortable with that arrangement at that age. Do the parents ever plan to stop allowing boy girl sleepovers? Would you let your 16 year old daughter go to a boy/girl sleepover? Just the fact that it dosent fit in with your moral standards is the biggest reason. By writing in, it indicates you are open to evaluation of your rules and perceptions, which I think is really importantand and wise, but, in this case, I totally agree.

Our kids something we called "late nights" which meant they got to stay over until 10 or so. Then we came an pickd them up.

Talk to the other parents of the kid's that are participating in this. I bet you will find they are not as comfortable as it appears and may use your inquiry to re-evaluate their decision. Even if they don't, do what you think is right. This might be a great opportunity to further talk with your son about not only the legal consequences, but the emotional and moral ones that go with having sex and being intimate. It changes relationships and at that age they just are not prepared for that. I know you said your son has a hard times finding friends, and if limiting the scope of their friendship damages the friendship, then overall, he may not be the kind of person you want your child around anyway.

You are just entering the hardest years, so what you do early on will set the standard of what is acceptable behavior.

Take care and be strong..

R

I agree with the responses - you can't let this happen. But there is another side to this coin - and I wouldn't paint the other parents as monsters unless you really know them. There is more to keeping your young teens innocent than just preventing them from being in situations where sex could happen. You not only need to teach your child right from wrong when it comes to sex, but you also have to know your child well and provide the level of trust you believe your child deserves - or everything you do could backfire. A friend of mine told me she had remained a virgin into her college years. She had a boyfriend but never "did it." Her mother got wind of the boyfriend and just assumed that they were having sex and got very angry and disappointed. My friend was very upset and angry that her mother just assumed that they were having sex, and would not believe that they weren't. She told me "the one person in the world whose trust means everything to me is my mother and she didn't believe me. If she thinks I'm having sex, I might as well be." And so, she went ahead and had sex with her boyfriend because she had nothing to lose. Her mother was already disappointed in her - might as well do the crime if she's already doing the time! This friend is now more "liberal" with her teenage daughter, who has a boyfriend. Her daughter knows exactly how she feels about abstaining from sex, but gives her daughter her trust. When you know your child well, and have an understanding of how they think and feel about things, you can let your kid do things other parents may not allow. Those other parents may have an understanding with their kids, and maybe there is a great deal of trust there. Of course, since you don't know if that's the case, obviously you don't want your son staying over.

I was just put in a very similar situation. My 18 year old son gets to go to NY in a few weeks to do a performance. A female friend of his, who is also performing, will be there too, and they are putting them up in hotel rooms. The friend told the lady who is booking the rooms that she and my son could just share a room. Now, they are just friends, more like brother and sister, but I told the person booking rooms no way! Even though they are both good kids, being away from home without parents, in NYC, in a nice hotel room - only a monk would escape that situation with all innocense! Not happening! And I casually told my son that he really should not share a room with her. He said ok. Sheesh!

I guess the bottom line is, you have to let your kids know where you stand, what's right and wrong, give them room to make the right decisions, but never allow them to be in a situation where the temptation and the opportunity to have sex are overwhelming. That's where the trusted adults in their lives need to step in and stop bad things from happening.

You are absolutely making the right decision. Never should children be allowed to do that. There is nothing wrong with sleepovers, but there is only one thing that boys and girls do when left alone together at night. Even if they say the girls have to sleep upstairs, they can't know what is going on every second that those kids are there.

You are completely right where your fears are concerned. Innocent fun could turn into an accusation. Keep your son at home and hope that those other parents come to their senses. Their parents may think that their kids are too young but I've seen enough pregnant 12 year olds that I know better.

You are doing what is right, don't be afraid to stick to your principles, your son will thank you someday.

Please stick to your guns on this one. I am a firm believer in the fact that kids do not always make the best decisions.
If you allow him to be in an uncertain position, it could have lifelong consequences. You are doing the right thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good for you!!!! Stick to your guns on this one. My son will only be 3 this month, and it's scary to think what will be acceptable to some in 10 more years. This scenario will still be unacceptable in my book!

