Hi there. I'm a new mom to a very active, curious and easy-going 20 month old. He's an only child. He's been talking since he was about 14-15 months and is able to follow simple directions. We attend play groups but, not on a regular basis. Today, while at the playarea in the mall, my son walked over to a woman (a complete stranger) and picked up her water bottle and said "water", I quickly went over and told him it wasn't our water and he was fine with it. However, the woman gave me "the look". He also wandered over to a stroller (not ours) and started to connect the buckles. I told him it wasn't our stroller and he couldn't play with it. Again, he was fine with it and went on his merry way. No tantrums. The woman was completely fine with it and said he was just curious about how things work. This is my question: At what age should a child fully know what boundaries are and that is it not ok to touch other peoples stuff?
Thanks, A.
I wouldn't be worried. He's still young. My 3 year old doesn't get the "Other people's stuff" totally yet. Their kids. It's a process. He didn't throw a fit, that right there is a good sign!
At 20 months old, he is doing exactly what he ought to be doing...showing off that he knows what water is, that he knows how to buckle a stroller, etc...he's not even two yet! He's still a baby! Just continue to merrily apologize and let him explore within reason...which he's doing. If someone doesn't understand, then they haven't had children (or had any in a long time.)
Granted, there will be some things you'll want to preempt his strike on...but in general, I wouldn't expect him to understand boundaries yet. You are doing EXACTLY what you need to do to teach him about boundaries, though...you are explaining that it isn't his and redirecting it. He will naturally learn, and you're doing it right. :)
as long as you are polite and retrieve your son from his exploration and interactions let him explore. It takes a village to raise a child and if someone is uncomforatble with him exploring thier world than they are the ones with issues. I think it is great your son feels comfortable enough to interact with other people and thier "space"
he's fine....he sounds adorably bright...
but to prevent future events...try to step in & redirect him before he actually touches someone else's stuff....especially food/water items! Honestly, if he did it to me, I'd pitch the bottle! I have my own germs...don't need anymore.
& in the case of the stroller...again, you could have stopped him before he actually manhandled someone else's property....especially since he could have pinched himself!
With each of these examples, you could have redirected him....thereby actually teaching him the proper observance of boundaries...rather than being reactive in your response. He can't be expected to "know" these boundaries instinctively....it's up to you to teach him! & it will take years..... Peace....
just keep doing what you are doing, he will learn through your redirection & as he gets older will understand "this isn't ours"...if anything I would just try to watch & possibly intervene before, like if you see him wandering then say lets play over here, but of course you cant anticipate everything & he's acting completely normal (probably better than a lot of kids would lol)
.you will know when your child understands ownership when his vocabular includes the word "mine!"
Google 'a toddler's rules of possession'. Boundaries are what you teach them, they don't come built in! Patience and consistentancy are the keys and you did great on your first test. Now just keep that up for a year or 2 and he will be fine! Don't worry about the lady's "look" just go with your gut. It sounds like you have good instincts, trust them.
This reminds me of a playgroup we went to when my 10 year old was about that age. She went around the room and found all the sippy cups, 8-10 of them, and took them all the right mom. She was "helping" I was very surpised when she didnt put them in her mouth. She just didnt like the chaos of them lying around and made sure every mom had their own kids cups.
gee what age well I know teenagers who still don't get the boundary thing. Seems to me my 4 were around 4 ish when they could really understand that line. They all were slightly different. But since your little guy is showing an interest it doesn't hurt to work on it now. Just don't expect it all to sink in yet. Even in kinder they still have a hard time with yours and mine. It's an ongoing processes. Good luck!
It's an on-going process and it depends on where you are. At a friend's house they're going to have a lot more issues with understanding they can't touch something than at the mall. 20 months is still young and they're still exploring their world but sounds like you're doing the right thing explaining what he's touching and then explaining it belongs to someone else.
I agree with everyone else. In terms of what age do they know the difference, I can't really remember. My duaghter is three, almost 4 and she certainly knows the difference. I think close to 3 is the age where they know something is not theirs or not part of their family's stuff.
Good luck!
L.
