My daughter is 8 years old and now is getting invited to sleepover parties. She wants to go but she does not stay dry at night. We have been to specialists and luckily nothing is physically wrong but her system is just not developed. She is very strong willed and unfortunately she is not proactive about wanting to cut her beverage and food at night. It's a constant battle. At home I can be on top of it but I'm afraid that at a party she will not be responsible. Most nights I take her to the bathroom after she has fallen asleep. , but I can't ask parents to do that either. She does not want to wear a pull up at night because she doesn't want to be embarrassed but she want to stay over and I'm afraid if she has an accident there is a possibility of Worse embarrassment. Do I allow her to stay or do I pick her late?
Let her choose whether to stay (must wear Good Nite, etc) or be picked up late.
I doubt there's a mom on the Earth that would not assist with this limitation and keep it in the strictest confidence!
My daughter had an 8-9 yo friend stay over that was still in pull-ups. I would never known if the mom didn't tell me. She got changed in the bathroom and her mom packed a trash bag to throw it out in the next morning. I guess she put it in her overnight bag because I never saw it.
Sleepovers are so much fun for girls and I would really hate for your daughter to miss out because of this very common problem.
S.,
You and your daughter are already battling and she's not even a teenager yet!!
Stop waking her up at night. You are NOT helping your daughter by waking her up - she needs her sleep.
Her body is NOT ready for night time dryness. It's that simple. One of my girlfriend's son (I'll call him David) is 13 - just this year - his body was ready. He spends a LOT of time at our home and we didn't battle. We gave him the tools - Overnights or Depends - and let him sleep. His body FINALLY adjusted this year...it takes a long time for some...
Stop trying to limit her fluids. It won't change anything. I promise you. We tried this with David. It didn't change anything.
Give her the Overnights underwear and let her go to her friends for sleepovers...if she doesn't wear them and damages someones bed? Replace it. Let the parent know ahead of time that she MUST use these and if the parent is any good - she will be discrete about asking your daughter to make sure she has on her underwear.
My advice? Pick your battles with your daughter. Just like the hot cocoa. If she wakes up and wants some? Give it to her. What is it going to hurt? You can get in a great chat with her while you make it. Keep the lights dim and LOVE your child. STOP nit-picking and controlling...her teenage years are coming and if you think it's bad now?? Just wait until she hits puberty. PICK YOUR BATTLES!! BREATHE!!!
Listen to Wild Woman, she's right on!
(I've had two out of three kids with wetting problems)
http://www.goodnites.com/ - they apparently have underwear with inserts. May be a temporary solution for the overnights. Don't know if they sell them at the store or if you have to order.
I think if there's a chance that she'll wet the bed, you can't let her stay. I suggest making a very viable excuse - a family outing early the next day, or some other reason that she can't stay. Pick her up very late - 11pm or midnight, so she gets all of the fun slumber party activities without even the possibility of the embarassment of an accident.
I know this wasn't your question, but why are you limiting drinks and foods? Did the specialist not tell you that those things are completely unrelated to whether or not her body is ready to stay dry at night?
It doesn't matter when she drinks or how much she drinks (or eats), and it doesn't matter whether you wake her up to take her to the bathroom. Her body is simply not physiologically ready. When it is ready, she will either stay asleep and stay dry or wake up when she needs to go. None of the things you are doing are going to change that.
Buy the poor girl some Goodnights (or another brand). Start using them now and every night. Once she gets used to them, she will feel more comfortable taking them with her to a sleepover. There are ways she can be discreet. Many girls will want privacy when they change. She can change into one when she changes into her pj's. Give her a plastic bag and have her put it in the plastic bag in the morning when she gets dressed. No one will know!
Please stop fighting with her about this. You are sending the wrong message. First, you are telling her that this is something she can control. She can't. So when she has an accident, she thinks she did something wrong. Second, you are telling her that there is something wrong with her. There isn't. I don't know the statistics, but it is not that unusual for 8 year olds to not be able to stay dry all night.
She needs to know that this is ok, she isn't doing anything wrong, she will grow out of it and there's nothing to be embarrassed about. If you can get that message across, I'm sure she'll jump at the chance to go to a sleepover.
My daughters best friend used to wear pull ups when she slept over. You really can't tell with most pjs. She would change in the bathroom and put the pull-up in a trash bag in the morning. I usually would remind both girls (my daughter and her friend) to go to the bathroom before bed.
If she hasn't done any sleepovers yet, I would not let her first one be a group slumber party. That could be very embarrassing if something happened. I would make it a one on one sleepover with a close friend and if at all possible, a parent that knows the situation. You could also host a sleepover at your own house.
I know my daughter has a friend that never sleeps over, so I don't think it is uncommon for kids to go to a party and leave before bed. I also have some girls in my Girl Scout troop that aren't up for overnights.
