Biological Child APPEARS to Be of Another Race.

my sister in law has a friend who is half irish and half mexican. Her husband is all white, and their baby is blond haired and blue eyed. She is often asked about either how she adopted her baby or if she is the nanny. My favorite response from her was when someone asked where her baby came from and she said her uterus. hee.

Arghhh...that is so annoying isn't it? I don't know why some people can't keep their opinions to themselves. You are not alone. I'm fair-skinned and my daughter is olive toned (she takes after my dad who was Polish and her dad who is of German descent). You won't believe how many times strangers will ask me when my daughter and I are together if her dad is Mexican. I give them a nasty look and respond, "Why does that matter?" That usually shuts them up. I'm like you, I can't believe the ignorance of some people.

M

Because most of the human race is made up of jerks or idiots. Think of this as a remarkable screening tool for those people likely to think and therefore be interesting people, versus those people who choose not to apply their brain to life.

I am not black, but I would not assume a black man had no right to be holding a white baby, period. There are just people not worth knowing in this world. Be thankful that you have a trivially easy screening process for many of them.

I don't know how helpful this will be, but at least you know you aren't alone:
http://www.incrediblebirths.com/Remee-Kian-Hodgson.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/07/25/biracial-twins-b...
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=1813509
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v32CkzCqcyo
http://thestudyofracialism.org/about1567.html

To be honest, my reaction as your husband would vary between being sarcastic - "I stole her, isn't she cute?" - and just being pissy - "She's my daughter you Jackass! What business of yours is it?".
And as the mother, if anyone ever questioned it, I'd be frank and bitchy - "Well, I had sex with my husband a about 9 months later, pushed this out of my crotch. You don't pick what your offspring look like, you know?"

I am sorry you have to deal with this. The only thing I can say is that we have lived in different parts of the country, and some places are far more accepting and open than others. We live in an extremely diverse community now (Denver area), where I see families containing all kinds of mixes on a daily basis - and no one bats an eye. Where we used to live, upstate NY, was a totally different ball game. I hope that your family can be a model that serves to educate those around you in some way. As unfair and discouraging as it is to have to deal with ignorance and racism from others, I imagine that it will make your children stronger in the long run.

Marie Chantel, (Love your name)
I have a friend in the same situation, Four kids; two are dark, one is a bit lighter in skin and hair and the last one is blond and even lighter skin! They are SOOO BEAUTIFUL! I love to just stare at them. LOL!
But yes people can be assuming and rude. She just laughs at them as says, something like, "but the face looks like mine" and smiles, and leaves it at that.
Another family I know with two daughters one is very dark with dark hair and brown eyes and the other has blond hair and blue eyes. Both their features and hair texture is definitely black They are beautiful as well. I don't know if they have had issues with this, but they are very happy girls and very good friends.
I think you and your husbands reactions to it will be most important in their eyes. I bet your children are beautiful! I would try your best to not let your them know that these comments bother you. You don't want them to think that something really is wrong with them. Just reassure them that they are both of yours and your husbands because their features look similar, and you are glad they have different coloring, so you can tell them apart:)
I hope you find consoling words on here.
Good luck with this,
E.

I read an article years ago about a family in Dallas that had twins. The mother is black with brown hair and eyes, and the father is white with blonde hair and blue eyes. The twins were born, one black with brown hair and eyes, and the other white with blonde hair and blue eyes.

IMO we all come from the same original gene pool, people are people. Those that have a problem with that are the ones with the problem. In my own family we have every color of skin, hair, and eyes. Siblings and parents may look nothing alike, but one might look very much like a cousin, aunt, uncle or grandparent. And people say God doesn't have a sense of humor.....

Let me add that I have a friend who is hispanic and her husband is white. Her oldest looks very hispanic even more so than his mother. The following children get lighter (skin, hair and eyes) every time. We joke that if she keeps it up she will soon have an invisible baby.

it's sad that this still exists, isn't it? you can't make people stop talking, as long as you educate them about their background, and be proud for who they are, that is all that matters.
i can't really say i understand, but to a degree, i think i do. i am of mediterranean descent, olive skin, black hair all that. one of my daughters has my skin, while the other one is a blonde (my brother is blonde as well). when my husband is out with my olive skin daughter he says people sometimes ask him where her mother is from? or has had people say "i always knew biracial kids are gorgeous.' it doesn't bother him, or me for that matter. it surprises me how people are quick to come to conclusions. nothing i can do about it. i just teach my kids well come in different colors and sizes and all people are beautiful.