I'm a single mom, as well, and there are some times that I would rather be in his good graces, but certain rules have to stick. Read the "Motherhood Moment" for today!

T. you are absolutely right. They are opening a door that they will be sorry they gave the children access to. We all know about hormones and male/female attractions. The children start being permisuous at young ages, ages that parents are shocked about after it happens to their little Johnnie. You hear this statement alot, " I can't believe it happened, they are too young for that." Stick to your decision. You are 100% in the right. You may even want to evaluate the relationship your son is having with this liberal young man. Old saying Birds of a feather flock together, eventually your son may acquire this young mans beliefs. Good Luck and God Bless PS It's not always easy being a parent, but better to be parent first and foremost than your childs friend.

I agree with you. Twelve year olds now are different from generations ago and they are doing alot of things that adults do. I would let my child know that his friend is welcome to stay at your home but not the other way around if there is going to be girls sleeping over. For the parents with both boys and girls there is a difference. The girls are not having a sleepover with the boys, they are with theirown friends doing different activities. This is a blending of the two sexes that attend the same class together.

T....I am still having a hard time with the fact my daughter's dorm in college is coed!!

Stick with you instincts...you are right on target about the accusations that could be made. Those parents are trying to be their son's friend and are making a huge mistake. Twelve year olds have raging hormones...those parents are not playing with a full deck.

Cudos to you!

Instead of him sleeping over at their home, perhaps you could encourage your son to have a sleepover at your home. (minus the females).

T., I wholeheartedly agree with you! If it's okay for boy/girl sleepovers now, why wouldn't be okay in the future with just one boy and one girl? Although I'm not there yet with my kids, I think you're making the right decision and I also think it's important for you to stick to your guns. Otherwise, I think you're setting yourself up for lots of problems in the future. God bless you and good luck!

No you stand your ground T.. don't let her give you the guilt. you are very right and are doing the right thing. no way would that happen in my house. they are only looking for problems. I can't believe other parents would let their girls do that either. Sorry but that is DUMB!!. If he doesn't undersatnd that then oh Well, you are the parent. you know what is right. maybe you can find someone who can explain it for him that he might listen to. You are doing right.

I have 3 children boys who are 3 and 5 and a daughter who is 11. As a parent of a daughter, I wouldn't let her sleep over where there are boys sleeping over. Although, I do remember when I was in Jr. High and High school, I would stay the night a lot at my best friends house....and her older brother had a friend over from time to time.....they just mainly kept to themselves as we were usually in her room doing "Teenage girl things", like calling friends on the phone, reading magazines and stuff like that. But today is a different world, and you have to use your own judgement.

This isn't about being old fashioned! Absolutely not. Pre-teens have pre-teen curiosity and the time for co-ed sleepovers should have ended around age 6. I applaud you being a "parent" and your pre-teen will just have to understand that you don't approve and that you are his parent and not his "friend". There are too many possibilities here besides the one you mentioned for accusations. I'm not sure who these other parent's are that allow their children to sleep over, but I think I would be hard pressed to find any parent's with similiar sensibilities.

I have a daughter that is turning 13 this summer and I would not let her attend a boy/girl sleepover. You are perfectly right that all it will take is one accusation by someone trying to get even. Also, in any group there are going to be the kids that look to break the rules and will try to sneak into the opposite sex area. This is one area where you are just asking for trouble.

That's very inappropriate at his age. Especially considering how much earlier kids are becoming sexually active. I have friends who are teachers who have told me they have caught 6th graders having oral sex! I can't even imagine. Stick to your guns. He'll appreciate it later.

