L.B.
Been there done that...my hubby is Nat'l Guard and was deployed 30/36 months since 2005. I think some of what you are feeling is sheer separation anxiety. It is overwhelming to suddenly be in charge of EVERYTHING and feel like you have no support system. First, I would recommend calling on friends and family to help you out...even give you a break with the baby. Second, you need to hire a babysitter and go for a spa day for yourself. And lastly, you need to talk to your PCP about possible depression and some talk therapy. You may not need it long term but it will help to just talk with someone.
I too found that after my husband left for Iraq and Kosovo I was mad more often...it wasn't until I really started journaling and counseling that I realized I was mad at him because I hadn't signed up for this kind of life (he was a weekend warrior...NOT full time Army)...it took a long time for me to come to terms that the National Guard had changed because of 9/11 (we all knew it was coming but it was still a shock). I resented my family (and his) who always said they'd be there and now suddenly weren't. I started taking parenting classes just to get out of the house and meet other parents (and get 2 hours free childcare) and realized from a lot of single parents that I could do this...that eventually he was coming home and I just needed to stick it out. The classes taught me how to cope with my anger and how not to take it out on my child...how to discipline without the emotion coming into play and how to parent as a single parent and then how to transition back to 2 parents.
Cry when you need to. It's alright. And you'll feel better for it. I remember having fits just like you're describing and my son coming in and just sitting with me and hugging me telling me it would be ok. Talk about a role reversal! But it helped for him to see that I too have emotions and I get hurt just like him...together we were able to comfort eachother.
But seriously, I would suggest talking to your PCP about this. If this is depression it can be controlled with medication and it doesn't necessarily mean it has to be a long term medication either...give it a few months and see how it goes. If you ever need someone to talk to...feel free to email me...here or at home ____@____.com Hang in there you have a strength you never knew you had! :)