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with such RUDE people. It continues to amaze me how grown people can be so ignorant. The best advice I can give is to just try to ignore them the best you can. Unfortunately there will always be people like that because they continue to have kids and teach them to be the same way. Let your children see you be strong and confident in the way you deal with these people and they will grow to appreciate and honor their heritage. Eventually I hope that you will find that people around you accept and "get used to" the difference in your daughter's coloring and quit the nasty comments.

Ignorance, is what I attribute this attitude to. I would just tell them to go back to their high school biology class, if they made it that far, and remember dominant and recessive genes.

I do find it interesting, in this day and age of mixed race and blended families that people would even comment.

My son is adopted, and has very dark skin, eyes, and hair. I am a freckled, redhead. I have had several people tell me how much alike we look. Which cracks me up. But with language and mannerisms,YIKES! We are so much alike. I have also had people say, "Is your husband Mexican?" I say that I'm not married... the looks that gets is always funny. I usually say my son is adopted from Eastern Europe, he is Bulgarian. The reaction to that is even funnier. "Bolivia, isn't that near Mexico?" "Europeans are all light skinned." I have learned to come up with some quippy answers for the naive and ignorant and some snarky answers for the idiots of the world.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Try and keep a sense of humor about it.
S.

I am often asked if my children are from different fathers. Why one is so dark and one is so white. And the one I get asked about most often with my older son is if I am his mom. (which really pisses me off, but what can you do?)While our situation is a little different, I am white my husband is Mexican, I often reply like this...
I birthed 'em, they're mine. Yup, one is my color one is dad's. What race are they??? Human.
L.
By the way, when I filled out the census this year I wrote that on all of my families "race" question. Human Race.

Wow! I am so sorry! I can't imagine what is going through their heads! How wrong to be ugly to your family. I think it is unusual that your daughter has the coloring she does, but it is certainly not unheard-of. Regardless, if I saw a tall black man carrying a blond, blue-eyed baby, I would probably assume she was a niece, or a step-daughter, but I really wouldn't think anything of it, and I certainly wouldn't react negatively. What is this, 1950? I just can't understand why anyone would be hateful, especially when interracial families are very common today. It makes sense that there would be confusion about her parentage, and obviously you are frustrated but accepting of that. But it shouldn't be anyone's business but yours and those you choose to share with! I can't help, but I just want you to know that not everyone is as close-minded and mean as the people you and your husband have encountered.

That is really rude of people to say things. I'm always shocked when adults say things like that. I have a son with a lazy eyelid and I've had more adults than kids say "what's wrong with his eye", or "did you know he has a lazy eyelid?" So, I wouldn't take it personally. Some adults are just plain rude, have no common sense or weren't taught any better when they were younger. They were probably the same kids in class that would make comments at others.

If it makes you feel a little better, my sister and I (before I got married) used to show people our license to prove we were sisters. She is probably 4 inches shorter than me with olive skin, hazel eyes and chocolate brown hair. My skin is not fair, but I don't have the olive undertones. I have blue eyes and brownish blond hair. My daughter is thin bodied, olive skin and brown haired. My son is chunky, fair fair fair skin, and red hair.

I think there was an article in Parenting a year or so ago about children looking different from each other and their parents. It just makes them special and unique. Just blow off the other people. They haven't learned to show respect (and who knows....maybe they are a tiny bit jealous because you have two beautiful yet unique daughters :-) )

O honey, I wouldn't even worry about the racists in life. People are just ridiculous sometimes and nothing is going to change them. I think it is best we all just live our happy lives and feel sorry for them because they are blind to real love and acceptance. In this era of multi-racial families and adoptions it is surprising to me that such ignorance still exists, but I wouldn't even waste your time on it. Unless of course someone at work is this rude again I would probably mention it to human resources because that is not tolerated by most companies. As for what people assume, no one can change that. I'm sure anyone who knows your family knows the truth and that is all that matters. Just remember that not everyone pigeon holes you or judges you. It is just easier to focus on the negative experiences sometimes. I am the only redhead in all living generations of our family and lighter skin tone and many people questioned my family growing up as to where I got the hair/skin from. To strangers Mom would just say something simple like "she looks like great aunt Sally." For those who knew us there was no doubt I was their 'ornery genetic makeup! Funny thing is this year my mom dug up an obituary from a revolutionary era ancestor and it alluded to his red hair and light skin! Mystery solved. :)

It's easy for people to try to step in your shoes as a mom, but the fact is, most of us will never experience the things you are. We can't tell you how to feel or how to react - I hated when people told me how I needed to do things when I was going through chemo. Even if we've walked in those shoes, we all possess our own instincts and reactions.

