Behavior Problem

Hi. My son did this from 18 months to 2 years old. My doctor told me to just ignore him and go do something else. Do not give in. He will realize crying does not get his way eventually and stop this.

Hi A.,

My son is now 4, but when he was about 1.5 or 2, he had bad tantrums. He tended to throw his tantrum in public. It looked really bad in public though.... I found out later on wehn he was hungry, he tended to throw his tantrum. so I had to give him snack at right timing. Good luck.

My pediatrician suggests that you put them in a safe place to work out their tantrum.

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T063300.asp

Hope this helps

K.

Good Morning A.,
Take a deep breath mama. You're on your way to "beautiful sons" way of thinking. My first was not like his younger brother or younger sister. You've got yourself a smart, loud individual and now's your time to shine. When my daughter started her screaming stuff I would get even quieter. I would stop what i was doing and give her a hug. Then if that didn't show signs of relieving the situation, I would take her to her room, door left open and say if you need to scream, do it in here, When your done, come on out. Sometimes you have to keep doing it, but if you stay calm no matter what you do, it'll teach your son that your in charge respectfully.
If it sounds like he wants his way or else. Well, show him "or else" in a loving, kind way. You can even start naming his frustration, like "you wanted to run and I stopped you." Then tell him why even if you think he won't understand. He will understand your tone of voice. If he is getting a rise out of you for attentions sake...well how you respond will speak volumes.
Be the blessing in your son's experience in this frustrating, crazy wonderful world. Good Luck. Feel free to check out my blog: www.xanga.com/Jaynebug
Good luck
L.

Dearest A.,
I am a stay at home mom of two beautiful girls, now 7 and 3. I experienced something similar with my oldest daughter when she was 2 yrs old. She would throw herself on the floor, any floor, kitchen, living room, my bedroom even the bathroom sometimes. What I ended up doing was sending her to her room so she could throw her tantrum there. I would talk to her letting her know that I didn't approve of her tantrums but understood that she needed a place to let out some steam. I would tell her that she wasn't in trouble, but that I didn't want to hear her crying and complaining about things. Well she didn't like it at first. Sometimes I would even drag her to her room and not let her come out until she was ABSOLUTELY ready to talk to me about how she was feeling. I know that you may be thinking she was only 2 yrs old, but trust me, kids even as young as yours can express themselves and tell you in their own words how they are feeling. Sending my daughter to her room everytime she had a tantrum worked it was difficult at first, but once she got understood and realized that having a tantrum wasn't going to get her way, anyways, she learned to talk her feelings out. To this day, now that she's 7 she sometimes has a "hizzy fit" and on her own goes to her room to calm down and then comes back out when she's ready to talk. I haven't noticed my 3 yr old have tantrums but when she does get fussy about eating or cleaning up after herself and she begins to complain and not listen, she too goes to her room and when she's ready to come out and do what mommy told her to do, she does it. Even if it takes all night. She seems to start to understand that no matter how long or how many times she gets sent to her room, as soon as she comes out she's going to either eat her dinner or clean up. No way around it.
Good luck.
E.M.

Hello,
I have a 2 year old and the tantums. I also have a daycare.

Biggest thing - DON'T GIVE IN TO THEM!
If you do, they learn to do the behavior until you give in. With my children here and my own, I put them into one of the bedroom and tell them they can come out when they are done crying and ready to participate. When they stop crying, I go and get them, if they have not come out already, have them participate in activities with the other children and make them laugh. I only ask if they are ready to stop crying and then we act like it never happened.

Or if they are tired, I tell them that they are behaving this way because you are tiered so I put them in bed and usually they fall asleep within a couple of minutes.

Before my daughter could talk and she knew what she wanted and if I could not figure out what it was she would start that behavior. I would have to get her to calmed down enough to show me what she wanted. The funny thing was it was always something she could have but it was a lot of pointing to items.

Let me know if it helps.
K.

