Behavior Issue: Getting Out of Bed

Hi D.!

My son had the same thing. Dont get to upset with him. He might be sleep walking. Thats what my son was doing. I asked the doctor about it and he told me it is very common. To not worry, but to keep an eye on him. Because he could wonder outside. When they are sleep walking they look like they are awake, but they are not. The doctor said to never wake him up while he is sleep walking, it could tramatize him. He told me to just guide him back to his bed and he should go back to sleep. My son did this constantly for about a year. Then as he got older it was just every once in awhile. I was so upset at myself, because I deciplined him everytime he did it. Well if you want to talk more you can email me at ____@____.com

D.

I have had this problem with my youngest daughter since she moved out of a crib. What we did with her was to put a door knob cover on the inside door so she can't turn the knob. We have a baby monitor so we know when she's awake. At night, we would put a little potty in the room or tell her to let us know when she had to go. When she woke up, she would sit in her room on the floor or in her bed and read. Then she would go back to sleep. You could try that.

D.: You have lots of good advice already. I was just going to ask how do you know it's a behavior issue at night? I was thinking of sleep walking too when I noticed someone wrote that already. I remember once, my oldest, climbed down from the bunk bed, sat on her chair and carried on a conversation with me. She had no idea when we talked the next day. She was asleep.

Take care and God Bless,
K.

Hi D.,
My name is K., I live in SW Colorado (Durango) and am the mom of 12,14,15,and 16 year olds and yes, their all mine! It was crazy for a few years. To add to the craziness, 2 of our 3 boys walked in their sleep. Both of them still do on occasion. One almost all the time when he was young. They walked when cold (the most common reason) or on medication (NyQuil or Robitussin were the worst) or if they had to go to the bathroom. When they were young we put a gate across their bedroom door so they couldn't leave their room and get hurt while wandering.Later we installed locks on the doors of the house and monitors so I would here them moving around. But with them, it wasn't a discipline/obedience issue...much as it really looked that way early on.They were still very much asleep when I found them, became very disoriented and I had to put them back in bed (sometimes forcefully. So, my suggestion is to confirm the walking as best you can. Maybe turn off the fans at night/nap time to rule out his getting cold....or limit water intake at certain times of day...? I don't know what I'd do if I could do it all over again but thought I'd let you know what we've discovered over the years. Best wishes, K.

My husband and I took a parenting toolbox class at our church and this was brought up. It really depends on how comfprtable you are with doing this and following through with it, but for me and my son, I plan to do it in a heartbeat if he starts getting out of bed. Our pastors wife lead the class and she said that every time your child gets out of bed, go into the room, and take something away. You'd need to explain it to your child first, but then when you go in, if your child understands the concept, don't say a word and take something away. The first one should be meaningful. His special bear, a blanket, etc. . . And then put him back into bed. Every time he gets out, do the same thing. She said with her daughter, they literally took everything out of the room, counting the dresser. The second night, maybe 10 things. And less and less every night. If your son is stubborn, he may do great for awhile, but then test you to see if this was just a one time thing or not. I agree about it being an obedience issue. As far as the safety issue, do you have a baby gate you can put up in his doorway? Good luck!

When my son went through this stage, we knew we had to do something immediately. There were just WAY too many hazards in our house (even with it being "baby-proofed") to risk letting him play unsupervised at night.

So we cleared out all of the toys/books from his bedroom and basically made it the most boring place on Earth. We also did some additional baby-proofing (anchoring the dresser, etc.) to make sure it was as safe as it possibly could be. Then we removed the door handle and flipped it around so we could lock him in at night. I was sure to keep his baby monitor up loud so I could hear him if he needed me. But honestly, once he realized he couldn't get out (and there wasn't anything fun to do in his bedroom) he quit trying and started sleeping in his bed again. Eventually, we were able to switch the doorknobs back.

It sounds a little strange to lock your kid in their room (à la Cinderalla) but it truly is the safest thing to do. What if your house were to catch on fire at night and your son wasn't in his room? It would take you precious minutes to search the house for him and it could be a matter of life or death. And anyway like I said, once your son gets past this stage, you can switch it back around.

Best of luck to you, Sweetie. :-)

P.S. I noticed some other moms recommended a baby gate, but my three year old was more than capable of climbing over one of those and I'm sure yours is too. You could try it, of course. Maybe it will be enough of a deterent. We have always closed the kids bedroom doors at night, though, so it really wasn't a big deal to just lock it.

He is most likely sleep walking. Getting upset with him will do no good since he doesn't even know what he's doing. Children will look and act awake often but they are totally out. Do your best to child proof your house and doors and guide him back to bed.

I understand your concern and frustration. We had a similar problem when our son was 2 1/2. What we did was get a child gate for his room. We left the door open so he wasn't trapped or felt isolated and left the bathroom light on across the hall. Eventually, we took the gate off. It did work. Some of my friends didn't care for the idea but it kept him safe and he doesn't get out of bed and he's 5 now.

Every night the first week after I stopped using a baby gate in our hallway, my 3 yr old son started the behavior you are describing. I had to return to using a gate after I found him sitting in the living room one morning with a stockpile of items he had quietly taken while we were all sleeping. I don't even know how he got some of these items bc I'm pretty diligent about keeping things he shouldn't have access to out of reach or in a locked cabinet. I was so unsettled that I wouldn't have been able to sleep if I had continued to let him have unrestricted access to the rest of the house at night.

I understand that you are probably trying to help your son mature by giving him less restriction (which is what I was trying to do with my own son) but I would use a gate either in his doorway or in the hallway so he can get into only your room and his. If he's wandering around playing with things when everyone is asleep that is a definite safety concern as you stated. Kids get curious and they will play with anything. Maybe try again in a few months which is what I plan to do. Best wishes! :)

Try a pressure gate in his door so he can't leave his room.

Are you doing (or did you do) anything for him around potty training? If you have a sticker chart where he gets a sticker for every successful potty he does, you could also add that he gets a sticker for every morning where he wakes up in his own bed?

The reward is not for "obeying", since you should not have to reward that. However, you can say that the reward is for "being smart about safety" to know that he should not be out of bed.

We have found that when we reward our (very, very stubborn) 3-year-old boy for "being smart about something" rather than "doing what we say", he really responds better, since it gives him that extra feeling of being good at something, rather than submitting to our will all the time.

We had similar issues, but my then 3 yr old wanted a playmate and woke the 5 yr old too! My suggestion is to get a gate on the door so he will be confined, but not closed off. Worked for us- till he went "over thewall" anyway.

baby gate his doorway