Unfortunately, most people don't understand genetics. It appears your daughter's appearance is the expression of some recessive genes that give her skin a lighter appearance than the rest of the family's.

It sounds as if you are well-grounded in your identity and your family's background. None of us really are pure in our ethnicities. My father's family is Italian but is mixed from different regions. My mom is a combination of many different gene lines, some European, some Native American all wrapped up in to a myriad of blood lines. Both my sisters and I look Italian, but none of our kids really do - recessive genes have made almost all our kids look like the father's side of the family.

My kids look nothing like one another. One's lighter-haired, tall, thin, long legs. The other (oh, my poor daughter) is stocky, dark-haired and longer-torso'd.

The sad truth is that, at the end of the day, there's still rampant ignorance in this world, and people who stick their feet in their mouths.

the only black boy I knew that was albino had blonde freckles and skin color of a part black part white mix. llike an indian tone. Even if you baby was "white"and he was black that shouldn't matter at all. there is nothing saying a "black guy" cant be a daddy to a "white baby" people are just stupid. I have a baby who is blonde and blue eyes and another one who is dark skin dark hair and dark eyes. My oldest looks indian. My youngest son is real pale skin like one whos going to burn easily. they are both full blood white I am part indian. very little indian at that 1/16.

if my youngest son had not come out of me people would think he wasn't mine he looks nothing like me skin tone is too light . when its the mom there is no question. the dad is another story everyone questions it. I knew a white girl that had 2 boys by a black man one of hers come out white with the course hair and one come out black. its wierd how genes work and I am sorry this is happening to you this is so wrong. I wish I could give you advice. but I will tell you i think the half black half anything else babies are absoulutely beautiful because of the skin tone. Half indian half black is absouletly beautiful skin tones. I know she is not half white but if she has that skin tone she will be gorgeous.

I know its easy to say ignore them and harder to do. I would think your husband would have whipped the guy at work and it would have been well deserved. But he is a big man for not doing it. but mixed races are so much more common now your daughter even looking "white" won't be an outcast. most of the kids in the younger generation here is bi racial. so I assume this is nation wide. The bible does say one day there will be no "races" there will be such a mixture that it won't matter. I would probably tell them hitler is dead.

The problem is with everyone else and not with you guys!

Some random thoughts: Cornell West, famous scholar of African American history and culture, did a genetic analysis and discovered his background is 50% African, 50% Caucasian. When he recovered from the shock he joked that he was equally qualified to head the department of European History as he was the Department of African American studies at his University (Princeton, I think?!)...and when your blonde daughter decides to be a perfectly horrible teenager, your husband can pretend he doesn't know her in public.

In all seriousness, it truly is shocking how little people know or understand about genetics and American history, that they can't fathom why there wouldn't be variations in appearance from generation to generation in the African American population. Until you and your husband can find a job with more educated, polite and tolerant co-workers, you will have to have a thick skin and a lot of patience. And, you will have to anticipate these issues with the girls so that they can laugh them off when and if their peers at school bring them up. That's probably the riskiest part of this, that someone will use your daughter's appearance to make her feel insecure about herself in some way. You can stop this before it ever happens.

Be strong!

I don't have an answer but we go through the same thing. My husband is hispanic (pretty dark, black hair, brown eyes) and I am white (very fair skined, green eyes, brown/reddish hair). Our son looks just like me but with brown eyes. You would never guess that my husband was the father. I think for the most part....just ignore it. We do. Some people can be such idiots!