My kids did that and I would ignore them, if I could, and they would eventually stop because of no attention, or I would put them in their room until they were done. If we were out, they got to sit in the car until done(them in the car, me outside. And they wouldn't get whatever it was that they wanted. For a while they were in they were in their rooms or the car alot, but eventually cut down on the tantrums. I know how you feel, just be consistant and things will get better.

It happens and is hard to deal with. Get or rent the dvd/vhs of Dr Harvey Karp's "The Happiest Toddler On The Block" ASAP. He has great advice for temper tantrums - it works - I have been doing it and it has helped immensely.

No advice, but I think this behavior is normal.

I also have two boys (7yrs & 10mos.), and they are polar opposites, so I can relate with what you're going through. My older son threw horrible tantrums when he was a toddler. He is such a mellow, well-behaved boy now, so please take comfort in knowing that this is probably a phase, & should be something he grows out of. I found that the best way to handle our sons tantrums was to ignore him. I know that sounds cruel, but I found that if we only gave him attention for positive behavior, the tantrums grew less severe until he finally understood that mom & dad wouldn't respond to screaming & throwing himself to the floor. Reasoning with a toddler doesn't work for most kids, because they don't care about reasonable at this age. They just want what they want, when they want it. :) Whenever he would get worked up to "tantrum mode", we would put him in his play pen or some other safe area, & walk away to let him get it out of his system. Once he started to calmed down, one of us would then come back to give him hugs and reassure him that mommy & daddy love him & that all would be ok. For our son it worked. Each child is unique, so this may not be the answer, but I'm sure you will eventually find what works best for your child. Best of luck to you! :)

I had a tantrum thrower too. I always read that a acting out child is a child in need of something. With my child it was either he was over tired or it had been too long between meals and he was hungry. I know that some children just throw fits. We made sure he was on a regular schedule which was hard to stick to and it changed everything for us. He threw one fit in public and I immediately put my stuff on the counter and told the worker that I was sorry but I have to get my son home and she understood. Good luck.

The best thing to do with tantrums is to ignore them. If the noise or behavior is disturbing others, remove the child to another room, outdoors, the car etc. and make them stay there.(shut the door). Sometimes they will try to run back into the "public" area to continue the tantrum. If they do this, that just proves that the source of their tantrum behavior is to "get attention" which most children love no matter how they get it.
The trick for all screaming kids, is to REMOVE THE ATTENTION by ignoring it and removing the child away from any other people who inadvertantly give the child attention. (It is hard to ignore a screaming child). Not only that, but some nearby adults will act disapprovingly to YOU. DON"T THINK THAT THE CHILD DOESN"T PICK UP ON THIS!!! AND It is a big ego booster to the child to have control over you by influencing others.
Another hint: It is important that you react in a NEUTRAL fashion when the child is having the tantrum. For example, do not look or act "angry" when you remove the child. FIRMLY say to the child: "you are too noisy, when you are quiet you can come and play, (eat, shop, color, whatever) again". As usual when you are implementing a new parenting technique, you may have to go through a few trials before the child realizes that you are indeed serious about this new treatment.
I raised two very willful children. (Their father's genetic contribution to their willfulness was being the "rank out" king in his fraternity.) Thankfully, this technique nipped the tantrums in the bud.
Read the above paragraph over carefully, print it out and post it to yourself as EVERY item is important to use. This technique was learned by me with difficulty at the "school of hard knocks" (through EXPERIENCE, for the younger people who may not be aware of this outdated expression)
GRANDMA

I would suggest actively ignoring the tantrum. He does not seem to be in danger of hurting himself. Turn your back on him when he is having a tantrum until he stops. He might escalte the behavior when he sees it does not work, or he might give up the tantrum. Either way, be prepared for his reaction and continue to ignore it. Of course, every child is different. Many parents say that if they had had the second child first, that child would have been an only child. Good luck!

