Bedtime Time?

I had trouble getting my daughter to sleep at night and up for school the next morning. I learned from that and made sure my son had enough sleep so that he could wake up well rested by 5:30 in the morning (we have always had to travel a bit for school). When he was younger, he went to sleep by 8pm, he is 9 now and for the past year, it's been a little later 8:30-9:00 depending on activities and homework.

One thing which has been great since establishing this is that he is a sound sleeper and wakes up happy and rested. He also loves waking up at the same time on weekends and holidays to have some quite time alone or with me while we have coffee and hot chocolate.

If you wanted to try getting them to sleep earlier, I would try doing it a little at a time by establishing a nitht time routine without mentioning what time it is. Their bodies will adjust.

One other thing to keep in mind is how different kids are. My daughter will still sleep in as long as she can no matter what time she goes to sleep. She is difinately not a morning person.

Good luck!

I'd listen to your husband.
Each child is different you cannot compare.

I personally think that every child need a regular bed time... one that you follow every single day. If that's 9:00 oclock or 7:00... is up to you and your family and what works best for you.

I will say that if your oldest is staying up after bedtime to sing and tell herself stories... and she's staying up until well after 10:00... you might want to consider pulling her bedtime back by an hour or so... But then again... if it's working for you the way it is... why change anything?

I agree with the other mom's with if your children are waking up on their own in the morning and are happy and rested then its probably fine. My son is 2.5 and has ALWAYS gone to bed between 9 and 9:30pm. He will get up on his own between 6:30-7:30am. We have tried to set his bedtime earlier but it doesn't work. He is not tired earlier. We have also tried cutting out naps, nap or no nap his bedtime was still the same. My husband is a night owl and i think my son takes after him. Everyone is different, children or adults, I am a morning person and go to bed early... i think its just who you are.
If you are comfortable with their bed time and they seem to be rested and happy i would say leave it. Otherwise do what is best for you and your family. Our daughter goes to bed between 6:30-7pm and has since the day she was born, she is 6 months now.
Good Luck Angela!
:)

my kids are 6 months, 2 and 4 and they go to bed between 7 and 7:30pm every night. I find that if they don't get 12 hours of sleep, they are crabby and very disobedient. And I want some "me" time.
I can't imagine that your kids are still a delight that late? Maybe mine are the exception...

Honestly, I think that if they get naps during the day and are not fussy when they are a wake then their bedtime is fine. My daughter is 9 mos and she goes to bed around 10:30pm and has since she has gotten a schedule for herself.

My 4 year old has always had the same schedule you describe. I think as long as they are happy and not falling asleep everywhere you are fine. My daughter, and it sounds like your 3 year old too, don't always need to go to bed early, mine sings herself to sleep too. I think everyone is used to kids going to bed at 8, but they either have kids that don't nap, or kids that naturally sleep longer. If it works for you, don't worry about what other people think.

I have an 18 month old little girl and she goes to sleep at 7pm every night. It is wonderful because my husband and I have plenty of time to talk about our days, read together and take a bath and whatever else husbands and wives do. I am 3 months pregnant with my second and plan on the same schedule once the baby's old enough.The only set back is My daughter wakes up at 5am; but I nurse her and she goes right back down until 7am. She naps a full two hours in the daytime as well. I would definitely recommend putting the kids to bed earlier. I have worked this routine into my daughters life because I know the most important thing I can give her is a strong happy marriage. I keep her down for a set time each day during naps whether or not she sleeps the whole time. She has learned to play until I come get her.
Hope this helps.

I have a 2 year old. I start winding her down for bed about 8:00 pm, with the goal to have her in bed before 8:30. Sometimes it doesn't happen. Baths help, along with stories in a soft voice.

I understand what you're saying about not having much time with the kids after work. I pick her up at 6:00 pm from daycare and have just those two hours, plus less than a half hour in the morning. I think having a regular (early) bedtime is more important, so I focus on quality time in those two hours, try not to get distracted by the work day, and pray for the weekends to come fast.