I don't have any advice for you, but I'm afraid you're probably going to deal with this forever. It's sad, but it's true. There was a story on the news about black parents who adopt white babies (since white parents adopting black babies is more common), and every single family said they had been verbally harassed at some point. Some had even been suspected of kidnapping - especially the men. I was shocked and horrified, but there you go - some people are like that. It isn't just limited to African Americans, either. I have two friends who are white with black hair and brown eyes, and their child came out with white-blonde hair and blue eyes. They haven't received comments like yours, but they have been once or twice asked if the daughter is from a previous marriage. People judge by what they see, and it seems many haven't learned to keep their mouths shut.

Just make sure that your daughter knows that she fits in. She hears these comments, too, and that's probably hard for her. She's beautiful and a part of your family, and I hope she'll grow up confident in that knowledge. Good luck.

Its sad that everyone has to be "white" or "black". Obviously there's many many Americans that are mixed descent. I used to work at a bank that required me to check off a box describing race on an application based on visual observation, if the person chose not to furnish it. The choices were white, black, hispanic, or asian I believe. I would just look at people and think, I have no friggin clue what race they are, and frankly I don't know why it matters. My manager was middle eastern and customers used to ask her questions in Spanish all the time, assuming by her looks that she was hispanic. It bothered her to no end.

There's no solution to the ignorance of strangers, except to ignore it and point out that they are being rude, because some people need to be told. Teach your daughter to not let it bother her, she will definitely be asked why her daddy is black by her peers someday. At least you have time to prepare her.

I hate to say this because it is terrible and offends me when my DH says it but in your situation it fits:
People are basically stupid!

Don't let it get to you. Seriously if a grown adult does not have enough intelligence to comprehend how genes work...or just that 2 people of a different race can have a baby (strangers only seeing your DH with daughter and not you have no idea what race you are and shouldn't jump to conclussions)...then they are stupid and you do not need to waste your time worrying about anything these people might say.

One sad thing I learned early on was that people are so very judgmental it is terrible!! My cousin, in her 30's (whom my sister and I lived with as teenagers) had a baby (named Kelsey) with a very rare disorder which caused skin tags and for one eye lid to have not formed correctly, basically the skin was all there but in a ball in the corner of her eye...as well as a corner of her mouth didn't close or form correctly. So when looking at her you could easily tell there was something wrong with her. My sister(who BTW has blue eyes even tho both my parents have hazel eyes) was holding her in line at a store one day and the couple behind us took it upon themselves to lecture my sister (16 at the time) as to why it is a bad idea for young kids to have babies and that she got what she deserved for being promiscuous at such a young age. Can you believe that? The nerve of some people! We always got terrible looks from strangers when we were out...it was frustrating and very sad! However, after having half a dozen surgeries Kelsey is a beautiful 19 year old now and if you didn't know her when she was little you would never have guessed she had looked the way she did as a baby.

Your daughters sound beautiful!

I'm so sorry people are so ignorant. This must be so frustrating for you! I don't have much helpful advice, but it is funny how people feel it's their business to know where children get their features, and they assume that darker characteristics are always dominant. I am of european decent and my husband is latino. We both have dark features, but our oldest son is fair with blue eyes. People always ask about this! I feel like they're fishing for a confession - like that he's the mailman's son or something :) I always just tell them that we both have family members with lighter features and that it's a recessive gene that came through, which is true I guess. I think that the best reaction, and the one that might be best for your children to adopt as well, would be to laugh it off and lightly say that she has features from family members from older generations or something. I think the most important thing is to not take anything too seriously, but I can understand that it must be so frustrating.
I

I don't know what to say, other than that saddens me that people actually care enough to say something! What is wrong with people!? If it truly bothers you, maybe ask the pediatrician? I don't know sweetie. But it may be good that you are addressing it now, because your daughter is probably going to face the same issues once she is of school age. Hopefully someone will be able to give you a little insight as to 'why', and I truly hope that by the time your daughter does encounter such rude, ignorant people, that she has a damn good come back!.. you know she's going to have questions about it as she gets older also. I'm soooo white (like, glow in the dark white) with red hair and freckles... both my daughters are tan, blond hair, and blue eyed... well I used to babysit these 3 children who had moved to the USA from Ghana... people used to question me ALL THE TIME, 'Are they all yours?'... I used to sweetly smile and tell them that the blond ones weren't mine, HAHA! Let me tell you, not only did it raise quite a few eyebrows, but it shut people up, and the kids I babysat though it was hilarious. Best wishes, and like I said, I really hope your daughter has good humor about it as well, and learns positive ways to handle rude people when she gets older :)

