Bedtime for 11 Y/o

My 11 year old daughter goes to bed between 8:30 and 9:00 on school nights and by 9:30 on weekends. If she goes to bed at 8:30 on school nights, I will let her stay up and read in bed or play a quiet game until 9:00 IF she continues getting up well in the morning. However, I find that if she is up past 9:00 she does not get up well for school. It is a constant topic of conversation as "everyone else stays up late". I can't wait to hear the responses you get on this one!

My 11 year old goes to bed at 8:30 on school nights and 10:00 on weekends. If she stays up too late, she is a bear the next day! I think "mama knows best" when it comes to bedtime. F.

Laurie, When my four older ones were that age, their bedtime was 9 a.m. every night, but nights not before school or church they could read for a while after going to bed. I'd read research that said kids this age AND teens needed 10 hours of sleep at least. Though you can't make them sleep, you can restrict caffeine (which is at its strongest 12 hours after ingestion), give them plenty of fresh air exercise in the day and a restful environment at bedtime. When my kids argued with us, we just reminded them that we love them and that we make decisions based on their good and that our rules rule.

As they got to the age of reason, and would argue about this, I'd point out that their behavior could show or disprove they need less sleep. I factored in argumentative or cranky, or distracted behavior as well as being slow to get up.

Hope this helps. It's still working with my 10 year old.
D. S

I don't have any children that old yet, but I have one piece of advice: BE THE MOM!!! Stick to your guns. If he is having trouble getting up then he needs to be going to sleep earlier. If he complains about his bedtime, make it even earlier until he realizes that complaining is NOT working. God made us parents for a reason - we are in authority over our children. You can do it.

Hi L.,
I have an 11 y/o daughter and her bed time is the same as your son's. I however do not allow her to read when she goes to bed. It seems to work for us and it worked for me when I was her age. My parents didn't allow me to stay up later until I became a teen.

I put my 10 yr old to bed at 8:30, but he can read until lights out at 9:00. The reason I give him the extra time is that he needs time to unwind. He isn't allowed to leave his room or the lights go out. If he's sleepy the next morning, he has to go to bed earlier.

If he is not getting up without being called in the morning he is nto getting enough sleep. Lights out will have to come earlier. My 11 year old granddaughter has to be up by 6 am every morning and she goes to bed at 7:30 with lights out at 8. She is a very busy girl with a sport for every season. On Friday and Saturday she can stay up later if she does not have an early morning game the next day. She is usually tired so there are no complaints about bedtime. V.

I have 11 and 9 yo girls and they go lights out no later than 9:00 pm( usually closer to 8:30). The only exception to this is when they have a sleepover. then it is closer to 10. Even on the weekends. I believe it is best to keep them on a consistent schedule. Children this age still need ample sleep.

I say put him to bed half an hour earlier and let him read for 30 minutes( you definitely dont want to discourage him from reading ).

good luck!

HI! I WISH I could get my 11 yo to go to bed that early! School nights he lays down to read at 930, lights out at 10. It is not enough, but he really is not TIRED b/f then, and has baseball at times. Summer bedtime is around 1030-11, when I go to bed...The boys don't really want to be up when I am not.

I believe it is good that you have a set bedtime for your child, but I do think you should extend it. How much you extend it depends on how your child is when he wakes in the morning with less sleep than he is used to. Try extending it by 30 minutes for a week and see how he does. Explain to him that it is just a trial, he needs to show you that he can handle staying up later and make sure he can get himself up on time. If you feel that he is doing a good job, maybe on non-school nights you can extend his bedtime by an hour. Good luck!

My dauther is almost 11 but on school nights she is to be in bed at 9pm but she gets tv or can read until 9:30 and then lights out. On weekends and summer she has no set bed time limit. As long as she isn't loud and doesn't disturb anyone she can stay up all night if she wants. Of course my daughter has always been a night owl even as a baby. She gets all A's and B's in school and has a good social life which is why this is allowed. If we notice it effecting her schoolwork then we change it as needed. You need to find what works for you.

