Being a SAHM After the Kids Are in Schoool Full Time?

Even after they start school full time, there are still Dr's appts, sick kids, dentist appts, field trips, school parties, etc... If you go back to work will you be available for all those things?

I'm in the same boat (a couple years ahead of you) and I totally feel the same way about the daycare issue. I'm actually a high school teacher (though I've been home for the past 7 years) so summers wouldn't be an issue for me. My problem is that my husband travels for work and is gone pretty much M-F. I can't leave for school at 6:30am when my kids get on the bus at 8:30am. And the before school care at my kids' school doesn't open until 7:15am, and I'd need to be teaching a class by 7:20am. It just doesn't work out for me right now. So, last year when my little one went to kindergarten I started subbing. I thought I would sub in high schools in the area to start getting to know people and making contacts, but I still have the same issue in the mornings. I decided to just work at my girls' school - and I'm loving it!! I bring them with me in the morning (I need to be there about 30 minutes before school starts) and they just hang out in whatever classroom I'm going to be in that day. Then they go to class and meet me back in my room at dismissal and we drive home together. It couldn't work out better! And honestly, it's not like you're going to be "home alone all day" - some days are just busy with "stuff". I tend to work about 2-4 days of every week. The other days I grocery shop, clean and workout! If I don't feel like taking a job one day, I don't! I love it :)

Sounds like you are looking at the situation of the kids heading off to school and there being no need for you anymore because you assume you will be "home alone all day".

My youngest is beginning kindergarten in the Fall. I will also have our 4th grader and 6th grader heading out the door too. I am really looking forward to that time to bust my butt getting a ton of stuff done so that when they get home from school I am available to have my focus be them and their homework,activities and engaging with them in conversation or fun.

I am not a SAHM just to be caregiver to the kids. I am CEO of our household..there is always something that could get done around the house. (Heck..I am already working on Christmas preparations now so when the holiday comes it is not a frenzied flurry of jolly craziness.) Or...I take time to visit friends, take a meal to someone in need, do community service or more church service. I know my time will fill up because that is what happens for moms when windows of time open...it gets filled with more things.

If you are looking for something to do then volunteer more at the school, teachers ALWAYS need help. It doesn't have to be your childs' teacher. You can volunteer in your community and do something that lifts your soul. Use some of the time to exercise, read a book, focus on a hobby, chat with moms on mamapedia, learn how to do some home industry type skills such as canning , breadmaking, making jam, sewing or quilting.

A job requires you to be there and you have to scramble to find childcare if kids are sick or have vacations etc. Volunteering allows you the freedom of choosing availability.

I think many moms, and maybe you are in this camp too, feel that they have to justify all their time while being a SAHM as being productive and as hard work. Moms don't want the image of slacking off or have nothing to rebuttal the question of "what do you do with all your time now that the kids are in school?" I laugh at those comments. I then let them know that there are no plans for me to go back to work until all the kids are out of the house. I don't have time for a job with all that I do within my home.

To me your post does not address you needing to go back to work for financial reasons but mainly a false sense of not feeling justified as being needed anymore...but then you know you are needed because summers would be "horrible" and you don't want them to "suffer by being stuck in day care that much time." You mention that you "want to work for me." I think you just need some outlets to be creative to fill yourself up emotionally and mentally etc. I really can't see how a job would do that if on the other hand you have those before mentioned concerns.

Maybe if you change your perspective of your kids still needing you even with them at school then you may see the need for you to still be a SAHM.

Best wishes with what you decide.

Well, my kids are 18 (sophomore in college now), 16, and 14, and I'm STILL a SAHM.

If it were about money, of course I would be working. But it's not like parenthood ends with potty training. There is always something to do. If you need to work for your own self worth (and really I do too, just don't know where to start), then go for it, the longer you wait to get back into it, the harder it is.

:)

Sure it is possible to stay home alone all day while the kids are at school...but it isn't very likely. If your worry is that you will be sitting around alone all day pining for something to do or someone to do it for, then set that aside. Believe me when I say that you will have so much MORE to do than you ever dreamed, if you do "stay home".