I have a friend who goes through it too..shes 100% Irish, her exhusband is black and Hawaiian. They have one daughter who looks like him and a son who looks white with red hair! Our other best friend is mixed and people think the daughter is hers when we are all out together. My husband and I have black or dark brown hair, one daughter with brown hair and one that's white blond! People always ask where she got that hair from, I tell them she's the mailman's kid...they know Im joking but it sure shuts them up. You're not alone in your feelings and perhaps you've been chosen to teach other people tolerance, open mindedness, and understanding. Stay strong in your beliefs and heritage, and let their little minds be of no worry to you, you've got better things to do..like raising two beautiful, unique children!

I'm with you on the "get over it, idiots" thought. But people are what they are, and often think what they have been taught since birth to think. My former step-dad was one of the most prejudiced people I have ever known. He was also kind, generous, and playful. But the racism ran so deep he just always assumed it was the right way to understand things. It was almost as deeply rooted in him as a gene.

So, since racism isn't going away anytime soon, what's left for those of us who care – and ALL of us of all races are affected by this poison – is to find an effective response. A young white couple I know who adopted a mulatto child just smile (sincerely!) when people ask if she's mixed race and say with enthusiasm, "Yes! Doesn't she have the most BEAUTIFUL skin?" It seems to leave the questioner speechless.

I'm white, my daughter is half Persian, and people sometimes assume she's hispanic. Perhaps because there has never been any outright discrimination directed at her, we all just shrug and smile.

There are probably about as many useful responses as there are people. But here's a website on The Work by Byron Katie that offers a couple of delightful (really!) videos on people coming to terms with race and prejudice. Enjoy! http://www.thework.com/video_race2.asp

Incidentally, through our troubled history, plenty of light-skinned mixed-race people have "passed," and kept the secret successfully enough that their descendants are occasionally surprised to have a darker-skinned child. Imagine the shock when your situation runs in the other direction.

Boy, I wish humanity could just grow up, already. But we're getting there. I was around during the race riots decades ago, and things are definitely less volatile and laws are more fair now. Each generation, I think those deep roots of distrust get loosened a little more.

you are not alone. our daughter is half white and part latino. people often comment that she doesnt look "mexican" for some reason they dont seem to realize how rude it is to say this. it can be frustrating

I do not have any personal experience with this - in fact, our children all look very much like us. My husband and I also have similar features.
I have a friend who is white but is married to an asian man. They have 5 children and they all look asian. They all look alike and whenever my friend is out with her children people assume she adopted them and will ask her how she got them all to look so much alike. I know her children and I see that they resemble her too, but she hates it when others assume that they are adopted.
I have 5 children myself and I often get comments from total strangers about the size of my family - the comments are usually disapproving to our family size.
The bottom line is that people are rude and should mind their own business!! I think you and your husband should find a way to laugh about it and ignore those stupids comments. I can only imagine that this all infuriates your husband! This will probably happen for years to come. It's not healthy to be angry so talk to your husband about how he handles this in public. You don't want this anger transferred to your daughter. Maybe you all could come up with a one-liner to say to ignorant folks when they comment.
I'm sorry that you have to go through this. Be proud of who you are and what you all look like!

M., that is great that the girls have their own identity, but awful of people to react to it, especially in a negative manner.

Rather than get upset, ask them about their heritage, see what they know. Ask them about genes and most likely they will need to be educated. I am sure it is upsetting, but it will happen again. I think some people are just curious/nosey. I am very intrigued by these things and at times am pegged as being nosey. I just find culture and identity very interesting, no matter what the history is.

My own appearance makes people wonder about me. I am Spanish and don't have the strong Latin features that others have. I do, but they are somewhat camouflaged. So with that I am often asked if I am Native American or Persian, never Spanish and almost never Mexican. Or, they will say I am a white girl, as to deny my full heritage. It is often Latin's that ask. It is almost as if they see it a bit, but have to be sure. In any event, I love it. I hated it as a kid, but love it now. I feel I have my own identity and I am what I say I am. I have a family tree on one side that goes back to the 1800's and my other side the stories from my grandmother. No one has shared that there is any other type of blood, so I am Spanish.

