Recently i have been pondering about getting my tubes tied. Yet not 100% sure its the right choice. How does one know they are truly ready to do this procedure?
I am a single mom with 1 child (EDIT) I am 36 if that helps, divorced twice. No desire or interest in getting married, but not 100% against another child. Have considered foster(since 2004) in the event I do not have another child and get my tubes tied.
This question does stem from my other personal question about my current boyfriend situation i am in. I do not see this "relationship" being long term as I recently don't have the desire or energy to be in a relationship. I have been single for almost 6yrs, all my choice as my focus has been on my life and raising my 5yr old son.
We are sexually active, but due to my lack of birth control options due to age and high blood pressure, my only options are IUD, mini pill (only 80% effective) and tubes tied.
Personally do not want the IUD, the thought of having something inserted in me doesn't sit well with me. Tubes tied is permanent. Condoms are an option yet i get VERY irritated and the whole experience even without latex is undesirable for me. I have gotten to a point where all this "intimacy" and birth control issues makes me less desirable of being in a relationship. Its a headache and stress i just don't care to deal with. Part of why I have been single, as its a situation i don't care to address. Been completely HAPPY without sex for the last 5+yrs. its never been a need and always been an issue in past relationships, due to my lack of desire for it. - my hormone level is fine. This issue has been addressed many times with my OBGYN.
With that...i am at a loss and undecided, what is really the best choice here? My future (even before my current relationship), i saw being a single mom, happy and raising my son as the way I am...something i have always pictured, even before i got married and had a child.
Curious to hear others input, suggestions, advise, etc...as you all give great information/advise. Even made me think outside the box and think of things I didn't think of before...
Thanks in advance!
Thanks for the advise/suggestions. Its not that I don't want to protect myself in getting pregnant, my obgyn said my choices are limited due to my high blood pressure and age. Had i been younger, my options would be greater. Re-reading my own post made me realize i need to continue focusing on my own life as a single parent. no problem with it, as i am happy that way. I don't care to deal with the use of birth control at this time. maybe when i meet someone who truly rocks my world and worth the hassle over, this IUD method will be worth doing. Until i am truly ready...i will be focused 100% on my son, as it has always been.
again thanks ladies :)
I am confused. If you don't really like sex and have no desire for it, then why go as far as getting tubes tied? Just so you know, you can get a reversal on tubal ligation.
I had an IUD (Mirena) for a little over 3 years. I recommend it...its inserted and you don't have to think a thing about it. Good Luck.
Seems to me that you are leaning towards abstinence. It can work for some.
Best,
F. B.
It doesn't sound to me like you really want to be a relationship or to have sex. So don't. Enjoy being a single mom and live your life.
Right up until your 5th paragraph, I was thinking IUD all the way - nothing to remember every day, semi-permanent (meaning, it's good for years, but still reversible if you change your mind). As someone who has an IUD and thinks it is great - do you have a specific concern that the moms here might help you address? Yes, it's inside you, but it's not like you can feel it or anything.
My only other comment is that although our society seems to push people into couplehood, if you are happiest when you are single and abstinent with no boyfriend, I see no reason to second-guess that. There are plenty of ways to fill your life with rewarding friendships without being in a romantic relationship. Maybe you just need to embrace who you are - a happy, independent, single mom.
If you're happy without sex and don't want to be in a relationship, then just remain celibate.
Here's what I hear...
1. I don't like or NEED sex.
2. I don't see the relationship I'm in as long-term.
3. I'm not sure if I'm done having babies.
Okay. So.
1. You need to get checked out by a doctor. Are your hormones not right? Do you have a traumatic past that involves sex and it never "sits" well with you?
2. If the relationship you are in isn't working for you? Broom him. It's that simple. You shouldn't be "BORED" with your love life.
3. If you don't like or need sex - do you plan on getting pregnant via IVF or without telling him your plans?
If you have always pictured your life as being single and having a kid? Broom the man in your life. He deserves to know the relationship isn't going anywhere in your eyes. Why should he invest a couple of more months or even years when you don't see it going anywhere?
As to kids? I would get my tubes tied and consider adopting or fostering. There are plenty of kids who need a loving home.
