Behavior Problems with My 2 Year Old in the Mornings

Hello there.. I have a two year old. Actually shes almost three. I have two suggestions. First maybe dont let her have the T.V on until she gets dressed, and no books. Then that may make her hustle to get it over and done with so that she can do what she wants to do. The other suggestion is make it a game, pick out two outfits the night before then let her pick one and maybe that will make her excited to get dressed. My little one loves a morning cup of milk and gets that a banana after shes done getting ready. Good luck.. I hope this helps, stay strong.

M.,

I have a 3 yr old daughter and had a similar problem about getting ready and going to bed at night. I got a magnetic chart that lists things she has to do in order to get a magnet. Examples are take a bath, brush teeth, get ready for bed without crying etc. If she does these things she gets to put a magnet on her chart. We don't have the same fights b/c she wants to get ready for bed so she can do her magnets. Maybe if you put a chart up in her room with a list of the things she needs to do to get ready in the morning she will want the reward of a sticker or magnet or whatever you choose to give her. It might help with the fighting. It worked for us. Good luck

D.

Hi M.,

I am a mom to a 2.5 yr old boy and 7 month old little girl. We started having some behaviour issues once pre-school started and our routine shifted. I think being firm is key. If she wakes up well to the tv, I think that is fine, but tell her in say 10 minutes mommy is coming to get you dressed. In five minutes say mommmy is coming in five. THis may help her adjust to what is coming as opposed to just stopping her in whatever she is doing to dress her. I think some of the behavior is just natural twos to test boundaries, but you do have to remind her who is in charge. I think you can find balance by trying different ways until you find what works. I wish I had a more straight forward answer, but it is hard to give advice when you don't know the child. Good luck!

I would say she's being 2 , BUT I would also change the routine around a bit. when you get her up instead of letting her play get her dressed right then ,THEN allow her to play till you are done then all you have to do is pick her up in her room and take her to get her breakfast.

I have read through your responses, and first of all- I really disagree with colleen. Not because she is spanking, but because it is wrong to EVER punish your children. As parents, we are supposed to teach our children discipline to become responsible adults, not just to obey our every word. I work with 2 yr olds everyday and it is perfectly normal for them to test boundries and want to make their own decisions. At this stage they are trying to separate themselves from you as a person. Up until now you are the center of their lives and now she is seeing what else is in the world. That said, I agree with most everything else with one extra piece of advice- get an egg timer. If she decides that she doesnt want to get dressed right out of bed (or do anything else on a timely basis) you can say " ok, I'm going to set the egg timer. When it goes off you have to do this." You should get much less of a fight after that. good luck.

My advice to you is to take the TV out of her room or better yet out of the house. Take the books out of her room until she complies in the morning. Promise that she can look at them or that you will read them to her over breakfast. Offer her a prize for getting dressed herself and/or count down for her and make it a race. Make sure she gets plenty of rest and is eating right. Good luck!

Well the devil horns of some come out last time I suggested this, but thankfully I'm not the type to care what other people think. So with that said...start punishing her. My form is spanking or popping on the hand but use w/e you usually use for punishment and put her in her place.She is to young to listen to reason and to young to care about something being taken away later.Or if your against punishing, then set her in a high chair or something she cant get out of and dress her as much as u can in that...hair,socks,shirts or w.e. You could also not let her play with her toys in the morning,that problably doesnt help the situation, she gets into playing and to her time is NOT of importance especially lined up next to playing. SO stop letting her play in the morning. Set her in a highchair and let her eat some breakfast or something while u get her things ready.

Ok, referring to brani's statement..."It is wrong to punish a chiild" uuummm oook. Just b/c you work with 2 yr olds only means your well familar with how 2 YRD OLDS work. But that theory will go out the window come pre-teen and up. Punishment isn't a sign of the parent not loving and understanding the child. Punishment is there to reinforce your boundries.All I can say is I'm am going to be sitting pretty come my kids yr's past being a baby...and my kids are alot more better acting than those I see in a daycare where 2 yr old run the show.I'm not going to correct anyone unlike some because different things work for different families but I know first hand how children act vs. being punished and not being punished and I know I wouldnt want to be a parent of a child that knows no limits and lives knowing as long as they play their cards right that they can manipulate the parent into being their punching bag...thank god I'm not new to this and looking for advice on parenting from some of you...if I was i'd have a horrible experience with kids.

I think what you're doing is great as far as gently waking her up. I have a 3-year-old son who struggles getting up and going as well. One thing I have found that works for us is diverting the attention from what he is doing wrong.I pick some songs that he likes to divert the bad behaviour to positive in singing together and when we work together, we get the job accomplished and he and I both are happy. It only takes a couple of songs and he ends up dressed and me alot less stressed. Good luck, I hope it works for you too.

I had a similar problem with my little girl when she was around that age (it lasted til I changed our routine). She always threw an absolute fit when I tried to get her dressed. And she has always thrown a fit when I try to distract her from tv, so I can't even imagine both battles at once. Here's my thought on this. Right now you're rewarding her for waking up (with Jojo, something that's apparently important to her). But your big battle is getting her dressed. Perhaps come up with a different reward for waking her up. Mine is vitamin time. She LOVES vitamins, because not only do they taste like candy, I make a big ordeal out of it "Woohoo!! It's vitamin time!" and we run downstairs, bouncing the whole way, making it a special time. Then she's up. We usually eat after vitamin time, so as to not get any food on her outfit for the day.