Edit**
My mother had 13 siblings. They were equally divided, 7 light and 7 dark. They were raised in a small town where there were no black families and they probably didn't know much about the black race. Do you know amongst themselves, they outcast the dark ones because the color of their skin? Their own brothers and sisters. I believe even my grandmother treated them differently. My mother is a twin, she was dark and her brother was blond hair and light skin, I bet he was extra special. It's an odd world.

Wow, people are so intrusive!!! So what if your husband was holding a white child! Last I checked that was still legal;) Well in my case my kiddos are both white and black and my first looked so white when he was born that when my husband, who is black, went to the nursery to look at him there was this older white couple trying to figure out if he was their grandchild. Here comes my husband saying "Um nope, that's my boy!" Now I call him my carmel kiss, bc he has tan skin and really nice wavy hair. I have a three month old now and he is even lighter in tone, than my first was at that age. They look like lighter versions of their dad. Anyway, I digress. My husband and I made a conscious decision early in marriage that we were not going to care or acknowledge any looks or comments when it came to us and especially not our kids. Now in a case like you described I would probably tell anyone who yelled something at me or my family very directly that they have no authority to say anything about myself or my child. But other than something where I feel I need to say something for the sake of my child, we ignore peoples non postive looks etc. We have not paid any attention for so long that now we don't even notice, we don't know if it happens less or we are just oblivious. I know your situation is a little different in that you are both black, but I say ignore it and be happy. We are all different shades anyway, why people make such a big thing of it is beyond me and I refuse to get on their level if they do. Good luck, I guess my future generations will have the same thing down the line bc I have blue eyes, I think it's awesome!

It sounds like these people that you've came across are extremely ignorant! Why would it matter if your husband would have had a "white" baby in his arms? It is very possible for two "black" parents to have a "white" child, just as it is possible for two "white" parents to have a "black" child. If you remember all humans are homo sapiens.... and according to the Bible we are all descendants of Adam & Eve. We get our skin color from the melanin pigmentations in our skin. A child who is born of darker skin color to two darker parents received the darker or dominant melanin gene. A child wo is born of lighter skin color to two darker parents may have received a recessive melanin gene. This works they same way if it were two light skinned parents who had a darker skinned child. Sometimes a child's melanin pigmentations will darken or lighten with age. Basically what I'm getting at its not just "black" and "white". We're all humans and skin color shouldn't matter! I realize there are a lot of ignorant & prejudice people in this world that make it very hard to deal with this, but you just have to ignore them the best that you can.

Wow. You've had a lot of rudeness directed your way. I'm sorry to hear that you had to experience that. About all I can advise you, though, is to take a deep breath and remember you can't do anything to stop idiots being idiotic. If they say something to your face, be civilized. Say, "I beg your pardon! These are both my girls and I'll thank you to keep your speculations to yourself, sir!" You really don't need to explain anything to anyone.

I'm a bit of a throwback, racially, myself. My mother is white and my brother looks just like her. My dad's also white, but with some distant Cherokee in him. He's dark and does look like there's some Indian in there. But he looks mostly white. I, however, really look like I'm half Cherokee. My hair and skin is a little light to be mistaken for full Cherokee, but my facial features look EXACTLY like a full-blood Cherokee. Especially in the summer when I'm tan. I certainly look more Indian than the 1/16th or so that I actually am.

I forget about it usually. I certainly wasn't raised on a reservation and I know next to nothing about actual Cherokees. I consider myself completely white, but occasionally people ask me if I'm Indian. It doesn't bother me because I've only once or twice had anyone be rude to me because of it.

I understand racial issues are much tougher for blacks and part-blacks than for part-Indians. So, my story probably doesn't help you much. I just thought I'd share. Racial traits are funny in the way they are expressed and how they seem to skip a generation or two sometimes and then show up again.

I'm astounded that anyone in this day and age would say anything! People are idiots! I guess if you want to take the high road, you can just say to anyone rude enough to make a comment that like most Americans, you and your children have diverse ethnic backgrounds, but that you and your husband are their biological parents.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised -I have some friends of mixed ethnic/racial background who often get asked "What are you?" Seriously! Hello -they're humans!

Girl I am so sorry, labeling sucks. Have no advice but do have a funny for you.