Hi A.,
My daughter did the same thing, she even would bang her head, but it was an attention thing. I am not saying she couldn't throw a good one for 10-15 minuttes, they usually lasted that long. I know for my daughter, it was a form of manipulation. I know a lot of people think you should try to talk kids out of it, but the best method is to make sure they are in a safe area ( not around any sharp corners or tile floors) and let them them scream it out. If you try to talk to them while they are having the tantrum, get ready because now they now it gets to you.

Hi,
This is pretty standard 1-year-old behavior. Your son is starting to experience feelings of independence, which is a great thing developmentally, but it also means he doesn't like you restraining him or telling him no or any of that. Just ignore it and walk away. He'll get over it. You can also distract him by showing him a toy or by giving him cuddles. When my boys do this, I just ignore them and move on. When my boys got to be about 18 months old, I'd put them in their crib or their room while they calmed down. They quickly learned that it is no fun throwing a fit when they suddenly found themselves alone.
Good luck and don't worry!

I have a 3 year old and an 11 year old. Same story only my 3 year old was a fertility baby. About the behavior problem... tantrums are perfectly normal. It's not like he can say' "Well, you know Mom... I would really prefer not to go to bed right now." This is what worked for me... I said, "I can not help you while you're throwing a fit... Please let me know when you are finished." Whenever I possibly could, I stood quietly and waited. If I absolutely couldn't, I went on with my business. The main thing is to teach him firmly that nothing can can resolved in that way." He will learn this by experience -- even if he can't understand your words (although I imagine he can, quite fine). NEVER respond to fits. As soon as he is finished, help him as best you can -- if you can -- and if you can not, say... Sweetheart (or honey, just start with something loving) I can't help you right this second -- you're going to have to do what Mommy says. But I will try to help you as soon as I can." Try to remember what it is he WAS wanting, and try to remember to give it to him when you can IF you can. Otherwise, stop at "you're going to have to do what Mommy says. If he tantrums again, start the cycle over. NEVER EVER EVER give in -- unless you want a child who KNOWS he can get what he wants by tantruming. And don't be afraid to do this in public -- the people who give you dirty looks have never had children, trust me. Good luck!

maybe consult your family doctor, maybe food might cause this Doctor might have some advice. I would ride it out ignore him --act like its not affecting you maybe he will stop if it's clear hes not going to get anything out of it.

Gosh, how about saying be quiet, or giving him a choice, be quiet or you will get a swat or two on the naked bottom with your hand? No one else would put up with behavior of this nature, why are you? He is training you very well!
E. H

I'm sorry. The best advice I have is just that you'll just have to learn to ride it out. It'll get worse before it gets better. Just know that you can't reward that behavior. Once he calms down, calmly talk to him and tell him that his behavior isn't an acceptable way to get what he wants. Hopefully when he gets older, he'll learn to communicate properly. It's just that at aged 1, this is the best way he has of making his point.

Hi A.,
My best suggestion is to watch "Supernanny" on ABC. It's amazing how she'll go into seemingly impossible situations and always manages to restore order. The key seems to be consequences, aka time out. And you don't give in, just keep putting the child back in the time out seat until they stop tantrumming. However, I don't know if a 1-year-old is too young for this. I'm no expert. Just watch the show. You'll get invaluable insights for dealing with your child at any age, and with any situation. One boy, for example, would only pee in the yard. I forget how Supernanny fixed it, but she did.

You'll also find parenting tips at the web site http://abc.go.com/primetime/supernanny/index?pn=index

Good luck
Sue

I 'm dealing with the SAME with my 14 month old daughter. I too haven't found a way to stop the behavior but talking to her and validating her feelings has helped in shorting the duration of the tantrum. A friend recommended The Happiest Toddler on the Block but I haven't seen it yet. Tried to rent it but it was checked out. Hopefully it will help us.
:-) Hang in there. The tantrum stress me out...

Dear A.,

Just take him to his crib and let him cry - it won't hurt him and he will learn that you do not want him to do that. He will understand on his level. If you don't do this, then he will get worse and make your life miserable with lots of tantrums and , when he learns to talk, he will be rude. C. N.

