Ok, I am sure this is asked a million times on here. But I am at my wits end! I have a 7 and 4 yr old. They are boys and full of energy ALL THE TIME!! No matter what kind of punishment they get, it doesn't seem to sink in. I know that most of their problem seems to be that they want to do it their way! By that I mean, if you tell them to do something, it isn't that they don't want to do what you tell them, but more of I'll do it when I want to and how I want. Does that make sense. They both know better! I have tried spanking, taking toys that they love away, time out, talking to them about it, but nothing seems to work. I know they are kids and they aren't going to be perfect and mind all the time.. but unfortuntely, I feel like I spend more time getting onto them then I do enjoying them and loving on them!! I want to get back to truly enjoying my boys instead of feeling like all I do is get onto them!
I noticed that you said, "No matter what kind of punishment they get, it doesn't seem to sink in." My suggestion would be to try ONE of the discipline types that you mentioned for a few weeks, and see how that works. When the boys know that "X" will happen when they misbehave (as compared to X, Y, or maybe Q), there is some consistency there and they (hopefully) will not try and test the waters quite so much.
yes girl do understand what your going through i have 4 kids 3 are boys 3,5,8 and 1 girl 17 that just graduated from high school and on the way to collage.seems like i can never get nothing acroos to them i also try my best to raise my kids the best i've been taught.my grandmother always use to tell me boys will be boys alwsys wanting to experince something.my advise to you is to depend on god to guide you on how to raise your little ones and watch him do it sometime it may not seem like its not working but just allow him to do it so do your best as a parent. Raise them in your best ability as a parent and in the end when there grown they will say mom told me that.so love on them even when there listening maybe thats all they need is more time and attention.
I totally understand, my almost 8 year old is the same...We've set up a chore chart and...now, if she doesn't do something exactly when and the way I ask she loses 5 minutes from bedtime...so...if bedtime is 830 (which it is around our house) then it bumps to 825...and so on...there have been several nights in the past month that she was in bed at 745 (yes it's still daylight out)...it only took that happening about 3 times to get the point that she had to do what I asked when I asked or there would be trouble. Otherwise, I have no help to offer...I have just found that this is something that really gets her moving...so I use it.
I am a mother of two and a kindergarten teacher. I suggest that you check into Love and Logic by Jim Fay. There are videos, books, workshops, and many other resources available. The approaches that he teaches work for behavior issues with my own children and the children in my classroom.
Here's what worked for our family. Give them choices, 2 choices for everything. This way the children feel in control. Children get tired of feeling like they have no control over their lives. The key is to give 2 choices, each one you are happy with. This way they feel like they have control and you are happy either way. This even works for discipline. Basically, kids know when they've disobeyed and know that punishment is coming...giving them a choice on what punishment helps them feel some control in their lives. We started this very young and our girls are now 22, 18 and 16. They are very well behaved young ladies.
Examples:
When you want the boys to help with some chores...You say, we are doing chores today...would you like to clean the den or unload and reload the dishwasher?
When they misbehave...you say, you know that behavior is not allowed at our house, I'm sorry you made that decision, would you rather have no TV for a week or help clean out the garage (or whatever you choose to insert for the choices).
By making rules very clear, this takes the pressure off of you because they will soon realize that the choice is theirs. You aren't the one "getting them in trouble" they are the ones "getting themselves in trouble" by the choices they make. By giving them choices in so many other areas of their lives, it helps them to understand how much control they have to stay out of trouble.
Good luck!
Hey A., welcome to the wonderful world of raising boys. i raised 2...the oldest was extremely "busy" and wanted every one to be happy all the time. But the youngest, he wanted to know how big was the bowl, where was the spoon and how fast could he stir....he was a major challenge till he was 5....at which point he settled in and never gave us one minutes problem....he's now 22 and a wonderful young man. A., consistance is the answer...you just can never back off or back down....the rules and consequences are the rules and consequences no matter what or how tired you are....at some point they will figure out that it's just not worth it and settle in...but with strong willed kids you can never back off. good luck, all is not lost, you're boys will be fine and believe it or not, so will you. R.
Do they get plenty of time to play physically during the day? Do they watch a lot of t.v. or have a lot of screen time (video games or computer)? I have an 8 year old and a 7 year old son, and I've really noticed that when they don't get a chance to exert their stored up energy in appropriate ways, and if they spend time in front of a screen, their brains start working a lot differently.
Going unplugged, I've noticed my boys' behavior is a lot better.
Another thing, make a list. This is what I need you to do. You can do it in the order of your choice, but it needs to get done. Allow them some freedoms, but stick to your boundaries. *When* you've finished this list, then you can....
Have weekly family meetings where everyone gets a chance to discuss the weeks ins and outs. You can bring up your concerns, and maybe the boys can bring up some of their own concerns. They may feel that something is unfair, or too difficult, or maybe they feel that doing something differently would be better. The point is that you discuss it together, and come up with a solution together. When they feel part of the decision making process, they feel more responsible and are likely to do what's asked. You respect them, they respect you.
Good luck!