I've never heard of this before. I'm only 30 so maybe a lot has changed since I went to my last sleepover. All I know is that there's no way in hell my mom would okay this & quite honestly, I wouldn't either. The immaturity of these tweens coupled with the naivity of Eddie Haskel's parents are a sure fire way to find trouble fast. It will only take one kid with booze, cigarettes, or anything else that would be contraband to influence the whole group into making a lot of bad decisions. This is just an after school special waiting to happen. Stick to your guns. If your kid has a problem with it, simply and genuinely explain that you don't trust certain elements of Eddie's character and can see that too much trouble could happen that you're uncomfortable about. Eddie's parents are going to have their hands full once Eddie grows up a little. Good lord. Who are these parents?

No way will I ever let boy girl sleep overs happen, in an emergency maybe,with me and my husband wide awake. Going through preteen stages come on we all have been there and know from experience what happens through this stage in our lives we get curious,I agree with you this has gone to far for these parent's to allow this to happen.Hopefully your son will son listen to you,and respect your decision.

I totally agree with you, you have boys and girls sleeping over and your just asking for trouble. In a perfect world kids that age wouldn't even think about doing anything, but now with TV and how young some kids start experamenting you just can't trust that every kid there will be like your son or that the parents are supervising. Hold your ground. In the long run this will teach him so much respect. But what bogles my mind more that one parent being OK is that there are parents of girls who are allowing their girls to spend the night with a boy. I have 2 girls (6 & 4) and I couldn't imagine letting them spend the night with a boy at that age. I have a sister that is 12, so I know that some of these kids are just way more grown up at 12 than we ever were.

I scanned through the many responses and see that you are being supported for your caring and wise feelings and thoughts. It is good to hear from so many moms with wisdom on this subject.

I must admit that I know of situations where teens successfully spent the night in the same home, but it was not for a party. These kids came together through a religious organization and were voluntering for service projects. The atmosphere was prayerful and respectful and, for the most part, these kids really had their head on straight about why they were there and would not have considered crossing any lines. In this case, the dominant attitude of respect for the project helped the peer pressure to work for discipline rather than playfullness. But, even then, boys and girls slept in separate areas of the home and adult supervisors slept where no one could get past them. They knew that it wasn't just about trusting the kids, it was also about appearances.

You are absolutely correct. It isn't just about whether or not you trust your own child. Kids that age are histrionic. Their feelings get hurt or someone starts a rumor and there is no telling who might accuse whom of whatever. It isn't just about preventing something from happening, but it is about not allowing the appearance of such possibilities.

I will also admit that my son had a sleep over where boys and girls all slept in one room, but they were all kindergarten and preschool age at the time and everyone was in their own sleeping bag. We read them stories and prayers until they were all fast asleep.

As far as helping your son to accept all this, the approach that I always found most helpful is the one I learned from Linda Popov's book, The Family Virtues Guide. It takes a bit to learn to use the language skills so that it comes naturally, but it is the most powerful tool I found as a parent. I used to be able to find it in bookstores, but had to ask them to order it in more recently. You can always find it at the website: www.virtuesproject.com.

I want to say thank you to all the moms out there who are vigillent with their children. It is so easy for teens to make unwise choices that can affect their whole lives and the lives of whole families.

Best wishes and blessings to you on Mothers' Day!

I have a 13 year old son & I wuld never let him go to a boy/girl sleepover no matter what the conditions are! He has went to boy/girl events, but the girls have always been sent home if the boys were staying. You are not old fashioned or over-reacting. I am 32 years old & I consider that too young to be oldfashioned, it's called being smart & watching out for our sons. When a girl asccuses a boy of some thing, it's guilty until proved innocent & it will follow them. Girls at this age are no more / less innocent than boys (regardless of what society thinks)& you're right the big kid usually gets the blame! Stick to your grounds, I know it's hard, but it's smart!

NEVER!!! I am the mother of a teenage daughter and I would have never let her spend the night with boys at the sleepover! I am cautious about her spending the night with other girls. Stand strong for what you believe-it is us Moms who raise virtious children! For all the parents with boys and girls who think this is ok you better watch it. Kids are curious at this age and they will hook up right under your noses.