You can make a child go to his/her room, but you can't make him fall asleep, no matter how hard you try. We have five children, ages 12 months through 11 years. The official kid bedtime for our family is 8 p.m. However, if we are all doing something together as a family, we let it slide to as late as 8:30, 9:00, or even 9:30, depending on what is going on that day and the next. We have a family prayer together when we want the children to go to bed. That is their signal for bedtime, i.e., going up to their rooms. They may read or play quietly until they fall asleep, but they have to stay in their rooms (or the bathroom as they get ready for bed) and respect the adults' need for quiet time. My eleven year old often stays up until 10 or even 10:30 reading, but he doesn't bother anyone else in the house and he has learned to take responsibility for whether or not he is tired in the morning. (Note: He is not allowed to play gameboy or use any electronic devices after "bedtime.") He usually reads or sometimes plays with Legos. The winding down time is good for him. You have to be careful about moving bedtimes back too late because it can rob the adults in the house of winding down time. Love and Logic Parenting can be very helpful giving ideas for situations like this. www.loveandlogic.com

We homeschool too, but I don't have my boys wake up until 8am....soon it will be 7am. My oldest two are 10 1/2yo and 9 1/2yo and their bedtime lately has been 10pm. I would like 9pm though. As the others have said...you can't make him fall asleep, but he can be in his room at the time that he needs to be. (I'm a love and logic fan too!)

This is the dialogue that I used with my boys..."Guys, how much time do you think you need to sleep?" They said, "don't know". I said, "Well, I'm the type person that needs about 8 hours of sleep and I need about 2 hours of some alone time before that. That means in order for me to get to bed by 11pm, I need to be alone by 9pm...so you know what that means, right? You guys will need to be in your rooms at 9pm." They said, "do we have to go to sleep?" I said, "I don't care what you do, just as long as you stay in your room. You can sleep on the floor with the lights on, but you have to be quiet. Deal?" They said, "Deal!".

Do you know what they did for several days afterwards? They actually reminded me when it was just past my 'alone' time and said...'mom, your alone time started 15 minutes ago.' They are so good at reminding me when I forget! lol

While I agree that you can't force anyone to fall asleep, an established routine that is usually followed is always a good idea. My 12 year old has a bedtime of 8:30 during the week...it used to be 9, but she gave me such a hard time getting up for school every morning that we pushed it back. The rest of the year was much easier! We do give her a half hour to read or draw unless she has a lousy attitude. Oh, we do let her stay up later on Friday and Saturday nights, it depends on what is going on and her attitude. Also, we are up around 5 am during the week and we are ready for bed by 8:30 (or earlier), so we try to keep her bedtime earlier than ours, even if it is only by a few minutes. You need to do whatever will work best for your family. Good luck!

my daughter goes to school too, she has a nice bedtime routine, dinner at 530, playtime, bath 630 and books and then bed at 700. usually you want to put the kids that age down between 7 and 8 o'clock. 930 is a little late and since the kids wake up at the same time, you should put them down at the same time every night, even on the weekends. they really need their sleep, even if they are in a good mood and playing, they are still tired.

hope this helps!!
S.

I'd say 8 or 9pm is a reasonable bed time for his age on a school night. But, that is to be in bed, no reading or playing with anything-lights out! On the weekends or the nights when there isn't school the next day, 10pm at the latest since he can sleep in the next day. Unless you have something going on as a family and he needs to get plenty of sleep. And just know that you'll have this arguement with him many more years to come and he would probably try to stay up till midnight if you let him, and all his friends get to go to bed when they want and yahd, yahd, yahd. You get the idea right? You're the parent, stick to your rules and he can stay up as late as he wants when he 1)pays you rent to live there or 2)moves out on his own at 18!!

S.

I remember when I was 11 that my bed time on school nights was 9:00, and it was 10:00 on non-school nights. However, I wasn't allowed to read in bed after that, and the later bedtime had to be earned. I had to show my parents that I could get up in the morning just as easily (testing it on non-school nights) as I could before the extra half-hour was added. At around 13, I was allowed to stay up until 9:30, again after I could show my parents that I could get up without a fight in the mornings. When I was in high school, it was moved up to 10:00, and again I had to earn it.

My suggestion would be to stick with 8:30 on school nights for now, and not allow the reading (instead, try telling him he needs to be in bed at 8:00 and can read until 8:30, but then it's lights out). If he wants to have a later bed time, he needs to earn it by showing you he can be responsible about the later time and get around without a struggle in the mornings. If you do move it up, and he starts having problems getting around again, move it back down.

This is exactly how I moved my 9 year old from an 8:00 bedtime to her now 8:30 bedtime. The days that she struggled with it, we moved her back down to 8:00, and if she had a problem again the next morning, we moved it to 7:45 for that night. Needless to say, she learned to get around better.

I hope you find the solution that works best for you and your son.