Then AFTER she gets dressed, she can watch tv. I can do her hair while she watches tv, and it works out well. Be sure to let her know that Jojo is about to come on, and that she has to be dressed before you'll turn the tv on. She'll throw a fit about it initially, but after a few days of sticking to it, and she knows you're serious and understands the new routine, I think she'll come around. Especially if you point out "Oh, it started without us because you were crying too long. Maybe tomorrow you can cry less and we won't miss the beginning". Plan on getting her (and yourself) up earlier than normal to give yourself a chance to figure out how long it's going to take based on the new routine. Also, I make a point to pick out her outfit with her the night before and I have it set out, panties, socks, everything, so there is no question, you can deal with the "No, I don't wanna wear that" stuff the night before, when you're not in quite as much of a hurry. And don't let her change her mind in the am - which may cause battles at first but again, routine is key and once she knows you're sticking to your guns, she'll give up. So again, definitely plan for some extra time needed in the AMs until you get things running smoothly because getting frustrated with an uncooperative toddler while you're in a hurry is not a good mix. Oh and be sure she's getting to bed early, kids that age need a lot of sleep, so if you're one of those parents who let their kids stay up until they go to bed, then that is probably half the battle right there. She is tired! My rule is she's in bed, bathed and teeth brushed by 8pm. I have a routine for that too... :o)

(This part is to Brandi-
"but because it is wrong to EVER punish your children. As parents, we are supposed to teach our children discipline to become responsible adults, not just to obey our every word."
So how do we teach them to be responsible adults with out penalites for breaking the rules? Give them PS3s, Game Boys, TV's in their rooms, and what ever electronic device will make their every whim happy?? I live across the street from a high school bus stop and let me tell you, if you heard what these kids talked about you'd want to wash their mouths out with soap! We as parents have given more and more as the generations have gone by because we want to give our kids what we didn't get as children. Now we've got 16yr olds getting pregnant because their parents think it's ok to be with a 21yr old boy!! Kids in elementary school cussing out parents and teachers without a second thought!! Safe sex/abstinance programs being taught at schools starting at 4th grade (a friend of mine does this in AZ where most middle school girls are prego or have children)!!! My butt got spanked with a belt when I was a child! Do I disapline my children that way? No, but my 7yr old knows what a spanking is across her butt with my hand!! She also knows time-outs by standing with her nose touching the wall and her arms straight out in the air too. She knows what it's like to have nothing in her room but a bed and clothes bc I took her toys away. My 19month old also gets time out by being put in his crib for 2 mins or toys taken away for throwing. I also pop him in the hand for touching and pulling things he shouldn't. And trust me, he knows when he is caught standing on the couch bc he sits right down when you make eye contact! His punishment, I don't let him back on the couch after 2 warnings. Even though you work with 2yr olds, it is totally different when it is your own child-trust me! So what do you do when a child smacks another child where you work?)
-S.

I agree with Andrea, pull the TV!!! In my house, TV is a privledge not a right and I see no reason at all why a 2yr old needs one in her room anyways. My oldest is 7 and has never had one in her room and is only allowed an hour or so a day even on weekends of cartoons! Also in my house, she isn't allowed to play or watch cartoons before school until she is ready for the day. Dress, breakfast ate, teeth and hair brushed and back pack ready to walk out the door. And that has been a standing rule even before she started school and I was a working mom. Trust me, there are days where I thought I was going to have to send her in her PJs cause she plays around, which equals grounded for the rest of the day because she didn't follow the rules! And yes, your little one is also acting like a 2yr old, testing the limits to see how far she can go. The only way to stop it is to put your foot down and be firm. Don't give her the inch cause she will take way more than a mile and you'll have a harder time gaining control!!

Good luck!

S.
www.shariegraf.scent-team.com

Age 2 is all about establishing independence. Your daughter doesn't so much want to defy you as she needs to work out that she is her own person and responsible for her own actions, and it is a natural and necessary stage of development. A good habit to get into is to give her as much power and independence as you can with lots of choices. Go into her room, and pick two outfits and ask, "Do you want to wear the pink or the red dress today? As long as you're asking her what she wants and giving her something to think about - instead of telling her what to do - she is much less likely to say "no," and she will be happy with you for empowering her. Do this with as many things as you can, especially give lots of power and choices with food, and it will be easier when she doesn't have a choice about something - yes, you HAVE to get in your carseat :)
C. at Loving Hands Family Child Care

The answer to the problem is simple, your daughter is old enought to know boundaries. Beginning in the morning, when you get her up you should get her dress immediately, before you turn on the TV or let her read her books. Make these two things rewards for getting dressed in a timely manner without fuss. If she gives you fuss, she gets no TV or books.

Make this routine. Children who are 2 require routine, without it they tend to "test" your every move.

I can completly relate to this. I have a 2 year old daughter as well and we go through the same thing every morning. i think it might just be the age but i'd like to read the other responses you get in case someone has some good ideas:)

I am a full time working mother of 2 daughters, 1 is 2years old and one is 9years old.

M.,
I had this same problem with my oldest when he was 2. I recieved advice from another mom - she told me to wake him a few minutes earlier and read that one book, or whatever it was. But to set the limit at that one thing and then more on to getting ready. I agree with you, your child is testing her limits, and wants a little control, and just a little more attention!
Good luck!

Try telling her in a matter of fact way that first she will have to get dressed and THEN she will get to watch JoJo. Let the tv show be the reinforcement, but only let her watch if she gets dressed WITHOUT a fuss. Good luck!

Just an opinion, but I think that turning the TV on is a bad idea especially to something she likes. If you want to turn the TV on to get her started turn to the news or weather channel, that way she doesn't get to involved in the show and gets angry when you interrupt her. My son usually doesn't want to get dress either if I turn it to a cartoon channel, so now I either turn to the weather channel or not turn it on at all. Also play a game with her on getting dress. I will tell my son he has so many mins to put is shirt on, etc. or we race together putting on clothes. Also as far as reading books have her read to you in the car on the way to the daycare. This is will also help her in the future and read faster, you read it to her and have her read it back to you. Good luck!!