Behavorial "Hot Spots" with Siblings

I think they are tired. Maybe just tell them. "It's late, and time for bed- so lets go inside an get ready for bed". Let it be calm and give them a good amount of time to get ready. When I get home from a long day I like to just relax for a few minutes before I jump right into something else (like getting ready for bed) and can get kinda testy when my kid ask me to do a bunch of stuff right when I get home. (they always ask me for stuff as soon as I walk in the door and I hate it!)

Maybe have something "fun" set up for when you get home. If the pattern is every time you get home no matter how long the outing, then that is the clue. They need something to transition them during their transition time.

For example, when you come home from the grocery store have a surprise snack that you bought and the mission for the girls is to set up a tea party while you unpack the groceries and then you can surprise them with the fun snack. It can be a race for them to set it up faster than you can unpack the groceries too; they will have to work together to get it done, and hopefully not fight. After a long outing, obviously you want it to be more mellow because I'm sure you yourself will want to unwind, so maybe set up a book corner (could be on mom's bed or in a special part of the house that they don't get to use often). Fill a basket with their favorite books that they get to choose and change out as they please, and when you get home the family can go to the book corner. Each girl can pick the book they want to read, and you switch off who goes first (charts help with this so they don't fight over it). Then after sitting with you for awhile at home distracted from the adrenalin switch it should be easier to get them in the bedtime mode.

Good luck!

My girls are 8 and 10. They have regular sibling battles, so I feel your pain. My 10 year old knows just exactly how to push the 8 year old's buttons, in a quiet, sneaky, way, trying to play the innocent one. While the 8 year old tends to fall to pieces and over-react to her sister's actions. Like someone else said, I try to stay out of it, and don't take sides. The girls accuse each other of lying and me not believing them that their sister did something while I wasn't watching, but it really shortens the battles for me to not get involved.

I think it's hard for kids to come home from a long, fun day and go immediately into bedtime routine. They are overly tired, and the fun is over. You could try an incentive for getting ready for bed nicely. Sometimes we let the kids listen to books on CD on weekend nights in their beds, sometimes I pick up a kids magazine and save it for these kind of evenings, or save a treat for at home, only if/and after they get pj's on and don't starting fighting while racing for the bathroom, etc. I've really tried to stop making threats of taking away privileges in the heat of the bad behavior moments, because it just makes everyone more angry and tense. I've started letting them decide how to behave. Sometimes I calmly, in just a matter of fact, not sarcastic way, say "so, you're refusing to get your toothbrush" and walk away. A lot of times, that gives them pause, and when I don't get all authoritative and rush them, they start to do what is expected on their own. I admit, at the end of the day, and because I see the value of them getting enough sleep, and I am anxious for some quiet time, I hurry them through the bed time routine. Sometimes, it does go bad. I try to be patient in the moment, and it helps. The next day when everyone is calm, we talk about it. Sometimes there is a privilege taken away, or the answer to "can we . . . ?" is simply, "no, we didn't like your behavior before bed last night, let's see if it improves, and then we can . . . ." or then you can "have some TV or Wii time"

My son acts up more when he is tired. After a long full fun day with him, he is usually grouchy. If I have my grandchildren here as well, they do the same things. I think all children go through this stuff. But your doing good if they listen and follow directions even sometimes! You seem to be doing well. :)

Probably tired and hungry. You can try a snack in the car ride home. You can always try car games. Like finding alphabet on signs or plates, listing animals that start with all the letters of the alphabet, story go round-one person starts a story and the next person tells another part and so on... Make sure that they have other car activities that they may enjoy, mp3, toy, drawing pad... That may help keep them occupied.

I've noticed with my grandchildren that they act out more when we return home when I'm not paying attention to them. They are 6 and 9. It feels to me like we've had this pleasant time together, even if it's just grocery shopping, and now there is nothing. We've gone from paying attention to each other and the activity to being alone, emotionally. For me, I like the quiet in coming home after being active and I noticed that even tho I was physically present my mind was either spaced out or thinking of what I was going to do next.

What helps is for me to continue focusing on them, talk with them, keep them occupied until they're used to being home. When I'm wanting to think about what I'm going to do next, I do my thinking out loud, directing my comments and wonderings to them. Sometimes I direct each one to do something that puts each one in a different room. For example, if it's evening, as I'm opening the door, I'll tell one to get their pj's on and the other to brush their teeth. Or have one pick out a book to read or come into the kitchen to get a snack. If it's earlier in the day, I frequently put on a movie. Perhaps have one pick out a movie and the other help unload the groceries. Sometimes I take both in the kitchen to help get dinner started. One sets the table. The other gets something out of the frig.

It helps to keep them in motion. I suggest that the reason that they fight is because of a need to fill in the empty space that feels really empty after having been involved in an activity.

Hello Michelle!

I read your post and cannot help thinking that Reiki would help. Reiki is energy, and there is a simple way to learn to give this energy to others and even to ourselves. If you take Reiki training, you will be able to give treatments to your children and also to yourself. Believe me, you will be glad.

My Reiki teacher, who lives in Jerusalem, Israel, will be coming to teach in the SF Bay Area during the first two weeks in June. Please get back to me so that I can send you more information about the classes, and even get you in touch with her so that you can ask her questions directly. Hurry, because she will be leaving Jerusalem on May 27th, and after that it will be hard for her to answer you.

sincerely,

S.

I find that they bicker most when they are hungry and tired. I also decided a long time ago to stay out of it. I don't get in the middle...
Sometimes they are vying for attention - That's when I ignore them both!
I have been known to tell them that they have to sit in the same room together for 20 minutes. They can play together or they can bicker. It's their choice... By the time their "sentence" is up, they are happy and don't want to go their separate ways.
YMMV
LBC

What I did recently was buy one of those small dry erase boards and when we are doing something that I know that my kids will need a visual I right down the schdeule on it. Maybe you can keep it with you and right down what you are doing or what is expected of them. I know for my daughter having it in writting makes her more complient! Maybe having a visual could help... Good luck!