A.,

You have had some great advice that I can't add to but I thought that I would let you know that I had twin boys and only one of them acted this way. It is their temperament, all you can be is as patient as possible and realize it is not about you (or your husband). He needs to learn to deal with his anger at this age rather than at 13.

What comes to mind is that IKEA commercial where the mom comes in on her two children fighting and she says "Someone needs a time out". She then proceeds to walk into her (IKEA decorated) bedroom, lays back in a chair and takes a deep sigh of relaxation. The camera then pans to the kids in the other room with looks of confusion and defeat, as that was not the reaction that they were looking for.

Deep breaths,

Evelyn

I am a single mother of 5-one of which is ADHD-all 2 yrs apart. When they are having a bad fit-put them in a room by themselves and leave them alone. He will come out when he is calmed down and then you can talk to him and try to figure out how he can comunicate without acting like that. The most important thing is to STAY CALM-if he sees you calm, he will know that that is the appropriate behavior
Catherine

try hugging him every time he does this..and talk to him and tell him you understand why he's so upset and tell him why you don't want him to do this or that or just say "i love you" and hold him.
also if he throws himself down face down put your foot on his butt and help him have the tantrum ..my son starts to laugh when i do this and warbles his voice w/ the movement..know what i mean..and i do it too w/ my voice. i always hug out tantrums and kiss my son and tell him i love him and then i say why i don't want him to do what he's doing.

That is so funny, i have a daughter (almost 2) that has the exact same temperment. well i guess it may no be that funny.... what has been working for me is walking away. i know it sounds to easy, but as soon as she hits the floor arms flying i simply tell her,"okay, mommy is going to go find something to play with, you come find me when you are done being upset." after the first few times she would get even more upset and maybe by the 4 or 5 time, she would watch me walk away , wipe her tears and come see what i was doing. so far (fingers crossed) it works for me, and like you i also have a older son who i have never had to really even displicne him. my only other advise would be to watch nanny 911 or supernanny. after the show this past tuesday show, my daughter now has gone to sleeping in her own bed all night without a paci!! good luck...

It sounds like a similar situation i went thru w/my second child. My first born son was 5yrs old when I had my daughter who threw me for a loop. She was 3months old already showing signs of a bad temper. I had to leave her little baby gloves on and make sure her nails were short at all times. She would hold on to the back of her ears and pull on them when she was upset... which would scratch them up pretty bad. I was under the impression Motherhood was easy for the most part, my son had made it look like a piece of cake. I figured out later that I had a lot to do with that,it felt like starting all over again due to the gap between my kids. I realized I had really spoiled her as far as holding constantly and giving in to the fits. I was more stressed w/having another child it was almost like give her what she wants rather than hear the fit. Although she does deserve the credit of her temperament, I didn't make matters easier. So as far as your one year old I would say just try and evaluate the pattern in which the tirades occur. And while he might just be very strong willed (which is not the worst thing in the world) , he might also be a little just to used to getting his way. Now I have a third baby boy whom has been tested for Autism and has tested positive for Autistic traits. So busy is my middle name, I work full time and my husband is in the US.Navy. Even though I do not give in to the Many fits thrown in my house, i want to. Well Good luck. sorry for the book.. Hope I've helped.

Ignore has outbursts. When the fit is done. tell him it is unacceptable and put him in time out. He is wanting you full attention for some reason. Being that you have an older child, your 1-yr-old is used to getting all of your undivided attention. Someone has always held him, fed him, changed him ie... undivided attention. Something has happened in your schedules which changed you routine, he is not accepting of this change in the slightest and should you give into his fits, it will lead to additional problems. My eldest child was 13-years-old when I gave birth to my twins. My twins are now 13-years-old.

What seems to work for a tantrum is putting on some head phones and tuning him out and listening to music. Your son will see that his behavior is not getting your attention and will eventually stop. Also when you see him about to throw a tantrum just give him a big hug and kiss even though he may fight it. It wont be a quick fix but just keep working at it. I hope this helps.

