My kids (I have four, ranging from 17 to 3), have everything they could ever need and then some. I have 2 kids who have birthdays coming up, and then, before i know it, it's Christmas. I constantly find myself picking up their scattered toys & throwing them back into 'Toy Mountain'. I already have weeded through 'Toy Mountain' 4 times this year and donated to Goodwill. (I usually have them go through it, to decide what they want to keep first, but if they don't play with certain things a month or so later, i'll donate it).
So this year, i have decided that birthdays & Christmas are going to be scaled back. They just don't NEED anything. What can i do to make this less traumatic for them & everybody involved-like Grandparents? Have them suggest one major want? Here is another issue, my husband thinks they need lots of presents on Christmas to make it a good Christmas. He's reflecting on his childhood memories with that sentiment. We always butt heads every year over the amount of stuff to buy them. He calls me Scrooge because i grew up Jehovah's Witness, and never celebrated when i was a kid. To me that's got nothing to do with it. We've been married 12 years & our kids have always had good Christmases. I just want them to appreciate the things they do have, and know that Christmas isn't about who can collect the most presents. Suggestions?
Thanks all, i've gleaned some great ideas from you! I really like the 'adopting a family' idea for Christmas, with a few choice gifts for my own kids. As for birthdays, going somewhere special & picking out their own choice in restaurants sounds great..with a special item that they had really been wanting. So happy for all the input & solutions! May try them all. :) Thanks Mama's!
- Activities instead of stuff (lessons, daytrips, etc.)
- Useful things (coats, clothes, supplies for above activities ... like hockey stick, or bike helmet, or skates, etc.)
If you think they already have enough toys, how about doing something like having a special day out as their birthday gift.
Ideas for grandparents to give... a magazine subscription, yearly pass to a children's museum, zoo or if they live close to you a special day out with Grandma and Grandpa.
Oh, I wish my husband would cut the number of gifts for our chiildren too. He had a fabulous childhood with tons of gifts for Christmas and he wants the children to have what he had. I think he forgets how he had so much stuff he wasn't sure what to play with, feelings of being overwhelmed, the letdown after the gifts. etc. I grew up celebrating Christmas too. I never lamented that I didn't get this or that or that my friends got more. My children have birthdays 2 days before Christmas, in February and one in March. I suggested saving some of the things my husband had bought for their birthdays because there was just sooo much. He got mad at me. The worst part for me is that they don't have a place to put their stuff away and then he gets all mad at them. Simple solution, don't give them so much and for everything they get, they should give one thing away. He won't allow it though. I'll be interested in the responses you get.
Well, honestly, to me, all of your kids are more than old enough not to have hurt feelings over less presents. Especially the older ones. Even my 10 year old is aware that the 'economy' is bad and that it just means people have less money than they used to. Besides, with so much stuff- and whose kid does NOT have too much stuff, lol??- they just don't appreciate what they get as much.
I would sit down and have a family meeting about it. Explain that this year, you would like each family member to think of just two things that they really , honestly want for birthday or Christmas. It could be a gift, or lessons for something or a trip to Great America- whatever it is, it must be what is most important to them.
You might also want to do something like a family donation to a local food pantry, sponsor a Share a Christmas family at the holidays or buy a gift through Heifer International. Last year we sent money and collars and leashes to a group that helps veterans from Iraq bring home pets that had been adopted by their combat units. There are so many people and animals that need help more than kids need another Playstation.
Our family has done all of these things, and my son has always helped to choose the charity and has packed boxes for the food pantry, chosen the geese and chickens and ducks to help a family in South America through Heifer International and always goes with me to choose the gifts for the share a Christmas family.
It is very fulfilling and I do think it means more to him. I always try to gently make it clear that the $100 we spend getting things for another family might have gotten him video games,etc. and he feels like it is a better trade!
Also honestly, I think it is traditions that make a Christmas, not gifts. Every year I make my great-grandmother's home made caramels and my son helps me cut them and wrap them up and put them in little bags. We give them to the mailman and his teachers and the neighbors- it's a wonderful tradition. You don't have to cook anything ( I know that isn't everyone's thing) but baking cookies, decorating the house, getting a tree- to me, those are the things I remember about Christmas as a child and I think that's what my son will remember too.