[Single 39-year old mom with a 2 year old daughter.]

I have to agree with you Angela. Your girls bedtime is WAY TOO late. With my son of whom is now 8, I have kept a consistant bedtime with him since he was a toddler.
I know all kids are different but with him, I don't like to get him into bed any later than 8:30 and 9:00 p.m. is pushing it.
I don't know how your girls behavior is, but with my son, if he's not in bed on or around that time every night, my husband and I pay DEARLY for it the next day. He's meaner than a snake, he cries, whines, can't be reasoned with, the list goes on.
Children need and require a reasonable bedtime hour especially at such a young age as yours.
I hope I've been of some help to you.

You know, this sounds like my family. My daughter 5 falls a sleep fast and easy my son 3 just won't quit till he is extremely worn out. It really doesn't matter what time I get him to bed, he just won't fall asleep till late. My children have the same bedtime time routine as yours and I get an earful from other parents about how my children shouldn't go to bed so late. I started to listen to them and tried to change up the routine and have them go to bed my 830 instead. we did this for a week. Know what happened? We argued more at night about not wanting to go to bed, the children still fell asleep at THEIR normal time, and mornings we no better. I guess what I am trying to say is, while all children need a lot of sleep, as their mother it is part of your job to determine how much is too little or too much for them. If they are happy and fine, and doing well then why change their schedule because other people agree with you. If you notice they are cranky during the day, then by all means get them to be earlier.

If the children are waking up naturally at 7:30 am then they are probably getting enough sleep but if you have to wake them up at 7:30 then they probably need to go to bed sooner. If you're older one is staying up hours after bedtime then it might be time to eliminate her nap or not let her sleep so long at naptime so that she will be tired at bedtime. I start the bedtime routine at 7:30 pm and my boys (ages 2 and 4) are usually asleep by 8:15 pm and they wake up, on their own, between 6 and 7 a.m. Your schedule might work for you now, but soon they'll be in school and it will be hard to adjust to the new hours. I like putting the boys in bed earlier because it gives me time in the evening to do grown-up stuff. I work part-time and need the time in the evening to do things that I can't do when the boys are up. I've also found that the more exhausted my 2 year old is, the harder it is for him to sleep. Kids are the opposite of adults; when they get tired they get overactive and hyper which makes you think they are not tired but in reality it's the opposite. I remember reading that most toddlers need around 10 hours of sleep a night.

Hi, Angela
Before my daughter (the oldest) began school, we had later bedtimes, too. My daughter would get to sleep around 10 p.m. and up around 8 a.m. My thoughts are, what works for your family is what you should do. However, well before she begins any schooling or daycare, I would train her to have an earlier bedtime. School days are much more hectic and harder physically and emotionally, and it would do you all well to have her (and little sis when the time comes) to be more than well rested. (note- daughers now are in bed and sleepy by 9:00 and up at 7:15)

I can tell you with certainty, your children need more sleep than they are getting. Children need closer to 10-12 hours each night, through their elementary school years. This is for their proper learning and growth. Yes, they should still be taking a nap - the 3.5 yr old is probably coming close to stopping. My daughter stopped early but both my boys needed them longer. Each child is different. My children are 2 yrs apart, and they always went to bed at the same time - 8p.m. They were always up by 7a.m. on their own. I would suggest reading to them together and letting the older one know that she needs to go to sleep and not play. To an extent, as long as she isn't getting up and out of bed, she isn't doing anything wrong, but she needs to know the being in bed means it is time to sleep. I don't know how you and your husband differ in you opinions of how to work things, but I do know, that a lot of kids go to school tired - and even fall asleep in class these days. I am sure you don't want your girls to end up like that. God Bless You and Good Luck.

dear angela----
it won't be long and ur children will be grown and gone. the most important thing is love. my children are grown and families of their own. every one of them said "WE ALWAYS KNEW WE WERE LOVED" be unified later bed shouldn't be an issue but the love should be. both of you share the responsibilities of those precious darlings. you can't give them enough love.

