Being Overweight

My daughter put on weight last year and it was due to stress. She was taking extra classes at school along with her already hard class load. Maybe he could just ask her if she's stress or if anything is bothering her. He might want to discuss his family history with her so she understands where he is coming from.

He could just ask her if she goes to a dr for a yearly physical. Better to let the doctor tell her she should lose weight - he's not related to her and she won't see him as judging her. From personal experience, when your parents tell you to lose weight for any reason you feel bad.

So, she's in her 20's, and your boyfriend doesn't think she knows she's gained weight? That's just silly! I'm sure she knows she's gained weight, and she's probably horrified. Being a personal trainer and nutrition coach, I see first hand how ashamed people can be of their weight. There's absolutely no reason to confront her about her weight gain. Instead, my recommendation is to create a family wide "health" initiative.

Does his daughter live with you? If so, then your job just got a lot easier! The two of you could sign up for group fitness classes together....let her choose anything she likes. (Pilates, step class, swimming, CrossFit....)It will serve double duty since it will be getting both of you up and moving AND create some bonding time for you!

The next step is to address what she's eating. Truthfully, we can't out-exercise what we eat. Weight loss is going to be closely tied to what she's eating. Eliminate all the grains, bread, processed foods and sugar so the only foods in your house came from the perimeter of the grocery store.

Bringing up her weight and "confronting her" about it will only make it worse, I promise. How many women do you know that gain even 1 pound and don't notice? :-)

I don't think he should mention her weight at all. Like another poster said, she knows.

But, he can ask when she's had her last physical and can tell her that he'd like to give her the family's health history. He can ask about her stress levels and what she does to alleviate them. But outside of that, there really isn't anything he can do or say that wouldn't be hurtful (even if it's said in the most loving way with the best intentions).

Well - health issues could be causing the weight gain. If PCOS runs in your boyfriends family then certainly his daughter should have one of the women in his family address it.

PCOS could mean a lot in terms of health and it is very common and in a weird twist of fate - weight loss helps keep it under control

Thyroid health issues could also be involved if it runs in his family.

Rapid weight gain could cause or be an indication of depression

I hate to suggest a side step but, is it possible for someone like a grandparent or aunt who knows the history to talk to her about it?

At about this age I gained a bunch of weight as well - PCOS, depression and no one in my family addressed it. It is only in adulthood with my continued struggle with weight that my parents have discussed the family history with me. They didn't say anything - and it probably would have been helpful.

At the same time if they had just addressed my weight I would have tuned them out.

Maybe this is something he should handle on his own.

For a holiday present have your boyfriend get her a month (more if he can afford it) of personal training at a gym. The personal trainer will go over exercise programs & healthy food choices. Perhaps your boyfriend can do it with her & then he can tell her it will be a fun father daughter project to get healthy together.

Like someone else said, it could be do to stress, but it could also be the precurser to a medical condition. You may want first find out if she has had a major emotional upset (maybe breaking up with a boyfirend, etc.) then suggest to her to get a check up. I had a friend with a weight gain and she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, not that I want to scare you, but don't just assume it's nothing serious. You don't say if you are close, but you may want to talk to her about life in general, usually issues will come out then, like if she's too broke to buy healthy food or join a gym. Keep close but don't hover and she may confide in you, giving you the chance to help her.

I agree with the posts about asking about getting a physical (check the thyroid and consider PCOS) and joining a gym or other exercise class as a fun shared activity to have a higher activity level. Three members of my household have seen benefits from working with a nutrition counselor along with the extra exercise. It is really important to build a shared bond/acceptance first. There are many books about PCOS available at amazon.com and local book stores and my daughter tells me that it has helped her to understand her thyroid and PCOS conditions better by reading about these conditions along with her doctor's appointments.

She already knows. Please don't tell her.

What you can do is model good food habits. The key is to prepare lots of vegetables and fewer meats and starches. Serve food on smaller plates and bowls. Get rid of snack foods with empty calories, but treat yourself to small portions of satisfying favorites (Dove dark chocolate is mine)

I know from experience that being approached about your weight is hurtful and embarrassing. (Three months after having a baby, someone said to me, "So, are you on a diet, or is this the weight you're comfortable with?") At her age, she knows she's gained weight--if the weight gain is noticeable, undoubtedly she's had to get bigger clothes. Also at her age, she is likely already aware of family health history and risks. My advice: don't bring it up.

I'm sure she is well aware she has put on weight. He shouldn't say a word to her about it- not his business, it would only cause hurt feelings and animosity. This is a very delicate subject for women. I would encourage him to seal his lips.

Definitely say nothing. I grew up with a fat-phobic father. I am currently overweight (recently discovering a thyroid problem). I have 2 sisters one is bulimic and the other is anorexic. My dad bringing up our weight and health issues has done nothing but mentally harm all of us. Even though he has stayed fairly trim he has not avoided the family illnesses of high cholesterol and high blood pressure. Plus she is in her twenties she is not a teen her weight is her business no matter how much you or her dad care say nothing and do nothing. You could drastically damage your relationships with her. If her weight is something she wants to handle then she will do it in her own time. Besides when she goes to the doctor for anything the doc will bring it up and test for all the risks. Doctors these days are very proactive about preventing heart disease and diabetes. All in all a situation left between her and her doctor or confidant. If she confides in you or her dad that she is concerned and could use some help that opens the door for you to say something. Otherwise just don't say a word you could hurt her more than you can realize.

I think a lot of people gain weight in their 20s when they go to college ( the 'Freshman 15').When I was that age, I think it would have been pretty mortifying to have my dad tell me he thought I was overweight, even if he had good intentions! Girls have very sensitive self-esteem at that age. At 5'8", and the weight range you suggested, she could be a little overweight OR she could be a very physically active, perfectly healthy girl who is just tall and big-boned!

If there are hereditary health issues, what are they? I think you have to factor in: does the daughter smoke? Is she physically active? Does she work out, run, swim, play volleyball, etc? or does she sit around all the time eating junk food and watching TV? Those things make a huge difference. If she sees a doctor for regular checkups, she is probably well aware of any weight issues.

I just think this is a very sensitive subject, especially with young women, so be very careful how you approach it. It could result in really hurt feelings between father and daughter if not handled the right way.

If he has health concerns, maybe a better way to bring it up would be, "Now that you are in your 20s, I wanted to let you know that our family is prone to high blood pressure, diabetes, etc. when we get into our 30s. It's never too soon to take care of yourself." or something like that, rather than " You look like you've gained weight and we're prone to health conditions."

It's a touchy subject- you're a good stepmom for trying to help out with this! Good luck!

Hi A. Maybe he could suggest that the three you go on walks together. And bring up the television show the Biggest Loser and how exercise and healthy eating help them loss weight and how good they look now. He can say it would be a good idea for us to loss some pounds without hurting her feeling because he wouldn't be directly talking to her.

When I was in my early 20's I had put on some weight and was very aware of this fact. I went out to eat with my dad one day and he asked me "What's your diet been like? It looks like you've gotten heavier...". I don't know if I can describe the hostility I felt but I almost flung my plate at him and left him at the restaurant. I was very hurt and very angry, of course I knew I had gained weight and felt even more self conscious. Your dad is supposed to love you no matter how big you are, not insult you. This happened over 15 years ago and I still think it was a horrible thing. I would advise him not to say anything!