T.:
I alot of the moms have responded with great advice. I didn't read all of it and I may repeat some of it.. the last post talked about the gate and childproof knob. my children are 6 and 10 now and we did that with both of them when they moved from crib to toddler bed at age 2. We did open their doors after they fell asleep, sometimes leaving the gate up (we had stairs nearby the bedrooms) and it worked wonders. be sure if you shut the door, that you put away all things he can get into. a good place is a closet with the same child proof door knob. this way you won't worry what he's doing on the other side of the door. if you are worried still, with the door closed, put a monitor in there - either visual or audio... either way, you can keep track and when you hear the quiet or the heavy breathing, you'll know he's gone to sleep and you can breathe your own sighs of relief. the monitor will also tell you if he's up in the night - if you have the gate up, you can listen from your room without getting up. he may just get up and find a stuffed animal or even play for a minute and then go back to sleep. as long as he doesn't see you and gets himself back to sleep, you both win. afterall, he's in the comfort of his own room and the goal is for him to stay put and not come into your room. :-) the other thing that will really give your child security is doing the same bedtime routine all the time. when mine were younger we did dinner, then bath, then storytime, prayers and mommy then walked out and shut the door. there were tears at first, and my son even fell asleep on the floor near the door or next to his bed the first few nights (i moved him to his bed after i opened the door) but the consistent plan gives them something to count on. if it's the same every night, all the time, that provides them with security. it also eliminates some types of excuses like i didn't get a kiss goodnight or you didn't tuck me in or i want to read a story... another excuse is i need a drink... if he's getting up to get water, put a sippy cup of water on a little table by the bed. it doesn't have to be a lot of water either... if you open the door and don't replace it with a gate, and he gets up and comes into your room in the night, it's important that you take him back to his room quietly and with as little conversation or stimulation as possible. this helps him and you get back to sleep more quickly. children are experts at finding out our weakness. if they find they can climb into bed with you because it's 4 am and you have to get up in 2 hours to get ready for work, they'll work it to their advantage believe me! it will become a longtime problem and the older they get, the harder it is to deal with. for a short period after we moved we let my daughter move into our room in the night if she woke up but only if she slept on a palett on the floor. it was to ease a transition into a new house. this was a big mistake... after a couple of weeks, she wanted to sleep in our room on a palett all the time and never in her own bed. i realized this within two weeks and when i changed the routine and put her back into her room, it was so hard at first. i had to walk her back to her room on several occassions and tuck her back in but after she understood her room was where she was to sleep ALL night, it was okay and has been ever since. she only comes in now when she has a bad dream which is very rare and even then, i walk her back to her room, tell her to choose a happy memory to think about instead, kiss her goodnight, rub her back for 1-2 minutes most, and then go back to my room and she's okay with it. most of all know your frustrations are normal as is your son and his need to have things his way. start now with the consistency - and surprisingly, you should have things on track for your mom's visit but make sure she doesn't undo all your hard work while you're gone. tell her what you're doing and how to handle each scenario because there is no doubt your son will try and get things back to the way they were if he thinks she'll go for it. be prepared! they are smart! :-) best of luck getting things all worked out.