Birthday Party RSVP...and I Don't Have Emails or Phone Numbers...

I'm going through this right now.. but we have a list of parents/emails/phone #'s that I will be calling from on Mon. (party is Fri.)

One thing that we'll be doing b/c we have to pay for a min. even if they don't come is inviting the children's younger siblings .... just to not have to pay for 25 and only have 10 show.

If I didn't have the list I would talk to the teacher and ask if I could put a reminder in the kids backpacks (if everyone is invited I believe they will let you do that) AND I would get there early to pick up/drop off and start mentioning it to the other parents.

Start engaging them in conversation and saying something like "I can't remember, are you guys able to make it to the party on Fri.?" I recently did this and 2 of the mothers said they were coming... but still haven't RSVP'd. AHHH. Good luck! SMK

Little kids lose invitations all the time. They either get left in their desks or dropped somewhere between school and home.
If at all possible, it's a good idea to be at the school when class lets out so you can meet the other parents (or whoever picks the other children up), let them know the child is invited to a party and ask permission for their phone number or e-mail address to stay in touch regarding the party and other things that may come up throughout the rest of the year.

There are two sad things about your situation....
1. Many parents do not RSVP. They may say they'll be there and not show up or vice versa.
2. Being a December child myself, many kids cannot attend birthday parties this time of year because of other family committments, other holiday engagements, or tight finances.

The school can't provide contact information. That's a breach of privacy, so you have to go about getting contact info on your own.

As you get to know more parents and the kids get older, things might get easier. For instance, the kids are old enough to give your son their parents phone numbers.
Not to be a downer, but this time of year might always be hard for planning birthday parties. There's so much other stuff going on.
In this case, you have to get creative. Maybe just having one or two friends and then having an actual party another time.
My sister and I are 11 days apart in December and we got used to that concept early.

I hope everything goes well. Make the day as special as you can and your child will be happy. It can actually be more fun to have less kids.

This is just a really hard time to have a party.

Best wishes.

I KNOW little kids lose things, but a lot of adults these days just plain don't respond. The 'RSVP' on invitations is cliche and next to useless now. I decided my last party where only half the people responded that the next time I throw one I'm literally going to write at the bottom "If you do not call and let me know whether or not you will be there I will not plan food, cake, or activities for you or your child." Rude? Maybe. Ruder than not letting someone know that they need to plan for your attendance? I don't think so.
I know it doesn't help your situation now, but just my two cents ;)

You don't say what your venue is - such as at your home or a location that needs a head count- but in either case, I'd plan for the exact number of invitations you sent out and hope no extras show up.

While it would be sad if only 2 kids showed up, but you had to prepay for a group of 20, that really isn't the worst thing that could happen. Someone WILL show up, and your child is at an age where regardless the number, he'll have a blast.

The only possible way to get a better head count would be to contact your son's teacher directly and see if could e-mail the parents for you. Surely she has a way to communicate with parents electronically. In fact, at some schools, the teachers have a webpage or e-bulletin board for students and parents to get announcements and assignments. Perhaps your son's teacher does this and could post there? Not sure on the school policy about that or the teacher's receptiveness to get involved with something not related to school, but it's worth a try.

One thought that keeps coming to mind is whether or not the kids even remembered to give the invites to their parents. Kids at this age are pretty absent minded. You might wind up getting help from the teacher, only to find out from parents they never got an invite until the teacher e-mailed them and because of short notice won't be able to come. :(

I hope I'm wrong and the kids did their job. Anyway, plan for 20 and have no expectations one way or the other. This sounds like it's going to be a mystery surprise party or as Forest Gump says "...a box of chocolates....you just don't know what you're going to get."

Unfortunately, I think this is the norm nowadays. When my daughter was in second grade, she celebrated her golden birthday. We had a big party for her at a jumpy house place. We invited her whole class of 26 kids, and only half RSVP'd. The other half didn't even bother to call to say they weren't coming. I had to pay for a minimum of 25 kids. We had some family and friends with kids to invite, but I still paid for about 5 empty spaces. That was the last big party with school friends I've done. A boy in my son's kindergarten class had a party earlier this year, and his mother had to send out an RSVP reminder so I suspect the majority of those parents didn't RSVP either. My husband took him to the party and told me there were only about 8 kids there (out of 25).
I agree with Barbara that maybe you could enlist the teacher's help so she can send out a reminder. Why do people have to be so rude?!?

I would send a reminder note via the classroom again to the ones not heard from since invitations were allowed to be sent(our school doesn't allow it) and just say "a gentle reminder my son's party is this day, please RSVP to my e-mail/cell phone/house phone so that I may know how to plan as of now I have a head count of 2, thank you for your time." I know this sounds forward but you can't plan for a head count of 2 and have 10 show and it is unfair for you to pay for a party with a min headcount requirement and have 2 at the party. Knowing will allow you to invite cousins or others to round out numbers if there aren't enough, knowing will also keep your planning a little less stressful. Why we all stress to impress 5 year olds is beyond me, as they are pleased with just about anything, but I always get myself in a tizzy. Good luck and hopefully this is not tales of how the parents always are.

I don't think you should involve the teacher in this, as suggested by a poster below. The teacher is way too busy & has bigger priorities than following up on party invites for every student that has a party.

Unfortunately, this is the norm nowadays. People just don't have any manners. They don't RSVP & come, they RSVP & don't come, they RSVP at the last minute, etc., etc. This is why I most likely will not do "venue" parties at this age (DD is also in K).

Just last month, she just went to a classmates home party & out of 22 kids, 3 kids responded to the invite & came. No one else even called the mom to tell her anything. I thought that was horrendous & so inconsiderate. She ended up having a lot of extra left over because of this.

This is yet another reason I'm not a fan of the "invite the whole class" to avoid any hurt feelings thing. I think it's pointless because most of the kids don't end up going to the party, anyway. I don't think my kid should have to invite a class mate that is mean to her that she just isn't friends with. That's a whole other post, though.

In any even, it's frustrating, for sure. Seriously, don't be surprised if only 2 show up, as sad as it is.

Typically schools don't provide a contact list (except to maybe the class mom for organizing classroom parties). You could contact the teacher or class mom and see if you could get a lits. My daughter's party was last Sunday and out of 16 kids, I got replies from half (half of those could come and the other half could not). The rest of the class was non-responsive. Unfortunately, many often feel that they only have to reply if they ARE coming. At this age, parents shoudl be checking backpacks.

Could you ask the teacher to help with an e-mail / phone list (as an exchange with all parents)? Maybe send another reminder? "It's closing in on (son's name) party and we haven't heard from you. Please let us know either wayif you will attend?"

I am wondering if the kids your son gave the invites to , actually brought them home to their parents. Kids tend not to follow through on things like that (the invite could still be shoved at the bottom of a backpack). So you don't really know if the parents actually got it even if the kids say they are coming. Hope that is not the case, as I can imagine how dissappointed your son would be. I always follow up and call if I haven't heard from someone and there is a party, so I feel so sorry for you (and your son) that you are in this situation and have no way of knowing.

Going forward --your school should really provide a contact list for all parents. Or the parents should organize that on their own if the school refuses to help. You need that info to organize playdates, parties, and also in case of emergency.

Good luck on the party,