Best Friend?

Everybody's birth experience is personal and the way they want to live it out is their choice. I would hope that my best friend would understand that. I think she needs space for one reason or the other. Just respect that and give it to her.

She must have her reasons for this, but maybe will choose to discuss it with you at a later time. If you are as close as you say you are, give her time, and then try to talk to her about it after all of the comotion of a new baby dies down a little.
Another piece of advice, from experience, I hope you and your other best friend aren't talking about this behind her back, it will ALWAYS come back to bite you in the butt with "she said", and then your friendship will never be the way that it was. Good luck.

I wouldn't take her wishes to personally, since it isn't about you. Being friends for 10 years or two months, still makes this situation about the new family...not about when or how you or anyone else wants to visit or meet the new baby. One of my friends requested no one visit for more than an hour, I requested no one come to my home for two weeks until after my second baby was here...because of all the headache and entitlement to what they wanted with my first child, they weren't considering what we wanted.

This is about her and her husband having their baby the way they want to. They may have these wishes for family too, or maybe they are reserving this time for family, maybe they are following what so many books say and using this time to 'bond' with their baby, learning the new way of life the baby brings can be overwhelming for any new parent.

This is her first baby, and she can do it whatever way she wants. Many people request NO VISITORS until up to a month after the baby is born...becuase as new parents they want their time with the new baby to be theirs.

I wouldn't take it personal. There is no reason you cannot send a card, and wait to be invited over to see their new baby. Definately don't complain to her about the way they are starting their family and the time they are requesting...in advance.

I really do understand where your friend is coming from, to a certain point. With my first daughter, I didn't want any visitors at the hospital. I did however want everyone called right away, including my best friend.

What throws me back in your situation though, is that your friend was insistant on coming to see you and your baby in the hospital. In my opinion, that seems a little rude that you let her do that, yet she won't even have her husband call you to say the baby's been born. Yeah, that would upset me a lot.

I know you would be eager to say something but now isn't the time. Maybe she just wants this moment for herself and her immediate family. I know you feel like family and all but this is my only explaination. It's her birth plan and her time as a family. Each situation is different. I would be hurt too. I don't see why she didn't disclose the sex and stuff. Maybe she was worred you'd come to the hospital so that's why she didn't tell you when she went in. This is bazaar especially when you've been friends for so long.

J.,
I would respect her wishes at this time, which I'm sure you had planned on doing anyway, but when youfeel the time it right, I would discuss it with her for one main reason, and that is that she refused to tell you what hospital she was going to or when. That speaks of mistrust. She already made her wishes clear to you, why would she feel you wouldn't respect them so she kept the information a secret. Be supportive of her over the coming weeks, but when things have calmed down, I would let her know that you felt hurt for her decisions, and did she mean anything by it? Mabe there is an explanation, but if you are as close of friends as you say, you should be able to discuss your feelings openly at an appropriate time. When my best friend got married I wanted to leave roses and champagne in her room but she refused to tell me where they were staying, telling me, "this night is just for us". I understood that, but I wasn't planning on hanging out in their room, or shortsheeting their bed, or even telling anyone else where they were staying. I was really hurt by this same seeming lack of trust and respect to their special time. After they got back from the honeymoon, I told her about it how it made me feel and she felt really bad. She hadn't meant for it to come across that way, it was just a really private thing for them. Hope this helps, Good luck.
S.

Sounds like maybe a control thing. Is she controlling in general?

With my first baby we only had family visit at the hospital. I was trying to learn how to breastfeed and was tired and overwhelmed beyond belief. It was a good choice for us and if anyone was offended, I never heard about it. The second time was easier though, and I knew more what to expect and we let people come visit.

Sorry you're having a hard time with your friend. Just wait and see how she acts--but remember how hard that post-partum time can be and cut her some slack.

Good luck!

That is definately weird she doesn't want you to come visit, must be a reason she isn't telling you.

I would tell her it hurt your feelings and ask if there was more to this then she's letting on.

I know I have 2 best friends also and now that we are adults we are REALLY different now to the point of almost not being friends anymore. I was the first to get engaged, move out on my own, and have a child also.

J.,

My sister in law was the same way with her first child. She did not want anyone at the hospital, but we could visit once she got home. Give her the room she needs. Even though you have been thru this already and know what to expect, she does not. It may be something as simple as she doesn't want you to see her after the delivery all sweaty and messy! If it was me I'd give her the space she wants rather than ruining a wonderful relationship.

L.