So my bottom line? I don't see you WANTING a relationship OR sex. So just continue on your path with your child...
Honestly, if you aren't sure about what you want to do, I'd suggest talking to another trusted adviser or counselor. We don't live your life, in your shoes, and what I think would be the right choice for me may not be the right choice for you. Some women are what we'd consider 'asexual' and are willing to have sex for their partner's pleasure. That's okay too. What I'm saying, though, is that such a serious decision should be made with the guidance of a wise person who knows you or can get to know you, not through a public forum where you've asked a few questions. Just my advice.... I think you'll find a more satisfying answer that way.
I'm not sure why you're squeamish about an IUD. Getting that teeny device inserted is a LOT less invasive than getting your tubes tied!!!
I love mine, I've had it for over 5 years with no problems or issues, I don't even THINK about birth control. Super effective and hormone free.
What's wrong with just focusing on raising your child, for now?
How old are you? If you are in your 20's or early 30's, I know I would want to have options and would not do anything permanent. Late 30's + then maybe getting your tubes tied would be a good option for you.
My doctor once told me not to tie my tubes unless I was 105% sure.... best advice I ever got. Never did do it and thankful (43 now). :)
You sound 100% sure you don't want another child so I'd either:
A. Tough it out til menopause
Or
B. Get the tubal.
I would not tie your tubes. It sounds like you might regret the decision, as part of you does still want another child. Fostering or adopting children is great - if you can do it, I think it's a wonderful thing for parents to do. But, sometimes that can be very expensive, take a long time or not work out at all. So even if your plan is to foster or adopt, I wouldn't eliminate the possibility of ever getting pregnant again.
I understand not wanting to have something inserted in you, but I really think an IUD is your best option. It is more effective than the mini pill and condoms, you don't have to remember to take it every day and it won't irritate you during sex. You won't even have to think about it. Other than the first day or two (if that long), you won't feel anything or even know it's there. Don't think of it any differently than a tampon.
All that said, if you don't want sex, don't have it. Don't feel pressured to do it just because you're in a relationship. If your partner isn't ok with it - and other forms of intimacy aren't enough - then it isn't a relationship you need to be in, or at least give your partner the opportunity to also be with other women.
Bottom line - don't tie your tubes yet. Maybe when you hit 40 or so, as you'll probably be more sure then of whether you want another or not, and whether it is safe for you given your high blood pressure.
I had a plain copper IUD. Once it is there you don't know it is there. I would say get your tubes tied since you aren't really interested in a relationship or another child, but why have surgery when you can get an IUD?
So you have a reaction to condoms made with latex. You don't want to take birth control pills due to high blood pressure, and you don't want an IUD to prevent pregnancy.
Wow, it seems like your supposed to be barefoot and pregnant..lol.
I see how hard this is for you. Wanting to have an intimate relationship verses the problems with doing so, that's just hard!
If the doc doesn't have any other ideas then celibacy for a chunk of the month would be required. Many family's plan their children and use methods of protection such as this.
I wish you didn't have this issue. Making love is supposed to feel good and bring us closer not make life harder and more complicated.
I'd say that you're not ready yet for tubal ligation. I think there is part of you somewhere back there that isn't sure. If you're not sure then you shouldn't go ahead with surgery.
My IUD is the copper one, not the hormone one. It hurt like a BI*CH being put in, I would rather have another C-section and the following staples removed again than do that again any time soon. Good news is, I don't have to think about it for 10 years AND it can even be removed sooner if I want, in case we want a third that is. The day after the appointment all was good, no pain, can't feel it at all.
Good luck!
I have a copper iud, but unlike Dana T. below there was hardly any pain with insertion. Just a little pinch. I've loved it. Had it for 9 years and at my next dr appt in the spring I'm having a new one inserted to last me the next 9 years (they supposedly last 10 years, but I really don't want to test the maximum effectiveness limits!).
I can't even tell I have it. I'm supposed to "check" each month to see that the string is still there indicating the iud is in place, but honestly I never have done that. The string is far enough up me that I never could find it. I just let the doctor confirm each year at my annual that everything was where it should be.
