I have two step children one a girl who is 7 and the other is a boy who is 6 and I feel like they don't care what I say or do for them, seems like they always have an attitude towards me no matter what it is. If you have some advice please tell thanks
They stay with us alot and their mom does not like me that much, but I liked everybody advice and I will try them all to see which one works best for us thanks
I agree with others that say this will always be a problem. I go through this constantly. I've been with my husband since she was 6 months old, she's 16 now, so it's not like she ever knew her parents together...her dad can tell her the exact same thing I do and it's fine, but I say it and the world has ended.
Good Luck!
I would suggest you spend some one on one time with them separately. Just hanging out, having a good time. Sometimes together, but also one without the other. Remember children are generally selfish and they have dealt with divorce,etc. - there are a lot of dynamics going on. In your one on one time - don't talk about anything heavy, it's just chill time, grocery shopping, mall, park, etc.
Be patient and cultivate your relationship, but do not tolerate disrespect. Don't try to buy their love - overspending, etc. Just behave normally and spend time with them, they will soften up eventually.
Wishing you the best...
Blended families are extremely complicated. How often do you have them? Do they have their own rooms and stay with you? So many things make a difference.
My stepsons were tough. One was a complete gem and very accepting but the other one was horrible. He was mean every chance he got. He didn't respect me or even like me no matter what I did to make him feel at home in our house.
Things got better when I had a talk with him, just the two of us, and told him that I had no intention of being his mother. I was very aware that he already had a mom and that he loved her very much. I had never met his mother until after I married his father, I had nothing to do with the divorce, I had no intention of harming his mother in any way. I didn't cook the way his mom cooked, I didn't do things around the house the way his mom did, but that didn't make me a bad person.
All I asked was that he be nice to me when he was with us so that we could all have a good time and enjoy things as much as possible. He didn't have to love me, but I was an adult and he did have to at least be respectful when we were together.
Things really eased up after that.
I hate to say it, but so many kids have step parents these days and believe me....kids talk. There is always the fear of the dreaded evil step mother.
It doesn't help if there is animosity between the adults.
Give things time. Make rules consistant. And, be willing to listen, even if you feel they won't listen to you.
It's hard. No way around it. But you can work on making things better.
K.,
That is very normal for children to behave that way to a stepparent, so don't take it personally.
But your husband should insist that they are respectful.
I would suggest that you talk to a counselor who is experienced in helping blended families.
Good luck and God bless.
Victoria
It takes time to be in a relationship. Especially if they might be getting negative feed back from their own mom. You have to prove yourself to them pretty much. Be a good, caring role model with their best interest at heart, in time it will all be fine. Kids, even your own, are hard to get along with at times and are defiant... dont just think it's because they are step children, they are just children, period.
Time will fix it when they know what you expect and if you are loving and loyal to them and their father they will see and feel it. Then even if their mom talks bad about you they will know that she is wrong.
They are VERY young, what you are feeling is probably coming more from you than from them, they are too young to plan to be mean to you really. Let it go, and just be an ideal stepmom who knows her boundaries.
You dont say but I assume they don't live with you all the time. they are so young to understand having two homes and they are trying to figure out if your house REALLY is their home. Kids do this by acting terrible and seeing if they are sent back. Your lucky they are;nt breaking things and cursing just to test the waters and see what will happen. It will take time to convince them that your home really is their home, make that your first goal. Good luck!
They probably resent you b eing with their dad, where their mother once was. J.
I agree with Dorathia...you are a good person and have an opportunity to share that with these kids:) Go out with them one on one and together and try to be consistent with it. I think children need to be loved but they also need to love. The psychological reasons hindering them from being close right now will naturally improve with time and with you fostering a genuine connection with them. It will be hard at first, maybe even awkward...but it will become fun as trust builds.
Best wishes:)
This will always be a problem. You aren't their mother.
You can give them a lot of presents, always be sweet,
go on outings where they want to go, more presents, and
put up with everything and hope for a pleasant home.
Sorry.
I bet mamas inducing it. and this is kinda typical for step kids. figure out how to discipline without disciplining like this is not age appropriate for them but it was for my 16 and 16 yr old step kids. they dont do chores you dont either they fix thier own supper but yours are to young to do that with. like I said discipline without disciplining
