Bedtimes - Harleysville,PA

Hi, J.:
It would be good to have a circle meeting to discuss these problems with your family.

Your family can come up with the time and the consequences.
Have you had a family conference with them yet?
Good luck. D.

Somehow as kids get into teen years they turn into nightowls and don't want to do mornings if they can help it. But schools do mornings, so they don't have any choice.

My take on it is to determine how much sleep the older one NEEDS (not wants). It's not cool to go to bed too early, but coolness doesn't necessarily have to be the determining factor. What gives one the ability to function all day is the determining factor.

Let's say I, your 13-year-old, really require eight hours of sleep to get through the next day in reasonable order. Anything less and I'm snoring in study hall. I get my homework done in the afternoon and evening. So how much time does it take me right now to get up, clean up, dress, have a good breakfast, do my chores, and get to the school (or the school bus)?

Then work backwards. If I have to be at the bus at 8 a.m., and it takes me an hour and a half to get there from hearing my alarm clock, then I need to get up at 6:30, and I need to be in bed by 10:30 at the latest; aiming for 10 would be a better idea (gives a little leeway). My nine-year-old sibling would have a bedtime a little earlier, of course, because he's not as privileged as I am (and, yes, he needs more sleep, too).

As far as the grouchiness is concerned, that's just not an option. Kids don't have to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, but they don't have to be allowed to grouch/grinch around and ruin everyone else's morning, even if they ARE teens.

My 7th graders go to bed at 9:30 and my first grader goes to bed at 8:30. They all get up at 6:30am. It takes them each about 30 minutes to get to sleep so my 7th graders are getting 8 1/2 hours a night, and my 1st grader is getting 9 1/2 hours a night. As long as we stick to the bedtime this seems to be efficient. One of the biggest things I learned is to not let them sleep in in the mornings. If I give them that extra 30 minutes of sleep and they only have 30 minutes to wake up and get ready their day goes worse than if I get them up earlier and they have an hour. I think they need that non-rush time in the mornings.

Depends on the age and the sleeping habits of each child.

Your 13 year old should have at least 8 hours of sleep. If he's hard to wake up, like my 15 year old, then add an extra hour on. See how hard it is for him to get up. Keep adding a half hour to his bed time until he can get up with a half way decent attitude.

Your 9 year old should have about 10 hours of sleep, but if his body doesn't need as much and gets up too early them cut it back to 9. Just start with a base line of time to sleep and then add to it or cut back as needed for that child. My now 23 year old didn't need much sleep so we'd give him a bed time 8 hours before his wake up time. If he read in bed, that was fine because we knew he got straight up for school without problem. The 15 year old must have lights out period at bedtime. He cannot go to bed any later than his bedtime because if he's a half hour late then he will not get up and Dad is screaming at him down the stairs.

Just adjust as needed until you get the right amount of time and set ground rules for each individual child.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

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My 13 year old 8th grader is in bed by 9:30 - 10:00 p.m. and wakes at about 7:00 am (school starts at 8:30 a.m.) When I went through a period of time where she was having trouble falling asleep I started pushing up the time little by little. She WAS getting to sleep by 8:30-8:45 when she was 11-12. That amount of sleep has worked great. Some of her friends don’t go to bed until 11:00 pm but they are getting enough sleep for their bodies. Each child is different.

Every night before bed she reads her book. That in itself helps make her sleepy. Then once I tuck her into bed I gently massage her back for about 10 minutes while the room is dark. That has been our routine since she was a baby. Read, massage then fall sleep!

I am a teacher by profession, and I recently read a poll of teachers that asked them what they thought would make the single biggest positive change in children's behavior at school. The overwhelming response? Children getting enough sleep!

Many other studies have shown that teenagers need more sleep than younger children but are usually getting much less of it. Some school districts have become wise about the situation and have offered later start times for secondary students, and that has worked very well.

Our youngest children (one who is the same age/grade as your younger son) must be in bed by 9 PM, but they can read until 10 if they wish. Then lights out at 10. Most days they fall asleep on their own before then. They don't have to get up until 8 the next morning, so it gives them a good 10 hours each night.

I would say to your 13-yr old that you will adjust bedtimes until the grouchiness/sleepiness goes away. Then adjust down by 1/2 hour each night until you get to a good sleep amount. Tell the teenager that the early bedtimes do not apply to weekends, but that there is no negotiation on school nights. The nice thing is that YOU don't have to actually set the bedtime. You leave it up to your child's own internal clock to determine the bedtime for weekdays that allows for a good enough rest. Your child may not like it at first, but when he/she starts feeling better in the mornings and throughout the day, it will make all kinds of things better for everyone!