Biting - Sherwood, OR

(My son doesn't have a problem, but this is the advice that was given to a friend of mine who's 13 month old is biting. Hope it helps!)

When my daughter turned about 14 months, she suddenly took to all sorts of acting out behaviors - mostly directed at me, but occasionally at my husband. She was still nursing at the time, and would hit me while nursing, for example. She's always grin first, then do it. Also, she'd try to hit when we were playing, or if I was holding her, and then all sorts of kicking started, especially during diaper changes.
I was at my wit's end as to how to handle it. I didn't think she was old enough for a true "time out" where I'd put her in her room or remove her from the action because by the time I'd get her in the right spot, I knew she'd have no comprehension of what the "time out" was related to. All the books I read talked about time outs and explaining, but they also were all addressing this behaviour in their "18 month" (or older) sections.

I asked my daughter's pediatrician about it and got GREAT ADVICE. She said that whenever my daughter did something like biting, hitting or kicking, I was to hold onto the offending appendage (or perhaps put my hand on her mouth) so she could identify WHAT we were talking about, specifically, and then say "NO Hitting!" (or kicking, or biting) very firmly. Then I was to immediately put her down on the floor / ground and turn my back to her.

I was to stay like that, with my back to her, until she crawled or walked around to face my front and was seeking to "make up" (ie, not crying or having a tantrum anymore but sincerely looking for my attention). Then, I'd just pick her up and move on as though nothing happened.

This was great for me because it was an immediate reaction that had a "punishment" that was very passive. Yes, my daughter really got upset when I turned my back to her, but she very quickly figured out that if she came to me with a different attitude, I'd respond. She also stopped the behaviour almost immediately. I only employed this method a few times, maybe 5 at the most, and it all changed.

Maybe she'd just turned a corner in her development, or maybe the method was really effective. Either way, I felt like I was empowered to respond to her in a way that I felt was fair and working on her level of comprehension at that developmental age.

Good luck!

the same thing happened to me and my 4th. All I can say is you have to wait it out that is what we did. She is now 3 and no more biting!!!

Hi T.,
This may be a different issue since my son started biting after his second birthday... but what worked for us was ignoring it. It was distressing-- I thought of biting as such a serious problem, but really he was just biting things because he was frustrated and couldn't quite get the words out to say so, or understand why he felt frustrated. Once we started ignoring it (unless he bit a person, for which he was sternly told "No biting. Biting hurts."), it eventually stopped. He was clearly trying to get negative attention and when he received no attention, he stopped the behavior. I guess this might not be your daughter's issue at all if you think it's teething, but just thought I'd throw out my two cents! Maybe if you just constantly give her things she can bite? I've also heard clove oil is good for numbing gums.
Good Luck!

Is this only happening when she is breastfeeding? If so, tell her no gently and say no biting and take the breast away. Every time she does it, take the breast away.

I'm glad you are trying distraction – for any kind of undesirable behavior, offering an alternative that is acceptable is usually healthier for your long-term relationship than constant negatives.

What kind of distractions do you offer? If your daughter is experiencing some compelling need to use her mouth (she sounds pretty oral), you'll probably have more luck offering something that's okay to bite or chew than trying to change her attention to something else entirely. To whatever degree she is able to communicate her wishes, you might try letting her help identify bitable binkies, toys (avoid plastics and painted/treated surfaces), a damp washcloth wrapped around an ice cube, chewy fruit leather…

If you can make choosing and using these alternative chewies fun, all the better.

You apparently know at least some of the time before she bites. If you can get her biting the "okay" items before she reaches that point, or even encourage her to chew or bite on acceptable stuff during the day to meet her oral needs, you might be able to shift her behavior more easily. (Your older daughters might be able to help with this, too.)

The positive reinforcement will also give her little "attention" strokes for acceptable behavior, which might help offset the attention she gets for biting, which could be attractive to her in spite of the fact that she's being corrected.

You'll still need to keep telling her "no," of course. But do your best to put the most energy into things you can say "yes" to. Good luck!