The school work picks up more and more. I cannot imagine not having been home when my kids got out of school at 1st, 2nd 3rd and yes 4 & 5th grades, too. Some kids (not all and not to the same extent) need a little extra guidance when it comes to managing their homework. And thinking that an after school program will be as detailed about it as you is just mistaken thought. There were times when I absolutely thought I was losing my mind with the number of "sheets" that needed filling out, signing up for, and signing and returning for all the upcoming things.... fund raisers, field trips, school parties, after school "dances" (yes, even for 3rd graders!), Tshirts for field day, and on and on ad nauseum. And I only have 2 kids. I can't imagine families with 3 or more, or in which the mom (who ALWAYS ends up with the bulk of the "school chores/paperwork") holds an outside job. I just don't know how they do it.
But, I am available for EVERY field trip. For EVERY class party. For EVERY awards ceremony (including the cheesy student of the months ones that just make the kids feel bad if their parents aren't able to come). For EVERY field day. EVERYTHING. And when they have a project at school, I have time to spend shopping for the appropriate supplies. (One science project we had to drive to the next bigger "town" - an hour away-- to find a fabric store that carried an adequate variety of fabrics). I volunteer at the schools with Boxtops and all the office staff knows me. My kids classmates all know me. Even kids that are no longer IN their classes know me.
I take my kids to their after school stuff as well: karate, piano, church (confirmation classes, we are Lutheran) and know all the staff, other students and their parents, etc at those things. I am free to take care of things that can only be done "during normal business hours" that are difficult for many people to manage. I take my kids to the dentist twice a year, etc. I don't have to ask for time off work--that IS my work. :)
And when one of them is sick, I don't have to weigh whether or not to call in sick to work or find a sitter or send them on to see if they can last the day... And if they are feeling ok and come down with something at school---I don't have to get approval to go get them.

I know when they are little it seems like you will have more time when they are more mature and off to school. But really, they have a LOT of needs then, too. They just change a little in nature.. Instead of needing you to walk them into school, they need you to review a book report. Instead of making their lunch (well, sometimes they still like that! LOL), they need you to sign up for and bring to school some sort of special something (my 4th graders class last year had a native american feast when they were studying native americans--- teacher needed help managing it all).
And sometimes, things just go wrong for them and they need you to be there to just give them a hug at the end of the school day. Or to talk them through some options of how to deal with this or that social issue or something with the teacher. And if you don't see them JUST as they leave school, then they forget and don't mention it.
It is also a great way to accomplish birthday and Christmas shopping without them in tow and seeing what you've bought and where you stashed it! ;)
I know I am biased, because I am a SAHM. I thought I would go CRAZY my first year or two staying home after our first child was born. I never thought I would grow to love it so much. But my almost 13 yr old son, just before I got online tonight, after saying prayers together sitting on his bed, climbed up on my lap (!!) and just hugged me. Said "I love you." And he just hugged me. Said he was jealous b/c his younger sister gets long bedtime hugs all the time and he doesn't. I certainly am not diminishing what working moms do for their kids. But there is also something to be said for just "being there" for your kids all the time. Literally. My kids know that if they call from school for any reason, they will get me. (either home or cell, lol). And they KNOW I will be there/get them/ whatever. That I don't have to get approval from someone else first. If you can give that to your kids, then I say, "Why not?".
(before anyone who is a working outside the home mom bashes me---- I MEAN "If you CAN".... not everyone feels cut out for it. And I understand that. I felt that way for a couple of years in the beginning.)

I have been and hopefully always will be a SAHM and my twins will be in 5th grade this fall. Of course when they are driving me nuts I'll say, "I wish I was working," but not really. I'm so glad to be able to be there for every school thing, sports thing, sickness, etc. etc.

I'm very lucky that we are financially able to do this, if I had to work I would (I was a nurse before). My husband loves it too (of course) because we don't have to have "latchkey" kids, I can cook and have meals ready to go before we have to go to sport stuff and not constantly doing drive thru. I don't fault everyone who can't be a SAHM, I don't judge anyone, like I said we are very fortunate this works for us.

You won't believe how fast your days will go by. I almost always start out with my workout (this is something for me and it keeps me balanced) laundry, sick kids, grocery shopping, volunteering at school, PTO. Are there days that I don't always have stuff...sure, but those are few and far between and my house is clean, our laundry is kept up, etc. It's not that I'm sitting around eating bon-bons. Another bonus, in the winter when it's below zero and nasty out, I don't have to get out in that s@!* if I don't want too. LOL!!!

ROFL....Oh honey...

Now, before I say anything else; know I don't care one way or another whether a mum decides to stay home or work outside the home (I MISS that phrase, btw., because society used to recognize that one DID actually work IN the home, but I digress). Whatever a mum or dad decides to do as best for themselves or their family usually IS best for themselves and their family. So I have no dog in this particular fight.

Now back to my tear jerking laughter.

Okay... unless you live in an odd district like ours where the school day is 8 hours long (8am-4pm), you probably live in a district with a 6 or 7 hour school day.