It's harder to control grandparents, etc. But- if you know grandma and grandpa are already going to go all out with the presents, then all the more reason to cut back yourself! I think if your family cuts back and you get your kids involved in helping others and choosing a charity to put some of their holiday and birthday cash towards, you will be amazed at what generous and wonderful children you've raised. I know how proud it made me! :)
For the birthday presents: I would get them 2 or 3 nice things. A new shirt, a bike, video game. Not a toy.
For Christmas, hand your hubby a list of 1 or 2 things you want each kid to have, and an amount of money for each, and have HIM do the shopping. Have him stay to a cash-only Christmas. This alone helps tons!
This has worked for us for the last 3 years. As for Grandparents, just give them shorter lists. If your kids give them lists with 10 items they'll most likely get 10 presents. My inlaws feel that if its on the list, then they MUST get it!! (loved it the year that my nephew got 3 of a $40 gift, cuz he put it on 3 lists!)
Third tip is to wrap up EVERYTHING!! Quanitity is about how much you have to unwrap. So make it interesting. Put small wrapped gifts into bigger boxes that are wrapped, etc.
We have three little kids. Here are a couple ideas that have been working for us:
Last year we got them a big joint present from Santa: a huge bounce house. It was a great hit. And very handy for all the snow days we had. Other things we got them were clothes and puzzles; stuff they sort of need more than other things anyway. They didn't get a whole lot from us, and it was ok.
Another idea is giving them tickets to something fun to do, but not too far off in time. Like a train ride, indoor waterpark, COSI, a kids' concert. Like within a month from Christmas.
If your husband wants lots of presents for them, give him a budget and let him get as many presents as he can (and make him wrap them!) with the allotted money. Then he gets his way with lots of gifts, but they won't be items that take up a ton of room, and can just be thrown away when they get broken.
We do still let them make a list but warn them that they WILL NOT get everything, because Santa needs to save stuff for other kids. So I note the stuff that comes up repeatedly from summer to December and get their top item if it's not too unrealistic. One year my oldest daughter wanted a Barbie Jeep-the kind that you ride, but we didn't have the money that year. It helped our case that she was 4 and a little too big for one anyway. So we told her up front that she wasn't going to get it; what other two things has she really been thinking about? She's 6.5 now and not scarred in the slightest.
Finally, we have a few traditions that we do every year to make it special. We always do cutouts with a table covered of gooey homemade icing and spend hours making a huge mess. My husband does a gingerbread house a week earlier. We also buy gifts for the shoebox operation for kids in other countries. We have a lot of fun shopping for these little gifts together and then assembly-lining 10 shoeboxes at home. Doing these activities together lets the kids feel Christmas-y and we can take some focus off the "stuff" for them. We're not saints or anything, but it helps us sort of get in the giving spirit.
I can see you have already had many responses, but wanted to add just one more! lol
We give each of our kids 3 gifts for birthday and Christmas. Here is how we do it. Each child gets a gift labelled: Need, Want, Surprise. We do this so we can teach them the difference between something they need and something they want. It also teaches them that the thing they need doesn't always have to be boring! ;) Although, the need is sometimes just a package of new underwear or socks. We do try to make the need more fun, too. For instance, we have given them a "coupon" for going out to eat at a restaurant of their choice (food = need). The Want is something off their wish list. Then, the Surprise is something they haven't thought of that we think they will like.
I do find it hard to limit myself when shopping for my kids, but I don't want them thinking that they can't be happy without tons of gifts. One year (we were scraping for money to buy our kids anything at all), we went to the mil's house on Christmas Eve (as we always do) and each of my kids received 30 presents each from the grandparents + all the presents from each of the aunts, uncles, etc. Then, on Christmas morning, my oldest comes out of his bedroom and says, "Where are all the other presents, Mommy! There isn't enough here!". That was a turning point for me.