I was complaining to my friends about how much I detest intolerant people, I was in a mood and going on and on about a few people I know. She had to point out how intolerant I am about intolerant people. I laughed so freaken hard. But you know it is true.

You have just explained my life story...I am very light, not blond, but as a child "sandy haired " to say the least. My father as dark as can be, my mother an obvious brown...My little sister right in between the two parents. My facial features very "fare," hair texture silky. So I get what you are saying- my dad actually got into a fight at work so your husband by that standard is doing well! The best I can say is just make sure your CHILDREN are self assured and know who they are and where they come from. I have taken a tone of education in regard to this circumstance because if you are always mad about what ignorant people say you will never get anything done. Wait til you and the kids start getting it from other Black folks ( that was always the worst to me)! I just remind people that every race comes from us. The genetic traits for every race have been found in the genes of indigenous african tribes who have been very sequestered from outside influences, but the same cannot be said of any other race. So just let them know. Whomever is open to learning will and you can go from there and whoever is not...shoot them a rasberry and keep movin! :-P

My husband's sister is even more severe, she is platinum blond, steal blue eyes and not a trace of pigment ( her parents are also clearly black) her facial features and hair texture are the only clues. YOU are not alone;-) Take care.

While both my husband and I are white (with a little bit of natiive american, thrown in for good measure) with dark eyes, dark eyes and olive skin. My youngest son has blue eyes, blond hair and light skin. So I can relate to your situation. People and their idea's of what a child should look like really iriate me. While my husband initially got mad about it, he got tired of that and finally just used to say..well he mine and you believe what you want.

I am a caucasian women who is remarried to a Peruvian man. I have two children - identical twin girls - who have my exact traits and my husband and I have one son who shares both of our traits. My daughters are paper white with blue eyes blond hair - I am medium white with blue eyes - my son is olive tone with brown eyes and my brown hair -and my husband is very dark brown with brown eyes and black hair. Now of course we have a great deal of mixed genetics here - The thing is that whenever we go anywhere people stare at us. If my husband takes the kids to the park everyone stares at him like he should not be with these "white kids" We frequently have idiots who get in the face of our kids and ask point blank where we adopted from, or why they look so different. It is frustrating for my kids... as the twins attract attention anyhow and then they get put on the spot where someone is demanding to know their personal genetics and familial background as if they do not belong to us. My husband has been with all of us for most of the girls lives. We can laugh it off but it I always worry about how it is or will affect the lives of our kids as they start to figure out what racism really is.
I am sorry that you have to have this situation. It sounds like you and your husband are handling it well despite the ignorance of other people. As long as your children know they belong to you and you love them you will be able to protect them as best as possible from the ignorance of racism. I can only hope that the day will come when people see people for who they are and color of skin will make no difference.

Sorry so late, but as a black woman whose whole family if very fair skin, light eyes and "good" hair and i am dark skinned dark eyes and "our" hair i understand completely where you are coming from. my sister completely favors our mother (long hair down her back that need no pressing comb or perm AT ALL, light eyes and skin and thin noses) and ppl cannot believe we are sisters let alone related we gotten all the looks, stares, and comments. But my mother and grandmother let it clearly be known that genes do what they want and don't be ashmed or embarrased because i got my fathers genes. My 4 years genes reached all the way back to his great grandfather and great great grandmother and looks JUST like them. When ppl don't understand that pretty much no one especially in the U.S. is purely one race it just shows their igorance. even if they never taught black history everyone knows that there is a lot of mixing in our backrounds and as times have changed ppl have mixed on there own( wars in different countries,travel modes broadening, mixed couples being more accepted etc.) So don't play into other ppl's ignorance and prejudices. Your family is proberly just how you want them and that's what matters! And it sounds like your husband is handling the situation just fine. good luck and prayers to you.

I am Caucasian, but had a great grandmother who was Native American. It is amazing what genetics can do! I have 2 children who look Caucasian, and one dark child who does not look all white. I have several relatives that this happened to also. We look at it with humor. Every so often, someone asks me why my son is brown. I just laugh and tell the story. Every so often one of us has a brown child because I have Native blood in me. He's beautiful!

I have the same problem with my children. I have 3. They are bi-racial. My oldest son is dark; my middle is light and my youngest is fair. People never think my sons are from the same parents (my middle is a girl).

