Birthday Dilemma - Chicago,IL

Please don't combine their parties. One year olds couldn't care less about parties- at that age, it's more for the parents and family than for the kid. But the 12 year old will DEFINITELY care.

Even if you combine the party... Wouldn't everyone still need to get 3 presents? Or does everyone just pick one kid to give a gift to and ignore he others? There really isn't much that a preteen can share with babies.

I would let the 12 year old have her own party, then do a combination Halloween/birthday party for the twins... Or just a twin birthday party. Either way, I really think the older girl definitely deserves her own party. At least she will remember it!

no 12 year old should have to share her birthday party with 2 tinies.
no birthday should be labeled 'golden' when it's for babies too young to have a clue.
khairete
S.

Do NOT combine them. NOOOO!! don't do it!!

Doesn't matter nearly as much what you actually do, but do whatever it is separately. No 12 year old wants to share a party with 1 year old babies. Ever.

And, on the 12 yr old, you should get some input from her on what she wants. She may not even want an all out party, but a smaller get together with some close friends, to go to the movies, have a sleepover/pizza party or something. She is near the age when bounce houses, and party "places" and such are lame and too "young" for her group. Be mindful of what she wants, not just what works for you.
And, that doesn't necessarily mean to do whatever she wants... just don't ignore her ideas completely and do something totally different. Give her a voice in it, not the reins.

Meredith,

Welcome to mamapedia!

The first birthday is for the parents. Not the child. They won't remember it.

No. You should NOT combine their parties!! She's 12. They are one. Come on.

The babies don't NEED presents. Really. Celebrate your twins ANYTIME - they will NOT know the difference.

Your 12 year old deserves special attention. Do something special for her.

I don't know what a golden birthday is... but one year olds don't care about parties. If you want to do something special for THEM, plan an afternoon at a park with toddler toys. Go swimming with them. Spend the afternoon on the floor with them. If, however, you want to do something special for YOU, then perhaps a big party is in order. When my twins turned one we skipped the party and I'm thrilled we did. I waited until they were old enough to appreciate parties and then threw them a big one when they were four. They loved it. In my opinion, parties for one year olds are really just parties for the parents.

Your stepdaughter is old enough to care about her party... and she probably doesn't want to share with babies. She also may not be all that excited about a big family and friends party. Maybe she'd rather do something with a few friends and your immediate family. Why not ask her what she's hoping for and plan based on that?

Your twins will not remember their first birthday, so any party you throw for them is really going to be all about impressing the adults in attendance.
You can't ask a 12-yr-old to share her party with babies. If you're going to combine the parties, then make the party about the tween, and let the twins' birthdays be incidental.

I would not combine the parties.

First birthdays are for the parents and a 1yr old has no idea about what is going on and doesn't care.

I don't think it would be fair to combine the party because this is a big deal for a 12yr old. She will remember her special day and if you combine it to make it easier for you then you are diminishing her and her special day. She deserves to have her special day all to herself.

If I were in the situation, I would have separate parties if the child was my bio child or step child. I would want to create good memories for the 12yr old because she is going through changes and will soon be too old to care to much about a birthday party. Celebrate her and your twins at separate events.

DO NOT combined those birthday parties. IMHO, the twins won't know the difference if they have a party or not. I think it is more important to spend the money on your 12 year old's party and just do something small for the twins. If you go all out for the twins and then have a small gathering for the 12 year old, feelings will be hurt. No feelings will be hurt if you give her the big party and the twins something small. Family and friends will have to buy three presents no matter if you combined the parties or not. That statement in your post doesn't make sense.

Always separate parties. This year and every year to come. Your SD is old enough to be included in the planning of her own party, so include her by all means. Since it's June you have plenty of time to "warn" your family and friends in advance that the parties will be close but separate so they have time to get gifts for all of them. If they suggest doing them together, tell them your SD deserves her own day, because she does. Also, don't be too surprised if the twins end up with one gift to share instead of one each for a number of years. My bestie has twins and it happened to them a lot when they were younger. Not that it's right, but it does happen.

I was 11 years old when my baby twin sisters were born. Never in a million years would I have wanted to share my 12th birthday with their 1st birthday. Golden or not.

Most 12 year olds prefer the "friend" party anyway. Ask your SD what kind of celebration she would like and go from there. Suggest mani/pedis and lunch with 2-3 friends, or a sleepover, or bowling with 4 others or whatever ideas you can come up with so you don't have to have 2 big family parties.

Honestly I don't know too many people who get overly jazzed about the Golden Birthday thing. It's cute to acknowledge the novelty of it when it occurs, but a birthday is a birthday.

Your SD shouldn't have to share her birthday party with the babies. Throw the big party you want for them one weekend and throw whatever kind of party she wants to have the next. Don't combine the parties.