Ask yourself this:

1 - Did my kids nap when they were little? For how long? Was I bored out of my mind when they were napping? Would it have made your life run more smoothly if you had been able to leave the house to run errands WHILE they were napping? (The answers for most people are; Yes, 4-6 hours a day, NO! I needed more time!!!, and Yes, durn straight.)

The amount of time MOST kids are in school is pretty equivilent to the time they spent napping when they were small, BUT you get the added benefit of being able to leave the house to run errands.

2- Are non-parent adults who work only 8 hours and then are "done" and have 8 hours of free time bored out of their minds with all that "extra" time?

As parents (working or not) we have 12-16 hours days (if we aren't minding our children, someone else is being paid to because it IS a job, and a rather intensive one). Either working outside the home, and then working inside the home or not splitting our work with another caregiver and working purely inside the home. As SAHPs we ALSO (unless we trade with a spouse or similar) don't have weekends, sick days, or holidays. Kids being in away school just subtracts 30-40 hours out of our over 100 hour work week. Working parents don't lessen their working hours, SAHPs don't lessen their working hours.

3- Are your kids suffering being with you? Would you pick a crappy daycare?

The answer to both is most likely a resounding NO! Whatever situation a caring parent provides is NOT causing their child to suffer. It's their life. Which we take rather seriously. Whether we're the one's providing care for them, or we're paying others to... neither sahp kids or daycare kids are suffering if they have good parents or good daycare.

4- Is the transition startling? Hail YES. The first few weeks your oldest is in school will be a shock (What am I forgetting?). You will have days you're not quite sure what to do because YOUR schedule has just been upended. ALSO, all of a sudden you are no longer in control of your own schedule. Instead, for the next 12+ years you will be at the beck and call of school bells. Start times, end times, half days, calls from the nurse to come pick them up, parent teacher conferences, PTA meetings, school plays, fieldtrips, inroom volunteering, homework, emotional meltdowns, playdates, birthday parties. It takes a good several MONTHS for most parents to adjust to no longer being in control of their own schedules (and I'm personally convinced half day kindergarten is more about easing PARENTS into this situation than children). The shock will happen again when you don't have children home during the school day at all. EXPECT a few days of madly doing things you haven't been able to do in years (like just up and decide to go to the store, or clean a room without 50 distractions, or meet a friend who'd given you up for lost, or meet a new friend and actually just be able to go meet them, and sit and read a book for a few hours... and then to find yourself with the 'blank stare' of "what AM I going to do today???" for a few days. But give it a couple weeks, and low and behold, you finally start catching up on all the things that you let slide the past few years (remember baby-crazies? How you had to learn to reprioritize your life? How life just *changed* with kids? Now imagine a few hours every day where that is no longer the case.) And in a few weeks time, you'll find yourself so busy with your own life and your schedule (morning madness, taking care of #1-50 on your list of '300 things to be done', picking the kids up, homework, parenting, activites, cooking, family time) and you'll find yourself asking "But I thought I'd have more TIME once they were in school?!?!? Where does it go???" But the answer is that 300 item long list of things to be done, and all the halfdays, fieldtrips, volunteering, sick days, holidays, playdates, housework, homework, parenting.

There's no EASY decision... working outside the home or inside of it... EITHER choice is HARD WORK. Both have benefits, both have detractions, but they're both HARD.

But there IS a "right" choice. :D :D :D

And that's whatever works best for YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

-

Don't know if this will help, but I've been a SAHM since my soon to be 12 year old was born. When she was about 3 years old, I started a Pampered Chef business because I needed to be out with adults on a regular basis. The extra income was a nice bonus and I've been enjoying doing that on a pretty regular basis ever since. I love being home when she gets home from school and I know the feeling is mutual. I've missed nothing and enjoyed every minute of it. People ask me what I do all day. All I can say is - I keep busy. I do all the usual things (clean, grocery shop, cook every night). I see friends once in a while for breakfast. I help out at church. The days are never boring. I wouldn't have had it any other way. I just wouldn't have been happy having her in day care for any length of time. I'm looking forward to being home with her all summer. Good luck with whatever you decide.

You could get a job working for the school district.

I think you know what you want

I did a mess of volunteer work. That was I had my job but I could always be there when they needed me. It would have been different if we needed the money.

I have a friend who's kids have graduated college and almost graduated. She is still stay at home, she has gone nuts, really!!!!! You may want to consider that is too long to stay home with your kids, just a bit. :(

I've been wondering about the same thing. Luckily though, my profession before being a SAHM was being a special ed teacher, so I will most likely end up working in a school with the school schedule. I'm hoping to get a job in the same school or at least the same district as our kids so that they can come with me to school/work and be with me after school too.
Have you thought about working part time hours at the school as an aide or at a preschool/daycare? They are always looking for good people who will work part time. Good luck in your decision!