I know the "white baby" comments- my youngest has green eyes and blond hair, not even coarse; but blond soft white people hair. My husband gets stares when we are out and people assume he is not the father.

When my daughter is with us, we call her the bind- her color is in between her brothers so she links them together.

Funny is that my son looks exactly like my husband, but people always tell me how much he looks like me; just becasue of his coloring.

I don't know if there really is anything we can do about it. People always have something to say- as long as we know 'who's the daddy' and our kids never question it- who really cares what other people say : )

Sorry you and your children had to experience such ignorance. I don't know why, but I'm always surprised when people get these type of comments regarding race and or color. It's amazing at this day and age that people still have the nerve to makes these stupid comments to someone's face. I don't understand how they actually have the nerve to do it ? Why are they offended? and how is it any of their business? the fact that someone would actually say these things to your face is insane to me!! Anyone who would make those comments must have serious issues.

People are idiots!
I am white and so is my husband. We have dark hair and brown eyes. Mine are somewhat hazel.
Our first daughter looks like us however her skin is rather dark and we sometimes get asked is she indian??? A doctor in the hospital asked if she had any ethnicity in her with my husband right there. We thought that was so strange.
But that is not the worst.... our second daughter is blonde and blue eyed with super fair skin! She looks nothing like us! People always make comments about how are we sure we came home with our baby?
So just realize people are crazy and say things without thinking!! I don't get mad, but I certainly wish people would keep things to themselves or at least realize genes are crazy things :)

I have a white friend who is married to a guy who is half black (Haitian) and half Indian (as in from India). Their oldest daughter looks white, the middle looks black and the youngest looks like she came straight from India. Genetics are amazing.

I once saw a very white woman nursing a VERY black baby. And I admit, my first thought was that the baby must be adopted. But I was not feeling judgmental. I was thinking how beautiful it was to see her nursing her baby. I assumed that she must have pumped to bring in her milk or that she must have adopted while she had a nursing biological baby and decided to nurse the adopted baby as well. From all I have read it here, it certainly could have been her own baby. BUT just because I was curious and looked twice, it doesn't mean I was thinking bad things. On the contrary, it made me think how beautiful a picture it made and it brings tears to my eyes even now. It made me think if I ever adopt that I would like to try to nurse that baby just like I have nursed my biological daughters. Keep in mind when people are looking at your beautiful family, they may be curious, but it doesn't mean they are hateful. :) Best to you and your unique and special family.

We have the same problem in my family except that I am caucasian and my husband is salvadoran...we have 2 children with blue eyes like me and 1 of them is a white blonde hair....we know a bit about genentics from teaching biology to our oldest child yet we cannot find a blue eyed person in my husbands family and we have gone back over 6 generations..this gave us a 1 in a million shot at a blue eyed baby and ended up with 2....sometimes we can't see any logic in it because it is truly up to God as to what our children look like, He always has His reasons. Ignore the rude ignorant people that question and berate you, life is too short to even justify an answer with them. God Bless-T.

This happened to both my Sister and Myself. We are mixed and our oldest daughters are Caucasian with blue eyes! No, they have not one African American trait. Both of our second children came out with our skin tone and brown eyes. It's a lottery of genetics.
I think people have such a strong response because it makes them question their ancestery. We both explained to our daughters that we are made up by many different genes from family members from past generations. They were both fine with that explanation. My Daughter is now 19 and expecting and is curious to see what her baby looks like.

M.,
I'm so sorry you and your family have to deal with this. I wish there were a way to remove the ignorance in the world...boy do I! I don't think there is much that you can do except try to educate others, so that hopefully, in the future, people might be more understanding. As another poster mentioned, you've done a lot to raise our awareness, so thank you.

One idea I have is to make some sort of t-shirt for your lighter skinned daughter to wear, that has some humor to it, but that would allow for people to learn from your family, without having to directly ask/ say something. Just a thought. I don't have any ideas as to what it might say, but maybe you can think of something creative.

p.s. I know that Barefoot Books has a Barefoot Book of Princesses book that does have a story about an African princess with blond hair. I think it would be great to read to your daughters when they are a little older. :) You can find it on my website below.

Good luck to all of you,
T.

www.ReadandGrow.com