Boarding Schools

I could NEVER send my kids to boarding school...NEVER EVER!

~My oldest son is 9y/o & is fascinated with all things Military (His Daddy & my Father were both US Army) & he has begged me to send him to Military School...he's crazy & doesn't know what those are about, silly boy!

I worked at one of the most prestigious boarding schools in the nation. There is no way I would send my child to boarding school unless it was to do one year post grad between high school and college.
Some kids do very well in the environment but most had problems of one kind or another. Most kids who attended our boarding school are wealthy with unlimited bank accounts. They were good kids, but they live a life most kids can't even dream about. They ski in Europe in the winter, they summer in the Mediterranean, and they vacation on St Bart's....
I would never subject my "have not" kid to those kids who have it all when I know that we can never give her that life.
YMMV

I couldn't and wouldn't do it unless I really believed it was the absolute best option for her and she would not be happy and excel in her current situation.

Boarding school was what we were threatened with when we misbehaved, more than once. Very obviously, I do have a slightly negative bias... just needed to be honest about that.

That old bias aside, I think the folks did a great sell job on your daughter. How savvy are 16 year olds at understanding/deconstructing advertising, the fantasy of it vs the reality? That's something to consider...

I'll also say this, as a recovered "socially awkward" teen and young adult: I did not become socially confident by being around MORE socially awkward people and having them as my model. Please know, I'm not picking on your daughter at all-- I have been there. Extremely uncomfortable with groups and in social settings. But it was a few gracious women and socially confident friends who were wonderful models for me as I matured. What I'm saying is that if you stick her in with a 'like' population, there's the chance that she may develop less in an area that is really actually very important as she goes forward into college, adulthood, and employment.

My old bias aside, if it were my child and I already had access to great educational opportunities, I'd keep her home with me. I'd work to keep her world as socially diverse as possible, to keep gently challenging her in that way and when you mentioned the local zoo-- I have seen some kids really thrive within our own city's "zoo teens" program. They are pushed to grow in that social area, often interacting with zoo visitors who *do* desire that interaction and want to be there. That's a huge, positive opportunity. This, in itself, would also be a very compelling reason for her to stay-- to have a chance to make friends in her own community with a common interest.

And I get the "not sending off my one kiddo"....you are such a sweet mom. I would feel the same way, too!

I went to a boarding school for my four years of high school. I am so thankful I did. I was an only child, the "miracle baby." But because of that, my parents wanted the best for me. We lived in a small hick town where the high schools were awful. I went to a beautiful, all-girls boarding school on the central coast. The classes were challenging, and there I met the girls who would become the sisters I never had. To this day, more than 20 years after our graduation, my classmates and I are all still like sisters. I think I was actually closer to my parents in high school than I ever would have been if I'd stayed home. I spoke to them at least once per week. I told them everything about my life (yes, the first kisses, first dates, all of it). I wrote them letters. I was thrilled when it was time to come home on vacation, and helped out around the house. I was able to enjoy my parents as people, not just as parents, because we didn't have much conflict (if any). And when I was away from them at boarding school, I had the autonomy that most teenagers crave - yet I also had responsibility. I had to balance my checkbook, do my own laundry, manage to get my dry cleaning sent off, remember family birthdays, wake myself up on time, get myself in to my professors if I needed extra help... needing to manage myself made me appreciate my parents soooo much more, but yet I also felt a sense of accomplishment for what I was able to do, standing on my own two feet. There are many caring adults at any good boarding school. We had teacher families who lived in apartments adjoining our dorms, so several times per week, these families would invite students to have dinner with them (and teachers who didn't live on campus would attend dinners in the dining room, and sit at the tables with us, so we had some really interesting conversations over dinner!). We also had nuns who lived in/near the dorms, and they were a great source of advice, comfort, and yes, discipline.

Best of all, I had the finest education imaginable. I had no trouble being accepted early admission into an Ivy League school, and once there, had no trouble keeping up (I graduated in just over 3 years). Many of my college friends who had gone to public schools (even "good" public schools) had a lot of trouble in college. I wasn't homesick, I was able to keep myself on track, and I knew how to manage my time, balance my checkbook, and pay my bills on time. I have boarding school to thank for all of that.

