Bend Instead of Breaking...

You just bought a house... his move will not be permanent. Why not have him go on his own and once a month you go visit him while the kids stay at your parents house? You have every reason to keep the place you recently bought, especially since it's near family and friends. Definitely something to think about!

My Father was deployed for 18 months in Wash DC while my Mother stayed in her home in FL, and loved her date weekends with her husband. As a family unit, we moved to Germany twice, Texas and Louisiana once and Came back to Florida in the same area twice where we are now.

Personally I like the serenity prayer when I'm worrying about things outside my control.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference".

The longer version goes on to say:

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

My favorite saying is "Home is where you hang your hat". Don't know who said it, but I use it alot. My daughter has even picked it up. When we're staying in a hotel and she's tired, she'll tell me she wants to go home. She's not talking about our house, but rather the hotel room.

I'm so sorry that you're always moving... That is really tough. But try to see it as an adventure. Life is sometimes as we make it. It's always beneficial for your health to look for the silver lining in the storm clouds.

Best of luck!!

It sounds almost like you are married to a military guy.
Our family has been the moving one and are now settling down.

One of our mottos is Semper Gumby ... Always flexible. When things do not go our way we alway remind each other of it.

If it does not break you it will make you stronger.
I always keep one thing that makes me feel at home and it is usually the first thing that gets unpacked.

“Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if aught but death part thee and me.”

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."

If you love your husband and he's making a living for your family, you go where he goes (if you can) and if not you must make a decision to stay where you want to stay.

Blessings.....

Deployment? First of all, let me thank him for serving our country!!! :)

"What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.”

Just try to leave a path of good thigns wherever you roam, and remember, there is always Skype! Good luck to you :)

Continue to bend. How many years does your husband have left before retirement? That will give you a clue as to how long you have to move around the country and the world. I always looked at it as an adventure and a new chapter in the book of life. Yes, there were times when I would have liked to have stayed but I would not have met some wonderful friends that are still in my life today.

As a military wife we don't always get to do want we want. Also the military is the first wife and you are the second. It is time for you to become more independent and to do things for yourself. The only person who can make you happy is you. Look at the bright side of the change/moves, the different locations, the housing, the schools, the seasons, and sometimes the languages.

These are all challenges but it is how you look at them. Is the glass half full or half empty? Your husband is doing his best to provide for his family always remember that.

The other S.

PS You could stay in your home and enjoy hubby from afar or you could move with him. I am not sure but you may be able to rent your home while you are away.

'Everything is temporary'

That is my absolute FAVORITE one through hard times. No matter how good, or how bad... it's ALL temporary.

"Oh boy oh boy... another 'learning experience'. <insert swear word of choice here>."

"We'll burn that bridge when we get to it."

"When you're going through hell... keep going!"

"She handled it with grace." ((I handle very few things with grace, especially first out, stopping to think about how one actually *might* handle a thing with grace has taught me an awful lot. Being 'dependent' was my second hardest struggle in the past 10 years. I fought and fought and fought against that one. As soon as I managed to handle it gracefully my life improved a gazillion percent.))

Been there. Sorry. Don't forget to ask if you all need to move too, if it is temporary, you could stay where you are feeling settled and he could "be deployed" to this new location, leaving you and the kids near family and friends. I know more and more families choosing that option.

I find comfort in these two sayings:

People Make Plans, and God Laughs

Attitude is Everything, Pick a Good One

Good luck!

I always loved moving as a kid. My dad was "corporate" military. He worked for a chemical company and the saying was "to move up you move out". We moved every 2 1/2 to 3 years. Finally in HS my dad said he wasn't moving for awhile and we didn't. They moved a month after my brother graduated from HS. My mom always made it an adventure. We were living in New Jersey and my mom came running out of the house screaming and laughing. She grabbed me and said "we are moving to Texas". We rolled on the grass laughing and hugging. That was in 1971. I still remember that. She made it fun. Your kids will take their ques from you. Get information about the place you are going to be going to and get excited. Find things before you go so you can look forward to it.

you nailed it in your title: I will bend, not break.

Think of a willow tree.....a creation of beauty, flowing in the wind!

