"Bedtime" Question for 4 and 3 Year Olds

I think the longer you wait, the harder it is going to be to alter their behavior. If I did something for say 5 years and now all of a sudden it is not acceptable, I would not be happy. I would wonder what I did wrong. It is important for children to be on a schedule so they know what is coming next and what is expected out of them. I had a family member who decided her children had slept in her bed long enough so she made a big deal out of "moving" them to their rooms. They got to pick out new bedding and they set a date for the big "move". She said it was rough for a couple of days, but just because it is not an easy decision doesn't mean it isn't the right one.

I don't know. Hahahahaha... did you expect this answer in response? =) I am very similar with how relaxed I am with sleeping and schedules. I don't know what you mean by saying, "I know that this is not the best thing for them." I say, "Why not?" It's not like the lack of schedules is reducing their sleep, is it? My son is 3.5, and he's about the most pleasant little person when he wakes up. This is how I know he had enough sleep. On the mornings following a crazy day (i.e. holiday travel), we simply reduce the activities for the day and get an early nap.

He has a difficult time being alone, so we still have him in our bed. Plus, we love the family bed... he has no real motivation to sleep in his! Anyway, recently he stayed at a friend's house during the day, and he took a nap with his friend in a full-size bed. Their heads were at opposite ends of the bed. After a few snickers and goofing off, they fell asleep rather quickly. I was pleasantly surprised to know that he could sleep away from us. This is how we determined that it was more of an alone issue rather than he needs US to help him sleep.

Perhaps you could have your 3 and 4 year olds put the twin mattresses on the floor instead of using the bunk bed frame? This way they are together but separate. If my sibling was on the cool top bunk, I wouldn't fall asleep because I would be too distracted about how I wasn't up there instead!

I don't think the "no bedtime" thing is an issue because you ultimately control the activities during the day that determine the actual bedtime. However, the movie before bed may impact them. I find that any TV before bed requires a longer time for my son to finally relax into sleep.

Good luck and sweet dreams!
-B.

What do you want for your kids? We want bed time, routine, structure because for us it helps us be better parents. We know when they are tired or hungry- and can help them cope and deal with their emotions better. Not everyone needs this. My brother's family has very different rules, seems to us to not have routines or structure- but this suits them fine.

You have to do what works for you and constantly evolve to meet your childrens needs(i.e. rest, food, and emotional support) in methods that work for you. One thing I would recommend is that the TV comes out of their room and is replaced with story time. Maybe you do a lot of that during the day- but it is something great that we enjoy as a family. Maybe Dad could do stories since he is away at work during the day!

Our family is like yours. Our daughter sleeps in our bed and comes to bed when I do. We also don't have anything that we have to get up for and it works for us. I have always been a night owl and so has she. Even when she had to get up for MDO and she had a bed time it took her forever to fall asleep and when she finally did it was always around 10:30-11. I think when they get older it will get easier because they will soon want to sleep in there own beds (which I will be sad about) I think if it works for your family and you know your kids are getting enough sleep then go with it.

Does it work for your family? Is EVERYONE getting enough sleep? With you as a SAHM and homeschooling you can all sleep the needed amount because you have a more relaxed schedule, BUT what about hubby? Is he getting enough sleep, AND good sleep (I am a light sleeper so anyone bumping into me wakes me up, so kids sleeping with me does not work for me)?

If everyone is happy, getting the amount of sleep they need it might be what works best for your family. TV/movie before bed might not be the best idea because it does stumilate the brain so can keep a child from falling asleep or falling into a deep sleep. Maybe a good bedtime story or two, we are reading chapter books to my almost 4 year old daughter (fight now it is The Adventures of Christopher Robin).

This is our routine; School year: 7:30pm PJ & storytime, 8pm bedtime (maybe 8:30 is not school the next day), we have to be up by 7:30am during the school year. Summer Time: 8pm PJ & storytime, 8:30 - 9pm bedtime (some nights 10pm if there is a wedding, party, holiday event), most morning we do not need to be up till 9am. Hubby on the other hand is up at 5am SO no way our darling daughter could sleep with us because he would not get the sleep he needed (and neither would I). That is what works for us, there are so many different styles so do what is best for the WHOLE family.

I think bedtime is very important! My daughters are 6 (headed for 1st grade) and 4. During the school year they are in bed BY 8:30pm and this summer we've relaxed a bit, but still try to be somewhat consistent by having them in bed by 9:30pm. I have several reasons for being "strict" about it ... one is that I know they need their rest, one is that my husband and I need some time in the evenings while they're sleeping, and one is that I like having structure and I believe they function better with a daily plan.

My 4-year-old has become famous for coming into our bed at some point at night (she's there with my hubby now) and as long as we are all getting sleep I really don't mind her being there. My 6-year-old rarely comes into our bed, and typically if she does it's because of a storm or bad dream.

Rather than having the girls sleep with us on a regular basis, we look forward to family time in our bed on Saturday and Sunday mornings. :)

I think what you are doing is awesome!!! Keep home-schooling...keep them sleeping wth you...it will all come out in the wash....I think you are doing a terrrific job!!! They will figure it out on their own....
Dont forget...keep home-schooling....it is what makes our country great!!!!
Much success to you and your family!!!
M.