I'm a firm believer in children getting all of the sleep they need and parents having time alone to unwind and chill out at the end of the day. Of course I don't work and I am with my kids all day. My 5 year old and my 2 year old were going to bed between 6 and 7 until about 6 months ago. Now we have a newborn and that has thrown things off a bit. I still try to get them down by 7:30. They sleep until 7:30 or 8 and even when they were going to bed at 6:30, they would sleep until 7 and nap. (Not the 5 year old). People think I'm crazy, but I have happy kids and happy parents.

I haven't read through your other responses, but I think that would be personal choice. My husband and I both work full time. We pick him up from preschool (he is 3.5 too) around 3:30. Only on T and Th does he nap. His bedtime is 7:30 pm. He awakes at 6 ish. With the time change however he slept until 7 am. As long as your kids are happy, I'd say keep the schedule. Maybe when it gets closer to Kinder age, start thinking about 8:00 or 8:30 pm. As an elementary educator that is the time we suggest as they usually do not nap. I have a cousin who keeps her little guy up until 10 pm so he can spend time with Dad. He awakes at 10 am and takes a pm nap. He is four years and that schedule works for them right now. He is a happy boy and growing well.

my 2yr old sleeps at 10p and my 8 mo old sleeps at 9p. i figure that if they don't have to wake up early for school - i'm ok with the late bedtime. once they start school - i'll enforce an earlier bedtime.

I'm a SAHM and my husband's work schedule means sometimes he's home from from work by 5, but sometimes not until almost 7pm. You need to do what works for you. Personally, we give the kids a bath between 6:30 and 7:00 and let them have time with Daddy after that. They go to bed at 8Pm every night. The only exception is if they didn't take a nap and have to go down at 7:30. Yes you need parenting time with the kids, but you also need time alone together when you're not sleeping! From 8pm-10pm is our time. My oldest (4) and youngest (1) are up at 7am and my middle boy is up by 8am. That gives them 11-12 hours of sleep, any less than that and they get cranky and need an additional nap during the day which messes up there sleeping schedule for days.
I'd try putting them to be a little earlier every night, 15 minutes or so. The most important thing is you do what works for your family.

In my opinion, it is whatever works for you guys. There will be enough stress about bedtime when they start going to school and giving up naps (now my 6 and 3 year olds go to sleep at 7:30 cuz we have school and are nap-free). If it is working, why change??

My daughter is 5 and her bedtime is and has always been 8pm. Sometimes it's 8:15 or 8:30 by the time we actully turn out the light. She doesn't nap but she is an early riser like her dad, around 6am. The two of them have some time in the morning to spend together before I get up. I do believe 9pm is too late for little kids.
M.

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We try to start our bedtime routine between 7:30 and 8:00. With a bath, brush teeth, etc. then our 2 year old will cuddle on either the couch or our bed with either my husband and I and watch part ofa Disney Movie, before falling asleep around 8:30 or 9:00. He gets up anywhere between 6:30 and 8:00, and most mornings it is about 7:00 depending on the night he had (when he is sick it is around 8:00, and some days it is around the time his daddy goes to work around 6:30).

Children do need lots of sleep, and I enjoy putting my son to sleep earlier (by 8:30) so I can have some down time to finish cleaning, or read a book. But my husband works until 7:00 p.m. and gets home around 7:30 so we do let our son stay up to play with Daddy a little while those days he works or our son is a monster the next day because he misses his daddy!

Do what is best for you and your family, and if that is starting bed time at 8:00 or 8:30 that is up to you!

I have kids of various ages. They stopped taking naps at age 3. When they took their naps, I only let them sleep for an hour. My younger children stayed up until I went to bed about 9-10:00. Before they started to go to school, I put them on an earlier bedtime and woke them up by 7. They now sleep 10-12 hours a night going to bed at 7:30 and getting up at 7. And, yes, they still play at night and don't always go to bed when I send them.

By the time my children are age 10, I allow them to stay up for another hour going by grade and age until they are in high school and they have a bed time of 10:00 pm. I have one teen that is in bed by 9 and the other is in bed by 10.

