Yesterday one of the school age boys I drive to school fell in the gym. He pushed his teeth up inside of his gums and was black and blue. His mom took him right away for x-rays to see if he broke the baby teeth coming in behind them. That turned out okay. But they needed to pull the teeth. It was the end of the day and the dentist was in a hurray to go home. She gave him a shot and then poceeded to immediately start pulling the teeth. The mom told me that she told her to wait and that she was ignored. She said he was screaming and crying and coming off the table. This same boy had a tooth pulled because of decay a week before and didn't make a peep. Why didn't she block the woman and insist on waiting for the anastetic to take effect?
Years ago I let a doctor talk my daughter into getting a stitch in her lip without waiting for a shot to take effect. She told her right out that she wanted to go home and asked if it was okay. My then 7 year old said she was okay with it and she barely flinched. But I know how bad stitches hurt when the anastetic has not taken effect! I had to have hundreds of stitches after the birth of my first daughter and the medicine kept wearing off.
I read an article once about doctors in emergency medicine that think kids are more resiliant to pain and don't feel things as much as adults. The article was written from the perspective of that being a false notion and we need to advocate for your kids.
Would you let someone do this to your child? I guess I'm feeling guilty about my daughter all these years later and MAD for my daycare boy.
What would you do?
Don't forget...I said he got a tooth pulled last week and never flinched. I don't mean any disrespect, but sometimes it seems like people answer very quickly on here without really reading for comprehension. This is not a boy that was scared of the dentist. BUT, he will be NOW.
GEESH ladies... I wouldn't berate this mom. She was upset enough. Some of you did hit the nail right on the head. We THINK that doctors are in authority. They are NOT. Most of the time they can't agree among themselves how to handle things. We need to do our own research and know how to handle things before going to them or we will never get the care we should. I didn't say anything to her about how she could have handled things differently. I am sure that she will figure that out on her own. I am just real mad at the dentist. There was no excuse for what they did.
HELL NO. If ti was as bad as is described I would have raised holy hell, especially after a trauma. My son is tough, so if he expresses pain I know he's tell the truth. I'd be more likely to advocate for him, probably than for myself!
Yes, I would have karate-chopped that dentist and spoken up. For sure. I also believe kids are resilient, but come on. That's CRAZY. Also, about your daughter's stitch: Totally different. Forgive yourself. Let it go! I had a few painful injuries as a kid, and some stitches before drugs kicked in. They were badges of pride and bragging rights. There's happy medium to be struck. Ripping numerous teeth out of bruised gums is not the same and not OK. That dentist would be getting a very mean letter from me if I heard about this happening to someone I know.
I think what you're talking about (the phenomenon) is more common in people in general these days.
It's a type of submitting to someone in authority--real or perceived.
Unquestioningly "doing as you're told" by someone seen as "higher up" or "expert" in some way (be it professionally, politically, medically, etc.).
When *that thing* --you know the O.?--happens in your gut, that screams "NOT RIGHT!" or "STOP!" we should listen to it. Right away.
My mom just went through some medical stuff, where it became very apparent that SHE needed to speak up, advocate for HERSELF and put an end to the insanity that was snowballing (medication for xyz, followed quickly by 5 more Rxs to curtail the "side effects" of the previous stuff). It was clear that the MDs seem content to treat symptom after symptom without considering the underlying or primary CAUSE. Guess what? After she FINALLY flat-out refused to continue on with the stuff causing all of the issues....problem solved. Issue gone.
Just another small example of why we need to:
•Question authority (real or perceived) as it applies directly to us/our loved ones
•Listen to the "voice" that's usually screaming inside of us when something is not correct, just, or fair. It's usually right!
For any kind of procedure or exam, the doctor/dentist needs to gently introduce themselves and allow the child to get to know them and trust them. If you push too hard without the child being ready, it is very traumatizing to them! I don't care if the doctor/dentist is late on going home or whatever. I pay them for their service, their bedside manner and for them to treat my child with respect and care EACH and EVERY time. If this were to happen to us, you can bet money, I would not be some quiet mom about it. They wouldn't know what hit them. I am protective of my children and will go to the ends of the earth to advocate for what they need.
M
Some people are raised to not question those in authority. It takes a screaming child and a DUH moment to learn that Yes indeed I can say no to a dr. dentist, teacher, principal.
She will most likely have a stronger backbone next time.
I let a lot of things go with number one. I learned with him that doctors and dentists can be wrong, teachers dont' always have your child's best interests at heart and principals don't like to hear the words I have taken this up with the Superintendant.
It took a lot for me to stand up to people "in authority".
