I have twin 10 year olds in 4th grade. They are VERY close. They have a few friends, but have never been super close to anyone else. I think this is because a lot of kids don't understand how close they are OR they push kids away that don't like one or the other. Confusing....
Anyhow, this year they met someone who likes them both. They get along, no fighting, just really good friends. This person is a boy.
I thought it was wonderful to see them let another child into their lives so closely. They don't say he is their boyfriend but BEST friend. I like his mother and she also thinks the relationship is special. I have never seen my girls be so trusting with others, not fight, not care about how they look, what they have etc.
I didn't worry about the relationship until yesterday at the parent/teacher conference. The teacher said that they are very close. (fine) She said this little boy brings out A LOT of personality in the girls. They are shy and somewhat reserved until he comes around and then almost explode with personality. Other kids bring out a little in them, he brings it all out. This can be difficult to handle at times but fun to watch. They aren't naughty, but they can become very rambunctious. Anyhow, she said I need to watch it because girls go through a lot of changes in 4-5 grade. When I asked what she meant by that she said, just watch it closely.
What does this mean? I was so happy they had a friend and now am worried. I have a very open relationship with my girls, I think. I talked to them and explained that they get wild around him and if it starts affecting their school work or they start getting in trouble they might have to stop hanging out with him. That would be disappointing because he is a very nice boy.
I met my best friend, who happens to be male, in third grade. I hope I am not being to naive.
What does this mean and what am I watching for?
Thank you all for the advice.
I ended up emailing the teacher and she did say their focus might start declining and the girl changes is what she was talking about. I know it will happen and I think I am as ready as I will be, but it is so scary.
AND CRAP what if they both DO like him or what if one does and the other doesn't. Maybe I am more afraid of the twin thing than the boy friend thing. YIKES.
I'd say to watch out for teachers who read into mixed gender friendships something that simply isn't there.
When I was in 3rd grade my best friend was a boy!! Sure, girls go through a lot of "changes" in the 4-5th grade, but it will (in my opinion) be a GOOD thing for them to have a guy friend during that time... Especially since boys generally mature slower than girls anyway... It's better for them to already know what boys are like before hey "change" than to discover them when they have all that pre-teen angst and issues that come with puberty... If they are happy, let them be! Especially if this boy brings out their personalities. Other kids might see them out of their shell and become friends too. :)
Poo on the teachers paranoia...throughout my years in school my absolute closest friends were always boys and nothing untoward Ever happened! For a brief time in HS I attempted to "date" my best friend who I had known since Kindergarten, but we realized ourselves that we were meant to be friends and nothing more and all that ever happened was a few awkward kisses that we were able to laugh about later, and that was in HS!!!
The only thing I could see happening and won't as long as you talk to your girls and they respect your rules, is if it turned into a BF/GF relationship between one of the twins and him leaving a twin to feel jealous or left out, which easy solution in my house is we do not date until 16...
As crazy as it sounds in this day and age my parents and my friends parents were close and I even had sleep overs at my guy friends house ( when we were young) and it seemed normal at the time...I would probably not be so forward/free thinking if my own daughter came to me at now age 10 and asked!!!
Good morning Kimberly,
I just read your post. I had to respond. I met my best friend ( a boy) when I was 8 yrs old. I hated him. He was SOOOOO arrogant, I couldn't stand it. Then when I was 13, I was on my way into school on crutches and I fell. Well, BFF thought someone had pushed me and he beat up the boy behind me for it. That changed EVERYTHING. I let myself get to know him and I really REALLY liked who I was when I was with him.
Fast forward... I am 41 and have been living with my best friend for 3 years. I have never been happier in my entire life. He really does bring out EVERYTHING in me.
That said, If this one boy brings out the personalities of your 2 girls, that's FABULOUS. As twins, they are probly used to being more alike and if he can bring out the differences in them BOTH!! What a special boy.
I kissed my first boy in the 5th grade! His name was Charlie...blonde hair blue eyes, he was so sweet and so very smart...lots of kids didn't like him because he was poor and always wore raggedy clothes and jeans with holes in them...to this day when I cut off my boys' jeans into shorts and let them stay scraggaly (not hemmed), I think of him:)
When I am around my best friends I open up and my personality comes out. By nature I am a shy person, but when around people who make me feel comfortable I open right up and tend to say/do things I wouldn't on my own.
I think this is a normal part of a friendship. I think the only reason the teacher is saying "be careful" about this relationship is because he is a boy.
I personally don't think you have anything to worry about.
