Bathroom Problem

I am having the same problem with my 4 year old boy. He's been potty trained for well over 6 months and for the last 2 or 3 weeks has been having lots of accidents (both pee and poo). I've tried rewards, loss of privileges, etc. Nothing seems to work.
Am hoping someone else has some advice for us.....

J.,
I am in agreement with Deby....
If he is having problems every day with this, it may be time to revert back to diapers. My family doctor strongly stated that making your child feel badly about having the accidents is not good for them, so if you just tell him in a matter of fact way, if you're going to continue not using the toilet when you have to go poop, then you're going to have to wear diapers until you're ready again. I know it's hard because underwear is cheaper, but maybe if he feels like he is being babyish he will stop. My son still wore diapers until he was over 3, and still wore bedtime diapers until he was about 5, he still has the occassional accident when he gets too distracted, or when he is sick, but in general, he's got it down now. But definately watch the fiber in his diet. Both of my kids have had constipation issues, and we always have to keep a close eye on their diet, lots of water, applesauce, fruits, and the veggies, as Deby stated.
Good luck!

I would spend some time ignoring it and playing up the good stuff he does. Kids will respond more to praise than punishment (don't we all?) so catch him being good in other ways to show that Mommy is safe (I know you weren't/aren't trying to hurt him but let's look from his little point of view). Unless he has a medical problem - which I sincerely doubt- he will get back on track on his own without intervention from you.

You could have bigger issues on your hands if he starts associating going poop with negative emotions. While not always a good parenting strategy, it's one to try whenever you want to change negative behavior. IGNORE. Don't make such a big deal out of it.

Another thing that parents don't often think to do is ASK. Ask him why he isn't making it to the toilet. I doubt he is trying to be naughty. We should all be teaching our kids to label their emotions and then ask for what they need. Maybe he would be able to say, "I'm scared so I need you to be gentle with me". Not in a 3 year olds vocab or development but if it was, would you go about it differently?

Good luck - I hear you on the cleaning up poop issue. I have a 6-year old with cerebral palsy that we don't know will ever be bowel trained. What can you do?

My suggestion is to take him to the doctor. My son had something similar at his age (I think it is pretty common). He would hold going number 2 until he was constipated. We had a visit to urgent care one night because he was in so much pain. Our follow-up visit to the doctor was the fix, the doctor prescribed a gentle laxative that I added twice a day, at first, to his drink (he did not taste a thing). The doctor had explained that he had stretched his bowels and this laxative would soften the stool so he would regain the bowel muscles. I gave the laxative to him for probably 6 months with slowly gaving him less and less. We have not had any problems since then (he now is 6 1/2 years old), but we do have some leftover just in case.

I had the same thing with my son. He is now 4 1/2 and is on the same laxative "rita" has her child on. Tasteless and he gets it once a day for about 6 months. It really helps. I spent 8 months throwing away the underwear and it was driving me crazy. But after talking to the doctor, it is SOOOOO much better. Good luck!

Please see a doctor before you try anything else.

My suggestion is to take him to the doctor if it is a real concern of yours. My son is also 3 1/2 and he had to take miralax for constipation cause he was severe. If he is screaming when he goes and they are hard he may be constipated. So then when he has to go he does not want to go and holds it and then BOOM cant hold it no more and poops his pants. GOOD LUCK!

OMG!! I can totally relate and my problem is even worse!!
Here's the deal. My son is 4 1/2 and we have been dealing w/ the bowel problems since last August!!! It started basically after he was potty trained and was getting ready to start preschool (usually there is an event that sets it off). He wouldn't go for days and sometimes even weeks and then he would have a huge (and I mean huge) movement. We had taken him to the doctor for constipation and thought we had the problem taken care of, but then he was still going in his pants. In March I realized what was happening is it was actually leakage. He was diagnosed about 3 weeks ago w/ encopresis. He was totally blocked up and it was compacted in his colon--causing the leakage around it. Because this has been going on so long his colon is now stretched out and it will take several months for it to get its "tone" back. We had to give him Milk of Magnesia for 3-4 days to clean him out and then stool softener so he would be afraid of the hard poops. That is usually why kids are afraid to go--it will hurt. Well, his stools were so soft he was still going in his pants. I was convinced he some nerve damage around his sphincter and wasn't even aware that he was going. His stools were too soft to put enough pressure so he would feel the need to go. I too am so tired of cleaning poop out of underwear. I called the pediatrician and now he is on fiber to firm up his stools. Good news! For the past 3 days he has gone on the potty!
I put him in pull ups just for a few days and explained to him that I wasn't punishing him, but while his poop was still runny I didn't want to have to clean his underwear and it would be easier to just throw away a pull up. He was fine with that.

Bottom line, take him to the pediatrician to make sure it isn't encopresis and see what they suggest. It's more common than you know. I had even taken away his favorite toy and it didn't make him go. Now that he can actually feel that he needs to go he is going to the toilet w/o me even asking if he needs to go.
Good luck. Oh, and if you are having problems w/ underwear stains; use dishwasher liquid and bleach in the washing machine--does wonders.

My son had a very hard time potty training, with a lot of backsliding (and a lot of poop and pee cleaned off the walls!)

He did the very best when I didn't even mention it to him. If he had an accident, I'd have him help me clean it up to the degree he was able (and go get his own change of pants, etc.) but didn't make a fuss about it or yell. It was like he was so worried about my reaction that he tensed up and nothing could come out.

In terms of the constipation, you may want to talk to your pediatrician about getting a child-safe laxative, if you haven't tried one already. Little Remedies makes an over-the-counter one too. And there are suppositories you can use if you get desparate (again, check with your pediatrician) so that you don't have to go digging again.

But believe it or not, my very best luck was with prunes. I treat them like candy (i.e., they can only have one or two), feed them whole ones (you can buy them in the baking aisle, like raisins or craisins) and it really works with getting rid of constipation - a couple of prunes even works for me!

If your son is close to his half-birthday he may be backsliding because of development in another area. My ECFE parent educator is always telling us about how until about age 7, kids go through a massive development stage near their birthday and six months in-between (their half birthday). During this stage, their brains & bodies are working so hard on the new skills that some of the old skills get temporarily "forgotten."

I was having the same problem however cusulted the doctors office several different times and they suggested that we bring him in. They ran a few tests only to find out that he gets this way every spring due to allergies. I know that it sounds really strange however every year since he was a baby his bowels would get all messed up during the spring and that is just how his body reacts to it!

Would going back to diapers make him change his ways? that's the only thing I can think of. As far as getting him to poop more regularly, make sure he's getting plenty to drink and eating lots of fruits and veggies. Good luck! I'm sure it's really frustrating!