Close to Halloween is "soon" ??? LOL!
Not sure what a Golden birthday is (must be cultural/regional) but one year olds have NO idea about birthdays and 12 year olds do. Give the 12 year old a fun party with friends and just have a family celebration for the babies.
Honestly parties for babies seem so silly to me but if you must celebrate then at least make sure your older child doesn't have to share it with the diaper set.

There is nothing wrong with combining the parties for a family get together but your 12 year old should have something special just for herself.

My youngest will be turning 12 soon. She will "share" a birthday celebration with our friends, probably on the fourth of July. Then she will have a separate "her friends only" party. A sleepover or take a few kids someplace special.

I know YOUR excited about your babies first birthday but they don't care one bit and don't know any better. Twelve is a big year too and your girl will pay attention to how this is handled. I bet she's had to make some big adjustments this year. Don't make her adjust to sharing her birthday with two babies.

Birthdays around holidays are tough. Mine is Christmas Eve -- almost every picture of me celebrating my birthday includes something Christmas in the background. For your kids you want to celebrate THEM on their birthdays not Halloween. Halloween is a different day and a different celebration.

Do not allow anyone to make you feel guilty because they have to buy 3 presents at the same time because all 3 of your kids have birthdays so close together. If they want to spread it out, they know when the birthdays are they can purchase gifts in the months preceding the birthdays and hide them in a closet or drawer until the birthday.

I have lost count of the number of people over the years who told me they couldn't afford two gifts for me because my birthday was so close to Christmas, so they bought a 'special' gift for Christmas and it my birthday gift too. ----- The gift was never that special and I always felt a let down that I was not as important as someone who had a birthday in the summer.----

I'd ask the 12 year old for her opinion. Many 12 year olds want to go to the movie with some firends or soemthing like that. She may also enjoy helping you plan the party. I'd set up our idea first though. Kids can have some pretty strange ideas as to what they think would be cool - and when you disagree there can be hurt feelings. So say soemthing like: I'm thinking about the twins' birthday coming up and yours so soon afterwards. for soem people likfe grandma it would be easier to do everything on the same day. But I don't want to take anything away from you. Waht do you think? then offer some options - when my niece was 12 she went to a birthday celebration that was the birthday girl and 5 friends walking around the mall and shopping. Each was given $20 and whatever they bought was their party favor. Then the mom took them out to lunch at the local pizza place. It cost less than a party with 20 kids and it was "almost-teen" fun. you could do the same with a few girls for a mancure, or the movies, etc. But if your stepdaughter is in on the planning she will feel special.

With this age gap, they should always have separate birthday celebrations.

And at 1 year old, your babies are not going to care or remember even 1 moment of this birthday. Heck they may end up taking a nap during the party. So sure celebrate, but in reality at 1 this birthday is more for you to celebrate your babies with everyone else

At 12 your daughter if she wants a party she should be able to state or give her request for how she would like it celebrated. She is old enough to plan it with a budget you give her on her own if she wants.

As our daughter got older, sometimes she wanted a party, a sleep over, a nice dinner at a special place or to celebrate with a special activity or event.

Our niece was born on Oct 31st and LOVES celebrating it on the 31st. Her closet friends know it will be a blast. Sometimes they would attend a local school carnival that was always Halloween themed. Or she would have a sleepover close to Halloween and now that she is older she has had a Big Costume party that her high school friends loved.

At 12 your step daughter will likely want a birthday party with her friends, not toddlers. One year olds don't care about parties.

Definitely do not combine these parties. Last year and this year we are combining our kids parties because they have a lot of the same friends. Through their sports and school, they have all become friends with their friends siblings...so it makes sense.

I would never combine their parties though with that kind of age gap. Celebrate the twins later and make a much bigger deal for the 12 year old. It's her last year not being a teen...kind of a big deal in a 12 year old's world.

Never heard the term "Golden Birthday" before.

Your babies' birthday is important, but any party will really be for the family - they won't remember it (except through pictures, later), and they may not even like it (Waaaaah!).

On the other hand, a birthday party can be a big deal for a twelve-year-old.

If it were necessary for me to choose who would have a *big* party, I would choose the stepdaughter. I would have the family over for a small, friendly party for the twins - which WILL be special, believe me - and then have a big party for SD (if she wants a big party).

Don't worry about people managing with presents. That's not your problem, and the guests will choose how to handle it. If you like, make gifts optional for the twins' party, and ask SD how she would like to handle birthday gifts for herself. Some kids that age enjoy the presents, some would be perfectly happy with a "all fun but no gifts" party, and I've known a few kids who decided to ask for books for a hospital library, toys for Toys for Tots, or a contribution to some other charity, instead of personal presents. But it should be SD's call.

The first thing you should do is ask your 12 year old what she wants to do. She might not even want a party. She might want to take 5 friends to the movies. Let her have her own party.

When you do the twins' party, let everyone know that you will also be having a cake for the 12 year old. Anyone who doesn't know her will just wish her happy birthday and family can bring a gift.

I'm joining everyone else is saying no. No, do not combine the two parties. Your SD would totally feel like she's an afterthought.