My Mommy and me leader calls this "the rise of the will" for most babies. it sounds like your first kid had a different disposition. What has worked for me is to not give in, although it is painful. While reassuring him that i see he is upset. It basically has not ended the tantrums but has made them shorter. Unfortunately, they are too young to understand timeouts. So keep up your patience.

A six year old might throw a tantrum, meaning they had a choice and that's what they chose to do. But a one year old doesn't have a choice--he's just overwhelmed by his feelings of frustration and he falls apart.

Somebody once told me, when your child is falling apart ask yourself how you'd like your husband to treat you if you were falling apart. That really helped me. I know when I'm crying I don't want my husband to try to shut me up, I want him to help me feel better. So that's what I tried to do with my little ones. In practical terms, it usually meant getting them to a safe place (out of the market and into the car, for example), waiting it out (quietly), and then comforting them.

There's just a hard period in there, between the time a baby becomes aware of what he wants and before he has the words to say it. During this period it helps to plan ahead--if you have to have your baby in a difficult situation, do it after he's napped and had something to eat, and keep the time short.

Hi A.,

You might want to check out the book "Happiest Toddler on the Block" by Harvey Karp. He has fun descriptions of toddler development and how to talk to them so that they hear you and know that you understand them (although they still might not get what they want). I have a pretty spunky 16 month old and although I am not through the book it has helped me appreciate his spirited moods and mood swings. I believe Karp is a very loving pediatrician/author as his "Happiest Baby on the block" really helped me understand and comfort my colicky baby.

-J.

Really???? Your first son didn't do this???? I thought everybody went through this. Anyhoo, just put him down on a carpeted area and walk away. I always said "I'll talk to you when you are done screaming" and ignore it completely. You can throw in some feeling words, too, like "I can see you are frustrated now, but it is not good to scream" then when he learns to talk, he will be able to label how he feels with words. Depending on where you are, you might have to leave the supermarket and go out on the grass or to your car for the fit, but he will learn to understand that your attention is removed when he acts this way. And don't worry about what other people think... I'm really surprised that this is your first time dealing with this, and almost anyone else who has kids will get it. If they don't...who cares???

Make sure he is in a safe place where he cannot hurt himself by banging his head on something and ignore them. He is dong this for attention, and the more you react to it the worse the tantrums will get and the more often he will throw them. Just make sure he is safe and go about your buisness, they will stop soon.
K. RN

I myself had to deal with a child that thought it was okay to throw herself on the floor and scream. When she did this I went out of the room and closed the door or if it was in a room with out a door I would go outside. Giving them no attention is the best remedy. But when she was done I would ask her "are you done?" and tell her " I don't like to hear you scream at me and that does not make Mommy happy". Good luck and have alot of patience or Mommy time outs.

So far all of the advice has been good- I'm just going to add a little. Kids this age throw fits, exactly like the poster previously explained, they aren't always in control of them. My daughter is just a little bit older and I have discovered that there are two kinds, the kind she can control and the kind she can't. In your son's case it sounds like the latter. Again, check to make sure he's not tired or hungry, and alter your routine to prevent it from happening in the future. Let the tantrum play out (the hug idea is a great one though if he is potentially going to harm himself), but don't give in to his request, and then when he calms down give him lots of love and show him you're going to love and support him. Right now I'm working on Izzy using her words instead of screaming and we're making progress, but she's a little older and has control over most of her fits, plus is pretty verbally advanced.

Basically, the thing to remember with toddler fits is to be patient and loving but still set and stick to limits. If you give in now it will be harder to set limits in the future.

Hi - there was a great article about this sort of thing in the latest issue of Mothering Magazine (the one with Ricki Lake on the cover). It's called "Rock Me Gently" and it's all about tantrums and how to handle them with respect and care for the child. It really opened my eyes to what tantrums are all about from the child's perspective and how to help your child through them. It might not be everyone's cup of tea, but it's worth a read. Hope that helps and good luck!

