from one T. to another...
I do not have a step daughter so I am in no position to advise you on that relationship.
I do however have a baby brother (BB) that is almost 10 years younger than I. I'm 40 he is 30 and he will always be my Baby Brother - much to his chagrin!
To this day - if we (my sibs and I) are all home visiting and BB goes to leave the house - my mother and I call out at the same time. "Be Careful. I love you."
How horrible is that?!? =)
Every single picture he is in as a baby/child - I am carrying, holding, dragging or dressing him in it.
All my girlfriends growing up teased him about having two mothers.
And maybe the difference here is that my BB was the third born and your son is your first (or so I assume). My Mom was exhausted by the time BB got there and she really just rolled with the punches when I intruded on her Mommy Space.
Yes, I am a bossy, asertive, directive person. Was then. Am now. My two oldest are just like this with their baby brother. Poor fella. THREE mommies...
But you know what - my brother and I are tight. Really tight. To this day. He calls me just to talk (we live two states away from each other) and ask my opinion on things. If nature plays out as expected, one day you will be gone and brother and sister will only have each other as family. You want them to have that bond.
How to intervene with your stepdaughter and not lose your mind - one technique my husband & I use is to remind each other not to "Tag Team" the kids when we are disciplining them. And by that - we agree that it is unfair for both of us to gang up on them when something is amiss. So maybe you could use that angle with her.
She loves him - that's obvious. Try reminding her it's just not fair to him if everyone is correcting him. He might feel picked on.
And try to be more directive with her interaction with him - Encourage her to read to him. Or ask her to 'show' him how a new toy works. or push him on the swing. Enlist her help every time you can. Anytime you can allow her to feel like she's adding value - that's a plus for BOTH of you.
And make peace with it. She may end up being just like me (sorry) and be mommy #2. It's only because she loves him to pieces! And if that's the worst thing that happens - you've got it made.
Blessings to you and yours!
t