What suits you and your family is what I would recommend. If they are happy and don't wake up cranky, keep the same schedule. If they become cranky, try a different bedtime.

Hi Angela, In my opinion that is way too late. Your girls aren't getting enough sleep. I know it's tough, esp when you work and want to spend time with them or heck, just get through dinner, baths,etc... My daughter is much younger (18 months) and goes to bed between 7-7:30 & I plan to keep it that way (or close). My pediatrician made it very simple, he says "bedtime is 8:00 until they are in 8th grade." Many sleep habits books will say about the same thing as well. Good luck!!

My little one is only 16 months, so I don't know how appropriate my experience is. However, it seems if your girls are getting up on their own at a reasonable time in the morning and they are not sleepy, then the current bedtime works. My toddler typically goes to sleep 8:30 pm and wakes up between 5:00 am and 6:30 am, which is too early for me to be playful. I get home from work after 7 pm, so I do wish I had more time with her in the evening. Your schedule sounds good.

It sounds like you are really looking for what is best for your family. In my opinion you have to do what works for your family. If your kids are happy and don't seem over tired then your right to get that extra time with them at night, make sure you and hubby are getting yor time after they go to bed also. I think it is more valuable to have special family time and keep a consistant evening schedule than to get caught up in the "normal time" kids are supposed to go to bed. The only negative thing I could see is when your kids get a bit older and have to get up for school, but you could adjust your time as that approaches and becomes an issue. My son is six and does the same thing as you older daughter. I've realized he just needs that wind down time on his own and in his bed. We put him to bed the same time as our younger children and he ends up falling asleep about 30 min. after them. It works for us so thats what we do! Good luck!

I have a 16 month old who naps for about 2 hours during the day, but goes to sleep between 7:30 - 8:30 PM. She is always happy and very healthy - even when big viruses sweep through daycare.... I have a 35 month old (almost 3) who goes to sleep between 10:00-10:30PM - and she also gets a 2-3 hour nap during the day - some days. She's just a late body to bed, and a late waker-upper (like her daddy). It's not what we prefer, but all attempts to get her to bed earlier are just battles in futility. And it's not that we haven't tried a TON of different strategies to get her to bed earlier - they just didn't work, were too difficult to maintain - and that's just her. I'm sure if we wanted to wake up EXTRA early (like 5AM) just for the sake of getting her to bed earlier - that would work (and has on the few occasions we've had to wake her up early)... but why? That was actually much harder on us than just letting her stay up past 9. As long as they get sufficient sleep (for our 3 year old, she still gets 10-11 hours of sleep a day) and are healthy - why stress about it?

One thing to consider is why you think they should have an earlier bedtime. Are they in school? If so - they have to wake up earlier, so an earlier bedtime is appropriate. What are they doing during the day? Are they expending enough of their energy to make them tired by bedtime? If not, consider changing their evening activities - maybe get them in swim lessons or take them to the park, etc. I know that can be hard because after work you're tired too... but that's part of "the job" - if you work as a team - you can work it out to where you alternate wearing the kids down, making meals and relaxing yourself, baths, etc.

What really worked best for our family was 'quiet time'. Starting at about 7:30-8:00PM, once our 1-year-old is down... if the older one is still wide awake - we make her go down for 'quiet time' - which leads up to sleepy time. During quiet time - we let her read a book (as much as she can), play her little leapfrog games, color, or watch a movie. The movie's work best because as soon as they're over, she fades away to the land of the sandman. But as long as they're doing what you've tasked them with or allowed them to do and resting (even if not sleeping per se)... if they're happy, healthy children - everything else is just details. Just ask yourself, is it worth it - at this point - all things considered, to have to battle with your spouse and child? If it's not right now but may be more of an issue later - maybe just wait til later so you have more weight on your side. Just be sure not to base how you raise your kids on how everyone else is doing it, and be flexible. If your husband wants to let your daughter(s) stay up later - make him the 'overseer of kids' during the time after you think they should be in bed so that you have enough personal time. It all comes down to being a child management issue... noone will fault you for needing personal space or looking out for the kids well-being. Everyone does things a little bit differently because all of our schedules, kids, spouses and situations in general are different. It's just got to work for you and your family.

