Last week, I took my daughter to the pediatrician's office. We sat in the waiting room for almost an hour, had our appointment, and got home at about 6:30. I was sitting on the couch talking to my husband when I found a bug crawling on a pillow. I was pretty sure it was a bedbug and quick put it in a ziplock bag, killing it in the process. I was right - it was. I had a professional bedbug company come and inspect the house with a dog and she declared my house clean, with the exception of my purse, which was washed twice in hot water and dried for two hours (the recommendation is to dry for 30 minutes - I'd throw it out but my sister handmade it). The exterminator determined it was likely a hitchhiker on my clothes - no further evidence, it was crawling away from me at a time of day they are not typically active, it happens.
I am relieved, but now I feel so incredibly vulnerable! I feel myself shrinking from opportunities to take a weekend away with my family, I know the bugs could come home in the kids' backpacks, I held my purse and coat on my lap all through church and couldn't get the fear out of my mind. I've been thinking about it any time I'm in a public place where I have to sit, and that seems to be every day. Such a clean, innocent place like a pediatrician's office and I brought one home! Plus, I don't know whether I should contact the pediatrician's office to let them know! I can't be sure that's where it was from, but that is the most likely place. But I'm so embarrassed that people will think I'm spreading them myself! The only person who knows is my best friend, and when we invited her son over on Monday after school, she politely declined but took my son to her house. She knows we've been inspected and tells me she believes we are clean, but still... I'd have a hard time in her shoes, too. I'm so freaked out and I'm afraid my worries are going to lead me to change my life for the worse (yes, I'll be more cautious by putting bags in bins, etc., but I can easily see myself becoming obsessive about the issue).
How do I keep myself even keeled on this issue? How do I keep my fears at a healthy level rather than become obsessive about it? Have you had to deal with this yourself?
Thank you all so far!
To Jill - yay! I actually did put it in the dryer for an hour first, then washed it on a very hot temperature and dried it for another hour. It was only coincidental - I didn't know that advice.
I can sometimes obsess, but usually obsessions are short lived with a foreseeable resolution. This time, I have a hard time envisioning an end point to this concern. And I do think our house is currently clean - what worries me is that there is no way to prevent getting them! I will try the spray - we used to spray preventatively for live, but bedbugs are scarier to me since they seem more insidious and hardy.
And re my husband - he's having a tough time at work, so I'm trying not to worry him unnecessarily with my concerns. He's very supportive of me, but since I know he can't do anything about the situation (and he takes my concerns often as a request to fix things, even if I'm just venting) and I know I'm not being particularly rational about it, I'm just keeping quiet about my concerns. If I'm still obsessing when his work load lightens or if there is an actual problem, we will talk, but not yet. That's why I'm coming to you all!
ETA: Thanks, all! Yes, I am obsessing, which I am fully cognizant of. Hate it. My friend, bless her soul, never told me that was the reason - and it may not have been. Her son has high sensitivities and she may have just wanted him to be at home that day. It's okay. She's actually very well versed on the topic of bedbugs - in fact, I went to her for help. Her twin sister had an infestation a couple of years ago. I know she goes to her sister's house, and I believe I may just be overly sensitive. I dealt with lice - three times! I lived in places with cockroaches. I lived in a house in grad school with a flea infestation. I was freaked about each one, but it was manageable - I either moved or eradicated the problem. But bedbugs just seem so much worse than all of them! So hard to get rid of and so costly! Anyway, you're all correct - they ARE just bugs! First world problem. Hard not to look around in each public place and wonder what's going to crawl on me next!
We had bedbugs. It took 6 weeks of treatment to be rid of them. It was costly, inconvenient, and was a real upheaval to our lives.
At the end of the course, I asked the exterminators what I might do to prevent future infestations, she said nothing. To go about life that way is crazy making. She's right.
Best,
F. B.
The issue here isn't the bugs, I think you know already. It's your reaction. You can do all the sprays and inspections and bagging and binning of things that you want, but you really need to get a handle on what sounds like excessive fear. You are right to be concerned that you are over the top here. Any of us would be freaked, angry and upset at bedbugs, which are so hard to get rid of, but the reactions of fearing to sit down anywhere, or holding everything on your lap, etc. -- it's excessive and it's good that you realize it's excessive.
Ask yourself: Have you, in the past, ever found that you tend to over-react to things? I can't help but wonder if this is really the first time you've gotten an answer to a problem ("I've inspected and you're clear at home; it was ONE hitchhiker; go live your life") but haven't been able to accept that answer and have spun out a lot of bad scenarios in your mind. If you tend toward being anxious and running through things over and over and over in your mind when they would be considered finished by others - Well, sit down and really think about whether you've had these kinds of reactions before. If so, or if you're unsure but feel that yes, you tend to be anxious or fixated on things at times -- please get counseling. There's no shame in it.
The fact that you are aware that you're on the verge of "changing your life for the worse" in reaction to this is actually good -- you are still aware of yourself in a fairly objective way. Now you need to let that side of you, the side that sees you're being excessive, do the thinking. A counselor could teach you some coping strategies for keeping on an even keel, if this is not your first time going overboard with your reactions.
If this is the very first time -- ask yourself whether you will feel better if you have another inspection by another company and if you can let this go if you get another clean bill of health at home. If you think that would help, do it, but if you would still be this wound up -- consider help for yourself.
Does your husband realize how upset you are and how much of your mental space this is taking up? If so, does he dismiss it as irrational or does he see that you need his help and support in keeping things in perspective? I hope the latter is the case. If he's dismissive or even teases you about this, you need to talk seriously with him to get him to understand you are concerned for your own mental health here.
You can make a spray for your bags & stuffed animals (kids might not like the smell) that will deter them when you are traveling. Make a spray bottle with distilled water & tea tree oil and or lavender oil. This also works for mosquitoes and lice. You can also put a few drops in your shampoo & conditioner.
Lavender also helps with anxiety...
Too late for you, but in case it comes up for anyone else - a tip I recently learned is that you should put things in the dryer on high heat first, then wash them, then dry again. Apparently the bugs and eggs can survive the washing machine so you should not wash before you heat-treat.
Bugs happen. Your reaction and fear of rejection/judgment are exactly what parents feel when their kids come home with head lice, or apartment dwellers go through when they see a cockroach. A Mamapedia member posted just the other day about pantry moths, and I commented that I'm going through the same thing. The fact is, bugs exist in nature, they're in our food supply (fresh or packaged), and they "hitchhike" as you say. The fear of judgment (as if these are somehow a sign of poor hygiene or housekeeping) is what prevents people from reporting these incidents or taking steps to eradicate them.
Yes, you should call the pediatrician's office and let them know that you very likely brought something home from their office and you knew they'd want to know. Don't show your fear or they will write you off. But someone brought that hitchhiking bug into their office or to some other place where you happened to be, and that person got it form someone else. Think of all the other things you're exposed to in the doctor's office, seeing as the majority of people in there are carrying something.
Finally, do what you can to eradicate the bugs but stop short of this panic. Okay, so your friend didn't want her son playing at your house? Maybe she was afraid of bed bugs but maybe she felt you needed the break. I mean, really, it's just as likely that your son carried a "hitchhiker" to her house, right? So either you read something into her reaction, or she was being unreasonable too.
While you're busy changing your life to avoid bed bugs, you'll probably expose yourself to something else without even realizing it. Chalk it up to experience, and try to move on. If you can't, please see someone professionally to deal with your anxiety before it dominates your life.
