Behavior Issues - Lavaca, AR

First try explaining whining never got anyone anywhere and don't answer any questions or give him anything until he says what he has to say without whining. As for the sibilings the little things like toys and such be worked out between them with a little mediation if it gets to far.

Hi

I only have one son (he's 4), but I did grow up with a younger brother! My advice: get them where they live. In my son's case, it's going to bed during the day. I'm not a yelling, punishing parent. When my son fusses with the dog (!), I put both of them to bed because "you both must be so tired because you are fussing. Let me help you rest so that you can feel better." I put both of them to bed for a few minutes. It isn't long before things settle down.

Good luck,
S.

For whining, I always tell my daughter to "use her normal voice" and that usually makes her stop. I try not to give her what she wants if I notice her whining about it. For the fighting, I have heard you should let them work it out most of the time. However if they are hurting each other you need to intervene, and also if they are breaking your rules you should intervene and remind them both of the rules. To avoid jealousy, you should never take sides, regardless of whoever started it. If they can't get along then they both have to go to time out for a break. Look for opportunities to get your kids into situations that require cooperation � any activity in which they share a goal will work. They can put away their toys together, for instance, or help each other get ready for the park. And when your younger child needs help � putting on her sweater or retrieving a favorite book � your older child might be able to help instead of you.Think of noncompetitive games and other activities that will allow your children to shine as individuals while enjoying each other's company. Lots of imaginative games will let them play different yet supporting roles: setting up a pretend store, making a fort with couch pillows, having one child pretend he's an explorer while the other plays a wild animal he's befriended. When little ones get quarrelsome, a good strategy is to engross them in activities that naturally lend themselves to sharing. Finger paints and Play-Doh are too abundant and amorphous for one child to claim as his own, and you may even witness a cooperative creative endeavor, if only briefly. Be sure to praise your children lavishly any time they work things out themselves.Children tend to go through periods in which they get along well, and periods when they seem to fight all day. When your family's in one of the grumpy phases, sometimes splitting up into child/parent pairs can ease the tension. One child gets a "Mommy day" and the other a "Daddy day."

S.,
I live with both my sisters and each of us has one child. My son is 8, my older sister's daughter is 7, and my younger sisters son is 2 (2 1/2 actually). Both my son and my neice fuss with the 2 yr old. We try to explain to the older children that he is still a baby. We've told them that the reason he wants to be "in their way" is because he loves them and wants to be like them. Their actions are teaching him how to treat people. So, in order to take their coloring book away from him, they should first go get a coloring book of his and get him to trade.. you know, by talking nice and how much they "like" his book and that he ought to color them a page out of it. In the meantime, they switch out books and avoid the fuss. Rather than jerking it out of his hands and yelling.. NO JOHNNNNN!
As for the whining, we don't answer the children if they're whining. We say.. What are you saying, I don't understand. Stop whining and talk to me normal and maybe I'll understand what you're saying. It works almost 100% of the time.
We sometimes wait to see how the situation pans out by listening, watching and then if the older ones can't seem to get control of themselves, we pull them aside and remind them how to treat the youngest one and give suggestions on how they could resolve this without all the yelling and fussing.
I'm sure you've tried these things, just keep your chin up, it will get better.

My brother and I are 3 years apart...always fought and bickered. My boys are 11 and 5, and while not to the extreme of mine and my brother's fighting. I, too, was very shocked they would fight with such an age difference. I think it all has to do with parenting. I can see where my parents messed up. My brother and I have hardly anything to do with each other now.

I make my boys hug and make up. Remind them they must love each other. I try to be a mediator and point out to each of them the others feelings. I listen to what is going on and wait for them to come to me. I do step in when it is drving me nuts, but at that point everyone is in trouble and whatever they are fighting over becomes mine and everything is turned off and we have quiet time. They do need to learn to work out their own issues but with the age difference that makes it unrealistic at times.

I try to instill in my older son what he will mean to his younger brother one day and vice versa. I use a lot of 'do unto others' examples. I try to do it individually so the other doesn't hear me and try to use it.

Good luck.

First, let me say congratulations on 19 years of marriage. That in of itself is a major accomplishment in this day and age. Second, My kids are the same age differences. I have found that if you let them work out their problems or differences, they will. You must let them develop on their own. If you are always trying to sovle their problems for them now. When they get older you will still be solving their problems. This is part of childhood development. Now if one is hurting the other you should intervene. Explain to them on their level why physically harming each other is not acceptable behavior and that there will be consequences to be paid if one hurts the other. With my children, what I did was this: When they were fighting and arguing with one another and they would come running to me whinning I would tell them that it was their problem to work out. I didn't want the truck or barbie, or whatever the case may be. So, I was not going to work out their problem for them. I would then send them out of the room and make them figure out how they were going to handle it. I did this even when they were 3 & 8. They are now 12 & 17. They still have their differences. But they know what is acceptable and they know how to think for themselves. They always work out their problems. They have learned to compromise.

And as far as the whinning goes. Do not acknowledge them when they are whinning. Let them know you are there for them. But they must speak in a calm manner. If they continue whinning just walk off. Let them know you will not listen to whinning. However, you will listen to them if they want to talk normally. Best wishes

Get the book Setting Limits with your strong willed child. Great book!

Oh how i remember the fights between my brother and I. We were 6 yrs. apart ( I'm the youngest) and everything i did got on his nerves, and boy did he LOVE to pick on me. He received so much gratification when he would make me mad. But after years went by, we got closer and closer as our maturity levels and interest became more alike. Embrace their differences right now. The last thing they want is to be treated equally as far as age appropriate. Allow "grown up" time for your oldest. Maybe asking him to do something that "only big boys can be trusted to do". As far as your three year old, just continue to show him lots of love, hugs, and kisses, and talk straight to him about his brother. Explain to him the big brothers like to pick on the little ones. My mother would always tie our hands together or make us hug for 5 min. when we fought, it worked...I will say a prayer for patience and strength for you and your wonderful boys.