I don't have any suggestions but I'm a first time mother of a beautiful 8 month old daughter who has been throwing tantrums like that since she was about 4 months old. She straightens out, arches her back and screams at the top of her lungs like she is being tortured! I'm with you, any advice on how to nip it in the butt now before things get worse would be nice. The only thing I do now is just let her cry. Sometimes that is even horrible cause she doesn"t know when to stop so she cries until she throws up. Suggestions?

I am a mother of 5, and a grandmother of 2. My grandson is 2 and does the same thing. My advice is to just walk over it and not give him any attention when he behaves this way. When you respond to this behavior you are supporting it in a way. Do not give it any support. Just walk away, and don't pay any attention to it. When he stops the fit, then come over and talk to him and interact with him. Just make sure that he is having his fit in a place where he can't hurt himself when you walk away. When he sees that he can't get a rise out of you, then he will begin to change his own behavior. This has always worked well for me for the last 20 years.

Im exactly where you're at. My 1year old kicks throws himself back and starts slapping anything in front of him! My 5 year never did this so Im in the same boat. So your not alone on this one but I dont have much advice for you, I walk right by my son and act like I dont see whats going on sometimes he gets over it sometimes he starts crying more, so if u find something helpfull let me know.

Hi! we had 5 children and 2 had this trouble, I remember on one occasion we went to the store and where standing in the check out and she wanted candy, she was two at the time , anyway she proceeded to through one of these horrible and scary temper tantrums and of course it was loud and nerve racking and of course the other folks around wanted to see how I was going to handle the situation well, I remember a stand up joke Bill Cosby acted out and I thought that I would try and see if it worked and for my sake it did. This is how it played out, I said in a loud voice where she could hear me over hers and of course everyone else did too "hay everyone this is my kid just look at her." as I pointed to her screaming on the floor, then I told the lady behind me that she could go a head of me and I told the clerk that I would be back and slowly I walked away to the end of an isle where I could observe my little terror, hoping that she would get up and follow me not recognizing any other familiar face and low and behold she got up and was toddling around looking for me now calling Mama,See how the role changed putting the ball back into her court, so to speak. I stepped out in front of her took her by the hand and we walked to the car and had a little chat then I carried her back in and we did the process all over again this time with out the tantrum.When at home and this would happen I confined the child to their room and watched close as for their safety but let them throw their fit and when calmed down I would go and talk to them at their level, (age), and walk through the whole process of why they did what they did and what to do next time for better results ,a huge always ended our chat. I believe that it is important to handle these situations right away letting them know who will always have the upper hand and they must learn that poor behavior is not except able and brings negative results and that good behavior is to be praised and brings good results.It is very important to fix this now because when they hit their teens it will be more difficult, plus it is harder for parents to discipline their children these days because of our new laws. Teaching them to respect you at an early age and themselves too and later their peers is vital for a whole some life to come. Sounds like your headed in the right direction and congrats on your two boys. God bless.

My children range in age of 3 through 26 my eldest is the only one who threw public fits. Back then I spanked didnt work. My two youngest have outbursts at home I try the hug approach now dont get me wrong this isnt a love hug I pick them up and hold them close to me so they cant kick and simply tell them your not happy Im not happy but this isnt going to make things better lets stop all this noise and talk nice. We talk about why this is going on and decide on "choices" all of which are really what I want them to do but word it differently and they choose how were going to handle it.
Depends on the kid and the situation but it works most of the time.

Hi A.,
Check out the book "The Happiest Toddler on the Block". It will give you an insight on toddler development. Remember a 1-year old can't necessarily communicate with you so this is his way of communicating.
GL!