The only thing I could think of that would raise a red flag is the control issue... I'm not saying don't be the parent - definitely do. But if you want them to go to bed just because that's what you want (without good reason and/or taking your spouses opinions into consideration), or because someone else things that's what you should do - well... that won't help anyone and will probably just lead to more problems down the road. So just look at why you really want an earlier bedtime right now.

I know several other moms/families who leave their kids stay up later than the books would lead you to think is good - but they're happy and healthy (and intelligent) kids who listen well and pretty much understand where the boundaries are. Communication was a huge part of it too though - and at 3.5 and even 2.5 - they can grasp concepts about that kind of stuff pretty well... it's more up to you in how you communicate why they need to sleep, and decide whether or not you're going to let the tantrums (that do happen from time to time) determine if you bend on your decisions or routine. I strongly recommend being consistent with your routine, but you have to pick one that works for you and go with it - the kids will adjust (even if it takes a week or 2) whether you choose to put them down at 7 or 10.

Some parents want the kids to bed earlier so that they can have some personal time, or mommy-daddy time, or whatever - and that would give a reason for a stricter bedtime - and there's nothing wrong with that at all, maybe they have a stronger relationship than we do. But I agree with your husband - when I don't get to see my kids all day - I do like to spend the time with them at night. What works for us is to have mommy-daddy time is for later at night and during nap times on the weekend, and trade off 'babysitting' when we need personal time/space for whatever... but otherwise - pick your battles - is this really one that's worth it at this point in their lives.

Good luck, and I think you're doing fine. Just be ready to change as their needs and schedules change.

Wow! You're getting a lot of different opinions. Keep in mind they're all opinions, mine included. You might want to discuss this with your pediatrician. In general, most children need a certain amount of sleep per night, based on their age. Waking on their own in the AM is NOT a true indicator whether they're getting enough sleep or not, regardless of what people are posting. You can confirm that w/your own pediatrician or in a sleep book. Dr. Richard Ferber has an excellent one, by the way, and I'd recommend ordering it from Amazon today. Can't remember the name, but his name will get it for you. It's very popular, highly recommended and covers everything you'd ever want or need to know about putting your kids to sleep on their own, how much each child needs, how to determine how much YOUR child needs, etc.

Back to your own situation, it seems late to me, also. However, you do have to find your own balance of time with your kids, a decent bedtime, and possibly MOST important---alone time with your husband. You need to connect with each other without the kids---whether it's having a cup of coffee together or a glass of wine and talking, or even sitting next to each other on the couch, holding hands and watching TV together and talking. Your marriage needs that re-charging time, and so do your kids. They will be happier and better behaved if you and your husband are happy and well-behaved!! :) Good luck.

At that age they should be going to bed about 800-830pm. They should nap before 2-3pm so that they are able to go to sleep earlier. Early habits are essential, especially since your 3.5 year old will start school soon. I suggest starting your routine 10-20 minutes earlier then slowly increasing it until you get to 830pm. Good Luck.

Dear Angela,

Whatever works for your family is fine.

However - while you two need time with the kids, you also need time together, grown-up time. An earlier bedtime would help in this area. My other argument for an earlier bedtime is that you are starting habits. You won't want them going to bed late when they are in school, and it will be easier to instill that now, rather than trying to change their habits when they are a little older.

Good luck!
B.

here is my experience, i have to girls that are now 14 and 16 and i used put them to bed at 8 pm everynight my husband came home late and wanted to wake to discipline them if they were bad, but it work out that i normally look out for their best interest, their minds. they need to be rested otherwise the time out and all the corrections will be forgotten becase they are too tired!!! at this age you need to correct and the moment they dont care what happens yesterday or tomm. we do, we never forget but they are small right and you are home, so dont worry about correction they will come and they will come soon, just enjoy them now!!! god bless N.