Both my husband and I had large amounts of presents as children. I remember being somewhat disappointed as I got a little older, because I didn't get what I REALLY wanted. My mother couldn't afford to buy me enough "packages" and still get the expensive gift that I really wanted, even though she had spent more money on all those things, than the one thing I really wanted to have!
It is a real fight with my mil about the amount of gifts and I really have to put my foot down. Thirty presents for each child (this year will be 4 children) is a little excessive. I am the one that has to bring them all home, find places for them all and pick them all up (if the kids don't). So, I have told her, she may buy as many as she likes, but the kids are only keeping __ amount at our house. ;)
I am in the same boat as you. My kids do not need anything either and we have toys everywhere!! We have initiated a new policy where the kids have to give away 2 toys to get 1 new one. This has worked really well for us, in fact I have had to veto the donation a time or two because they had picked a toy that I knew would be missed.
As for presents I would suggest that you pick a theme for each child. Example.... Get Sarah a bicycle and then all her additional presents could be things like a helmet, the spokey things for the tires, etc... or maybe build a dollhouse and then get furniture and accessories to go with it.
We also do little things like a small gift card to Dairy Queen or movie tickets as additional presents.
One of the really fun things we started doing with the extended family is a white elephant gift exchange. Everyone brings one wrapped gift (new or used, but decide ahead of time) and then either play games or draw numbers. Then the winner gets to choose one present from the stacker or take it from another person and that person gets to get a new gift or exchange it. You get a fun family night and everyone goes home with one present instead of a stack of them.
You could also ask relatives to plan a special project or activity (movie or meal out) with each child instead of a gift. The child will get to bond with that person and get some special one on one time and you will get a break... win win! = )
Good Luck
Sure, have them pick 1 or 2 "big" presents that they want.
Perhaps instead of materials things, you could get them tickets (or promise tickets) to go out somewhere they like. With the age range it might have to be split trips haha But places like the zoo, museum in your area, water park, Six Flags, etc.
One of my aunts & uncles used to take me & my cousins on one trip together every year instead of buying us all individual birthday presents. We always looked forward to that treat! Even if it was just dinner, movie, & maybe ice cream.
You could also let each child pick an "angel" from a charity tree to buy gifts for. Then you all help pick out presents to get for children who otherwise wouldn't have a Christmas. I plan to have that as a tradition for my daughter. I've only done it a few times myself, but it always feels good to know that you are helping out another kid! :)
I would suggest a compromise. How many gifts does your husband thinks each kid needs? 5, 10, 20? Find out his number then suggest that you half it this year and see if the kids even mention anything. Also, talk with the kids about scaling back. I would not scale back with 'Santa' gifts if you do those because that is not really fair to the kids who still do believe. With my kids (ages 3 and 1), we are cutting the gifts in half this year. They are young and will not care, but I think if we keep the number of gifts small then as they get older, they will not 'notice' that they are getting. We are doing this because Christmas eve we got to the In laws and they get a bunch of gifts then Christmas day after we open gifts, we go to my parents to open gifts, so the kids get overwhelmed! I think 3-4 gifts per child is sufficient (but then we do 3-4 from Santa) and stockings.
As far as birthdays go, we do bigger birthdays (with family/friends/a meal) now and do not buy gifts. As they get older, I will let them choose a larger party with everyone and good food or a small get together (a few friends) and a gift. There is no reason to spend $100 on food / other things for a party then also another $50-$100 on a gift!
If grandparents want to splurge, ask them to make it an experience. Give the kids tickets to a show or concert, a trip to the beach for the weekend, manicures for the girls, ice cream gift cards, etc. Make it something tha tyou can all go ourt and do together and have memories from - which will last longer than the memories of opening boxes on Christmas morning.
Instead of many presents, my friend gives her 2 kids one present and has a Christmas trip (all of the money that would have been spent on presents goes toward this annual trip). The trip location is always a surprise to the kids and they love this tradition.
Her kids are 16 and 12. I'm not sure if it would be okay for small kids. But it's worth a shot!
Good luck!
