I have 3 kids, 10 1/2, 12 and 14. During the school year their bedtime has been 10 pm, and over the summer they don't typically have one. My husbands exwife that he has kids with (close in age) has them in bed by 830 all year round and is pushing that I do the same so there is less conflict when the kids are together. I have stuck to my guns for years but am feeling like I really need to accomodate. Should I cave and battle the kids?
Sidenote: They have to be up at 8 am and at school by 9 am. 10pm seems to work ok, it is really hard getting them in bed before it is dark out.
Sidenote #2: as of now I am trying to accomodate with an 8:30 bedtime, the kids are being very upset and angry (and my husband will fight with her and tell her to stick it -- it is my job to accomodate and make peace so he can see all of his kids -- in the event that he did that he would be terminating his relationship with other kids) and court is not an option -- only pacifying her is.
After tons of fights with my husband, and the kids as I have given up on the summer schedule. I will maybe bump up the school year bedtime but I am not starting now. They all felt like they were being punished (here in Indiana it is just starting to get dark at 10 in june) My kids and husband are happy but not his ex.
8:30 is too early for kids that age. Perhaps tell her you'll enforce a bedtime if it's more reasonable. I do think it's good for kids to have a bed time year around. 10:00 would be a good summer time bedtime. I suggest it's too late for school days unless they don't have to get up until 8 or 9. They need 10-12 hours of sleep.
But if it's worked during the school year disregard my comment.
My kids are turning 17 and 13. 8:30 is way too early of a bedtime for middle and high schoolers. My kids went to bed at that time when they were 7 or 8. They are 4 years apart and never had the same bedtime - a later bedtime is a privilege for older kids. Putting a high schooler (14) to bed at 8:30 on his/her summer vacation? I don't think so! Your kids are too old for that bedtime. I always did a similar to school year bedtime in summer because my kids went to camp, so they weren't getting up any later in the morning, but at this stage, I don't bother. My 13 isnt' going to daycamp this year, and while he's not welcome to stay up til 1 a.m., I don't care if he stays up til 11:00. My 17 can do whatever she wants, and has for a couple of years now. She knows how much sleep she needs to be able to function at work. Good luck
Your husband gets to talk with the ex and tell her that 8:30 is too early of a bedtime for teens and preteens and that at your house they will be going to bed at 10. Husband has the discussion, not you.
No, if the kids live with you then they don't have to accommodate her. Tell her that this is their normal bedtime and that she is just going to have to arrange for them to have quiet time after her kids go to bed.
Good Lord, even 9pm is pushing it for kids this age. 8:30? Seriously????
I would just look at her incredulously, with disbelief, and ask her how she blacks out the windows to make is appear dark, how does she keep the kids from sitting on their beds watching the neighborhood kids playing outside in the sunshine, that your kids are outside playing while the sun still up, etc...
She is going to face a lot of issues in the near future. Little kids go to bed that early, these preteens are nearly old enough to have summer jobs. Sonic in my area will let a 14 year old be a car hop but not anything behind the counters. There are other places too. They can't work where they have to handle any type of equipment like fryers or pop machines but the can transport the trays to and from the cars. They can work as teachers assistants in child care, etc...a 14 year old child can work a few hours per week. They are old enough to know when they are tired and want to go to bed.
The best she can do is allow them to have a movie on in their room quietly, reading time if they love books otherwise it will be a battle of boredom, watch TV quietly, be on the computer, etc...there are lots of quiet activities these kids can do.
Her kids evidently need more rest since they are used to it. The only other option is to go each day and pick up the kids by 7pm so she can have her regular bedtime routine.
If she goes to work early in the morning she may be struggling to get in bed by her regular bedtime and lack of sleep will make a mom very cranky...lol.. If the kids are willing they could compromise some. They can lay there and write stories in their minds, day dream, work out issues with friends, spend time praying or writing song lyrics, as long as they are quiet and not keeping the other kids awake.
Wow I didn't get to stay up till 10 till I was 16! But I had to be up by 6:30.