Encourage her to stand up for her child but please do not berate her. Lead by example. Let her know how you stood up to a doctor or a teacher so she has a role model.
it's a tough call if you're not there experiencing the incident first hand. sometimes we absolutely do need to stand up and firmly make sure our children are being heard and taken care of. but there's also a strange phenomenon of overly aggressive mamabears these days who take 'advocating' to a whole new level.
just ask teachers.
if you weren't in the room, you really don't know if the dentist was really in a hurry to get home, or if perhaps she did know her job and wait the correct amount of time, but this poor little traumatized fellow was hysterical due to being overwhelmed. the mom was clearly upset too and may not have an entirely accurate memory of how it went down.
i remember my mangled ankle being X-rayed when i was about 4 (back in the dark ages) and how i screamed in terror. there was pain too, but nothing to how starkly horrified i was by that machine. it was so traumatic that it's still with me vividly today.
but the doctor wasn't wrong for X-raying my ankle, ya know? waiting may or may not have calmed me down, but it would have delayed getting me treated and home.
knowing when to advocate for our own kids is very important. second-guessing professionals in a situation which we've only heard about from a distraught participant needs to be taken with a grain of salt.
khairete
S.
I can tell you my experience with a dentist when I was a kid. I had a bad tooth right in the front, on top. It had rotted out a near perfect circle in the two front top teeth. I woke up one morning with a swollen face, upper lip, some of the cheek. I hurt all day. That night I went to youth group at church and everyone was staring, they kept telling me I needed to go to the doc.
My mom finally took me and the tooth was abcessed. The doc gave me shots but the puss was so bad that the medication did not effect the tooth. The dentist held me down with his knees on my chest and drilled a hole up the tooth for the puss to drain out. He packed it with cotton and told me to keep sucking gently on the tooth to draw out the puss...seriously?????? I was in Jr. High or High School and I going to suck on a puss pocket?
The shot never took effect, he drilled on it again to reopen the hole and drain more puss out a week later. He again held me down with his knees. He finally was able to do a root canal.
Is it any wonder I still to this day will not go to the dentist? This appointment has seriously effected me for the rest of my life.
This boy should never have to see this dentist again. He needs a pediatric dentist who will put him to sleep if they do any work and will play with him to put him at ease on his forthcoming appointments. Poor kid.
I would absolutely write a note on the doc's page or yahoo pages, you know, when you google someone it comes up with their information, phone number, and you can write a message? I would find each and every one of those kinds of pages and write this up. They should not be allowed to do this.
My son is cavity prove...he has deep groves in his teeth and just doesn't brush well enough. He had two filled with my husband at a children's dentist. He also had two done when I took him to our regular dentist. They told me they were going to do the sand abrasion...they tried that on me and it HURT. They say it doesn't. So far my kids LOVE the dentist and I don't want to change that. So I told them no and they would numb him...they use laughing gas so they don't feel the pain of the shot. Then they told me I couldn't go back because I had my younger son with me. Really? They don't mess with me anymore, and I'll leave it at that.
Um NO! They would have to knock me down to get to my child. Unless it was life threatening and they just couldn't wait for whatever the emergency procedure was. But for something like you have described, NO WAY.
We don't use any doctor/dentists in our family that I would ever anticipate behaving that way. Of course, I'm sure no one ever expects that...so, if it did---they'd have to physically remove me because I would not allow them to proceed.
I like to think that I would have stepped in. Having had MANY teeth pulled and other extremely uncomfortable things happen at the dentist, I am really vigilant when it comes to dental treatment.
No one can say for sure what they would have done. We kind of assume that the doctors know what they're doing, but obviously some of them are not as caring as others.
I am so sorry that this little boy was treated this way. You are right, from now on he WILL be afraid to go to the dentist.
I would push my weight around and demand what I thought was best for my child, but that's MY personality. The mom of your daycare boy sounds like my sister, she is not assertive and feels pushed down if she is ignored or rebuked when she tries to speak up. Please don't get too mad at the mom, she probably did her best and was in agony watching her son go through that horror.
L., I most certainly read all of your post and didn't skim. When you said "Why didn't she block the woman........" and that you were MAD for the daycare boy, it does, in fact, appear that you blame her.
Chalk it up to misunderstanding, but don't assume I skimmed your post and wrote my answer.
I think to a point we do need to trust our Dr.s otherwise you won't get the proper care that your kids need. I am not saying that you souldn't be awrae of your childs feelings and needs but I also don't think that all Dr.s are bad or are out to get you nor would I EVER want my kids to think that. I think that kids feel pain the same way that adults do but I think that they can bounce back from it a lot quicker. I think maybe dentist could have waited a couple of min but I know when I got my tooth pulled they waited about two min. before they started pulling and I felt them pulling but I didn't feel pain. I think there is a differance between pulling out a tooth that is almost rotted out and pulling a tooth that has been jammed far into someones mouth. I think that it is harsh to blame the mother saying she should have stepped in. I think that she knows her son and knew what had to be done or she wouldn't have taken him there in the first place. We hear all these stories on the news about bad Dr.s and people are quick to take it out on EVERY Dr. If we all stopped trusting our Dr.s what kind of world would this be.
You don't know if the dentist waited a proper period of time. Both the mother and the child were in a dither and you were only going to get a negative report because he was still upset. He could have easily been upset two hours later...long after the anesthetic wore off.
Yes, we need to look out for our children and that also includes letting someone more experienced handle the problem.
I am aware of your stance against the medical community and have your preferred method of treatments, that's not the same for all of us.