Bless your heart! Your mention of being a control freak is something I more than identify with! My dh isn't in the military, but has been a contractor for many years and 3 years ago went to work directly for The Air Force. At such time, we left a home and town that I loved and though were far from family, I had established myself as a successful and respected business woman in this place in addition to really laying down some roots. I wanted to raise our child there and we left when I was 4 months pregnant. So....I year ya in your despair of wanting to feel put and left alone to really BE somewhere!

I don't know if you're a woman of faith, but that's really all that has gotten me through the despair of leaving a place I love and learning to live in a place I hate. I am not really a bloom where you are planted type, but I will say that if you focus on the possibility of such an uproar(better healthcare, new experiences for the kids, new home to make your own, different restaurants, new places to shop, new weekend activities, new neighbors) that can all help you focus on the positive. In the meantime, pray for resolution. Maybe you won't go afterall, or maybe you will and it will be an adventure that makes you grow in ways you never imagined.

Breathe deep and continue to live life where you are and don't get too ahead of yourself until you know for certain. The best way I have found to deal with change is to not worry until it really comes and when it does-embrace it with all your might despite your anger, fear, or sadness. Run full speed ahead and believe that there is a reason for the road we travel.

Love to you and yours! And thank you for yours and your DH's service!

Take a deep breath.
If you love your house, rent it out until you can come home -- that's what we always did when I was a kid and moving around. We always had the house at home. Granted, we always had to repaint and fix up before we could move back in, but we always had home.
Think about it... besides, these adventures make for great college essays.
LBC

It's all a matter of perspective and what you think you want. You can turn anything into as much fun as the situation allows. It depends on YOU. You can do this.
IF YOU'RE A CONTROL FREAK, TAKE CONTROL. FIRST, TAKE CONTROL OF YOURSELF. Deep breath. You put yourself in this position so you could grow beyond your comfy boundaries. There are things and people out there that are just as comfy, as inviting. People are going to like you, and learn to love you and your family. (No, nothing is EVER as good as family, but going home for visits is even sweeter.) You've had the gift of living close by, now it's time to gently push those boundaries and grow again.
2) ORGANIZE. Organize your family and your possessions so they are easier to pack and move. There's room for all the memories and some of the stuff. KEEP IT SIMPLE.
3) LEARN. As soon as you know where you're going, begin to research it. Each day, learn something new. Then it won't be so new or foreign - when you see the place for real, it will be familiar. Make it exciting and fun for you and your kids. Create map games - can you find the 'x'.
Look at a map - try Google Maps - look at the streets, learn street names, look at the street view and the satellite view to see the terrain. See what links the local Chamber of Commerce and City, County and State governments have on their websites. Learn the history of the area. Who are/ were the indigenous peoples? What are the architecture styles? What museums are there? What's the weather like? Playgrounds, schools? Medical centers? Universities? Libraries? Public gardens? Parks? Hiking trails? Camping? Foods? Sports? Language? Depends on your interests and needs. So much to see and learn, so little time.
4) Have you noticed any general time schedule or regularity to your moves? In any case, expect to move and always be ready. That decreases the anxiety, and makes the process easier because you're ready. You can live comfy and settled in to a place while being ready to move.
5) Made sure your kids think moving is the neatest thing to do, like going on some kind of long-term vacation. Try not to let on that it can also be difficult. Tears and warm goodbyes are a given. Embrace them.
6) Packing up is part of the fun. Let your kids choose some of what to donate or toss, what to store, and what to take (within reason - they set specific limits). Unpacking and moving in to a new place is like Christmas; the BEST part is that you can play with the empty BOXES! Make forts, tunnels, draw on them, and when they wear out - flatten them/tear them up and make sleds that work on GRASS. You can even go out to play.
7) Get one of those blank journals or a notebook, and collect quotes you like. Then, they are there for you to read whenever you need a lift. Inspiration can be found everywhere. Scripture, novels, famous writers and poets, John Muir, Emerson, Walt Whitman, Maya Angelou - the list goes on and on. Even Oprah sends out inspiring quotes!

Hope this helps! Good luck and happiness in your new home.

Everything happens for a reason.
The ONLY thing that you can control in this world is yourself.
Without change, there is no opportunity for growth. (this is a quote from my kids Nijutsu class).

If these don't work, have a drink!