T.,
Your sound judgment and good sense will pay off greatly for your son in the future, even if he doesn't understand right now. For what it's worth, I whole-heartedly agree with your decision.
Sincerley,
K.

HOLY COW....Run and Run Fast!!!!!
Please explain to your son that not only can he be accused of something really bad, but girls can be just as aggresive as boys and can force themselves onto him and force him to do something he's not ready for. Just because the kids are sleeping in different areas of the house doesn't mean there isn't any sneeking around going on. Even at the age of 12. Help him try to understand you want to preserve his innocence and his reputation.
T. you are not old fashioned, just smart. Unfortunately the liberal parents will most likely be posting bail more times than they bargained for as there son gets older. Tell your son it is okay to be friends with this boy, but you would rather him not attend his sleepovers. And you can invite the boy to your house for a sleepover instead. That way you can monitor the evening.
Get on your knees now and pray for God's protection over your son.
I apologize if I've repeated anything said earlier. After reading your request I just had that gut feeling and de ja vu from when I was young and wanted to say something.
May God bless you as you raise your young man and may He bless your son also. God Bless and Good Luck.

You are on the right path to not let him stay over. In time he will see that there is much more to the situation than just a gathering of boy/girl friends. So that he doesn't get too upset about not being able to participate, I would suggest that he get to go over there for the early part of the evening and then you pick him up before everyone is asleep. Then bargain with him that he can show up in the morning with bagels/doughnuts or something...sticking your ground that he can't spend the night is the best decision for everyone in my humble opinion. Good Luck.

Good for you! Stand your ground--I think too many parents have gone insane these days letting their kids run their lives like THEY are little adults, not so! Kids are exposed to so much so early these days and I think twelve year olds know a lot more about sex than we would like to think! Unforunately with this knowlege there is such an immaturity and an inability to see around the next corner. Also, realistically how are these parents really going to patrol this party, do they plan on sleeping on the stairs, I doubt it! You are a good mom for setting limits someday your son will see that.

I am an old fashioned grandmother, and I say NO WAY! You are correct in your decision. One little word from one of the girls, and OH MY, your son will have problems from now on. I say, hold a sleepover at your house for a few boys, if you think he is missing out on something. Plan tournaments with video games, if you have them. Since you are a chef, serving snacks shouldn't be a problem, as I have to think what would be good. Have them bring sleeping bags and do a theme like "camping in the livingroom", unless you want to venture out in the backyard. Still, keep close eye on them. Good luck!
Jan in MO

T.,

Stick to your guns girl! This is just too much, what possible reason do these people think kids of any age need to be having boy/girl sleepovers?! I can see no need for it at all and I think I am pretty open minded but this is crazy! It is much too early to have to deal with this type of stuff!!! Good luck, I am wondering what everyone else thinks!! M.

A lot has changed but you stick to what you believe in. Your son can have sleep overs at home & you get to choose who can & can't come. Just keep talking to him & although he is angry...he'll get over it. If in your working you find that your working too hard, try Mary Kay as a part-time job. It has made some grrrrreat extra income for me & my family. You also sound like you don't do a lot to pamper yourself...ALWAYS take some "ME" time & do something for you. We as single parents are always doing it for the kids & often neglect ourselves. Youe a grrrrreat mom & it sounds like your doing an awesome job:-). Good luck & God Bless!

I completely agree. Don't feel bad for protecting your son or trying to raise him with good moral values. Kids are learning things earlier and earlier these days. Why try to put them into situations they are not ready for? Good for you! Jennifer

Stick to your guns!!! YOu will NEVER regret it but you sure may if you flip! We do not allow this type of thing in our home nor do our children attend such events. It sometimes upsets our 14 year old daughter but we are very strict about gaurding our kids in this area. Hang tuff and he will eventually :) love you for it.