I have seen this a lot
and usually you have to

either
drop it /ignore it all
and let the energy level re balance
or
carry on regardless
- depending how important the issue is

it is quite normal

you dont want to get him his way all the time when he does this as it will be come a more common occurence! However if he needs to let you knows hes angry or unhappy about something this is a way he can

try dropping the issue
and distracting him
trying a few minutes later ...to put on coat or into stroller or whatever set it off

if you have to carry on - you just do it.
Make a few soothing noises and dont ''argue''

DONT let him use the tantrums for leverage - just move on to next mood asap

reinforce all quiet moments during crying bouts
and all co0perative behaviors with attention praise cuddles smiles etc

good luck!

I don't know if you saw the daily journal yesterday? This behavior is common and my 14-month old daughter is doing it a lot. I believe the best thing is to not make a big deal about it. I've also found that she just wants to be held. Also, if you need to do things, have your spouse take your son away and keep him occupied. By the way, I have a 14-year difference between my son and my daughter and she is a miracle also, after we tried 2 straight years, gave up, my sister got pregnant, I went off the pill and got pregnant 6 months later without trying. Congratulations to you and it is not great?!!!!

My son did the same thing & I tried everything suggested by friends & family. One day I happened to turn on Dr Phil & I started doing what he suggested & it worked like a charm! Leave the room & pay him no attention! When My son would throw a tantrum me or my husband & I would just pick up & leave the room & let him pitch his fit. Sometimes he'd follow us, so we'd just keep moving & keep the conversation going like we didn't hear or see him. Bc when you pay attention you validate his behavior. There were times he'd be so into his fit that he'd stop just to see if we were there & paying attention, but to his amazement we'd be gone & he was alone! It was frustrating, but after a few unsuccessful attmepts on his part he stopped! He was our 1st, our daughter was born when he was 22 months, so we were clueless as to where this behavior was coming from & how to control it! Our son will be 8 in March & he is the best, well behaved child ever! Stand your ground, don't let him or his tantrums rattle you, b/c you're fueling his fire when you react! Good luck!

Evelyn,

This child is one. One year olds cannot respond to a "spanking". You cannot give them a choice either at this age...they just do not understand. The advise given is correct, just ignore them. This is all you can do. Ignore them, let them tantrum, and then love them. I do not believe in spanking children at this age, it is just wrong.

A.

I am a mother of two boys one is 3 and the other is 18 months. The same is going for me. my 3 year old never did the arch of the back and throw tantrums. when my 18 month starts to do it i start out by ignoring him and if it continues i put him in time out. in return he barely throws his tantrums and he is learning to communicate to be more on what is wrong. Good Luck!!

this is very normal, they can't talk so they let you know
what they think, but they need to know is not right to do that
you have to leave him along, walk away from him when he is in home
my douther use to heat her head on the floor
until hear, so they stop buy them self
when you are outside home you have to leave store,
any where you are and give him some time
he will stop.

We had the same problem with my Granddaughter and we would just take her to the car and put her in the car seat until she settled down if we were out in public and if she threw the fit at home we put her in her bed until she could learn to calm herself down. Trying to talk to them or any other action does nothing when they are throwing a fit. She is two and a half now and if she acts out like this she gets things taken away from her, her T.V time is very limited and she does not get any time on the T.V at all if she says NO to us or has a "melt down" I believe they are just trying to see if they can out will you in any way that they can and if you give in to this behavior it will only get worse...you have to be the one in control.

Turn your back and walk away. Close the door if necessary!

C. (85 yrs old, mother of five)

Each child is different. He is having a tantrum. Just make sure that you ignore him, but stay close to him. He needs to know you are there and he needs to work it out of his system all of the pent up stimulation he is getting durring the day. Maybe he needs more of a routine, but for many kids this is normal. Just don't try to talk him out of it or anything. If he pitches a fit in public, take him to a quiet place and don't talk to him. They are scared and confused when this happens.

The best advice a friend gave me when my daughter was doing this is to give her a "time out" in her crib. We take all her toys, blankets, books, etc. out of her crib and tell her she's in "time out" until she's done with her temper tantrum. When she stops screaming we come back and tell her that that sort of behaviour isn't acceptable. We still use this and it's been pretty effective... a lot of times we only have to say, "Do you need a time out?" and she stops the bad behavior.

