When I pick up my two oldest sons from school (kindergarten and 1st grade) I give them big hugs and kisses and the occasional- I missed you so much, such and such (insert cute little nickname that only Mom calls them). I can tell they don't mind it now, and judging from their smiles and reactions they may even like or be "proud" of the special attention they are getting in front of their friends. I know that I won't be able to do that forever but I'm just wondering when I need to stop? I don't want to cross that line, or get into a situation where my boys don't want to offend me but they really are embarrassed. Just wondering if any moms of older boys can tell me when that age was, or when you just "knew" that it was uncool. I know this is a more significant issue for boys, rather than girls. (FYI, I will always snuggle, cuddle and call them little nicknames when we are at home!) I would love to hear advice, opinions and personal stories! Thanks!
I certainly will be careful so they are not selfconscious but when they get home they're in for a ton of big hugs and lots of kisses!
When they tell you that they want you to stop. Now they hold your hand in the mall and just want to be near you. In a few years you will be the most embarrassing ev-ar and they will orbit you in the mall and only come within 20 feet if they want money for food (SS swears he doesn't remember doing this).
Like others said, this is just in front of friends. You could be cute (and you should always be loving) at home for many many years to come. The same kid who wouldn't come near us at the mall would pile on the couch with us for family movie night.
You can also come up with code that means "I love you" without saying "I love you". Like "remember three" (three words - I love you). And he can say, "Sure mom" and if his friends ask he can shrug and say "she's so weird."
Oh, your sons will let you know when it is sooo not cool to hug them in public any more - I promise. LOL
For mine it was about 3rd grade - I was not allowed to say I love you after he opened the car door in the drop off line - he was just to "grown" for that "Geesh, Mom".
Then he progressed to the point in the tween years where he preferred to pretend we were not together while shopping - he would lolly gag and walk about two paces behind me. That's when I started making him push the shopping cart and carry everything. :)
Now at 15, he is more "tolerant" of me. HaHa - we shop together, go to movies, and festivals - but he still flinches when I try to put an around his shoulder, etc. in public.
But, at home - he ask for and freely gives hugs, and sings out "I love yous" - so it all balances out.
It is, I think, a natural progression for our children as they discover themselves and their place in the world.
Don't worry about it now - just enjoy them at this age - and you all will naturally grow and adjust through time.
God Bless
Rest assured they will let you know LOL. When they do, you'll stop and that should be the end of it. I think that sometime when my oldest was in 4th grade, it no longer became acceptable to give him a kiss and hug in front of school at drop off and yell "I love you!" after him. My little guys are in K & 2 and they still run to me, tackle me with hugs and kisses etc. in public. Enjoy it while it lasts!
Now that my oldest is in middle school...if I do that, it's deliberate retaliation for giving me attitude. So he knows that if he crosses the line, if I'm running an errand in the neighborhood and see him out with his friends I will pull over, roll down the window, say hi to everyone, ask him some dorky mom question like "how was your day sweetie?" and then beep and wave and yell "I love you honey" as I drive away. Luckily he has a good sense of humor and it usually puts a quick stop to attitude flare ups.
My 11 yr old son laid down the Middle School law right before school started. He let me know I can not call him by his nickname, or say "I love you", or hug or kiss him anymore at school. I then said..."Ok..I won't ever do it again." He then quickly retorted, "I don't want you to stop Mom...I still like it but just not around my friends." It was such a funny and sweet exchange.
Sooo, they will let you know their comfort level. My kindergarten son still runs up to me for hugs and kisses when he gets out of class and so does my 4th grade daughter. I am waiting for them to let me know when they want me to stop.
I have to include this. I had a headache last night and my husband was working out of town...it had been a long day. Well, my 11yr.old son came and kissed my forehead and put a blanket on me then made a cup of herbal tea for me all on his own. He was so sweet, kind and compassionate. He even said that he can't wait to make tea for his wife someday. Huh? Calm down those hormones...just focus on your homework!
Keep loving on your kids. It provides so much security and comfort to them and makes them comfortable with showing and receiving affection.
Good luck and best wishes!!
I would say around 7 or 8. My son is 12 & he's such a laid back & cool kid that he would never say something that he thought would hurt my feelings. I tell him I love him every day before he leaves for school with his best friend (but in all fairness, I say, "Bye guys, love you!" so it can go for both I suppose) & I still call him Mikey a lot of the time instead of the requisite Michael as he goes by in school. If I go to kiss him he'll always let me, but will almost never initiate when buddies are around & I get that & don't let it hurt my feelings.
**ETA**He is still quite snuggly at night time when we're watching tv which I like. He's also really great with little kids so sometimes I feel like I'm catching a glimpse of him as a father himself & what a great job he's going to do!
Oh--they'll let you know! Probably around 8ish.
Just kinda judge from their reactions. My son is in 4th and I wouldn't do that at school, probably not last year either. I don't remember about 2nd grade? They'll probably let you know when it's not "cool" anymore.
Our daughter announced that "first grades go into the school by themselves. The parents are just supposed to stay in the car. "
I was a bit sad, but also proud of her.
They will pull away from you and say "Mommy, don't!" That is when I knew to quit. It's okay to do it til then.
My girls are currently 1st and 3rd grade. My 1st grader still wants all the hugs/kisses she can get, even if friends are watching in school. My 3rd grader....I gotta take it one day at a time. When she was in 1st grade and I helped out in her computer lab a group of girls would come hug me good-bye at the end. Did she? Nope! She'd smile, she was happy I was getting hugs, but no way was she going to join. That lasted all year. In 2nd grade I literally would get the "stiff arm" if I approached her in school. It was a bit hurtful, and I spoke to her about it at bedtime. But throughout the year I respected her choice and didn't smother her. Now this year, in 3rd grade, she's loving the hugs and kisses again. Go figure!
So....like a lot of other posters have said, I think they'll let you know when they're done w/ the hugs and kisses. Even if they don't come out and say it, they'll show you w/ their actions at least. And I'm sure it'll break your heart just like it did mine. :( I know....they all gotta grow up at some point.
That will be a sad day for me :0(
My son is in 2nd grade and it stopped about 1/2 way through his 1st grade year. We walk him to school in the morning and he would let me hold his hand until we rounded the corner to where all the kids were lined up. And there is absolutely no more hugging / kissing in front of friends : - (
Atleast I still have my 3yr old who will let me kiss / hug all over her no matter where we're at.