T.,

I agree with you. What if one of the girls or boys were sexually active and a girl ended up pregnant at the age of 12? Then the parents would blame you and not the 2 kids involved. Please stick to your guns. When I was younger we had sleepover and only had 1 little boy over and that was because he had a crush on my younger sister. We were never allowed behind closed doors or anything. After awhile the little boy didn't sleep over with all the girls anymore.

I totaly agree with you. When I was that age I never heard of anything like that going on. It is inapropriate! Especialy with how young kids start doing things now a days. It scares me to think what I am going to have to start worrying about when my kids are that age (my oldest is 6). You made the right choice!

I am with you completely! And my viewpoint has nothing to do with a girl making an accusation (which is a possibility). I don't think there is ANY age that is appropriate for a boy/girl sleepover. What a terrible message to send to children! Sexual content is everywhere for kids these days, why would you want to place them in temptations way??
Stick to your guns with your son. I don't know what your religious faith or level of spirituality is, but I am certain that God would also not approve of this type of situation. I fully intend to explain to my son and daughter(at an appropriate age and time) how sacred their bodies are and that they are a gift to be shared with thier future spouse. I would take this opportunity to begin a dialogue with your son about his body, his responsibility as a male (to be a husband and father someday if that is the path he choses), and the responsibility of having sex at a young age (or any age!). Use this as a teaching opportunity and you can send the RIGHT message to your son (even if it's not the popular message).

Oh girl, you are soooo right on this! I absolutly would not let my children have a boy/girl sleepover! That is a disaster waiting to happen! What are these parents going to do when they have a grandbaby to take care of in a couple of years??? But, if they are that liberal I hate to think of what they'd do to get "out" of the pregnancy. I hear all the time of kids as young as 5th grade having oral and sexual relations! That is so disturbing. You keep on keepin' on! We are all behind you:)! HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!!

I consider myself pretty "liberal" and this seems nuts to me. Just asking for trouble. I'm with your other posts, stick to your guns!
Happy Mother's Day!

You are the ONLY person in this whole world who can fully protect your son-whether you're protecting him from hurt feelings, sex at a young age, or a lawsuit even. He doesn't have to understand your reasons for your rules, he just has to understand that you make the rules that he is expected to follow. Here's my thinking-at 12, they're sleeping in the same house, different rooms. Maybe at 13, they'll sleep in the same rooms but opposite ends. Then at 14, they're sleeping in the same area, but different sleeping bags. Where does it stop? Besides, when Mom and Dad go to sleep, what are the kids doing then? Sleeping? Do you ever remember a slumber party where you actually slept most of the night??? I'm only 32, and people can call me old-fashioned if they want, but I am totally behind you on this one. It has actually made me think, because I have one daughter and two sons, and I'm not sure what I'll do when the time comes for slumber parties! Stick to your guns and I think you will be glad in the long run. Explain to your son that when adults don't share the same opinions on some issues, sometimes they just have to agree to disagree. It doesn't mean that either party is right or wrong, we're all just trying to raise our kids the best way we can!

You are neither old-fashioned nor paranoid. What you are is sensible and protective. And that's exactly what you should be as a parent. Don't let those "liberal" (in this case, I would say another word for "crazy") parents or your son (who I'm sure just wants to fit in) dissuade you from your innate sense of what is right and wrong. Stay strong for your son. The coming teen years as a single mom will be a challenge, but he will thank you someday for giving him boundaries and sticking to your principles.
God Bless,
M.

