Big Issues in My Marriage- Please Help

Leave, D.. Leave in a smart way. Contact a domestic violence shelter in your area (use a friend's phone, a pay phone, a prepaid phone you can buy at the store...don't use your phone.) Make sure you take all the correct steps in leaving. They will be able to help you through them.

If you want someone to give you permission to leave then you have mine.
That you feel you NEED permission to leave means he's beaten down your self confidence so much that you are doubting yourself.
Seriously - contact a womens shelter, make your escape plan - then grab the kid and do it.
If he's violent enough that he's smashing phones and threatening you then you have GOT to get you and your child out of there.

Afterward the divorce is final - take several years to stand on your own two feet, raise your child and don't get involved with another man.
You need the time to heal, build your confidence and realize your own worth otherwise you might end up with the same sort of guy who is just as bad as your current husband.

http://www.safehorizon.org/

Start packing. If you can pack up the things that are dear to you. Heirlooms, momentos, pictures of your kids and other family etc. hopefully you can find a place to store them for a while. Then start packing some clothes for you and your kids and get out. At this point I would not trust either his mom your your mom, they may think you had a 'lover's quarrel' and try to get you back together. If you don't have a friend to stay with go to a shelter. The counselors at a shelter will help you to file for a divorce and help you to understand he is an abuser.

Good luck to you ---- now start packing.

Take your child and leave. And do it yesterday.

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

The website is : sage4all.org.

The website will help you identify that you are indeed involved in an abusive marriage. Call the hotline, they can help you form an escape plan. It's important to NOT inform your husband that you are doing this.

I have been in your shoes, and leaving was the single hardest thing I have ever done in my life. It was also the best thing I have ever done. His behavior will not improve. It will only get worse. Eventually you will be brainwashed to the point that you believe that you are deserving of his anger. The closer it gets to that point the harder it is to leave. Go now. Please. Good luck.

D., this is as clear cut a case of controlling and abusive behavior as I've ever seen. This isn't a healthy marriage. Please, you need to end this. I see that another response already included the domestic violence hotline. Call this from a safe phone and they will get you in touch with your local resources so that you can plan an escape plan. If you have a plan in place, you are more likely to successfully get out with your child(ren?) the first time and not end up going back to him because you're desperate, vulnerable, broke, afraid, etc.

Please be very careful with your computer. Learn to clean up the history so that he can't see things like this question. If at all possible, use a computer at the library to do this kind of correspondence. Set up a separate e-mail account that you never access from your phone or your home computer if you need to keep some e-mails from him.

I wish you strength and safety as you move forward. Please know that if he senses you are planning to leave, things could turn physically violent, so be careful and make your move as soon as you can.

leave.
khairete
S.

Women's shelter, asap. Be very careful.

You need to take you kid and leave. Be careful and good luck.

Start planning your escape now. Line up your support: girlfriends, mom, the domestic violence hotline. Have a safe place to go where your husband can't find you. Only tell people who you can trust to keep a secret. Open a bank account and squirrel away some money. Start counseling or a support group thru a women's shelter. Then don't wait, leave.

You know you don't want to keep living like this. And your husband isn't going to change, even tho he may say he will when he realizes you're gone. You deserve better. Get out while you can. Blessings...

Pack now girl! I don't know how long or how much you have to pack, be it a day or more, but if it takes longer than a day, do it while he is at work, of course. When he gets home, be extra nice so he has no idea you have been packing. Perhaps you can get help from a friend, like, during his work hours, he/she can start collecting and carting away your stuff. Once you have all your ducks in a row, get out of there! I will lift you up in prayer, and also that you have the strength and the know-how to push through this!

it sounds a lot like my friend who is married to an Italian man from overseas. He has a different mindset of what marriage is he even expects his wife to give him a bath and her mother who is from Italy is more supportive of her husband than her and will take sides with him. I don't think he will change so you will have to decide if you want to live this way i'm sure there were signs of his possessiveness before. I also think a lot of people answering your questions have watched too many lifetime movies. Your husband does sound possessive and he sounds like hes very old school but I didn't hear you say anything about him hitting you or being physically abusive. I don't see the urgency of running out the door I know men that are like what you described and they've been married for years and were not physically abusive. Unless your not telling the whole story.

What country is your husband from, he's clearly not a modern, American man. It sounds like you are in danger to me. I think you should grab your kids and head to your parents and figure things out. Couple counseling to save your marriage would be a start. He's obviously got control issues that need resolving. YOU cant do it for him, he needs professional help.
Good luck.

Is your husband from another country? Your "duty" is now to take your child and go to a shelter. If he is this controlling and smashes things, the next thing he smashes could be you or your child.

Is your mother from another country as well? How about you? Either way, if you can't count on friends or family, its time to grow a back bone and move on.

Blessings....

Well sweetie I think that was enough detail. If you were my best friend or a family member I would have told you to leave. I don't know you, however, something tells me that its time to go. There is no reason that he needs to treat you that way. He is very abusive with just what you stated here. Emotionally and Physically. I would really recommend for you to get out. Please contact family so you could have support. You need to have the people that love you most at your side right now. I wish you the best of luck!

First and foremost i feel terrible that you are living in this type of environment.
But i want to ask you a question...did this behavior start suddenly?
I find it hard to believe there were no warning signs that he was like this...

I think you know what you need to do: YOU HAVE TO LEAVE without question. But you MUST be smart about this you have to plan quietly what you are going to do without raising suspicion if i were you i'd try and go out of my way to not trigger one of his outburts while you plan your getaway. Can you get close close close family and friends to meet you at work one day and discuss how scared you are and that you need their help and protection? Which is utmost important because when a controlling person has the control ripped away they tend to lose it and you have to be ready for it in case it should happen to you.
When you leave make sure you are ready to get a restraining order to set yourself up for establishing a record of the type of behavior he exhibits toward you.
Start collecting evidence and keep it wall with a friend or family member. Like emails text messages etc.
One important thing to do is to have a consultation with a lawyer who does family law try and figure out how you can be protected within the law as a parent trying to leave a person of this nature b/c you can bet your child with this man is gong to be his next tool to manipulate you so you have to prepare and be ready so that you can fight against it and not be blindsided by it.
And when you go to meet with the lawyer or maybe consult on the phone while at work make sure no one knows your doing it but you.
Once you have your ducks in a row then plan the perfect day to leave a day when you know without question you can do it without being seen and MOST IMPORTANT don't be alone when your doing it get every person who loves you and cares for you to help you because you have safety in numbers.
Just because he hasn't gotten violent yet doesn't mean he wont from all you said it sounds like your on an express train to that so that is why i stress having others who care about you to be present and aware of whats going on and ready to help you.
Remember also you have to be more secretive and stealthy that you ever have been analyze all his habits his routine make sure you know all these things because it will help you when your planning your escape.
Please for the sake of you and your child do not stay with this man he is going to make you miserable and possibly hurt you and your child, your child is being exposed to this behavior and is already learning it do you want your child or children to be like this? Do you want them to see you being treated like this? Keep children in this type of environment will emotionally destroy them.
Lastly one thing i want ot make clear is a person who controls other like this often is the one who has ALOT to hide, i would bet he has a lot of stuff hidden from you and therefore constantly interrogates you as a result. Which is all the more reason to leave him, and if you do i would seriously examine how it's possible you missed all the signs that this was the type of person you were marrying because most important is that you don't ever end up with someone who will treat you this way ever again. You should never have to live like this

I wish you the best and i pray for your safety

What does he do right?

please keep us informed that you are safe when you are able.