Biological Fathers?

Hello V.,

I have faced this particular situation as a child. The best advice I can recomend is find a child psychologist that does play therapy and you could also be in the room doing a family therapy session with the kids and have another opinion as you are also frusterated I am sure the kids are as well I was. This help in so many ways 1. the kids learn their idenity 2. they know you will always be there for them 3. it is documented if it ever goes to court and need a witness for the kids 4. you no longer are the bad guy and you have a guide 5. you have some protection with supervised visitation as needed 6. you will become closer with your children as they grow. Remember the one great thing about being a mom is watching our children grow and blossem into great young people who are making great choices and becoming more independent and also can show love and respect throught adversities in life.

Give the kids a hug and a kiss and remind them you love them when the dad questions arise and know you are their best advocate if you do not stand up for them no one else will. The kids need you to help them through this difficult time in their lives, AND you can do it. If God brings you to it God brings you through it. V. please feel free to message me anytime as you need I will give you the support you need that I can offer and sometimes it may just be to listen.

Remember take care of you first so you can take care of the kids. You are a strong mom or you would have never asked your question.

Please let us know how it goes and what you decide to do might help more people.

S.

I would have a talk with the kid's biological father and tell him that he can't just pop in when he wants. Parenting is a full-time job and the next time he decides to pop-in after an unexplained extended absence, I would tell him...the next time he comes around that he better stay involved or leave, but if he stays then he stays involved.

For the kids, I'd take them to a child psychologist and seek support and advice on how to deal with the situation. I would hug and kiss my kids and let them know that even though their dad isn't around all the time, that you are and they can count on you no matter what!

Also let them know that daddy not being around isn't their fault, but rather a decision on their dad's part. He loves them, but may not know how to show it.

Good luck!

well V. i dont know how much help i might be to you but i do know what u are going through. my x husband and i split when i was about 4-6 months pregnant. and up until a couple of yrs ago he hasnt shown any interest in my son and i say my and not ours because to me he is not my x's. he called me a couple of halloweens ago saying that he wanted my son to go to kentucky with him. of course i said no because of the situation between him and i. he has never seen or talked to my son. my son is now 6 yrs old. the man i am married to now is the only man my son has ever known as daddy. neway, my advice is to get sole custody of the girls just in case he decides to go awol or decides to just get stupid. i know it sounds kind of dumb right now but it happens. if u need someone to talk to just let me know and i will talk. i know its hard. god bless and good luck, R.

I don't know the right answer to tell you, but I will say that I went through this with my 8 yr old when he was about 18 months until he was about 6. I just hung in there and when he called I let him see him (I didn't want my son to hold it against me later in life because I didn't let him see his Dad). This went on and on because I knew one day he would either be in his life, or he would fall off the wagon and I wouldn't have to worry about him. My son is now 8 and he is in his life more so now than ever. At that time, when all off this was going on, there would be three to four months at a time that we would not hear from him, and he would be living with this friend and that friend. I would just be honest with him and tell them that I had no idea where he was at, but the next time I talked to him I would let him know they missed him. He is now stable and has his own house and everything is now working out. He now even has two more kids of his own.
Good Luck, it is very hard, but it will get easier. He will either step up, or he will disappear and you won't have to worry about it.

This is a tough call. I too am from a divorced parent home. It was tough on me growing up, not having my dad around, but, he always kept in touch. It's high time you sat down with him and explain to him that you can't just be a parent when you want to... it's a 24hour a day, 7 days a week job. This is also a crucial time in thier lives... it's potty training time and they need to be in a stable environment. Consistency is key at this point in thier lives. If he wants to see his kids, he needs to find the time to come to them. Another thing is, he needs to call them at least once a week if he wants to be a part of thier lives. This could also be a good time to lay down a suggestion... when you start potty training, explain to him and the kids that every time they use the potty, they should be able to call thier dad. This is only a suggestion, but it might help. Dragging those kids at only 2 years old down to Texas all the time isn't the best idea. He needs to make the effort and come to where you are. I hope that helps. Good Luck babe!