T....I have 2 beautiful little girls, 10 and 5. My 10 year stays the night at her friends house alot. I would never be okay with the boy and girl both staying the night. But lets not forget that it isn't only "girls" that can make accusations. Just saying that makes it seem that every little girl is a liar. I don't have a boy, so I am sure that it is different in the ways/lessons that have to be taught. But I would hope that we are all out to protect every child...yours and mine. A

I believe you are making the right decision. These aren't kids anymore - they are adolescents. It's an iffy enough issue with many parents where younger kids are concerned. At that age, I would strongly object to my child going to a boy/girl sleepover. I honestly don't know that I would trust my child to be in the care of parents like that at any time. That just seems overly careless to me, and like the kind of parents who end up allowing teens to party at their house and suppliying the alcohol. I'm very cautious of who my kids are around. Because of past issues, my daughter isn't allowed to even visit one of her friends because the girls older brothers, who are 17 and 22, moved back into the house, and there are serious issues with those boys. Leniency of other parents where you would put your foot down means that they aren't concerned with the well-being of your child where you are. Stick with your decision. I believe you are doing the right thing for your son's best interest.

I am with you all the way. Who cares if I'm old fashioned, if it was good enough for my generation and my mothers generation...then it's good enough for my children!

T.,
I don:t blame you one bit! I think you are making a VERY smart decision!!! Stick to your guns!
Jenn D

Difficult situation, you should certainly approach with caution. Ask a few more questions. Are there chaparones up all night to keep kids separate?
I have 2 boys & 2 girls, I have always been a little cautious when allowing my girls to sleepover at a house where there is a brother(s) around same age or older. But talking with other parents usually helps.
A good sign with the sleepovers you mention, is apparently the mom's of the girls are willing to send their daughters there.
Best thing you can do is reinforce good values and respect in your son. If he has these values, knows not to go along with the crowd if they do something wrong, etc. Maybe it's worth considering. Listen to what he says & doesn't say when he comes back to determine if he goes again.

No Freaking Way would I let my son sleep over with other girls regardless of where they are SUPPOSE to be sleeping and this age. (Who are these girl's parents?)

Oh, and thought you should know that my younger brother started having sex in the 6th grade!!! That was 25 years ago!

No matter how mad your son would be, that really shouldn't happen. You should quiz him after these "Slumber Paries" on what the "Talk" is around the school of what actually happened at these parties. I'm sure there will be stories.
Sooner or later (maybe later) he will appreciate you. :)

I agree with you! Hold your ground!:) You are a great mom!

Good Morning T., I am With you on this one Girl! I recently heard the same of the same situation with our 7 yr gr son. Both our Gr. Daughter ( 8 )and Her brother became friends with a little girl on the street. She had been invited to spend the night and she did with our gr. daughter. The next thing I heard was HE was invited to stay at her house. NO Way and I told my son that should never ever happen.
At this point it was something the kids cooked up, as my son spoke to the other dad and said this wasn't something they would allow. The dad was clueless. It was a party that all the children would attend and go home not stay over.

Stand your ground T. even if he is mad for a while. Possibly let him invite some Boys two or three to stay over. It's fun or it used to be when boys said NO GIRLS ALLOWED.

Good Luck T., You can handle it.
K.

I personally would NEVER let my own child participate in something like this. That age is where they just dont have good judgment at all and are so susceptible to peer pressure. What happens after the parents go to bed? Who's to say the girls wont come down or the boys wont go up?
I wouldnt do it. And youre right, someone could make an accusation. Girls at that age do not understand the consequences of the accusations and often times dont see that its wrong to make things up. Plus boys at that age think they are very grown up and believe it or not, many, many boys lose their virginity at 11, 12, 13 years old! Hard to believe I know, but its not uncommon no matter how good of a boy you think you have, and no matter how good you think the girls at the party are!
I would just explain to him that you dont think at the age of 12 its appropriate for boys and girls to be sleeping over with each other. Leave it at that, youre the parent. What you say goes. Tell him you have his best interests in mind. And trust your gut on things like this. Children are very sneaky when they want something and the parents say no!! I remember, I was one of those kids!

I agree with you, I have a 12 year old daughter and there is no way she would participant in a boy/girl sleepover. 12 year olds are not innocent anymore as parents would like to believe, I see 12 year old girls pregnant every once in a while and defitionly know several more that are sexually active. It is scary but stick to your guns. Maybe take your son and some other buddies out to do something cool that night so he isn't home moping and blaming you for his boredom. One day he will understand(I have 18 year old who now understands).