My daughter is almost one and she just started the whole screaming and arching her back too. She especially does it when she gets in her car seat. When she does it when we take something away, I dont want to give her anything else becasue I dont want her to think if she screams she will get something else!! so I just try and tell her no and calm her down. I am having problems with it too. My mother in law says to not look at her when she does it, and I am thinking to myself Hello, she is still going to scream !! so if you figure anything out let me know :)

Tantrum are just unaceptable in our home. That is not to say we have not had our fair share. With our first we tried making light of it. We did not want him to think it angered or annoyed us as we assumed was its purpose. We never gave in to them. This sometimes worked.

We would tell him we are not talking to him until this stopped. We also tried sending him to his room. We would tell him that we did not want to hear this noise. Of course we still heard it. What began to happen is he would retreat to his room to have his tantrum and they did last as long. We always told him in a calm voice that we did not like that behavior. We actually use the the word "unacceptable".

None of this worked with my second son. With him we have to take his hands and look in his eyes and say "calm down" a few times. His tantrus come with a message that makes him more angry if he can't get them out. Of cousre we can't understand what he is saying through his tantrum. So we say we cannot understand you with all the wining, crying and stomping. After he gets is information out. We tell him how inappropriate the tantrum is and how it really made it more difficult for him to communicate.I also let him know I "don't like it!"

I have found that tantrums are a communcation form. To really deal with them it helps to understand the motivation. Each child responds differently. I see one of my jobs as a mom to raise children who understand (one day) the type of behaviors that will help them live healthy and satisfying lives and very few of my adult friends throw tantrums.

I have a really good website that you might want to look at
it is: love&logic.com you can listen to programs & etc. There is a 800 number you can call for help. Good luck. MR

Hi A.,
My ame is M., and I have a 7yr old girla nd a 16month old boy. My son also has tantrums and when he does this I just put him down and walk away. Of course, making sure that he cannot harm himself any way shape or form. He gets over it very quickly. he realizes that I am not giving in, he calms down. The I give him a huge hug and ask him if he is okay. He seems to be doing it less.

Hope this helps.

A.: First Its important you know, that Your not alone.My son use to throw tantrums,like you wouldn't believe. same, arched back ...screaming, till he was (beet red) in the face,kicking,throwing himself every which way...My gosh, you would have thought he was auditioning for a part in a satanic movie!! lol The best advice I could give you,other than taking him to Hollywood for a screen-test...ha. is to (Stay calm) Then simply (Walk away) Not just you, but anyone that is present.Don't try to calm him down, don't ask him why hes screaming, don't even ask him to stop! Whats important for you to remember is,His dramatic display,is for the sole purpose of getting YOU- (TO GIVE IN) Make sure hes in a safe place to throw his fit, then go in another room, turn on some music ....read a book,or start vacuming. He'll be dumb-founded. After hes finished, don't reward him, by giving in,and letting him have what he wanted, in the first place. Thats defeating the purpose.Turn his attentions elsewhere.I understand, that its not going to be an easy task, but You have to let him know, that his protesting in this matter, is not acceptable, not amusing,and NOT going to get him (HIS WAY).This will pass soon, if you stick to it. The best of luck to you A..

Unfortunately, yes. We have two boys, 4 & 2, who actually both have shown not so wonderful sides to them. They do grow out of this frustrating stage, but it's crazy dealing with it while your in the middle of it. The best thing that worked for us is to walk out of the room while the fit is happening. For both, they were looking to push our buttons, get us mad ... giving them negative attention. When we would refuse attention, they had no one to perform for and the fit would gradually cease. If you do this, make sure you are within hearing distance (in case they start throwing things or other distructive behavior), but where they cannot see you. It's worth a shot! In any case, know that it is a phase that will pass. Good luck!