Good grief! I think this teacher was trying to be helpful but may have stepped out a bit too much and became confusing. I think all she means is girls start to mature much faster than boys and start to like boys much more seriously than boys like girls and much earlier. My son is in 5th grade this year and at the end of last year we had a movie night here for the entire class. All I remember from the whole thing is how boy crazy and show-offy they were in front of the boys. It drove me crazy. Now this year the girls are constantly calling, showing off, and asking my son to be their boyfriend. He is starting to like girls a bit and likes the attention but is not really serious, I think he actually thinks they are pretty dumb.
In short, I think she just wanted you to be sure you keep an eye on your daughters, that the relationship stays friendly and you teach them what you expect of their behavior around boys. Maybe her concern is that they are SO close with a boy just before they hit their puberty/loony stage in life.
My take on it is you have a good understanding of your daughters, let them enjoy their new found friendship and don't make something out of nothing. Maybe one day they will need to have you step in and talk to them further about boys but for now, just let it be. I doubt you will have to separate their friendships. I think worse-case scenario your daughters will develop a crush and fight over him, but even then it is a life lesson.
Enjoy and don't worry, it will all work out!
I think the teacher is trying to tell you your daughters MAY mature physically before their best friend and this physical maturing comes with mental maturing. Boys and girls mature at different rates and at different times in their lives.
On the other hand, did your friendship with the boy in third grade cause any problems? If not, forget about it and just chaulk it up to a teacher that may have good intentions, but has a glass that never gets above half full.
Count yourself lucky that they have found such a good friend. I was lucky enough to have found a female friend in the 5th grade, but I got so much teasing from my brother and dad that the friendship was squelched.
Good luck to you and yours.
I hate when people say to be careful or to watch out for something without explaining what the heck they mean.
Anyway, I wouldn't worry about this too much. It sounds like you are very close to your girls and are prudently keeping an eye on their friendship.
My daughter's best friend was a boy. They were inseperable. They were more like brother and sister. He got a crush on a girl in class and she teased him about it, just like a sister would.
They truly had a deep affection for each other but there was no "attraction" there.
As I was growing up, some of my best friends were boys and there were no problems. My parents weren't worried about it.
I think it's great your girls have found a friend and that they all fit so well nicely together in the friendship. So far, it sounds like the worse they do is get rambunctious when he's around. I wouldn't see that as a warning flag of some kind.
I say let them be friends and have fun until there is a serius and valid reason not to do so, when and IF that situation ever arises.
Best wishes.
i wouldn't worry too much, but you're watching for the puberty changes and hormone craziness they are fixing to go through (that's how i take it)
I didn't read the other responses but maybe she is worried that one (or both) of your daughters will develop romantic feeling for this boy who is both of their friends. She is probably thinking of the difficulty that would/could cause not only in school but between the kids and also your daughter's relationship. That is how I would take that comment. But I would have also asked her to elaborate. Maybe send her an email and tell her that comment stuck in your head and you are trying to decipher it and ask her to be more specific / detailed.
If she is saying he brings out the personality is a lot of girls (if I read that right) maybe she's saying he's friends with girls for a short period of time then moves on to other girls, and wants you to watch to make sure your daughters do not get hurt.
Puberty begins around age 9. If you haven't noticed already your sweet girls will soon have physical and emotional changes and start acting like pre-teens. The same goes for their "boy" friend. I think the teacher is just giving a heads up. It's nothing to worry about. It's just growing up, and it might affect their ability to remain friends because of the "girl" "boy" stuff. But your special little group may not even notice and all will remain the same.
Unless there is something that you are seeing that you need to worry about, don't sorry. It is a good thing to have friends! poeple are going overboard these days. Lots of people have friends that are a different sex, its fine mostly!
Kimberly, I wouldn't worry too much. I have a very outgoing 11 year old girl who has always had male friends. She gets along great with both boys and girls but generally likes boys activities better (sports, video games, probably because she has an older brother). My point is she has "liked" several different boys in the past year. Supposedly they are "dating." Their definition of dating is just liking each other. They hang out together in a group of friends. They text each other along with that same group of friends. That's probably what the teacher is also concerned with. This may not be a concern as your girls consider the boy a best friend. However the kids seem to change girlfriends or boyfriends as frequently as they're suppose to be changing their underwear (another issue altogether, lol). Keep the lines of communication open and you'll find out if the relationship becomes a problem. Otherwise just let them enjoy it.
Well, girls get flirty somewhere around that age, I don't like it how she wouldn't elaborate on her warning but I'm sure that's what she meant. She sees them in a very different environment than you, so maybe she's seen some little nuances that she finds difficult to explain. Or maybe it's behavior on the part of the boy she's observed that makes her caution you. Honestly, it might drive me nuts to the point where I would press her for a better explanation.
It's pretty normal for them at this age to start acting a little different around boys. I wouldn't worry too much.
Good friendships with kids go through a lot of phases, love 'em today, hate 'em tomorrow, especially girls!
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