I have two daughters 13 and 11 who now live with their father after a terrible and stressfull divorce. My 11 year old is still wetting her bed while my 13 year old wants to commit suicide and is hurting herself....my ex-husband wants absolutely nothing to do with me even if it's to talk about our daughters...what can I do? apart from praying..
Thank you all for having responded and all the good advice that you have given....I met with my pastor who offered to help my 11 year old as he has four boys of his own.. I have joint custody and yes I know what my rights are but in an effort to protect my daughters I have to be careful with my approach. He questions them and finds out information about my activities with them and have publicly insulted me when I tried to take them to a councellor. I now have to plan and save towards an appeal of the judges decision. All is not lost and it's an uphill struggle but I have my family's & friends support and prayers...I am recovering from a brain haemmorhage which I had in August 1998 so my funds are low... will keep you informed.
Thank you all again for your kind responses and advice...Words cannot express all the hell that I have lived and it is obvious that some people do not understand what a brain haemmorrhage is...including my ex. Do a little research to inform yourselves and then we can start talking. God Bless you all! I am a ressurected soul doing my best to survive in this world which is coming to an end soon...
Thanks again for all your kind words and encouragement... I just came back from spending 1 great week's vacation with my 11 year old and both are now in the UK with their father untill mid August. I have found a nice flat to live in and will be moving soon... Bless the Lord, Oh my soul...
Try speaking to her pediatrician about it. Definitely, try therapy. My parents went through a very nasty divorce and looking back.....I just needed a neutral person to help me.....because they were so consumed with getting back at each other (not at all saying you are....it was jsut my parents).
Now, 25 years later, they are finally civil and I am very close with both of them.
Just try to get them help.
Sounds to me like you need to take this in your own hands and get these girls some help and stability! If you care so much and he doesn't want to talk. You need to have them, give them comfort and love at home. Also do you still fight with your ex infront of them? This causes a huge emotion in children. Praying is important but I think in this case there is more to be done before you loose them.... Get some help. Good luck. Divorce is never easy, especially on kids. Make sure they know too that none of this is there fault!! My thoughts are with you...........
Hello!
I'm sending you a warm hug b/c I can hear how stressful & upsetting this situation is for you.
My 16 year old brother committed suicide!! Get your 13 year old help NOW!! If your husband won't listen, get the authorities involved - the police, children's aid, the school - who ever will help you save your daughter. This sounds harsh but I have done my research (as I'm sure you have to) and if a child openly talks about suicide and worse yet has hurt themselves they are telling you THEY NEED HELP!! Please don't feel ashamed and keep this to yourself. Tell the school counselors, tell your family, etc. so they are aware and will watch over your daughter. In one state there was a law called the "Baker Act". Basically the police would take a person (even against their own will) and put them some place to get help for 72 hours.
Sounds like your 11 needs help to. Perhaps you could talk to your doctor or other resources about a good psychologist. My daughter had school troubles when she was 11 years old and we noticed with her declining grades. The psychologist was someone safe she could talk to & not worry about being judged or where she could have a private, confidential talk about Mom & Dad.
Good Luck! God Bless!
B. B.
M., have you ever thought about therapy for your daughters? Emotional stress after a divorce is tough on parents and kids--maybe your girls would benefit from speaking with a professional, esp. your 13 y/o? Also, your child who has bed-wetting espisodes--have you considered having her checked out by her pediatrician? Some children grow faster than their bladders, and also some bladders can contract irregularly, making you feel like you have to go way more than you should. Good luck!
My stepson used to wet his bed once every time he came to visit, usually his first night. Once he got comfortable he wouldn't have accidents. He was young, 3 or 4 years old but it was stress that did it to him. Your children would benefit from counseling to help them deal with the emotional issues of the divorce. This is not to blame you or your ex husband, but to help your children talk about what is bothering them without worrying about the consequences.
