A co-worker ("DM") of mine has very questionable parenting skills. Not my business, I know that. The problem is that she feels the need to share her "stories" with the office. We are a small office of 4 women (all Mom's, one being MY Mom) and our male boss (a Dad). So, we spend a fair amount of time swapping stories and such. It's a nice environment, actually.
Anyway, when DM asks for advice or tells a story, I'm at a loss as to what to say. I don't agree with 99.9% of what she does (and neither do the other employees). I absolutely don't respect her as a mother and I just don't know how to deal with it.
The simple solution would be not to have these conversations in her presence. In such a small office, we all ask about each other's kids. One woman has her son in college for the first time, my mom and boss have kids that are learning to drive, I've got the two little ones and we all care and enjoy talking about our kids.
I guess the underlying question to my post is...how honest should I be with my opinions WHEN she asks? (I don't believe in unsolicited advice.)
Thanks
When she asks for opinions/advice, just say what you would do as a parent. Not what she SHOULD do. That way she gets another person's perspective without the judgmental stuff.
When she asks for advice or opinions, I guess I would just be honest and say what I would do. If she makes a comment about something then asks if thats what you would have done, or whatever she may ask, I myself would just say no, that's not what I would have done (or whatever the situation is)and leave it at that unless she asks you to elaborate! I guess as long as you don't sound snotty or mean, she can't really get mad for a difference of opinion (well, she could I suppose...)
Good luck! (keep us posted!!)
When I've been in this situation, I usually say what I would do or state my opinion with a non-judgement type comment -- such as "I won't let my kids 'cry it out' but I know it has worked for other people" if she's saying she's going to CIO with her kids and asks my opinion of her choice. If her parenting choices are endangering the kids, that's a whole different thing. In that case, I might say something more direct. Like if she says she got frustrated with her child for misbehaving and so locked him in his room for an hour, I'd say "You know, if you were a foster parent that would be against the law. You'd lose that kid." I'm kind of reaching for examples, but you get the idea. You can try to state facts rather than anecdotes to show what you think instead of telling her you think she's a terrible parent.
Is she actually asking what you would do or is she trying to get you to agree with her? My first thought would be to say that each family is different and that my family finds *** successful. Stress the positives of the alternative to her parenting, not the negatives to her choice of action. Remember, "if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all"? It works in the workplace too. :P Sometimes just a shrug of the shoulders lets someone know that you don't agree with them but don't want to get into it. Good Luck!