That seems really early. My son has always gone to bed at 10pm but has no problem getting up in the morning. Hes one of those super duper morning people. I can't see going to 10pm during the school year and then have to be in bed 1-1/2 hours earlier in the summer when its still light outside especially for the 14 year old. I think your kids should stick with their normal sleep time.
Sometimes in life things aren't fair and if that means her kids have to be in bed by 8:30 then so be it.
My kids are a little younger - they are 7 mo., 23 mo., 5 yrs, 7 yrs & 8 yrs... we do have them in bed and lights out by 8/8:30 during the school year, but that doesn't mean they always go to sleep all the time. Sometimes we do have to "battle" with them till about 10 - when this happens they do loose privilages the next day. But my kids also need to be up around 7 to get ready for school at 7:50 - so they are up a little before yours.
During the summer they do get to stay up a little later - sometimes we let the older 3 stay up till @ 10, but that is only if they find something quite to do since their are people sleeping in the house.
Now my 17 yr old - when she is over... she goes to sleep when she wants and understand that if I need her up she'd better get up. I feel she is old enough to hopefully get enough sleep cause she knows her sibling won't let her nap even if she tries. Sometimes it takes her a few days of being over, but she soon does remember & starts going to bed a little earlier - but both her & her dad are night owles... so they like staying up till about 2-3 am talking when everyone else is sleeping and it is quite.
Honestly, you will get a wide range of answers - my sister has her kids in bed by 8 and they are 4, 9, 13, 15, and 17... yes all of them have to be in bed and asleep by 8 all year long and my sister and her hubby are in bed by 9. But they also wake around 5 am to start their day. She has said that they can stay up till 9 once they are 18, but unless they have a job & work past their bedtime - that is the bedtime. She is a strick momma - but she has good kids!
What works in your house, is what you need to do... but also understand that it may not work in my house or your hubby's ex's house. Talk to your hubby - maybe if need be compromise & have your kids go to their bedrooms at 9 with quite time till 10. That why the kids still have a bedtime of 10, but if they choose to go to sleep earlier they can & the other kids (hubby's & his ex's) don't feel as off or weird with their bedtime. Just a seggestion... we all have to pick our battles & compromises to keep a happy home for everyone.
I think 830 is way too early for their age range.
If during the school year they are tired, you could try having them go to bed at 9pm. Otherwise I'd leave it as it is.
It's not like they have to get up at 6am.
I'd stick to my (your) guns on this one.
I think having the same rules/bedtime at both houses is a good idea. It would keep the kids on the same schedule. I put my kids to bed earlier in the summer time to keep up the normal schedule even though they don't have school. I would have to say I am not as stern about them actually going to sleep though. During the school I remind them to go to sleep and stop playing with whatever they have managed to sneak in their beds. During the summer as long as they still get up in a good mood when I need them too, I am more relaxed about letting them play quietly in their rooms.
Maybe compromising for a 9 o'clock bedtime would work. It is definitely getting dark by then and the ex-wife's children won't be completely off schedule.
My boys, 7 and 10, have always had a 10pm bedtime. This is their natural sleep cycle, so what benefit would there be to changing it? (They also get up at 8 to be at school for 9.) I can't even imagine making them go to bed at 8:30! The kids are not obligated to accomodate her. Do her kids have to get up exceptionally early, or is she a control freak, or is she tired of her kids and wants them out of sight by 8:30?
Some kids need more sleep than others but they say 10-12 hours of sleep for young kids. I don't know when the rule changes for less sleep but you can tell by each child if they are getting sleep they need and if they get up willingly and are not dragging and if they do fine with going to bed at 10 and getting up at 8 that would be fine but most don't just go right to sleep either. I would go for around 9 and then maybe they would be asleep by 10. Like others said already though I think this is between your husband and his exwife to discuss it.
My 4 & 6 year old go to be at 8:30. Kinda crazy to think of older kids going to be that early especially if they don't have to get up super early. I am toying with the idea of letting my 6 year old stay up until 9 pm once she turns 7. We homeschool so she doesn't have to get up early for the bus or anything. 10pm durning the summer sounds fine by me.
