My son is turning 8 this month and decided he wanted to do a sleepover. I am allowing him to invite 5-6 of his close friends. One of the boys has a brother that is 1 year older than the rest of the boys he is inviting. Both of the brothers go to the same school and play on the same rec basketball team as my son. However, my son only wants to invite the brother that is his age and same grade. The other brother is 1 year and 1 school grade older. I think that is a fair assesment. Meanwhile, the older brother has a birthday the weekend before my son's birthday and are planning an end of the basketball season banquet/birthday party celebration (for for the older brother). So, needless to say, my son will be there regardless. As a courtesy, should I contact the mother first, before sending out the invitation so he does not feel left out?
Thanks Ladies for your responses! I did call the mother and she was very responsive and understood. Almost as if it she had been there before. I agree with one of the responses of not wanting to hurt anyones feelings and may be just make the decision to invite the boy (since we did hv room for one more) but at the end of the day it is my so sons day and he his old enough to decifer who he would like to have his day spent with.
I would call the mother and explain the situation. This way the mother could plan something fun for the oldest boy to do that night in advance - so that he has something to look forward to as well. That way he may not care that he isn't going to the party.
Yes, as a courtesy, I would contact the mother first. I think that if you are up front, no one's feelings should be hurt. Although, you have your way of doing things, children see things differently and I would give the Mom the opportunity to explain it to the child (brother who is not invited...if it is not explained to him, believe me, he will feel left out...)
I would talk to the mother and see how much of a big deal that will be for the older son. We faced that same scenario many times. Personally, we chose to invite an extra rather than hurting a child's feelings, but every family has to make their own decisions. If the older brother has his own group that he runs with, he might not want to be included in a younger party. We live in a rural area, so most of the time siblings play together and are on the same teams and go to the same parties.
I understand your situation, but because this has the potential of offending the older boy and his parents, maybe you should make the decision instead of your son. If you think it's best to invite the boy, I bet you could persuade your son. I get the value and importance of your son making the choice, but he also doesn't have the foresight that you do. Good luck!
I bet she has had this type situation before and won't be upset. I'd contact her first if you know her number just to let her know in advance before the invite gets her house so she's aware and no no has an situation that could cause hurt feelings. Last yr my 5 yr old went to a sleep over and his brother knows the young boy that had the sleep over party and I told my oldest it was just for the fellow in our middle childs class room it wasn't for all of our kids nor for him even if he knew him from school...my oldest was fine with it and he now too has went to events without his brothers. Enjoy the 8th birthday and gets lots of rest before having all those boys over....lol
Hi DM,
Having 2 boys of my own who are 11 months apart, the first time this happened to us was a hard pill to swallow. The boys had always gone to parties together. However, when the mom explained that her son only wanted my younger son since my older was not in his class or his circle of friends, we accepted the boy's decision and only sent our younger son. You might want to suggest that this is an excellent time to spend one-on-one with the older son!
Good luck.
I would contact her just so that there is no misunderstanding or hurt feelings. I'm sure she should realize that her boys will have different friends and do different things, not always together. Hopefully the boy will be able to understand. Happy 8th B-day! Good luck.
I think a year's difference in age should not prevent you from inviting the older brother. This is an opportunity for your son to get the concept of social courtesy and inclusiveness. ask him to imagine how he would feel if he were in the older brother's shoes. As a courtesy you should ask the older brother and let it be. You will open the door for hard feelings that are unnecessary. Jay Gordon
Perhaps you should speak to your son about the fact that he will be invited to this boys party so maybe he should invite the other boy out of kindness. Most likely he wont come but it would be the kindest thing to do.
Or if 'you' are the one that doesnt want one more boy then yes, definitely call his Mother and explain that you dont want more boys then 6 and that is why you havent invited him and you hope he/she can understand.
Just my opinion. Good luck.
As a mom of twins where this issue has come up, I appreciate when a mom calls me. Most parents I know also do as well so that they can be prepared when the uninvited child realizes this. This is your son's birthday and he should be able to invite who he wants. Most parents understand that there often needs to be a limit on how many are invited and they too have been in similar situations when inviting friends to their own child's birthday.
Hope your son has a Happy Birthday!
