Best Friend's Child- Acting Up!

Updated on September 11, 2012
M.D. asks from Ambler, PA
4 answers

What do you do when you have your best friend and their child over for a playdate and the friend's child acts terriblely the entire time? I was so happy to have my bff over with her little girl to play this morning with my two girls. Between the whining and baby-talk (the little girl is 3 and 1/2), the fits on the ground, and then the topper- full on blowing her nose into her cupped hands (ugh!!!), I couldn't wait for them to leave! Her daughter is only 1 month younger than my oldest but they seem years apart in their behavior. Even my 18 month old is better behaved. My friend did very little to stop her daughter from acting up except the threat of timeout or threatening to call her daddy. Neither of which did anything. I want to be able to have playdates again but I'm not sure if I can take it. I was exhausted and it wasn't even my kids who were acting like that. I know all 3 year olds (and kids of any age) have their moments but it seems like every time I do get together with my friend, her daughter acts like this. I make our get togethers few and far between. Any suggestions on what you would do?

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L.C.

answers from Dover on

My friends and I have an understanding that when we are together all adults correct all children. If they are at my house, I correct them as if they were mine. If we are at their house, they correct mine as if they were theirs. If we are out in public it's a parenting free for all. No one gets offended. We TRUST each other to treat our kids well.

I would ask her, very simply, if it would be ok to correct her daughter (not discipline). Would she be offended if you stepped in to "help out". Let her know that you are OK with her doing the same.

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K.B.

answers from Philadelphia on

Because you're best friends that means you two are so close that you can talk about everything and you both should already know your own parenting philosophy.

If you have a play date in public or at her home then you can't do as much but you have every right to say out loud to your own child, "I better not every catch you doing something like that!" and to remind her child that she is being inappropriate and tell her not to treat her mother that way. I wouldn't have a problem telling my friend not to allow her child to walk all over her and to discipline her or she'll have big problems later.

If they're in MY house I would have zero problem telling her child how to behave because I have house rules where I live. So I would tell the child to stop or whatever if I saw the mother not doing anything. And then tell my BFF that I already have kids to tend to and she needs to step up or we can't get our kids together cuz I can't have my kids picking up bad habits. I wouldn't bark at my friend but I'd discuss ideas and help her get some kind of order because I'm sure it's not laziness. She probably feels overwhelmed and doesn't know where to start, doesn't want to be the bad guy and so on. But I'd set an example for my own children as they come first and not allow such things to go on in my own house and not in front of my own children.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

A.J.

answers from Williamsport on

I cant' deal with bratty kids. My kids are well-disciplined. I don't like my kids hanging around kids who are being bratty. I also won't make parenting comments to others or reprimand other people's kids, and I don't need help with my kids (funny how parents with the worst kids LOVE to reprimand OTHER people's kids I've found). Therefore, I had quite a few friends I saw very little of during their kid's toddler/early childhood years. I kept my own kids busy elsewhere without spending much time in those situations. The miserable times spent like this were so rare that I didn't worry about them when they happened, but NO, I would not continue the play dates with someone with that parenting style.

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

For future play dates plan on going somewhere like mcDonalds or the park. Having people come to your home for play time is asking them to come, play, have fun, make as many messes as you want then leave, break my precious items, come on in....

Play dates should allow the kids the freedom to run amok and go a bit nuts. Doing them outside on nice days that we have left until winter is a good idea too.

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