Here's my experience. My daughter, who will be 3 in December was diagnosed with urinary reflux while I was pregnant with her. My dr. found that her ureters were dialated when I had my first ultrasound at 17 weeks. They monitored it extensively after 25 weeks to see if it got worse, then after she was born. She had lots of fevers and we took her to a urologist at 4 months. She had to go through ultrasounds, VCUGs, and one test where she had radioactive fluid injected for x-rays. Turns out she has two ureters on EACH side (most people only have 1 on each side) and the top third of her kidneys are essentially non functional. Two of the ureters were attached to a low spot on her bladder, causing reflux. They also told us that urine was collecting in her vaginal vault, so she was constantly wet whether she peed or not. The urologist put her on maintenance antibiotics for infections and scheduled surgery at 14 months to reattach the ureters to a different place on her bladder to correct the reflux. When she was 10 months old, she got a severe infection, while on the antibiotics, that had her hospitalized for 5 days. The medicine had her resistant to anything to treat that particular infection except an IV treatment. When we left the hospital, we had to give her the meds through a pic line for 2 weeks. Then she was back on maintenance ABs. She had the surgery and had to continue ABs for 6 more months. A year later, had a follow up ultrasound and VCUG which showed that the surgery worked and she should not have any more problems. So far so good.
Very hard for us to go through, but pretty amazing they found the problem while I was pregnant, so we didn't have to go through wondering what was wrong and getting second opinions. We knew what the problem was, but she had to be a year before they'd do surgery.
Go get her checked out and I hope it turns out better for you.