Behavioral Books

He is a Tween.
Tweens are from 9-12 years old.
If you do a Google Search... on "Tween Development" many good articles will come up... I would read that.

Also, try to form a 'relationship' with him, bonding with him... and just having conversations... NOT it being about what he does wrong or right, nor scolding or making everything about punishments etc. For a kid, this is most of their life. Being at the end of the stick. Not fun. And they will start to push you away....

Kids this age, actually need to 'bond' with their parent... still. Each stage of 'bonding' being manifested differently, per the child's age..... it is very important... AND they need to know, that they can come to you and just talk... openly, about ANYTHING. Just being 'accepted' for who they are.... communicating. Otherwise, as he becomes a Teen... a kid will shut you out and not even tell you how they feel. Which is not what you want. You want to, ideally... be in their loop... .so that they can come to you... with whatever feelings/issues/problems/ideas/dreams... they have.

He sounds like a good normal kid.
Accept him for who he is... let him talk with you, be his soft place to fall.... and let him know, by words and actions... that you are not his 'antagonist' nor his 'judge.' And that... it is not all about 'punishments'.... for everything he does.

Punishments do not work... because the problem is... he is not feeling heard or connected with....

all the best,
Susan

My home situation is very similar to yours. My son is in fourth grade and never gets in trouble at school. At home, he always finds a reason to argue with me or talk back. I talked to my son's doctor about his behavior and we talked about it in front of my son. This alone made a big impact. The doctor also gave me some handouts about dicipline. I'm strict but I realize now that I sometimes have to choose my battles. It's not easy sometimes but it works. Even though I don't want to ignore his bad behavior, most of it is him trying to push my buttons and ignoring him is the best way to make him stop. I hope this advise helps.

Check out www.loveandlogic.com. I ran across a book in doing research but then was referred to it by a therapist. I highly recommend it because it works! I've learned to stop doing those tradional methods of parenting, like grounding etc because they just don't work. These methods put the onus back on the child and in turn streghthens your relationship and the child. It works in my house.

Read: Bringing Up Boys by Dr. James Dobson. Other teachings by Dr. Kevin Leahman.. Doing a video series with my small group called Have a new Child by Friday.

My new husband and I took a parenting class through our church before we got married and they used the Growing Kids God's Way book. I think it is a good book/workbook. It talks about training your child's heart rather than his mind (ie they do what is right because that is what they're suppose to do not because you are right there or are nagging them)

Wow! It looks like you recieved some great book suggestions! I would also recommend each one. Hang in there!

I can't say enough words to explain how awesome this book is! It's not a cure-all, nothing will be. HOWEVER, it will give insight, ideas, and much more into how to help your tween in today's world. "Your Boy" by: Vicki Courtney. I attended her Your Girl conference with my then 12 year old daughter, and it was life changing for her and for myself. What an eye opener. It's a must read!

http://vickicourtney.com/bookstore/item_19/Your-Boy-Raisi...

Have a New Kid by Friday by Kevin Leman

Also for mom's with boys. Boys Adrift by Leonard Sax. Us moms need to understand better how to motivate our boys.

Pick up a copy of RAISING RESPECTFUL CHILDREN

An excellent book is "Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason" by Alfie Kohn -- it's a wonderful book.