Bossy Playmate

Good Morning,

I have similar thoughts, send her home. When she exhibits unacceptable behavior send her home and explain why. Let her know that this behavior will not happen in your yard/house. Not sure of the whole situation, but you and your daughter should get together a list of other friends that she can play with so when the little girl has to go home your daughter has other children to play with so she won't feel like this is her only option.

Hope your situation improves!

Be polite, but don't hang out with them anymore. It's simple.

This is bullying and YOU get to be the hero! Step in and tell the little bossy one to go home and come back when she wants to be nice. "We don't play like that" - she will continue to threaten or bully her way but your kids can watch how you deal with a bully and learn from it. Be glad it's happening around your home (and not at school where you can't interven when it happens) . Keep a watchful eye out and continue to intervene and you'll soon notice your daughter stepping in on her own. Sandy

Explain to your daughter that while it may hurt, a friend learns to compromise. This neighbor kid hasn't learned that and she may come to resent her mom if she isn't taught this ISN'T leadership skills. This is an inability to meet half way. It won't be tolerated and she won't be employed for long.

Explain also to your daughter to stand up for herself. If she's afraid that neighbor won't be her friend anymore if she doesn't comply, teach her to say "Well okay if that's how you want it to be". And then explain that neighbor kid will more than likely be back because no one else puts up with her brand of baloney either. She'll be back. But don't let this continue, D.. Your daughter will potentially feel that she always has to give in, even against her principles. She'll be run over constantly unless she learns to stand up for herself.

If you want to avoid the mom, start planning some away from home activities until it's meal time or nap time and stick to your guns that it is NOT debatable.

What I've done in the past is to deal with the child that is causing the problem. When she threatens to end the friendship if she doesn't get her way, simply tell her that either they are friends or are not friends, and you will not allow her to use this type of blackmail on your daughter, then send her home to make a choice. When she comes back (because she will) ask her if she thought about it, and explain to her that real friends do not threaten to end the friendship to get their way. Tell her you don't allow those hurtful words at your house, and every time she says them, send her home to think about it. It may or may not work, but I have had success with this technique with my own kids. You have to remind both girls that words are hurtful, sometimes more so than hitting, and much harder to forget. Your daughter will eventually start handling this on her own as you back her up. It sounds like you are going to have to take the initiative, and lay the ground rules with this other girl at your house, and just firmly let her know that if she is going to play there, she has to follow the house rules or go home. Most of my kids are grown now, and mine was the house they always gathered at. The kids all understood (as did the parents) that when they were at my house, they would be treated as I treated my own kids, that meant setting them straight if they messed up. I still have them stopping by to visit me now that they are grown, and I can't think of one kid off hand that didn't call me mom. Once this little girl finds that you wont allow the bullying anymore, things should get better, and think of the lessons you'll be teaching her that she isn't getting at home. It sounds like alot of responsibility for someone elses child, but if you have your house rules, and kids know they have to follow them or go home, you'll be surprised how they respond to you.

Maybe by having an adult calmly say something to the effect that my daughter said no and she means it. Maybe you should play that the next time and let my daughter pick what to do today. By having an adult be there to supply support your daughter will be more confident that she will be listened to.

I have a little 5 year old girl that acts about the same with my daughter. And OOOO! The way she bosses her mom around as well!! I can't believe it -rude! She actually hit her mom the other day! She's a nice enough girl, just used to getting her own way, and thinking she has leeway to argue. I appreciate her though for the simple fact that she's even bossier than my 5 year old girl (who's constantly trying to boss her siblings, cousins, and friends around)At least my daughter is getting a taste of her own medicine!

Everytime they get in trouble, my daughter says "Well, Lexi said..." and I remind her that no matter what her friend said, it was my daughter's choice to do or not do what she said, and she should have taken into account what she knew personally to be right and wrong and acted on that instead of somone elses say-so.

Her friend is constantly disavowing their friendship, which upsets my daughter, but I just blow it off, telling her not to worry about it because I'm positive they'll be friends again in no time! (This is SOOOOOO common as a behavior for both genders at this age - someone is constantly "not someone's friend") They're always friends in an hour or two.

As far as the friend's behavior at my house goes, I am frequently rephrasing her requests from "I want some juice" to "Do you mean 'May I have some something to drink please?'" and I've learned to just say to kids like that things like "We don't do that here" or "It's not very polite to play with someone else's toys or in thier yard if they are not outside with you. You need to go home now. Maybe you can play later."

D.,

We have the same issue at our house. When this happens I just send the little boy home. He has soon realized that he can't control my child's actions or threaten him with "I won't be your friend anymore" or "If you don't play with me I'm going home". When I've overheard these comments I've asked the little boy what he said just to see what he will tell me. He, of course, denies everything but he also realizes that it's unacceptable in our yard.

After being sent home several times the little girl will realize if she wants to play she will need to stop manipulating your daughter.

Good luck and hang in there!

C.

Mother of a four year old boy and six year old daughter.

Let the little neighbor girl know that if she coninues to be mean to your daughter, and not listen when you say she is busy with the family, that she will no longer be welcome at your house. I bet she will change her behavior right away. If not find you daughter a NICE new friend that you can set up play dates with. Your daughter does not need to be bossed around at her own house.

I also have the same problem except my son's (8yo)best friend is constantly trying to manipulate him by saying "if you don't do this I'll go play with my other friends or go home"...I have told my son to stand up to him and if you don't want to do something say no. I told him to call him on his bluff and let him go home. He has to realize that his tactics don't work. I guess my biggest concern is he won't be strong enough when it comes to peer pressure. I have not stepped in too much as I feel he has to learn how to say no however I have suggested that they take turns playing what each child would like to. His friend is not a behavior problem and they are very compatible except for this problem. I feel like it is also my son's problem because he lets him manipulate him. I could fix it for him but I can't be there for his whole life stepping in because he's not assertive enough. We have used this as a lesson in assertiveness. Good luck to you, I know exactely how you feel!