If you don't have to work, don't! You will be able to be there for your kids and handle emergencies like sickness so much better. Get involved in their schools. This makes a huge difference for them and for their schools! You will rarely be home all day if you do this. There are many other volunteer things desperately needing help as well as classes you can take, but your priority should be your kids if you're not financially strapped. Even if you're short of money, your child care costs may make it absurd for you to work. If you're home you can cook things more cheaply, shop for used clothes etc. not to mention what you'll save on gas, clothes and lunches for yourself to be able to work. Please think about this seriously. I have done it both ways and, believe me, I'd trade every dollar I earned for more involvement in my kids' lives in a heartbeat! I have 17 grandkids now and I just wish I could get back the years I felt I had to work when they were still children.

I happened to find a job working part time during school hours. IS there not some compromise where you could work only a few days a week or limited hours. Or some sort of flextime work go in to the office for some of the day and work from home the rest?? You said you had a commute?? that would really stink. Maybe you could compromise somehow and wait until they are a little bit older to ..I was going ot say dump them off on daycare, Summer camps can be very fun though and i wouldnt' look at that as a bad thing. I think first grade is way to young to be a latchkey kids especially with a kindergarten sibling, so i hope you didn't mean you would have them alone for several hours after school, during the school year.

I am going to be, you.
My daughter is in school.
My son will be soon.
I was a SAHM all this time.
Then what?
I or my Husband, don't want them in after school care programs, and that is expensive too.
But I will probably have to find work part-time.
Doing what, I have no idea.
But I want it to be, for when my kids are in school, then I can be with them after school, pick them up, etc. And I want it to be nearby in our neighborhood/town, so I can go and drop them off/pick them up at school. And still be Mom.

I will be checking out these answers, too. To your post.

Look into part-time work, maybe a Mother's Day Out program or something like Pampered Chef mentioned below (there are probably a dozen different type products you can sell from home these days). Or fill in your time volunteering at the school. You can really make a positive effect on your kids education and still be there for them. I work part-time with my youngest still a year away from kinder but it seems like the older they get the more they need me home! Try it for a year and go from there if you really aren't sure . . . .

I admit I didn't read all the answers so forgive me if someone else mentioned something like this.

This is my philosophy and my experience on that. You/We has do make decisions based on what is best for the family.
I did not stay home after my kids were born. I worked full time by MY choice until my oldest was 10 and in 5th grade. I am (was) an RN. I paid my own way through college, loved nursing and miss it! I was also very lucky to have a fabulous on-site center and later an amazing woman for a nanny.
But once my son hit school I heard, "why can't you go on the field trip?" "Why can't you come eat lunch with me?" I did not get to participate really in any of his school functions until he was in 4th grade. My husband and I finally made the decision that we could and I should stay home for a few years. I never intended I'd still not be working! But I've now been able to be involved in their lives. I really threw myself into volunteering at their school and a local charity to fill that non-working void and give me something to do.

I feel so happy and blessed I've been home through most of the school years and especially as they hit their teens. Our house is THE house the kids come to. And the other mom's know I will be here and don't worry about what their kids are doing.

I realize you have already been home and want/need your own identity. I GET IT!! But maybe finding something very part time or as I did, get involved in their school or your community. There are a lot of organizations that not only are looking for general help, but if you have a certain skill you could share they would be thrilled, I'm sure.

Oh, and our kids are 21 and 17 now.

I recommend you find a school calendar friendly job. Either with the school district itself so your calendar is the same or job share a position somewhere so you can be home when the kids are sick, which is a couple of times a month, and can be home for all the school breaks and holidays, go on field trips, shuttle them to their Dr. and dentist appts....etc.

I love working part time. 2 days a week my kids go to an after school program, and they love it. They get to play with stuff we don't have at our house, get computer time, and see buddies from school.

If you have the option, part time is terrific. You get some time to be something other than mom and keep up professional skills. That has been really important to me and makes me a happier mom/wife! I do not think I would go back to work full time though, it is just too busy.