This Christmas, put things into perspective. Call a local church or TV station and find out who is in NEED of something. Shop as a family and make a trip to deliver gifts to them. It might even be a military family.
Trust me.........if your husband thinks they need "stuff" then he needs this as much as the kids do. You've got it right, sister! It's NOT about collecting all the goods.
In addition, get creative........I remember one Christmas when I didn't have much $$ and I made gift certificates for my nieces and nephews and other family members. They included dinners, cleaning, unlimited hugs and kisses for my little nieces and nephews, play time, etc. They loved them and DID keep and redeem some of them.
There are TONS of ideas and recipes where you could make soup mixes, cookie mixes, etc and give them to shelters, etc., too. Use some of the Christmas $$ to buy the ingredients.
Hi C.. I totally understand where you are coming from. We've had similar issues already and my kids are only 4, 3 and 4 months. Here in America, many children are just overloaded with "stuff." My solution has been to ask friends and family (and I've been doing this myself) to get the kids something to do - instead of a toy or something. For example, my kids love to go to the movies but it's not something we can afford to do often so for holidays or birthdays, I've asked for gift cards to the movies. My kids have gotten gift cards for favorite restaurants, ice cream places, movies, kiddie parks, etc. That way they are still getting a gift but it's not adding to the clutter in my house! I've also recommended that family or friends take them somewhere (like the movies, Dave & Buster's, etc.) as a gift. Spending time with them can be the best gift! (Even if it's the park or a museum or whatever...) God bless!
What about a few small gifts and then a family gift? Maybe a weekend getaway?
I have the same issue, who doesn't really. We just had a birthday, and I asked my son what he wanted, and I was amazed, He knows he doesn't need anything. His requests were simple, he wanted a fuzzy blanket for his bed (we are expecting baby number 4 and everyone is loving the baby blankets) and a new pillow, a trip to cheese haven for beef jerky and he had seen a local restraunt on food network and wanted to try it out. So that was our birthday weekend. A fun family trip for samples and jerky, gifts that could almost be a need, versus a want, and we left his little brother and sister home and took him to a bar and grill an hour away for lunch.
Rather than all the toys this year, I like to think we made memories, while still getting him what he "wanted".
And my parents (who are divorced) always do big gifts, and my dad best off all does a combined christmas/birthday gift. So far it's gotten us a Wii, cedar point passes, a trampoline, and a swimming pool, But no toys (thankfully) and my kids are always thrilled.
And another funny thing, this year they won't want cedar point passes, they would rather go to the zoo, so that "big" gift, is gonna be really cheap as well.
I loved your question because I have faced the
same issues myself. So here is what we do at the present time -our children are 9, 7, 4, (all July/Aug. Birthdays about 3 weeks apart) and then a 2 year old who will be 3 Dec. 27.
We started when our oldest was 3 taking them to a eating place of their choice and an activity of their choice - all w/in reason. It is only them and the other kids stay with a babysitter. Our oldest chose to go putt-putt this year, our 7 year old wanted to see Despicable Me and my 4 year didn't really know what so we took her bowling. My soon to be 3 year old since it is the first year for him.... It is typically a movie the first year.
This year we changed it a bit as we always did birthdays combined since they were so close together in age and dates. The oldest having shared his birthday party w/his brother for 6 years we gave him a choice - a party w/him inviting his friends n we don't get him a present or we get him a present of up to $50. He chose he present because he wanted an Ipod shuffle so we paid $50 of it and then he took the money he got from his bday and paid for the rest. My other two wanted a party so they could get a number of presents so we did a combined birthday for them and they loved getting a number of presents and didn't miss that we didn't have an actual present as the party was their present.
For Christmas a great idea would be to have presents such as swimming lessons along with a new swim suit, goggles etc. Golf lessons with golf balls being what is wrapped. Soccer with a new ball. Just let family know that your child really wants to participate in these activities but it is
costly and they could help your child learn a new sport. You could then take pictures of your child doing this activity and send them a special thank you which would help them know it was the right thing to do as it was more than a moment of excitement.