Good luck!
I was a bed wetter and it was mortifying to wake up the next morning at a sleep over and find that I had wet the bed, or sleeping bag, or floor!!
If Goodnites or something similar had been available I would have used them. Talk with her quietly and gently about what she'll need to do if she wants to sleep over. "You'll have to wear the Goodnite, just in case. You can take your bag into the bathroom and change without anyone seeing you." Make sure her jammies will hide the Goodnite.
I would tell her she has to do this in order to stay the night or you'll come pick her up late.
M
BTW, My oldest son was a bedwetter. We invested in a sensor system when he was 8 or 9 that would set off an alarm when he started to wet in the night. That system was like a miracle for him!! We had about a week that was like having a newborn in the house again, up several times in the night. After a few nights he was getting up on his own and after 10 days we didn't have to use it at all anymore. A lot of times the problem is brain training, you are sleeping so deeply that your brain just can't wake you when it gets the signal that you need to go. The brain can be trained.
well, she's old enough to understand the conundrum and to start learning that she can't have it both ways. in fact, i'd apply this across the board, and stop the constant battles.
it's not okay to wet the bed at someone else's house when it's preventable. she either wears pull-ups or doesn't spend the night. period. her choice.
picking her up late is fine if it works for YOU.
it's nothing to be ashamed of or angry about. but there are choices and consequences. if she doesn't want to limit her intake in the evening, she has to wear pull-ups, even at home. who wants to live in a constant state of battle? it's on her to deal with the consequences if she chooses not to use the simple expedient of diapers until her system catches up with her.
khairete
S.
What Laura S said. Or try to convincer her to try an overnight style pull-up. I know kids who wore them at that age. They spent several nights here for sleep overs. Mom told me what was going on, and nobody was ever the wiser. They changed for bed in the privacy of the bathroom, so it wasn't like anyone would know...
But, if she isn't up for that (and you could share with the host mom without her being told that host mom is aware, really) then let her stay as late as possible, without possibility that everyone might be falling asleep.
If you live within close enough proximity, ask the mom to text you when things are starting to wind down.
I'd pick her up. Say there is something to do the next day early (family thing or whatever). I don't typically encourage lies, but well It would take any embarrassment out of the situation.
Believe it or not my husband has wet the bed on occasion and he is fully grown. He falls into such a deep sleep that he doesn't realize he is doing -not really anything to do with how much he eats or sleeps.And my little brother (well he's much older now) used to wet the bed for years. My mother tried humiliating him made him put his sheets outside, loving him to pieces, therapy, etc It just ended. Good luck!
Bedwetting is beyond the child's control. It's beyond YOUR control, so stop trying. Buy your daughter the goodnites and leave her be. She's old enough to choose to wear them or change her own sheets. Simple as that.
As for the sleepover, my daughter is 8 and still not allowed because she's too young. There will be so many years of sleepovers, that we're waiting till ours turn 10 before we allow them. Our family choice. Your daughter will need to make the choice of having a sleepover with a goodnite or miss out until she no longer needs them. Things really can be that simple.
I am going there the same thing - my daughter has never been dry. We bought the Goodnights underwear that come with the liner- as long a she wears loose pjs or jogging pants she will be fine. The liners that come with it are super think and absorb a ton. Good Luck.
Here's what you're doing that makes no difference.
Limiting drinks does not work. If it doesn't work it doesn't work. Limiting her fluids won't make her pee less.
Waking her up. She's dry when she's awake right? So when you wake her up she clenches that muscle and she holds it. As soon as she's asleep she loosens that muscle and pee comes out again. So save yourself the trouble. Waking her up doesn't work. It's a waste of your time.
Kids should NOT wake up to go to the bathroom, do you wake up every little bit to go pee? Or do you go pee at bedtime then go to bed and sleep all night? Of course you should go to bed and sleep all night. All people go to bed and sleep all night. No one wakes up to go pee unless they are just having one of those nights. I wake up maybe once per month needing to go pee. It's usually after a day where I've had a lot to drink ALL DAY not in the evening because I hardly drink anything in the evening.
When my grand kid spends the night over at a friends house she puts her pull up on in the bathroom then puts her panties over them. This makes other kids think she has on panties and they don't see the pull up.
There is another product out there too. It's panties that have a place to put a huge pad that absorbs the urine. They aren't cheap but they do look like real panties.
There are many things you're doing right. You have taken her to the doc, nothing wrong physically. Many parents skip this step and take out the bedwetting on their child without knowing they can't help it.
You just need to back off and let nature take it's course and make sure she has on an adequate pull up so you don't have tons of laundry.
Additional laundry for bedwetting can run up your utility bills nearly $50 a month or more. Buying NIGHTTIME pull ups is much less expensive.