I think you'll get answers on both sides of the 'coin' on this one!! My almost 3 year old daughter gets up every night (the time depends) and comes into our room and sleeps with us. This started after we coslept with her and would just let her fall asleep after nursing when she was younger. I do not mind having her in there, but with having a 2nd child, I know there is a possibility that they may both end up in our bed. Again, I do not mind this (but the youngest is not even 1 yet). That being said, I realize how it can quickly become very crowded in your bed!!

The first thing I suggest is starting a bedtime routine. Get them quieted down (movie or books), have them brush their teeth and tuck them into their beds. Explain to them that since they are 'bigger', they can sleep in their bed. Because they are used to cosleeping, this may require you laying down with them. I suggest getting a recliner instead and sitting 'next' to them for a while before leaving the room.

If that does not work and they still end up in your bed, at least you are getting them on a routine and schedule, which I think is very important for bedtime.

Second, I would make a new rule that they can only sleep on the floor in your room. I've heard from many friends who's parents did this by a certain age and they would rather sleep in their own bed than on the floor in mommy/daddy's room. I say this, but not sure if 3/4 is old enough to do this. I plan on telling my kids this when they are about 5.

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it". Are you the one who needs more sleep? just wondered, since you said you are too tired to fight with them.....if you are, then that is a valid reason for an earlier bed time. Also I might remove the TV/VCR from their room, that would seem to keep them awake.

Do they act normal and well-rested during the day? if so, then they are getting enough sleep.

We never had much of a schedule either, I was a SAHM mom and we rarely had to be anywhere at a certain time early in the day. My kids are both teens now, one lives away at college and gets himself up fine. The other one usually gets himself up too, if I notice he's running a bit late I nudge him along.

Yes, there was an adjustment period every year when school started (we go to public schools). Yes, Sundays are a pain sometimes. But they are warned the night before--"We are going to church tomorrow and we must leave at ___x___time, so plan accordingly". When the complaints came, the were reminded that they had been told. Eventually it slacked off.

I'd try the suggestions for dealing with Sundays mentioned by another mom, and see if that helps.

You'll figure it out!

K. Z.

You have a great variety of responses.....
We are a "bedtime routine" family. I have five children 9 years old and younger. We started a consistent bedtime routine for each child as they became able. My oldest had his routine established by 6 months, the next two boys by one year of age, and my twin daughters took about a year as well.
We are a relatively busy family involved in school, sports, music lessons, swimming lessons....and other odds and ends. I spend all of my day doing things with and for my children. We try to limit tv and video priveledges. No one (including my husband and I) has tv in a bedroom. By the end of the day everyone is ready for bed and their own space! We encourage them to read a book or magazine at bed time if they are still feeling awake.
This time after the kids go to bed is important for my husband & I. It is the one time of the day we can talk without interruption or diatraction. Lately, we have been having a movie night just for us complete with popcorn. It is nice to relax with him, talk with him, or even head to the grocery if necessary ~ by myself.
It sounds like if you are homeschooling and your husband is working that maybe you guys could us a little time with each other without distraction as well!
I think that like many things we teach our children, we can teach them to be good sleepers/self soothers........Children without structure (in any area) are more lilkely to be confused, or will seek out structure without knowing how to do it!
I agree with the do what works method for many things...I do however, believe that sleep routine is necessary, especially as children approach the pre-school and elementary ages. (I think that it is recommended that kindergarteners get 12 hours per night, 1st graders 11-12 hours, and 3/4 th graders at least 10 hours)
Good Luck!

Start them on some type of schedule NOW. You have had to start w/ things like betime between 8:30 and 9 and have a little wiggle room until you get it down, but you DO need to get them on a schedule.

Even if you're homeschooling, do it on some type of schedule! That might working/schooling from 10-12 or whatever, but do it on a schedule. Think about it......EVERYONE, kids included, have to/should be on some type of schedule and regime. STRUCTURE is the name of the game. Not that you can't be flexible from time to time, but it is ESSENTIAL!

EVERYONE will be better off!

Oh, That makes more sense.. I do think you can talk to your children and explain that unless they can get up on Sunday mornings with no complaints, they will need to go to sleep (it can be in your bed) but at a set time.

Every once in a while our daughter would beg to stay up late. I would let her know it was fine, but she needed to get up in the morning and get ready for school just like any other day and I did not want to hear any excuses..

This is one of those times You give your children ownership for their own decisions and they will learn that they cannot blame others if they make a decision that does not work out.

Do keep in mind, children thrive on a schedule, rules and guidelines. They want to know what is going to happen next. The easiest way to do this is to have some sort of schedule, so they have that "safe feeling" and know what is expected and what will be happening next.
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"(We are homeschooling so they won't have to get up early for school.) "
Really? This is why you are homeschooling? Most people I know that homeschool do it because they want their children taught a certain curriculum. Or they do not have schools that meet their expectations in their neighborhoods and cannot afford private school.

As long as it does not bother you and your husband, and you have your own schedules, why change?

Just let them know on Saturday nights, they need to go to bed by
8:00 - 8:30 in their own room, because you all have to get up early to go to Church on Sundays. And since what you are doing right now is not working on Sunday mornings, you all need to do this, unless they quit complaining on Sunday mornings.