Try to be there for your kids and spend some time with them, if you are able to. I dont know what custodial rights you have, but try less talking to the ex, and more talking to the kids. Talking to the ex (trust me I know) just gets yourself upset more and its just hard to communicate after a separation, even when it is about the kids. Talk to the kids, let them know you are there for them, you love them, you'll do anything for them and ask them why they have been upset or what has been bothering them. If there is anything that you can do. Tell them how you feel about what is going on with them and that it breaks your heart to see them like this and you are worried about them and care. Maybe they just need support and love from their mother because they dont see you all the time. Do not ever talk about their father to them. Maybe they know why they have been upset or what can solve it. At least they have each other if nothing else. Best of luck.
You need to get the girls help from someone that is not you or their father. At a very minimum you should contact the school counselor. He/she can work with the girls and their father. You should also contact a church leader, therapist, etc. Your ex-husband apparently has full custody and does not want to talk with you, so there's not much you personally can do at this point without making things worse, unless you have partial custody (weekends, etc) and can take them to a therapist/counselor yourself.
I'm surprised you put bed wetting as the title of this Request. That is such a minor issue compared to suicide and divorce trauma. The best thing you can do for the bed wetting is ignore it. It is not as unusual as you think for an 11 year old to wet the bed. Help her learn to take care of it quietly and discreetly: wash her own laundry, shower in the morning, wear GoodNights, and whatever else needs to be done, but don't make a bid deal of it. The more you talk about it, the more humiliated she will become. She WILL outgrow it. Just don't let it wreck her self-esteem in the meantime.
It may be best for the more important issues (divorce, suicide) that you back off for a while and turn it over to a third party counselor and your ex. Your ex doesn't want to talk to you. You insisting on talking to him will only make things worse. He is their father and their primary caregiver now, so I assume (hopefully correctly)that he loves the girls, knows what is going on, and wants to help them. If that is all true, let him handle it. Keep praying and loving from where you are.
The things your daughters are going through is due to the stressful divorce I am sure. I am sorry you are all going through this. You must have some sort of visitation or communication with them in order to know what is going on in their lives. I would consult your attorney to find out what action you can take, otherwise, if the father won't talk to you, I would get child services involved to at least get them counseling and definitely go back to court. Suicide is no joke and should be taken very seriously especially if she is taking action and not just saying it.
Talk to their Dr and or school councilor.
They can talk to your daughters and their father w/o involving you.
M.,
You have GOT to take them to see a psychologist or other mental health professional.
If he won't talk to you, moot case. You will never be able to change that. Take matters into your own hands and find someone that can help them to heal. Your girls are first. Bed-wetting and attempted suicide?? Doesn't that sound funny when you read those words from a complete stranger. Don't you want to tell me something is wrong here...Our kids are so fragile at this age. I can not imagine what girls those age must be going through.
You know better, now do better!
**************OK NOW, I just read your update. He has publicly embarrassed you???? Is this about them or you? Who cares. Stay strong and as long as you respect yourself at the end of the day and and not lie to yourself or your girls, life will be beautiful!!
You can pray all day for strength and courage but unless you put it into action, you'll get the same results
I would try and find out why the 11yr old is wetting her bed.I would also be concered about the13 yr old wanting to commit sucide and hurting her self.Could it be that they dont want to live with there father.I would look into getting professional help for both girls.i know it might be hard since they live with there Dad.If he wont maybeyou should contact a lawyer and childrens servicers
Hi! I am concerned...I am divorced, have 11 and 13 yr old BOYS, but I have custody...How did you not get custody????? This perplexes me...Keep praying, of course, but you did not say if your ex has the girls in counceling....This is CRUCIAL to find a good one. I can tell you, I had a bed-wetting prob as well, as a kid....It was ALL emotional. The BEST move I made was moving out of the house on my 17th b-day...Saved my life.Your girls have issues, and you do not even hint at the origin...I communicate w/ my ex regularly; why will yours not talk to you??? I can only suggest that if they are NOT getting help, you leave msgs asking the dad to get them some...Best to you...
M.:
It's probably the terrible and stressful divorce that has led to the bed wetting of the 11 year old and the psychological tendencies of the 13 year old. I wish that you and your husband would have waited until the girls had graduated from high school. At that age they could have psychologically dealt with the divorce better. Maybe you and your daughters should talk with a counselor about their feelings and the divorce.
P. S