Now, that isn't to say that boarding school is for everyone. I think you would only want to send a child who is fairly mature, intelligent, and motivated. I will say that my daughters are at summer camp right now at the boarding school I went to, and both of them are so excited to head off to boarding school themselves when the time comes. I really feel it was such a broadening experience that helped me to become the person I am today. I'm so grateful my parents could see past their own needs and give me exactly what I needed at that moment in my life. I would just encourage you to look past the "smart, socially awkward" label and really look at what your daughter could gain from this. (By the way, I was the social chair of my very popular sorority in college, so I personally think you're dead wrong on the "socially awkward" judgment! ;)

This is tough. I think it depends on the boarding school.

My HS was/is a boarding school; although, it was located in my home town (I lived at home, but attended during the day). The student population was a combination of students from around the area, students from around the state, a few students from out of state, and many students from other countries (China, India, Japan, etc.). It was a wonderful school, and had excellent advantages over the local public school. Some of the biggest advantages were that it had a high standard in academics....it was truly a college prep school, and we didn't have nearly the discipline issues (as with any school, there were some). The difference was that if a student does something entirely inappropriate in a public school, then the school has to keep that student. If a student does something inappropriate in a private school, they have the option to have that student leave the school, and you can guarantee that those parents are going to be on that student to get their butt in line, because the parents are paying private school tuition. For me, an added benefit is also that my school allowed me to continue to grow in my faith.

You have to watch the types of students going to a private school sometimes. I mentioned the different types of students at my own HS. Most of the students in the state were a combination of *in trouble* students that their parents couldn't handle, so they literally shipped them off to boarding school. Students from the surrounding towns usually came to the school, because it was just close enough to home while still offering the quality private school education. Some families had sent all of their children through the school, and they were continuing that tradition. Our students from other countries were there, because their parents could afford to send them to America.

On that note, I had a WONDERFUL experience learning about other countries and cultures....and I didn't even realize how much until I began teaching at a public school in another city, where there are a lot of prejudice people.

Your daughter's experience at summer camp is not going to be the same as it will be all year long. It could be a wonderful experience for her, but it doesn't mean that it is the right one for her. I loved my experience, BUT it wasn't the boarding school side of school that I experienced so much as the benefit of having strong academics, faith based education, multicultural interaction, and still being able to go home after school. I should add that we have not been very pleased with our experiences with public school for our child in the district we teach...so much so that we have actually thrown out that idea of being able to send our children back to my HS (which is about 45 minutes away) so that they will have a better exposure to the above mentioned things. That is a long time from now, and I suspect we will be making some other changes (possibly relocating) long before that decision comes up.

I would not send a pre-teen away to school. They need to be at home during those years.
If she wanted to go to a boarding school for high school, I would consider it.

I sincerely appreciate all of the input - it not only validates what I was thinking and feeling as a mom but also gives me the opportunity to make an informed decision. As I said, my response is a resounding "NO!!!" (although for her it has to be a "no for now as I'm not ready but I may consider it in the future as you progress through high school" as I slowly pick away at all the reasons she wants to go and bring her around to my way of thinking - it just makes my life easier to do it that way) but I was just curious and wanted to make sure since I was not all that familiar with them and since I also am from a time when boarding school was a threat to behave so I too have a negative bias.

My late grandmother was from a wealthy family and they shipped their kids off to boarding school. Even in her 80s, she still resented the whole thing. So, a big "no" from me.

I wouldn't do it! No one can do a better job of raising your child than you! Plus we have children so we can watch them grow and learn and so we grow and learn with them.

She will go to a "boarding school" soon enough when she goes to college. Plenty of time to get there. Until then, you should enjoy each other. I also think the teen years are when girls need their mom the most--although they won't admit it!

I am sure it's an amazing school and it would be a great opportunity, but I just couldn't do it. As much as they sometimes drive me crazy, I want my kids around. I want to see their daily achievements, help out on field trips, get to know their friends, and be there with them daily as they grow up. I would have a really hard time sending them off before college! I know it's a family tradition in some families...but I couldn't do it. Oh, I just remembered, my grandfather was born into wealth (which unfortunately all got lost with bad investing). His family was from England but they lived in Argentina. He and his brother grew up going to boarding schools. His dad died when he was young and his mom was a socialite. He said he saw his mom very rarely and he really resented it. He disliked the boarding school experience. He did end up going to Yale and becoming a Marine...both very prestigious things to do.