Behavior Help

I, too, am a single mom. I know you don't want books. I know time is slim. However, there is too much information to give you on managing your toddler than can be given on this website! You don't have to read the entire book at once. Just one page at a time.

John Rosemond is the author I would recommend. His books are available at the library. I like him because he tells you what to expect from children. To that end, I think you may have inappropriate expectations for a three-year-old. Of course she's gonna grab the cup of hot chocolate. She was excited about it! The fault lies with the parent who made it so hot to begin with and didn't think to move it out of a toddler's reach!

It sounds like your toddler is completely normal. But, only the books can give you a complete picture of HOW to raise your child. It's not easy. There's no magic way to make another person do what you want. You are the adult. You are the parent. You need help and help is in the book "Parenting by the Book." It's a philosophy of child rearing that works BUT you have to apply it and apply it consistently.

A friend of mine calls me for parenting advice a lot. Finally, I cut her off and told her she couldn't call me again until she read the book and started taking the actions prescribed in the book. It works. It's hard. You're tired. But, you can get through this and NOW is the time because Gabriella is getting older and you have to find a solution now before you miss the window of opportunity to get her to behave.

Good luck!

Hi B.,

Behaviorally things just need to be reinforced, over and over and over again. If she is ignoring you on purpose AS A PLOY to get what she wants that is truly a behavior issue and I believe you need to continue with what you’re doing. My story is that I had a child like that for years and I didn’t realize that it wasn’t her fault. She had been diagnosed with ADHD and I thought I couldn’t do anything about it. Lydia and I spent a lot of time in the emergency room, so much so that they not only knew her name when we got there, but they were on a first name basis with me as well.

I detoxed my home for my Dad with Alzheimer’s. He was also diabetic so he was thirsty all the time. I knew that if there was something liquid available he would drink it, so my detox of the house was for his survival. Lydia’s behavior changed drastically. She was obedient and compliant with almost every request. She was not bouncing all over the place. The “I love you” in the middle of discipline stopped. (Yes, she did that too.) I homeschooled and she was not reading yet. We had been working at it for a long time and she was sooo smart… Eight weeks after I detoxed the house she was on grade level.

I’m not saying that this is your child, but it may be a possibility. Household chemicals cause more problems to the neurological system that anything else. Detoxing can be simple and can be very inexpensive as well. Besides her behavior, my allergies went away and I could go on and on about other benefits we’ve experienced. If you want specifics, feel free to ask. I’d love to help.

God bless!

M.

Training! Set up scenarios for the things you want her to learn to respond to you about, and do them over and over again in 15-20 min. increments, and then practice throughout the day as you have time. Make a big deal out of it when she listens well. I have a three year old right now, and I find with a combination of training and giving her structured things to do (so she doesn't have a lot of idle time by herself) we do pretty good and she tunes in much better.

I'll give you a couple examples:
"Stop" --give your daughter some commands of things you want her to do and then tell her to "stop" before she gets there. For example, go to the door --but before she gets there say "stop!" Keep doing this, but quit before the attention span goes. Or set up a start and finish line, like the game red light, green light and let her practice obeying you when you say stop. As you think of it during the day, practice with real life scenarios. Use a firm voice natural voice, but do not raise it. Correct her when she doesn't do what you want. Praise her when she gets it right.

"Come here"
Let your daughter get absorbed in an activity, and tell her to come. If she doesn't, go get her and bring her to where you were. Tell her you want her to come right away when you say come. (we are practicing with our daughter to say "coming" as soon as she hears us say "come") Let her get reabsorbed in her activity for another few minutes and do it again. Practice until she starts getting it and coming right away. Have other practice sessions, and also do this when you have some real life opportunities.

You can be creative and set up similar scenarios for other basic instructions "don't touch that", "look at me", "stay where you are" etc. You can let your daughter know that listening will help to keep her safe. It can be fun to try to turn these times into a fun game.

Hope that helps. It's something we work on daily, and definitely aren't experts at --but it helps tremendously and we keep plugging away at it.

Hi B.,
First of all, I know what you are going through. It is so frustrating and confusing. Second, I will tell you your daughter needs to you to be mom and get ahold of this, not using behavior modification, but get to the root of the problem.

I can tell (and am assuming) you have tried much, that you are consistently parenting and that your child has not been neglected to be taught basic authority of a parent. From that, and from experience I will move to this.

Since you don't want me to direct you to the books (I would tell you to read the Sensory Sensitive Child and Healing the Childhood Epidemics), I will tell you what you need to do instead...because that is what you asked for. Your daughter is headed for a ADHD diagnosis or worse. The answer is not drugs or techniques of how to cope (in my opinion). The answer is treatment and you will want to get busy now to turn this around. You may need to get ready to change something, because she is going to need your focus.
First, I would (and have done and have a recovered son) is change to the GFCF diet (find "10 weeks to GFCF" on google for help). This can be dramatic, but you have to be hard core - no breaks. Yep, it is hard, but I bet the results will make your life so much easier you will be thrilled.
Second, just assume I am right and go out to www.generationrescue.com and read the tab on biomedical treatment. Your daughter is hurting and she needs to you get busy. Don't deny or pretend it is going to get better. It won't.
Next, go to www.floortimeatlanta.com and make an appointment with either Mili Corderos' (OT) or one of the wonderful floortime therapist like Barbara Dunbar or J. Carnes. They will start working to support you and your daughter while you are getting busy for recovery.

Take it for what it is worth - an experienced mom reading from her experience....and boy, should I have a phD at this point. With much hope and compassion for you, J.