I read through some of the answers and I agree - you will find tons of things to do whether it be finally getting everything on your to do list done or volunteering at school or work at the school (most aide positions require less than a bachelor's degree) or the million things the kids will still need. I just wanted to say that when I only had 1 child (we will now have 4 soon) I thought the same thing. Our first is special needs and went to school full days when he was 4. I also thought I'd been out of my field (information technology) for 4 years and there was no way I was qualified anymore. But I felt this need to prove that I could still do it and I loved my job when I was working before. There is a certain way you feel when you're needed by your children that requires your heart and a whole other way you feel needed and valued by other adults in the workplace for your brain. I needed that adult interaction and feeling like I was smart and acknowledgement of what I could accomplish. I did find a job I was qualified for, worked for several months until I became pregnant with the 2nd. We did not use day care. Instead, I worked 7-4pm and my husband worked 8:30-5:30pm. Our son was picked up at 8:20 and my husband got him on the bus. The bus dropped him off at 4:20pm and I was there to get him. The only thing that was especially hard was I needed to be the one to take vacation days for dr visits and sick days and because I was a new employee all I had was 10 days. When summer came around that's when I happened to quit so I'm not sure what we'd have done for 3 months but he did have some summer school and I had a couple friends who were doing home day care. Our family lives 2 hours away so they couldn't help much but maybe you have family close by that could help with things like Christmas vacation?

What about working part time, during their school hours? It sounds like money is not the driving force here, but your loneliness. You could volunteer at your kids school or somewhere else as well. 10 hours per day away from you, and then 8 of the last 14 spent sleeping, means you would hardly get to be with your kids at all. Plus when you arrive home you'd be exhausted, have to make dinner, homework, etc...

There are plenty of things you can get involved in to make your day while the kids are in school fly by. It sounds like going back to work will have more negatives then positives on your family.

Best wishes!

There are real at home jobs that you can set your hours, my daughter will go to Kindergarden this Fall, four days a week. I have started working as an independent contractor and am working out of the home while she is sleeping or in daycare/preschool. I am a SAHM, but have choose to send her to daycare/preschool for social reasons. Maybe you could check into some of the real at home jobs. I have worked for different companies like Toys R Us, HSN, Direct Response, and right now i am training for Carnival Cruise Lines. Just something to think about and it is a tax write off

Read the book "Radical Homemakers".

I had my children later in life after being a professional for over 20 years. So it was a big adjustment to stay home and the hardest job I have ever had! But I am so glad I didn't have to call into work when they were sick or miss field trips.
There are so many children in our neighborhood that just run around all afternoon with no supervision from the time school is out til their parents get home at 6 or 7 pm. Most of them are no worse for it but several have gotten into serious trouble.
I started a home-based business because I loved the products so much. I also got my personal training certification and teach a class every morning and recently learned to do free hand engraving.
Several of my sahm friends substitute teach or work on finishing their degrees.
I hope you find what works for you.

Kids have to be a certain age before it is legal for them to be latch key kids. Until they are 10 years old they need to go to a licensed child care provider.

As they get older they need to learn to be responsible, leaving them home alone for bits of time while you are nearby is a good way to teach them this. When you run to the store the older one can stay home and have 2-3 simple rules that he can remember easily. Then as he gets very good at it he can start staying longer times by himself but not with you that far away for that long.

Once both kids are over 10 they should have the skills needed to be home alone together with some neighbors in the vicinity that they can call on if there is an emergency.

If you want to go back to work then for goodness sake, go back to work. I have so many friends that were taught a woman's place is at home and their church really frowned on them working even after the kids were in school all day. A lot of them have gone to work anyway. They have kids that will eventually go to college, on missions, have weddings, etc...the money earned can always be used for the future. A couple went to school for their RN degrees and then worked for a while. They went back and got a Master's and taught at Jr. College levels. Some went to college and graduated with honors and went to work for the local school system, it was a long wait because just about every other mom had the same idea. There were so many needing jobs and they just couldn't use them.

Going back to work is pretty normal. If you want to work then you'll find a way. There are lots of fun things kids do in child care during the summer months. They go fishing, swimming, to the park for picnics, play games like the Olympics, they do mini classes. The Y has something different every week and nothing is boring about it.

the right day cares are not torture. the right ones are great places that the children learn and have fun. how is that suffering?

i am a SAHM now for the past year but have generally worked atleast part time. i am starting another part time job this week and can't wait for the mental break from home. during the school year i am alone at home for 6 hours a day. i get bored. very bored. even after WW meetings and going to the library or gym. you can only clean so much. there are only so many doctor appointments or sick days. i get bored.

i would only consider a full time job if it were family friendly, meaning limited weeknight hours, as my hubby works lots of hours and we are far from family. however, if we were closer to family, then i might consider it. circumstances matter.

bottom line for me is that Momma has to be happy. find a job to do that you love. put your kids in a great day care. they will make friends, you will make money. nobody is harmed or suffers.