If relatives still feel he need to buy gifts - I allow he child to unwrap the gift but not play with it right then. I decide which toy I want them to have and is something outside of what they would typically play with. I then put the others away - in top of my closet - that way if there is a time in which they are tired of their "old" toys I can pull out one of their new toys and it is like Christmas all over again for them.
Best wishes!
We have 11 grandchildren and this year we are scaling back too.
I recommend for birthdays perhaps taking the birthday child for an outing, just parents and child to a special palce and/or meal. Encourage relatives or others to do this too. It makes the birthday last longer.
In our family at Christmas the cousins draw names each year and buy that person a present with a limit of about $10.
At their homes, Santa brings one or two presents for each, and they get a Christmas stocking.
This year, as parents have requested, I am giving each one gift of my choosing instead of a box full of books, clothes, and some toys.
It will be easier on my pocketbook too.
I am really trying to cut back on buying them "stuff" throughout the year too.
We trade toys etc. around too among the cousins, who are ages 1 through 11.
None of them really need another thing.
Also, on Dec. 6th, St. Nicholas Day, I usually give them Christmas books and other Christmas small decorations or toys that they can enjoy throughout Advent.
Good luck with your efforts.
Not sure about how to handle it because I am in the same boat as you, all my kids have everything and do not NEED anything! I also have 4 boys who all have Oct. b-days and then BAM! it's Christmas...ugh, it is hard!
My only thought is that if there were going to be fewer gifts this year than usual, maybe you guys should do that thing were on Christmas morning everyone sits in a circle and takes turns opening their presents one at a time, and everyone watches the one who is doing the opening at that moment...it makes the morning last longer , way more than allowing everyone to go at it in a big free for all...which is what we USED to do...but NOT anymore!
You got some good answers here. I think that for the kids bdays the chance to pick where to eat is great. Have a few small items to exchange at the table.
Have a set amount to spend per child for Christmas. Get a few of the catalog books for the younger ones (if they still have them) and a different crayon and let them scribble what they want and then you decide what they get. Christmas morning it will be a surprise because they will not know what was selected. Sometimes kids complain that a got more than b but they don't realize that they have the same amount spent on them. It is all about the size of the gift sometimes over the amount of the gift.
You could also express to your children that they get Christmas everyday by the things that you do for them daily and that other kids are not that lucky. Perhaps they could select a child from the Angel Tree or find a needy family and help them in some way as a way to give back. We as a nation have so much that we don't realize how much we waste and don't need. Kind of time to reduce our carbon foot print. Off my soapbox.
Good luck on what you decide. The other S.
On their birthdays, my kids get to have whatever they want for dinner. These have ranged from Lobster to Chinese take-out to hot dogs and baked beans. Just being able to pick dinner is a huge thing. They always get a few small things from us, things that are thoughtful, even if they don't cost a lot. This year my 16yo boy got a gift bag with body wash, deodorant and new razors, as well as a $15 ITUNES card (his grandmother bought him a IPod touch last year) and a container of sushi (his favorite) from Wegman's. Instead of a cake he wanted Tiramisu from a local Gelateria. All in all, not counting the meal, we spent less than $40 and he was thrilled.
Instead of a big gift, give a $20 gift card to Target and spend the afternoon with the child, go out to lunch, see a movie, spend TIME with them. I know, having four kids, the Time is what they really crave. Don't feel guilty about the money.
Hi C.,
We always do a family trip, like to an indoor water park or something exciting to make it fun for the whole family by giving the memories without the gobs of toys.
Also we make it a family event to sponsor another family in need. My kids love it and we explain to them that we will have less because we're 'sharing" our Christmas with another needy family.
Good luck!
They need to remember what christmas is all about. It is not all about presents. I would make sure to have that conversation with them and your husband. I feel like our place is getting over run with toys. I would ask then if their is one major present that they would like. It may be harder for the youngest to have them express one thing that they would like but not the older kids. May be have the Grandparents give them gift cards and they can buy what they like. It would probably take some stress off of them to not have to decided what to get them. I tend to think that christmas is overcommercialized. Good luck