Have two separate parties. Make them several weeks apart so that if you're inviting the same relatives, they won't get burned out. I'd do the SD's party closer to her actual birthday. The twins won't notice if their party is a couple of weeks earlier or later than their birthday.

Your twins only turn 1 once and SD should feel special, not shoe horned in there. My SD's birthday is just a week off DD's and my nephew is a week off that. My sister and I sit down with the calendar and it makes for a busy few weeks, but we coordinate who gets what weekend. I would talk to your SD about how to make her day special, but not the same day as the twins. You and DH could also offer her something like an outing with 3 best friends instead of a traditional party. My SD likes going to the beach with friends, which in some ways is easier for us.

I would definitely do two different things. I'd ask the 12 year old what she wants to do for her birthday and celebrate in whatever way she wants. The 12 year olds around me like to have a sleepover with friends, invite friends to go bowling, or to a local amusement park or water park or arcade. For the babies I'd invite over friends and family and make a cake...and just have it at home.

For the twins turning 1, the party is really more for you and the other family members and the pictures!!! lol! I would want to do a big family party type thing for that.
For the daughter turning 12, I would ask her what SHE wants to do. She might just want a few friends over and/or to go do something with them. So maybe she could be kind of included in the big family party with the twins, but then also have something extra planned with her friends???
My son just turned 12 and all he wanted was to have a few friends over and play video games with pizza and cake. My daughter will turn 10 next month and she kind of wants the same, except she wants art projects instead of video games! :) Since my two have only 1 month between Bdays, we usually do a joint family party in between. Just a simple grill out lunch thing.

I would combine the twins and your daughter for a family and your friends party, but let her have a separate party with her friends. Ask her what she wants. I'm sure she would open right up and tell you exactly what she wants. Run the halloween idea by her but really I wouldn't have my teens only party on the same day as a 1 year old bday party.

Family party for babies (and they can drop off a gift for 12 year old if they normally give her one and won't be back to the house or see you guys).

A party with her friends for the 12 year old.

Do not combine the parties!!

If it were me, I would definitely do separate parties. The 12 y/o SD deserves it, since you do have 1 year old twins, they are already get most of the attention I'm sure, and not saying that's bad, it takes a lot of attention for just 1 baby! So, let her know she's important and is deserving of your time too :) And as for the party for the twins, I say do something simple. I wouldn't go too far or expensive, just family and close friends at home or a park maybe. B/c it's more about the memories of their first bday for you to remember and treasure for years to come, and for them when they're older. They'll know atleast you celebrated their big day!

Is there birthday the first day of the month? If not then it's not a golden birthday. Golden birthday is when you turn the age that your date is. I was lucky my birthday was on my 21st since my birthday was March 21st. As far as sharing the parties. I would do them separate. A first birthday the baby has no clue what's going on its for you really lol.

Have one party for the twins and a separate party for your stepdaughter. Is her mother doing anything? It might be overkill if her mom is planning something too.

Anyway, the twins' party can be simple - invite family and maybe a few friends. Have it at home or at a park. You don't need a lot of food or anything.

Your stepdaughter is more likely to want a party with friends, so figure out what she wants and go from there.

I would do a separate party for the twins and your SD.

No, do not combine their parties. How sad for a girl who can't have her own party with her own friends.

What you could do is just not have a birthday party for the little ones. They have no idea what's going on and most of the time little ones cry the whole time.

I think the girl should be able to choose her own party and invite her own friends to it, not anyone for the little kids.

If you want your stepdaughter to resent the twins and you too, sure, combine their parties.

Seriously, combining is simply asking for the girl to hate the whole deal and spend the party being surly and unhappy. I wouldn't blame her one bit. Though you may not intend it, the message to her will be a crystal clear "The cute twins turning one is more important than you turning 12."

Let her have a party with her friends. Give the twins cake with mom and dad and siblings. One-year-olds do not know it's their birthday or remember their party at all -- the celebration is for you, not for them. And a "golden" anything is 50 years, not one year.

What about your husband, the girl's father? Does he care at all about giving her a party?

Is your step daughter's mother alive? If so, SHE should be the one who plans her own daughter's birthday party! If she is dead, your husband should be the one to plan her party, since he is her father. 12 year olds don't have big birthday parties, anyway. They invite a few close friends for a sleepover or something. It is nice that you want to help plan your step daughter's birthday party, but if her bio parents are not going to do it, then do it - however, definitely do a separate party for your twins.

Separate parties. My kids bdays are 19 days apart. We used to have them together but now that they are older, I have the first bday the weekend before their actual bday and the second bday the weekend after their actual bday so that stretches it out even more. Good luck.

First birthdays for only for the baby turning 1 in my opinion!

So the twins' birthday is November 1st I'm guessing, since you say it is their Golden Birthday and it is close to Halloween? But you also said it was "soon" and I do not consider 4 months away soon, so....Either way, a small family celebration would be fine to combine, but your 12 year old should have a separate friend party as well.