Good luck,
D.

T.,
I don't know if my last message went through or not. There's no way I'd allow it either. It sounds like trouble waiting to happen. Some day (it may be years from now), he'll respect you for your decision. As parents we have to set boundaries for our kids. It's not always easy but it's worth it in the long run.

God Bless you T. (btw that's my daughter's name!!)and Happy Mother's Day. Stick to your guns and do NOT allow this. Been there - Done that - Would do it again!

You are right, run the other way, this is not ok. There is absolutely no reason that 12 year old boys and girls need to sleep over together. I can't think of a single one.

Stick to your guns, you are doing the right thing.

I am a teacher of middle schoolers- 6th graders. If it were my child I would not allow boy/girl sleepovers either. In the three years that I have been teaching in the middle school, there have been more girls pregnant than I can count on one hand. I think you are making the right move. We parents have to set limits for our children- even if that means letting them get mad at us. You are doing the right thing!

I have to agree with Hawktress as I have a boy and a girl and they have kids sleep over all the time. I also know the parents very well. They usally only have their best friends spending the night. I also have the parents phone numbers handy if anything happens. One little girl lives here basically even more so when her dad is deployed. My son has friends spend the night also. My daughter has even spent the night at my friends house and she has 3 boys. It is all on how you look at things and it is how well you know the family. I am also not convinced that kids at that age cannot make the right decisions, my son will be 12 in Sept and can tell you that he wants to wait for marriage before he has sex and he isn't even 12 yet. We are not a consistant church family but he has attended what is called a P2 challange with a local church here where they attend karate and it has explained a lot to him as far as what it means to stay true to one and there is that one person out their for you and he also wears a purity ring. We have always been very honest with our children when it comes to any question that they have no matter the subject matter. If we go into to much detail and they find they have had enough information they will tell you they are good they understand and if they have any more questions they will come and ask us. I was a teenager when I was able to have my boyfriend spend the night at the house and they told my mom that she was wrong. Well now that I have a 17 year old brother it is different, it seems ok that at 14 his girlfriend can spend the night but in a different bedroom, which is what I did when I was a teenager but it was wrong in everyones eyes because of the time of year it was it was in the early 90's. I think a lot of it has to do how much do you trust your children and how much you know about the other children that are over at your house. Our daughter is 10 and she also knows as much as her brother and we know their friends very well and their families and I think this makes a difference. It might make even more of a difference because we are military and seem to be closer to our friends then someone on the civilian side because we depend on each other to get us thru hard times. We have raised our children to be very independent, strong and to know what is right and wrong. So I cannot agree with they do not know how to make the right decision. My son is also big for his age he is over 5ft and 120lbs, so it doesn't matter the size anyone can get blamed. I am also cautious as I was sexually abused as a child so for that being said my kids have more freedom then most.JMO

T., I have all boys and I would not let them do this either. With the internet and the TV and video games all screaming sexuality, Its difficult weeding out the harmful things they see or do. You know kids now days are sexualy active earlier than we where. I have heard that kids are having sex at age 12. Stick to your guns and don't give in to this sleep over. Better to be safe than sorry. You could let him go for the day and pick him up before the night ends. You could make up an excuse and say that you have plans at night, so that he wouldn't feel embarrased.

I hope you and he have had many sex talks by this time as there will come a time when you won't have much control over what he does or does not do-then he better know the difference! Be very open and talk talk talk all the time right now is really good as it must get into his "pre teen" brain. This is not an insult to anyone it is necessary as he is growing and will be curious and the others will be talkig to him so you need to do the same and teach himm the way he shouuld go before it is too late. If you are too shy to talk then find someone you trust and he will listen to-this is very important to do now.

I'm with you 100%!! No way would I allow that either. It is no way old fashion.