I just don't want to! This is my childhood church that I grew up in. I do not attend this church now, and I have no intention of starting again, although I am still technically a "member". My mother is very active in the same church and has been pressuring me to sing. Ugh. The man that asked me to sing is a leader in the church and has known me my whole life. Apparently, they are short on some singers for the Christmas concert. While I am not uncomfortable in any church, I just don't feel comfortable attending rehearsals over a period of time, perform, and then not go anymore. The whole thing just makes me uneasy. Not to mention I have a 12 mo old and a 5 yo old to wrangle with in the evenings, and a husband that works late at least once a week on random nights. I just don't feel like I can commit to this once a week for 2-3 mos. Being a F/T working mom, I barely get any family time as it is! I have to call this man back tonight with my answer. Advice on what to say to bow out gracefully? Thoughts on a classy way to handle this?
You ladies had some great comments and I used a nice mix of some of the advice you gave. As with a lot of church folks, he had a hard time taking no for an answer and proceeded to keep trying to convince me to do it, even though I told him pretty clearly that I just wouldn't have the time. My mother was also not happy, but whatever. Now I am just aggravated in general and am reminded as to why I don't go to church more often than I do. lol Thanks for your responses.
"I'm so flattered that you have asked me to sing but honestly my hectic schedule just won't allow me the time to do it this go around.... but again THANK YOU so much for considering me."
Thank you for considering me. I am very flattered, but It is not going to work for me.
I agree with poolmama. Just say thank you for asking me but I just can't take on any extra commitments at this time. Be clear, be concise and be firm (don't give any impression that you may do it in the future if that's not the case!) They have plenty of time to find another singer.
I would just say, "I'm sorry, I have a lot on my plate right now and won't be able to participate. Good luck, though!" That has worked for me for the past several years when the choir director at my church has asked me to join.
You could say you're proud your name came up concerning the Christmas concert but that time restraints and family committments make it impossible for you to make that committment at this time. No explaination is necessary.
I agree with the other ladies. It might make you feel better to know that this leader in the church knows that you probably don't want to and is banking on your feelings of guilt pushing you off that fence. He knows that if he hasn't seen you around it's because you either don't want to show up or just don't have time, and he's hoping that your participation at Christmas will jumpstart that old feeling and bring you back "home". Nothing against church, but it's what they do. Make a game of it and show him that you won't be manipulated.
Also, did he actually ask you or did your mother discuss it with him and then ask you for him? If your mother volunteered you, then let her deal with the fallout. Ha ha haaaa...!
It is alright to say no if that is what you feel you must do. You really don't owe any one an explanation as to why. The beautiful part about being an adult is that I get to set my schedule and agenda for the most part and with that I get to turn people down. I say no to many things and events and I don't like being volun-told into things.
Just say something like, "I am not available to sing during this time." No additional excuses are necessary.
Truth is, as a one time deal I would sing in church to make my mama happy. Not that anyone would want me to. =)
This, however, is a totally different thing. This is several weeks worth of committment that you aren't sure you can make. And that's what you need to tell this gentleman. I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. He is desperate. Use that as your "get out of church free" card. Tell him that, knowing how much he needs performers, it wouldn't be right for you to commit and back out later, especially if it means that he wouldn't be able to find another replacement in time.
Then no one is rejected and you are doing what is best for all involved.
I'd just say 'I am flattered with the offer, but I can't commit right now. Thank you for thinking of me'.
You sound like you really don't want to do it, which is fine, but there are always other options to consider if you did. I work F/T outside the home and have a 1 1/2 and a 7 year old and I sing in our church band almost every week. At first I dreaded it because it was a logistical nightmare, but now I find it an outlet for me outside of work and kids. We practice every wednesday night and my mom comes and watches the kids. She either takes them out to eat or she will do something fun at the building with them. We find this a win-win situation because my mom and I live in oposite directions and it would not be convenient to just pop over to one another's house on a weeknight.
It is too big a time committment for me. I am sorry. I hope that you are able to find someone else.
Your kids come first, and any discomfort you have aside, tha tis reason enough, to just say "no." It is really no one's business why, but your kids are an awesome reason.
I understand being volunteered and people looking for those with talent to do something. I've been called to do things, too, and I just can't do some of the long-term things. It's okay to say no.
I would be honest and say that you can't commit and are honored they'd think of you, but it's not something you want to do at this time.
.
The other ladies are so nice! I would've just said "No," but I'm not very tactful. Use what they said!
Good luck!
