Bedtime question...will This Work?

Oh, I feel your pain. My hubby works nights so I had to put my newborn and 2-year-old to bed alone....and still do...one year later. I did find one thing that worked for me -hopefully your toddler will like this: Buy some books on CD. We got Thomas and Friends and Cars since those are my son's favorite. When it was bedtime, I put headphones on him and he loved listening to the stories. He'd fall asleep listening to them so he never heard the fussy baby as I tried to get him down. Hope this helps.

Been there, 3 times. Here's what you do.

During the day make sure your toddler gets some bursts of exercise like doing 10 jumping jacks or running the length of the backyard and say something like "wow you are using lots of energy, your body is going to need lots of sleep tonight!" and leave it at that, don't open the door for arguments.

Start getting ready for bedtime 20 minutes early - Add A. extra special big brother routine to bedtime where he helps you sing night to the baby and then you and the baby sing goodnight to him.

Then - Put the infant in a wrap on your chest, pay no attention to the baby while you are going through your normal bedtime routine with your toddler. Your infant may go to sleep on your chest or will at least be content listening to your heartbeat. Wrap the sling tight enough that you can still pick up and bend down to tuck your boy in bed. It takes some time learning to maneuver with a baby sling but it's worth it and you won't feel like you are needing to pay attention to both children.

first of all, if hubby works at home, then he can take a dang break and help with this stressful bedtime routine, especially if he has strong opinions about what it should look like!
i like that he isn't real whoopie on CIO but that doesn't mean he should expect you to cater all night to A. exhausted cranky toddler as well as your newborn. is he nuts? 11 is way too late for a tiny to go to bed.
there is a nice wide middle ground between CIO and keep the child up til the middle of the night. do NOT pick up your toddler, sit next to him, be very quiet, don't interact or even make eye contact. once he's quiet whisper 'go to sleep now' and leave. stay away for 3 minutes, then if he's still crying repeat, being very adamant not to pick him or verbally interact with him. just sit quietly and rub his back and hum. repeat this until you're ready to tear your hair out. it will pay off in the long run. the next night go back in 4 minutes (get a timer.) keep your baby snuggied to you if he's awake, but don't attend to him while you're busy with the toddler.
once all the babies are asleep, go kick your fiance.
khairete
S.

Have you tried putting him in his bed giving him hugs and kisses and then leaving the room for say five minutes? Then if he's still crying, go back in, give him hugs and kisses tell him goodnight but DON'T pick him up. Repeat as necessary. It's really stinking time consuming at first but I didn't want to let my son cry his head off all alone either and we did this as a kind of compromise (he was driving my husband and I CRAZY). Crying isn't going to hurt him and this way he's getting the periodic reassurance that you are in fact still there BUT he also is (hopefully) getting the point that it's bedtime and he's not going to get out of it.

C. - I totally feel for you!!! My daughter had just turned two when her little sister arrived, and since my husband travels for work I was often alone (all day, all night - totally exhausting!!!) We had similar issues at bedtime. The baby didn't want me to put her down so I could get my older one in bed. I finally resorted to making sure she was comfortable and then putting her in her crib. I would close the door and try not to listen to the shrieking while I helped my 2 year old brush teeth and read her a book. I would leave the baby screaming like that for anywhere between 30-60 minutes - and no, she never fell asleep during that time. Once the older one was in bed I'd get the baby and calm her down. It might sound terrible, but you do what you gotta do!!! If it makes you feel any better, that "baby" is now 6 years old, and she's the sweetest little girl in the world. Apparently I didn't damage her by letting her cry :) Good luck to you. You'll get through this too!

Haha!!! I just read the answer from Suz T. and couldn't agree more. 11 PM is a ridiculous time to put down a toddler. I'm sorry, but, does your fiancee know ANYTHING about children? Because until he figures out a few things out, he should NOT be the one making the rules about how they are raised and expect you to follow through at the risk of losing your own mind. He may be great at some of the other stuff, but bedtime is really important and his demands are unreasonable.

Well putting the toddler to bed at 11.15pm is out of the question , and as your fiance is not the one there listening to it all and trying to deal with it then I think you need to do what works , if the newborn is awake but not fussing then I don't understand what the issue is sorry? Can you just leave the baby in the bassinet or bouncy chair and get your other child to bed? Do as the PP suggested , go in and reassure but don't pick him up , if you want to get out of doing that then the sooner you start the better. Also what time do you want your toddler in bed? 7pm....if so then start the bedtime routine around 6.30 with bath , milk (if he has that) and story and then into bed , there is no reason why the baby cannot be included in the milk and story part. All you need to do is choose a routine that you can manage by yourself and do the same night after night and your toddler will soon get used to it.

I have a 3 yr old, and just in feb had my second. What I did when the baby was just a few weeks old, was timed my 3 yr old's bedtime around a "cat nap" for the baby. I'd put the baby in the swing, do the 3yo's routine get him down then wake baby, play with him, feed bathe and put him to bed. This worked for us, but we had a pretty good routine, and being 3 he understood that once mommy left i wasn't coming back. that helped. we also did a star chart for him for going to bed like a good boy, and that also really helped. but he's older, so not sure how much he understands. My hubby travels a lot so I'm often home just with the kids, so as the baby gets older I'm constantly juggling our routine to make it work for everyone. I'd also kick your hubby and tell him he could take a 15 min break to help you... Not sure what he does for work, but really seems if he works from home he could stop for 15 min to help out... just my two sense... good luck!

How does your fiance know that he is CIO if he is at work? I am not advocating that you keep secrets from a loved one, but clearly if you have to do the work then you should get to make the decision here.

Start getting your toddler to bed around 8:00 p.m. and your finance will never know if he cried or not unless you tell him :) If he asks, just say "it gets better every day."

If you already had your 15 mo old on a schedule, I'm guessing you already know how to get him to sleep, so I won't offer any advice on that part. Good luck :)

Wow! I have 19 month boy/girl twins and I went thru sooooo much it was awful! My husband would get home at 11 pm from work and help me but he would also complain that HE needs HIS precious sleep! So we argued soooo much! I wasn't getting ANY sleep either! But of course according to HIM, he really needed his sleep because HE works! I was like, "What the h--- do you think I do all day long?, sit on my a-- all day?" Men are soooo inconsiderate. Now he really helps me after a major incident that I rather not talk about but he's way better now. I really needed to put them on a schedule because they need to be in one. It is hard because it takes like weeks before they actually know it's 'bedtime'. I think I started them on a schedule at aroung 8 months, or 10. You basically have to put your toddler to 'nap' at a certain time everyday and wether he cries or not just lay him in his crib and kiss him tell him it's nap time each time though and close the door, he'll cry but that's the only way, trust me! And pick another time for 'bedtime', and do the same thing. It does work. Like right now my twins are napping. They nap for about 2-4 hrs. your newborn is much too young since they do require feedings every 2 hours or so. But if he never sleeps like my twin boy used to. It could be he's colicy or his formula isn't right for him. We switched a couple of times until we found one that didn't upset his little tummy. Then he slept! I was overwhelmed a lot before! Good luck!